ϡ - Chapter TwentyOne; Return [action/voice]

[folkloristic]

[ There’s the sound of shaky uneven breathing coming over the transmission and then a cough or two. It’s almost as if the person on the other side is a bit startled, a bit confused and a bit in pain. The sharp intake of breath and the murmured exclamation of surprise doesn’t really yield anymore good results for those listening in. ] I-I can’t

Comments

[Voice/Action]

[semper_cogitans]

...!

[Guess who instantly reacts to that voice and subsequently cry of pain?]

Helios. Helios, is that you?

Give me your location. Now. [Robert's voice is terse, sharp, and cold. Strictly professional. There's panic screaming just under the surface but his mind is clear and calm.

Find Helios. Get him medical treatment immediately because he's in obvious pain.]

Re: [Action] 1/I have no idea

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert flashes a quick smile at that.] So you are like me then, in a way - I too have no need for my glasses, but I find them to be a comfort. [Still, it is pathetic that the Malnosso would do this, which makes Robert shake his head a little.

Helios' tone of voice seems to betray something - Robert wishes it was a message he could understand.] O-of course it's worth remembering, Helios... I mean, I would hope it was enjoyable for you as well - even though the Malnosso were responsible for most of my, er, forward behaviour... [And Robert blushes again, glancing downward. Part of him really, really wants to ask Helios - since Donatello essentially gave him the go-ahead to do so.

Helios just keeps sounding uncomfortable about the whole topic of his skin, too.] Is that so? What with all these different worlds, and the fact you have magic, I would hardly know what to expect from typical human biology. Still, if the temperature of this blood is anything to go by, your internal temperature seems to be close to a typical human range - I

Re: [Action] 2/derp

[semper_cogitans]

[Wait. Wait. Did... Did Helios just ask about that? Robert freezes mid-wipe.

...

Well. Of course. He hadn't thought about it at the time - or rather, he had but deemed Helios' safety more important - but Helios had gotten a damn good look at those scars.

Robert's expression turns to something like panic.]

... Y-yes? What... what about them? [As if it wasn't obvious. But Robert's mind wants to be evasive about it.

What would Helios even think...?]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios' eyes widen. Oh dear did he actually ask that out loud? Damn his tiredness and damn the Malnosso for doing this to him, to them. Last week was just making this so much harder because he couldn't stop thinking about it and he couldn't stop remembering it. ] Robert I-I'm so sorry I didn't mean to ask that...

[ Another laugh, almost bitter. He gives the other man a tired worn look. ] I sometimes say things when I'm this tired. It's none of my business--I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have asked. I apologize.

Re: [Action]

[semper_cogitans]

... N-no, it's alright. [Robert knows his cheeks are burning a little.] I... I a-appreciate curiosity. It is most... admirable.

[He glances down. Part of him wants to trust Helios... he does care about the man a lot, and...] W-Well, it's, er, related to the mental issues I mentioned... B-But... it's... ... d-difficult, to talk about. [Unconsciously his fingers flicker to his wrists, stroking the old scars a little. Feeling where the skin puckers gently. Remembering needles sliding into flesh...]

[Action]

[folkloristic]

It was uncalled for and inconsiderate of me. [ But he is still curious because his own...but, no, it really is none of his business. He will let the other tell him on his own time should he ever feel the need to or want to.

Helios' eyebrows raise a little at that. Mental issues? God he probably just opened up so many old wounds for the other--how could he be so inconsiderate like that? ]

Oh. I-I didn't know. [ He won't watch, or at least try not to with his one eye. ] I hope I haven't caused you-- [ He shakes his head the motion making his head spin probably from the blood lose. ] --of course I have. Robert, I'm truly sorry.

Re: [Action]

[semper_cogitans]

H-Hardly... I haven't had, er, many friends... [... really, he hasn't had any until now...] ... but f-friends ask questions like that. Out of, er, wishing to comprehend their friends' lives. I, er, d-don't find it an issue to... ask. [He just finds it an issue to talk about.]

A-At any rate, it's hardly anything you would b-be expected to know about. So please, there's hardly any need to apologize.

B-Besides... I... I should... I should trust s-someone I mean to, er, ask about p-possibly being my partner, shouldn't I? [And Robert blushes fiercely.]

A-Anyway... now that m-most of the blood's gone, I should, er, see about any other injuries you have...

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios will smile and it's at least a comforting smile at that. ] They do, yes. But you hardly have to talk about if you don't wish to.

[ Wait what? His partner? He couldn't possibly mean. Helios has a very profound and confused look on his face. There might be some embarrassment mixed in as well it's hard to really tell. ] P-Pardon?

Ahh y-yes other...injuries. I-I should be fine to take care of those. You've done enough as it is! [ He does not need Robert seeing his own scars. Because they, unlike Robert's, are very profound and horrible looking. ]

Re: [Action]

[semper_cogitans]

It's... not that I don't wish to... [How do you find words for this?] J-just, difficult. [So much baggage around it. So many mistakes that Robert would rather not admit.]

Ah. ... P-perhaps that isn't a term you're familiar with, Helios?

I... I wasn't going to speak of it now, but you s-seem to have recovered s-somewhat, and... [Robert flushes, glancing away slightly.] W-Well, I spoke with... with Donatello. On the day after the... experiments ended. The... V-Valentine's experiments, that is. And I c-came to the conclusion I was, er, still... l-legitimately attracted to both you and Don and I asked him about whether we could p-possibly be... in a r-relationship in the future and then I wondered p-perhaps if you could be included - th-though, normally I'm not p-polyamorous but, er, I'm c-certainly not adverse and maybethatwouldbealrightI'mnotcertainbutofcourseit'suptoyouand...

[Robert trails off, breathing shakily.]

I, I... ah... I... h-hope that it isn't, e-er, a problem. [He really hopes it isn't a problem.]A-And... nonsense. I'd

[Action]

[folkloristic]

Things like that are always difficult. The circumstances around them and such. [ A warm smile he can at least manage that much.

He holds up his hands while laughing. ] N-No I am. I'm just...confused.

[ Oh dear this just got so much worse. He still feelings for him, of all people to have feelings for? Helios looks so conflicted right now. How is he supposed to even begin saying why this could never happen? Why was this happening? It was always the Malnosso and yet this was also his fault. It would also be his fault. A shaky exhale from him. ]

Um...R-Robert I-I can't. I'm so sorry. I just can't...lie and tell you there isn't a problem. B-But it's not you. [ Helios will look at his hand still a little crusted with blood. He looks terrible because he had hoped this wouldn't have happened. Robert didn't deserve him anyway, cold unfeeling and hardly anything special. He was unable to return any such feelings the other had for him. Nothing from Valentine's day stuck; it was all the Malnosso's fault. He looks back at the other man a very

Re: [Action]

[semper_cogitans]

Ah...

[Robert's face falls. It's a punch in the gut to hear that. Outright rejection. The same kind of painfully blunt rejection that Benjamin gave him after their final argument.

And then of course, Robert had run away.]

Helios... ... [Robert reaches out, haltingly, to try to take his bloodied hand, and stops midway, his fingers just hanging there shakily.] ... W-What did I... do wrong? [Because there's no way it isn't him. There's no way this wonderful man could ever be at fault.]

... or... o-or is there someone else and y-you're, you're already involved? [Frederic, maybe? Robert doesn't know but he feels ashamed, ashamed for asking. Ashamed for still wanting Helios even now, wanting to kiss him again, bloody or otherwise.]

B-But regardless if you don't w-want to it's fine... I p-probably don't deserve you anyway, Helios. You're... j-just so wonderful that I...

[Robert has to stop to wipe a few small, hot tears away. This shouldn't hurt. Helios has the right to turn him down. But gods rejection hurts. It hurts like swallowing

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ He is at fault he will always be at fault. He is a murderer and nothing more. Wonderful isn't indicative to him and yet Helios can't help but blink back a few tears. This is digging up so many things for him; so many memories and unwanted pains. Pains in his chest, pains on his arms and everywhere else. He was just so--so tired. All he wanted to do was rest. ]

It's not you. [ He might clench his hands into fists biting his lip almost dangerously close to splitting it open. ] It's me. It's always me. Robert you...you never did anything wrong. I-If anything you allowed me to have memories of being loved again. You allowed me...to be able to give it to someone again. I-I just...can't feel it anymore.

[ He looks very tired now along with extremely sad and lonely. He feels terrible to even say such a thing. It was all just a big mess wasn't it? Another shaky sigh escapes his lips. ] There used to be someone. [ Elise. God he misses her so much. He wishes she was here sometimes. But this place is horrid; he could never put her through

Re: [Action]

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert sees those tears in Helios' eyes - both his usable one and the blinded one - and his metaphorical heart bleeds. Helios, don't cry. It's alright.

Robert shakes his head, not understanding.] ... not... anymore? [Why not? That's the unspoken question.] B-but, but Helios... you... you deserve to be loved...

[Used to be. Used to be. Helios was alone, just like he had been.] ... There was a someone for me, before here... b-but... but then I... ... I ruined it. [Somehow Donatello still wanted him but he'd ruined his last relationship and feeling this again maybe he'd ruin it for him too and he didn't want to ruin it for a wonderful person like that... And Helios. Helios looked exhausted.]

Th-that's not true, Helios. You... y-you're certainly worth someone's time... I don't understand why you don't f-feel that way. There's... nothing wrong with you in a-any way at all that I can see. Just, just a kind, gentle, w-warmhearted... [He trails off, his voice low. He's beautiful. How could Helios ever feel like he wasn't deserving of love

[Action]

[folkloristic]

[ Helios will shake his head eyes closed. ] No. Not anymore. Do I really deserve it? I do wonder that myself sometimes. [ Did the man who killed his soul mate really deserve a second chance at that? It all seemed too good for someone like him. ] Then we're the same in those regards.

Ah that's very kind of you to say so Robert. A second chance...I would like that but I doubt I-I deserve one. [ He simply sounds tired now; not upset or even mournful but just...tired.

He blinks as Robert grabs his bloodied hand and he looks at back at him with a smile. It doesn't fade like the previous ones however. ] If only it were in better circumstance. The Malnosso make everything so much more difficult it seems. But I do enjoy your company and I would like to continue to keep it.

Re: [Action]

[semper_cogitans]

I think you do. [Robert tries to make his tone full of conviction, though his voice is a little forced - rejection is still eating at him, after all, even if Helios seems to have a legitimate reason to do so.] Perhaps you've come to a different conclusion, but I... truly cannot see why.

Nobody deserves to be alone. Especially not a person like yourself.

[The tiredness in Helios' voice is bringing out Robert's paternal, protective instincts. He smiles weakly, trying to reassure him a little.] The Malnosso torture us. But I... ... c-can't deny that these feelings are real. Unless, unless the Malnosso just gave them to me as well. Perhaps they did... but I would l-like to think there's enough e-empirical evidence to ascertain their existence... [Robert curls his fingers in Helios' slowly. How does one show that one cares deeply for someone properly, anyway?]

... but, you sound utterly exhausted, Helios. [Robert appraises Helios' body again; though the washing and sterilizing appears to have stopped his bleeding, there are still

[Action]

[folkloristic]

I suppose you might be right about that. I...I'm not really sure anymore. [ Robert can't see why because he doesn't know the whole truth. Possibly one day though Helios might tell him. ]

They do it without respite without any care of the consequences. I just don't understand why. How is any of this going to help us or even make us want to fight their war? [ Another tired and frustrated sigh. ] If only there was a way to speak with them equally. [ Helios' hand and arm might twitch at Robert's movements and he might slightly pull back a little. ]

Ah--no! No that's not necessary. I'm much better. I...I should be able to take care of things from here. [ Is he being too obvious that he's uncomfortable? Helios will smile though rubbing the back of his head with his left hand. ] I've already caused you enough trouble. And I should probably get back.