So a few things have changed. Like soo......
So, Derek turned out to be a complete asshole. Left me a message this morning letting me know, he doesnt miss me at all, and has no intention of ever seeing me again, which is fine, but i want my damn movies and cds back from you and your friend. Im okay, honestly. Never been better, kinda. Im totally over it, but the thing that hurt the most was the first few things i ever told him were that i was very vulnerable, easily influenced, and that my heart was very weak and couldnt take much more pain. He TOLD me straight to my face, i will never hurt you, i wont break your heart, yaddah blah fuck shit piss.... Well what does he do? He leaves me that message, and then changing ALL his status' to in a relationship again. Yeah, hes going out with someone else. Good for him, i just hope he treats her better than he did me. But anywho, getting off topic, He wrote on all his sites, Oh Becca, i love you, yaddah, you are the best thing for me, blah, and you know what? He did it to make me jealous? You know how i know? Cause his best friend told me. Well, Now that Dave told me that, im not gonna get jealous. Im not even remotely jealous. Derek was just a fling i guess. It happens. Yeah i loved him at one point, but it turns out when he said it he didnt really mean it? Oh well. No harm done. Except, he toyed with my emotions and fucked with my heart. Dear, BEcca, i know you cant read this, but just a heads up, hell be more into his video games, and his computer skills more than he will you. And hell want to hang with his boys more than you, so enjoy what you got. Cause he could up and leave just like he did me.
PEACE!
Things im looking forward to. Well, Thanksgiving. Im finally, in atleast 3 years NOT working Thanksgiving, Which only means i get to make dinner! haha! Christmas season. Supposedly, according to Daddio, 103.3 and 105.7, The radio stations are Already playing Christmas tunes. PUMPED! In about a week and a half the familia is decorating the house for christmas. So it will be all decorated for Thanksgiving dinner, and for my Jewelry party in throwing Dec 6th! Some of you will be recieving invites in the mail1 wooh! And of course shortly after that im pumped for TSO again! for like the millions year in a row! Wooh! And kevin LAnza is coming with me! Isnt that awesome! i love it! yay! Plus, Lizzyfish graduates from College this year! Isnt that awesome? Shes almost done! go liz!
Some fellow employees have gotten worse, and some better. Getting written up can give someone motivation to go either way. Tons of people have gotten written up lately and i find it quite hilarious, because i have not! hah! I win!
So managers are getting worse. Aquil is cracking his whip, but thats fine. ive done nothing wrong, so i have nothing to worry about. And Charles? Who the hell is charles, the Service Coach Manager asshole to tell ME what to do in the kitchen! I work in a completely seperate area, so back off and leave me to do my job like i normally would! Ive been at LP for 4 years, and youve been there for about 2 weeks? Leave me alone! Thanks! I can do MY job AND YOUR job better than you can, so dont fuck with me! Dont try to be my friend either. i dont like you. I dont Hate you, but i dont like you.
Theres talk around the campus that someone is to be getting the boot soon! Im not going too into detail about that cause shit loads of ppl from lp read this, but i wish it were me. and its not. unfortunately. hah!
So Almost 4 years! In a couple of week, it will be 4 years since i started working at satans asshole! Ive worked my way up to the scapegoat to someone moderately important to the kitchen. GO me. I havent gotten as far as Katie, but i hope i dont. I dont want to be like her and do someone elses job and shit shiited out of money... OH WAIT, I DO! i do Line cooks job, and i dont get paid nearly enough! haha! Thats awesome! No really, i Love linden ponds!
My christmas bonus this year however will put a REALLY big smile on my face, depending on how much money the residents are going to donate to us. and because of all the money ive lost to taxes that will put another smile on my face about a month later. woohoo! Im racking in the dough, and pretty soon that means im outta this joint!
Im excited for the christmas party. Im looking forward to it every year. I will be there! I will be dancing, and i will be having a great time. Unlike last year where i had to worry about so much shit going on. I can finally take it easy this year, and relax and actually have a blast. yay!
Christmas this year wont be as awesome as past years, but im okay with that. Im getting older every year, as does everyone else. So my parents have decided everyone gets ONE MAJOR gift this year. Im sure with select few small things such as stocking stuffers and whatnot. Im torn between a Laptop, Bigger iPod that will hold about 40,000 songs, To pay for my next tattoo (the memorial one for Auntie MArlene.), Or to just give money to help with a downpayment for a car or an apartment. I dont know, its tough! allthough, Kim told me the day after thanksgiving, im not working, so were getting up at 5 in the am to go discount shopping, and then i could get my Laptop and iPod. So that would eliminate some options. I dunno. im torn.....
I had a dream about Blair last night. I had a dream we hung out, and we hugged and just talked all night, and i fell back even more in love with him. And its really hard, because he was my fiance at one point, so technically i havent really fallen out of love with him....I know i never will, because we shared someone amazing. even though everyone denies to see it. He wasnt that bad of a person all the time. He had times where he did some amazing things, and no one wanted to hear that because they only wanted to know what he did to make me cry. No one saw the good in him that i did. But i cant change that now. I know everyone will kill me if i ever thought about going back to him. But you know what? For you all, i sacraficed my happiness, and my pure joy just to save yours. I couldnt have everyone in my life hate me because of one stupid decision, so i gave up someone i would give ANYTHING to have back, but now i know it wont ever happen, because if it did, everyone in my life would leave me behind. No one would live with my decision, even if it made me happy.
Its hard to move forward from exboyfriends because they all keep contacting me. Calling me, asking me to hang out, texting me, messaging me and letting me know they still love me. How is that supposed to make me feel? Say something like that, can only lead me to remember all the great times i shared with each and everyone one of them. Its so hard these days, and my emotions and my heart are so fragile, i dont think i can take much more. Not to mention all the stress in my life from dealing with Bullshit Drama, and Lp. Im most defenitly sure i wont be around much longer, if my emotions keep running free, and my heart keeps getting stomped on. I wont be able to take it anymore, and ill snap, and ill just dissapear, but unfortunately i know some people who wouldnt mind if that happened. Oh well.
Im trying to move on, and leave my past behind, but its hard when you have such a great memory, and even the slightest thing can bring back the greatest memories. I hate how i am sometimes.
I think im dont "ranting" for now, so feel free to read it, leave messages, whatever.
P3@cE:L<3vE:TraNqUilItY:TogEthErnEss:ForEvEr!