Relationships, bah humbug
Last night I unwittingly became the go-between for my friend and his ex-girlfriend (of 9 days ago). I have no idea why I always try to help in these circumstances, no idea at all, because I suck at it
A brief synopsis follows, I have interlaced the discussion to make it more interesting, these were three separate discussions I had at different times:
I paraphrase here:
Him: I'm single again.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I know you really loved her and she was your first...
Him: Don't be, I never loved her and I made her break up with me since it was going too fast for me.
Me: Okay, that sounds weird...
Him: Look at how Bob's, trying to impress her. She's going to Taupo with him for New Years, you know. It's funny, they're not even compatible.
Me: Dude, you're so jealous, are you sure you don't still love her?
Him: No, I'm not jealous, she told me she was fond of Bob. And so-and-so told me they were going to Taupo. I think it's funny that she didn't want to tell me she was going to Taupo.
Me: You sure she likes Bob?
Her: He was the one talking about marriage and stuff. Then he suddenly went all cold on me and wouldn't talk to me, so I dumped him.
Me: Wait, so he was the one going too fast?
Her: I still love him and want to get back with him but I just don't have the energy.
Me: Well, he seems really jealous of you and Bob, is anything going on there?
Her: No, nothing at all. Bob likes me but no, nothing I am not even going to Taupo.
Me: You not leading him on or anything?
Her: No, hell no.
Me: Well, look, I want him to be happy. I want you to be happy. It sounds to me like he just needs a stiff kick in the ass and start communicating again.
Her: Could you do that?
Me: I can try.
Her: Let me know how it turns out.
Me: Ok, I hope I am not giving you false hope.
Her: I just want to know what he's thinking, I mean, he hasn't spoken to me about it at all.
Me: You sure you don't still love her?
Him: Nah, she was starting to annoy me *gives various lame reasons* I am relieved it's over.
Me: Forgive me if I don't believe you, you seem awfully jealous...
Him: Nah, when I was with her, I was still attracted to other girls. That means I didn't really love her.
Me: That's rubbish! The mechanism of sexual attraction doesn't turn off...
Him: When she broke up with me, she said some really hurtful things that showed me I didn't really know her at all.
Me: Huh? But you're the one who made her break up with you!
Him: No, I wouldn't be able to break up with her, I don't know how.
You passive-aggressive prick! Men really are bastards, aren't they?
Him: This is what she sent me in an email *cuts & pastes nasty shit about how he never does what he promises blah*
Me: Ouch.
Me: Hey, did you really send him this nasty shit?
Her: Yes, but I had to tell him how I felt. I mean, he wasn't doing anything. This is what he sent me in an email
* cuts & pastes horribly angsty depressed stuff about how he feels detached from her and detached from life in general*
Me: Holy shit!
Her: I just feel sorry for him, I mean he's 27, so old.
Me: Yeah, over the hill *cries*
Her: I mean, how long will it take him to grow up?
Me: I have a 25 year old friend who is good looking but is so shy he pushes the girls away.
Her: Ooh, I like shy guys, do you have his MSN?
Me: Err, yes, I do, but no. He's a devout Athiest and he has strict feelings about dating religious people...
Her: Hehe, everyone seems to be introducing me to guys at the moment.
Me: Well, I'm not too worried about you anymore, for someone cut up about their breakup with their boyfriend you seem awfully keen on other guys.
Her: It's not like that. I just want other prospects.
Me: Oh, sure.
Her: What is he saying? Does he still love me, is there another chance?
Me: Nah, forget about him. Either he is telling the truth and he never loved you or he is protecting himself from hurt really, really well. Either way you don't want to be involved with him in that state, do you?
Me: You're apparently beautiful, I am sure you'll find someone.
Her: Wah, I'm all angsty and depressed now. I want someone to take me away from this place. My mother mentally and physically abuses me.
Me: Oh, damn, well, maybe in a few years you will be able to get out and be totally independent.
Her: I feel sick now. Goodnight.
Me: Er, ok?
Don't ever let me try untangle your love life ^^;;;;
A brief synopsis follows, I have interlaced the discussion to make it more interesting, these were three separate discussions I had at different times:
I paraphrase here:
Him: I'm single again.
Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I know you really loved her and she was your first...
Him: Don't be, I never loved her and I made her break up with me since it was going too fast for me.
Me: Okay, that sounds weird...
Him: Look at how Bob's, trying to impress her. She's going to Taupo with him for New Years, you know. It's funny, they're not even compatible.
Me: Dude, you're so jealous, are you sure you don't still love her?
Him: No, I'm not jealous, she told me she was fond of Bob. And so-and-so told me they were going to Taupo. I think it's funny that she didn't want to tell me she was going to Taupo.
Me: You sure she likes Bob?
Her: He was the one talking about marriage and stuff. Then he suddenly went all cold on me and wouldn't talk to me, so I dumped him.
Me: Wait, so he was the one going too fast?
Her: I still love him and want to get back with him but I just don't have the energy.
Me: Well, he seems really jealous of you and Bob, is anything going on there?
Her: No, nothing at all. Bob likes me but no, nothing I am not even going to Taupo.
Me: You not leading him on or anything?
Her: No, hell no.
Me: Well, look, I want him to be happy. I want you to be happy. It sounds to me like he just needs a stiff kick in the ass and start communicating again.
Her: Could you do that?
Me: I can try.
Her: Let me know how it turns out.
Me: Ok, I hope I am not giving you false hope.
Her: I just want to know what he's thinking, I mean, he hasn't spoken to me about it at all.
Me: You sure you don't still love her?
Him: Nah, she was starting to annoy me *gives various lame reasons* I am relieved it's over.
Me: Forgive me if I don't believe you, you seem awfully jealous...
Him: Nah, when I was with her, I was still attracted to other girls. That means I didn't really love her.
Me: That's rubbish! The mechanism of sexual attraction doesn't turn off...
Him: When she broke up with me, she said some really hurtful things that showed me I didn't really know her at all.
Me: Huh? But you're the one who made her break up with you!
Him: No, I wouldn't be able to break up with her, I don't know how.
You passive-aggressive prick! Men really are bastards, aren't they?
Him: This is what she sent me in an email *cuts & pastes nasty shit about how he never does what he promises blah*
Me: Ouch.
Me: Hey, did you really send him this nasty shit?
Her: Yes, but I had to tell him how I felt. I mean, he wasn't doing anything. This is what he sent me in an email
* cuts & pastes horribly angsty depressed stuff about how he feels detached from her and detached from life in general*
Me: Holy shit!
Her: I just feel sorry for him, I mean he's 27, so old.
Me: Yeah, over the hill *cries*
Her: I mean, how long will it take him to grow up?
Me: I have a 25 year old friend who is good looking but is so shy he pushes the girls away.
Her: Ooh, I like shy guys, do you have his MSN?
Me: Err, yes, I do, but no. He's a devout Athiest and he has strict feelings about dating religious people...
Her: Hehe, everyone seems to be introducing me to guys at the moment.
Me: Well, I'm not too worried about you anymore, for someone cut up about their breakup with their boyfriend you seem awfully keen on other guys.
Her: It's not like that. I just want other prospects.
Me: Oh, sure.
Her: What is he saying? Does he still love me, is there another chance?
Me: Nah, forget about him. Either he is telling the truth and he never loved you or he is protecting himself from hurt really, really well. Either way you don't want to be involved with him in that state, do you?
Me: You're apparently beautiful, I am sure you'll find someone.
Her: Wah, I'm all angsty and depressed now. I want someone to take me away from this place. My mother mentally and physically abuses me.
Me: Oh, damn, well, maybe in a few years you will be able to get out and be totally independent.
Her: I feel sick now. Goodnight.
Me: Er, ok?
Don't ever let me try untangle your love life ^^;;;;