No Ordinary LOve, Part 3, chapter 190
190
Yeah, we flew to London. Yeah, we saw the show. Of course they were exquisitely great perfect dosage of my theatre likings. And yes, we met the stars themselves. Also, they were glad to meet some among us. Some were even bit too eager for my liking. It would’ve been better if such enthusiasm wasn’t requited in the same proportions. Yes, Sweetie’s involved. Why else would I be pissed about it? And why else would I have to be careful to control my reinvoked jealousy that I hoped was gone.
Everything was great till the show ended. Those two guys noticed few big shots in the first row only moments after they’ve got on the stage. They made a couple of jokes on Johnny’s and Sweetie’s account and cracked everyone up, it was nothing out of line, not the least. More like joking how the world’s gone to shit when they had nothing better to attend than Boosh show.
I enjoyed all two hours and a half with intervals as well, while we had chance to have some refreshments. I enjoyed all even the invitation for the after party. I didn’t even have nothing against Sweetie’s over the top exhilaration about the show. Everything was great until that skinny guy with make up hasn’t asked Sweetie for a dance.
I mean, who asks woman in ninth month of pregnancy for a dance?! And what normal woman would accept that, anyway? And to top my gentle protestation she returned, “I’m pregnant, not boring.” What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I told myself it’s just one dance, but then there was another and another and another. Three songs and I lost my nails and nearly was over with an entire pack of cigarettes. They kept laughing over something, his skinny hands were holding Sweetie way too gentle for someone who has just met her for the first time. He was way too many times leaning to tell her something in her ear like she is deaf, when her hearing is impeccable.
Vanessa thought at first that I’m worried about the baby, but Johnny saw right through me and told her to leave me alone and that they won’t even mention it ever again. Thanks.
By the time, they were leaving the dance floor and I hoped he’ll leave her alone the moment he returns her to our table, but no. He sat down with us. I thought about telling him that he’s not welcomed there but then I remembered it’s that geezer’s party and that I’m not home. Ten minutes later his laughter was seriously going on my nerves. I wanted to punch him in the face, for he continued to touch her hands or shoulders and even hair. I was so boiling inside that I couldn’t even properly allow myself to accept Sweetie’s attempts to engage me in conversation. I was just fuming over and over again.
And then at the very end of the night, she said to him “you have to come visit soon.” And guess what he replied, “that’ll be great. Thanks darling. I’ll do that soon.” I didn’t quite bother to politely point out that soon we’ll have a new baby and that might not be the best time, but of course, Sweetie was there to brush it off as silly comment. A joke.
The worst part came when we returned to hotel and Sweetie went on and on talking about every single detail about him. I couldn’t believe my woman was so wrapped in another guy. I listened and listened without saying a word hoping she’d shut it but no. Her mouth wouldn’t stop moving. And as I lay myself down in bed I couldn’t stand it any more and I snapped.
“Can I just sleep in my bed without you only? Or maybe that’s not good enough from now on?”
She just made confused face, then her expression changed into one of disgust and only then my jealousy disappeared into thin air leaving me with nothing but feeling of utter guilt.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way,” instantly I apologized with a sigh reaching out to touch her but she flinched her jaw tightened.
I was in deep shit.
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry I’ve said it, I didn’t…”
“Oh, then explain what exactly did you mean?” she demanded coldly firing her eyes at me.
“Nothing. It was stupid of me, I’m sorry…”
“Of all people in this world you Ville Valo should know best how despite their imperfection words are the most deadlier weapons we have,” she said and then walked out to the bathroom.
It did no good that I had kept saying my sorrys, nor that I have tried to ignore the door and explain myself. When she opened then I knew she wasn’t hearing me. She just ended my talking to the door.
“I’m sorry,” I tried again but then it was her turn to stick the dagger in my back.
“Tell me something, it’s ok that when I’m away you go on your little conquests but it’s somehow wrong if I talk to someone nice and enjoy it right there in front of you?” she paused watching the effect of her argument knocking me down on the ground. “I never knew you’re such a hypocrite.”
There were very long moments of silence that when I tried to break she raised her eyebrow at me saying, “Choose your words very wisely or sleep on it.”
I opeted for the latter.
I haven’t slept much that night. First I wanted to demolish the entire room for being such idiot. Gradually, when the steam was off I was on the balcony smoking in the chair wondering why in the hell’s name have I even began to feel jealous in the first place. I didn’t need much analyzing to realize why.
It wasn’t the first time someone was flirting with her. It happened everywhere we went. Every guy reacted at her in much the same way like Noel. Everybody wanted her attention. She was never rude to anyone, not even once but Noel was the first guy she instantly gave in. first unknown person she let touch her and not once has she showed him he needs to back off. And that was what set me off. That’s how we began. And that was scaring the shit out of me.
By the morning, I was coherent enough to voice myself properly or so I hoped. The moment she opened her eyes, I knew I had nothing to wait for.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Fine,” a very civilized and gathered response.
“I’m sorry about last night…”
She raised her palm in very composed manner. “I don’t need to hear that.”
“Right,” I nodded. “I was an insecure idiot last night. It had nothing to do with you but me. It was all my mistake. I’m sorry I’ve insulted you.”
“You didn’t insult you did something much worse,” she returned. “You doubted and questioned.”
“I know. I did. It’s just it all reminded me of the way we began…” I sighed.
“You think we began like that?” her eyes narrowed slightly. “We were nothing even remotely close to that.”
“I know. I said that it reminded me not that it was the same,” I calmly pointed out.
“What was the reminder?” she shrugged confused.
“The way you two clicked. How you didn’t mind him touching you, how you two seemed very comfortable together… you had this huge smile that wouldn’t go off, he just couldn’t leave you alone all night. That. That’s a bit like how we hit off isn’t it?”
“Only in words maybe,” she returned. “But in scope of feelings not even remotely close.”
“I know,” I agreed ashamed. “I’m sorry beyond words.”
“Is it something I did?”
“What?” I was a little confused.
“Have I behaved certain way that triggered all this?”
“No,” I shook my head but then I thought it’s best maybe I just say it. “You seem you enjoy it all too much. The attention he was giving you.”
“I was enjoying extremely,” she nodded with a smile. “But do you know why?”
“I’m a bit sloppy in that field lately?” I shrugged.
“No, not really,” she shook her head. “Because he asked if this baby will inspire me for sequel of ‘my parent’s are stupid’ like Kai had. He said how he considers that my best work only because I was so bald to openly spill out what every new parent is thinking but make it all more interesting by talking from perspective of a new born. I don’t get much honesty any more about my books.”
“I’m always honest about them to you,” I returned.
“Yeah, but I meant from strangers. And you’re not.”
“It’s weird you feel for that.”
“Yeah, but only because he put it so nicely and finished it off with a joke. If you have only given him chance, you would’ve seen why he had such appeal to me.”
“Hopefully, I’ll be smarter next time,” I returned feeling we’re out of muddy waters.
“Better,” she agreed. “And just so you know, whenever and if ever you get into another fit like last night I’ll always pull out Maria to silence you,” she paused as I blushed of embarrassment. The entire thing was still recent in my mind and I yet wasn’t able to shrug it off. In other words I was still and probably will feel that as one of my major sins against Sweetie. Something I’ll regret for the rest of my life.
“I deserved it,” I raised my head and looked her in the eyes.
“Yeah,” she agreed.
The New Year’s Eve at our home town was better than any other before. It was the first time I’ve officially shared the stage with my own family plus few. The very next day, our house went empty, everybody went back their homes and it was just four of us walking and one still hidden inside there.
Mige came over that evening, wanting to talk about something. Turned out all he wanted to know was if I’m ok to leave him out of the band for a while so he can spend time with his little family.
“Man you didn’t even have to ask,” I returned. “You know family comes first. Not to mention, how many times you guys have allowed me time off for personal issues.”
“Too many but only since this lady showed up,” he said flashing a huge smile at Sweetie that entered the room. “How are you darling?”
“Bloated as always,” she rolled her eyes.
“It’ll be over in few days right?” he asked sympathetically.
“Yeah, unless she decides for rain check,” she shrugged. “How’s little Alek doing?”
“Good, eats, sleeps, cries, shits, then all over again,” he returned. “Usual.”
“You’re lucky he’s just a normal baby. They’re usually like that in first few weeks.”
“More like months love,’ Sweetie corrected me. “We’ll I got to go lied down a little. Kiss Alek and Vedrana for me.”
“Wait, there’s also something I wanted to ask you both,” Mige stopped her in her track. “I mean I know you guys aren’t into religion and stuff, but Vedrana is. Kind of, anyway. You two know how much I love you and how much Vedrana loves yous as well so… we were thinking, in case anything happens to us, ever, we’d feel much better knowing that you two would take Alek. I mean you two are only people I know that would treat him like he’s your own and we know he’d never miss anything, not even us with you guys around. So… would you two be Alek’s godfather and godmother?”
“Of course, we will Mige,” I was really deeply touched with his gesture and had to hug him really hard. I’ve never asked him the same about Kai but only because I knew that if I’m not around Mige would be the first of my friends to help Sweetie and him out if needed. But what he did was very touching.
“You didin’t even had to ask. You know we’re here,” Sweetie added.
“Yeah, I do, but Vedrana wanted me to ask officially so… I mean I agreed as long as it doesn’t mean you or me going to church.”
Sweetie left soon afterwards and Mige and continued our little talk till long in night. Kai joined us for a very short time until Massa called for him to watch some movie.
“You know you could write a book only about stupid shits you did and it would run in volumes and thousands of pages,” Mige commented when I told him about my little fit in London.
“I know. Lucky I’m not good with sentences.”
“Well, Sweetie’s soon starting to teach that writing course, maybe you should enter. You know, give it a shoot. It’ll give you something to do. Plus no harm in learning from the master, right?” he suggested.
“You know I’m still struggling with writing basic lyrics. I don’t think I’m ready for anything more complex.”
“I think it’s harder to write a poem than book. More space to fill in.”
“Exactly and that’s why it’s harder. There’s also things called plot, characters, structure… you have to figure it all out before you even do a first sentence. Think about the angle you’re going to take…”
“Sweetie says it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“Yeah, if your IQ is close to 200 like hers and you’re so talented. She can make pancake recipe into a short story and it won’t suck.”
“Maybe, but that’s one more reason to let her teach you. And I take Sweetie’s side that it’s harder to write a good poem than a good book.”
“Whatever, she’s so good at both.”
“Then go back to school. Maybe that turns out helpful with your creative blocks or whatever you call them.”
“I’m not suffering that right now,” I pointed out. “I’m relaxing.”
“Like you did last month and the month before,” he returned. “When was the last time you wrote a song? And I’m not asking about the music you did for Sweetie or others. When was the last time you made a song for HIM, our band?”
“Six months ago?” I asked insecurely.
“Try one year,” he chuckled. “Seriously, you got lazy. Or you ran out of inspiration.”
“One year, huh?” I wondered. He had right. There was so many things going on around me that I got myself occupied with and I did nothing new for my band.
Apparently, when I discussed it with Sweetie later in the bed, she confirmed Mige’s observation as dead on facts.
“I tried to tell you that few months ago but… you obviously didn’t get it. This your own personal record company is affecting you bad.”
“I think it’s good I’m not under any pressure or guys either.”
“It is good as long as it doesn’t turn you into one very lazy musician,” she added. “Maybe Mige’s right about you taking classes in writing.”
“I don’t see how that might help. I know how that looks like besides I’m not professional writer nor I have any such intentions. And currently, I’m probably not feeling properly inspired or… I don’t know. I mean, of all people you should understand it best.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. And that’s why I think you should come to my classes when they start. I promise they’ll be nothing like any class you ever knew or heard of. Trust me.”
I still wasn’t convinced. So far my own personal interests were enough to supply me with everything I needed. There was no need for going to school.
“Or you’re just afraid of being back in school with all those younger people or you’re scared of me?”
“I’m not just…” I twisted my lips and then thought she’s actually daring me. “Ok, I’ll sign in.”
“Good, and you better hurry for I hear the list is getting filled up very fast.”
And that’s what I did next day and I was told they’ll let me know by the end of the week if I’m in or not. Lots of interested people but the classes are supposed to remain small so they’ll let me know.
So in the spirit of being good sport and student as well, I called my boys, told them all they’re free of anything related with band until festival season begins. Six months exactly. Quite enough time for me to see if I can learn something, welcome our new baby, hopefully a good, healthy girl that won’t give us too much trouble. And hopefully, something good and new for the band will come up, as well.