No Ordinary Love, Part 3, chapter 207
207
“So what do you think?” I asked my precious little daughter after I read her the last story I’d written for the course I was taking under Sweetheart’s wing.
She was babbling something that of course was incomprehensible, but that’s always a good excuse to pretend that conversation is going the way I want it to.
“Yeah, it turned out way better than I thought,” I agreed. “You know you’re mom was right. This course was really helpful.”
It was. I learned probably even more than I was aware of, but I was very much pleased with what I was realizing. First of all she broaden my views on finding inspiration. Instead of searching only withing my own life, I learned how I can make anybody’s story my own, how to own it, make it belong to me and then work from within. She taught me how to liberate myself of all the fears that were bothering me when it comes to my work. Strangley, but I found myself managing to express myself yet not reveal too much of things I wanted to remain hidden. I found myself much better expressing my own feelings in longer form than just lyrics. But I was secretly reshaping the stories I did for her class into lyrics. At the end of the course I had twenty short stories, eighteen lyrics and three songs. The last ones were so scarce only because I didn’t have much time to finish them. But I had most of the riffs and cords in my head. But that will soon all come together.
Ari grabbed the sleeves of my gray blouse and pulled herself up so now she was standing. It was quite insecure but nonetheless it was a big achievement.
“You’re amazing love,” I heartedly smiled delighted at her and she smiled back. Her diaper padded little but weighted her back down to the floor. She frowned, furrowed her eyebrows and again pulled herself up to standing position, puffing. “Oh, you’re such a brave little girl.”
Ari smiled on that as well. She leaned forward as I put my hands under her armpits but instantly let her as she made protesting sounds, “ok, ok, don’t bite my head off,” I apologized. She was wobbling pushing her unstable legs to work. I didn’t expect her to start walking for she didn’t properly even crawl. She should be practicing that but obviously she held no real interest in following the usual path. However, she surprised me. Her right leg moved an inch after a lot of effort, she was puffing but remained focused as I cheered for her to go on. Then her left leg came closer to her right and her little eyes looked up at me.
“Hey, you just made your first step, my beauty,” I grinned and pulled her up in my arms to shower her with kisses. She giggled, melting in my arms when Sweetie entered the room. “Hey guess who just made her first step?”
“Really?” Sweetie was thrilled as she hurried over to us. “Aw, you’re such a big girl now, darling,” she praised Ari who kept her huge grin. She reached her hands out for her mom to take her. “I’m so proud of you, baby.” She kissed her again. “You’re growing up fast.”
“Seems like you and I have figured how to make hybrid babies,” I joked. In Kai’s case doctor was convinced he’s making these big leaps, skipping too fast some of the usual stages. Now with Ari he doubted the same. But that’s probably because Ari’s not show-off like Kai. She’s more shy and silent type.
“It’s just good genes, love,” she returned as Ari wriggled in her arms - a clear sign she wants to be let alone. Sweetie obliged and put her back on the floor. The little one instantly took interest in all the shiny toys that were there. She grabbed one car with both of her hands concentrated hard and dismantled it.
“Great,” I snorted moving to pick the pieces up to fix it but Sweetie put her hand on my shoulder and pulled me back.
“Leave it,” she said.
“She broke a toy, I just wanted to see if I can fix it,” I returned.
“I know. Let her break them,” she repeated.
“What? We’re inspiring her to be destructive, now?” I joked.
“No, we’re allowing her to be curious,” she corrected me. “Look,” she said as she pointed with her index finger at Ari. “Just watch.”
Ari again held another of Kai’s baby toys. A truck this time. She was turning it between her hands, examining it from every angle. Then she took off the hood off the truck and watched what’s under it for a few seconds, trailing her fingers over it.
“See, she’s just curious,” Sweetie assured me. “Toys aren’t meant to last. She’s not destroying it for the sake of mayhem. She’s dismantling it because she wants to see what’s in there. And that’s a good thing. That means she has some interests, you know.”
“Mhmm,” I nodded. “So, since Kai had interest in playing with music instruments and now he’s actually playing them the analogy is that Ari will be a mechanic, right?” I joked and Sweetie giggled. “I mean that’s very interesting career for a lady, isn’t it?”
“Since we’re very liberal, yeah, it is,” Sweetie agreed laughing as we watched the pile of broken toys grow next to our little future truck driver or something like that. “I’m glad her eyes didn’t change colour.”
“Yet,” I added.
“No, they’ll stay gray,” she assured me that the critical time’s over. “They fit her perfectly,” she sighed.
I couldn’t agreed more. With Ari’s temperamental personality the gray eyes seemed like a clear sign for anyone she’ll come across in the future that there’s no black and white with her. Only gray. And what that gray’s hiding well, take a sabbatical of your life and figure it out.
“You were reading to her?” Sweetie asked as she noticed the papers on the bed and I nodded.
“Ari thinks I’m good.”
“Good, the kid has a taste. A good one, as well,” she leaned and pressed her lips on mine. “I’m really proud of you,” she said almost as a whisper. “About how well you did on the course.”
“Since it’s over now and it’s just the two of us here,” Sweetie glanced at Ari so I had to correct myself. “Ok, three but only two actually can talk and decipher words. How exactly good I did there?”
“After Nik, you’re my best student,” she replied.
“Honey, honestly?”
“Honestly,” she assured me.
“And it has nothing to do with you seducting innocent cute student?” I teased.
“No, not at all,” she smiled. “Nik’s natural. Plus he has years of practice. You on the other hand came as clean slate. No experience, no confidence, no faith… and then in no time you turned out to be very unique in your quirky stories, ideas, style… so from that point of view you’re the best.”
“Then why you choose Nik over me?” I pretended I’m hurt.
“Because he’s a natural. Plus, remember when you guys had to write about the most painful experience, remember that one?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. I did remember, how not many of us really wrote about it. Most were faking it and got appropriate harsh criticism from Sweetie and lecture about the importance of owning our work. Sweetie was so strick with everyone who lied, or lamely prettied up everything because they didn’t have guts to pour it all out. Nik on the other hand, took it to a whole different level. He wrote about things that hurt him most, his father, sister, little Ema, torture, abuse. He totally didn’t spare himself yet for those who knew nothing of him, unlike Sweetie and me, the story about two male friends, that fall for a girl they meet and things start to roll was just that a story. A good painful story. But I recognized, the sadistic, egotistic, dominant type of Nik’s father in one of the guys. I figured out that the more quite, always tensed, emotional, submissive guy is actually Nik. I knew that when the dominant guy when couldn’t handle being rejected and forced himself upon this innocent, sweet girl was actually Nik’s father raping Ana. I also knew that the scene about the brutal rape is Nik’s experience of the same, as well as the beating his character got in the story. No one questioned whether the pain was real or not. But what they mostly wondered was, was Nik the actual rapist? I can see why they thought so. Nik was playing it off like he’s the dominant, confident guy that always has things his way. But I was privileged to know the real truth. That Nik’s actually very opposite from all that.
“I never thought he’ll be able to do it like that,’ she said. “Especially because just a day before that assignment was due he told us all the truth.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think that he’ll show up that day, let alone have it done,” I voiced my thoughts.
“Now, compare that to your story on pain,” she returned. “Yours was good but i felt you were holding back something.
“That was my lame attempt to try not to sound too pathethic,” I smirked. “I always think I’m a bit pathethic when I’m desperate.”
“Everybody is,” she assured me.
“I know one person that’s not,” I said looking her straight in the eyes and she made a silly face. “No, seriously. No matter how desperate you might be, you’re always so fucking proud to whine too much. For example, if you were to break up with me and leave,” I shuddered at just the thought of it, “I’d be all ‘please, don’t go, I’ll do anything you want, please, please, I’ll kill myself and all that pathethic drama queen shit,” I paused as she calmed her giggling. “You’d never be that way.”
“Then how would I be?”
“Something like ‘I’m sorry I’ve hurt you, I admit I’ve fucked up but I can’t turn back time. if you’d still give me another chance I’d gratefully take it and prove I’m worthy of you.’ Or something like that. Something profound and noble, dignified.”
“That means, the whining you’d say to me is the one that would perfectly work for you if I was the one doing all the begging,” she said grinning.
“Yeah, absolutely,” I agreed. “But the way you’d do it is something I like a guy envy you. That would make every girl stay, every single time.”
“See, that’s why sometimes I regret I wasn’t born with a cock,” she mused. “Just think of the possibilities. By now I wouldn’t be thirty with two kids. I’d be thirty with hundreds of ladies under my belt and all veneral diseases known and unknown.”
We both laughed at that, then I pressed my lips on hers and kissed her. Her fingers entagled with hair at the back of my head as she pulled me closer to deepen the kiss.
And then her phone rang.
“Like in bad Hollywood films,” she commented as she pulled it out and answered. “Ok, an hour, got it,” she nodded then shut it off. She didn’t wait for me to ask what’s going on. Somehow I had a good hunch. “Call the taxi, I’ll go get Massa. She has to leave now.”
“I’ll call Nik, too,” I added and she nodded leaving the room in a hury.
She didn’t have to explain. I knew that in one hour Rhianna is about to file the case at the court. That was the agreement. She knew how delicate this case was, so she was investigating it on her own, being very careful. She promised the moment she sees some sign of danger, anything that will potentially alarm Klutz she’ll call and when that happens, Massa must leave right away, Nik and his family move in and the security Sweetie has found starts doing their job. Everybody knew that. Everybody was packed and ready just waiting for the call. I was really surprised Rhianna managed to keep it all quiet for this long. Paranoid by nature, I spent last month looking over my shoulder for anything unsual, turning at every sound, jumping out of bed at the slightest noise outside in the middle of the night. Nothing. Now that will change.
I arranged the taxi and was about to call Nik. Glancing through the window, I saw a big black van, with tinted and probably bulletproof glass drive through our gates. Security. How come they got here so fast? Well, seems that’s why Sweetie was playing them big bucks to stay free over the past month, so they could get here any day or time in less then five minutes. Here come the men in black…
“Ville?”
“Nik, it’s time,” I said right away, watching the men outside, evacuate the vehicle and instantly getting down to the business. Some spread around the yard checking it toroughly, others went inside. “
‘How long do we have?” he asked.
“A bit less than an hour,” I returned.
“That’s more than enough,” he returned. “See you soon, I guess,” he tried to sound funny but failed. I didn’t mind for I wasn’t feeling giddy myself.
The taxi arrived so I walked over and picked Ari in my arms, she didn’t protest, and walked in the hall, heading down to Massa’s room.
When I got there she was saying her goodbye to Kai. She wasn’t happy, neither were we but by now she understood it’s the best we can do out of all love we have for her.
“You’re ride is here, love,” I said as I looked at her with sad eyes.
“I still can call you, right?” she asked Kai, letting him from the embrace who smiled.
“Always,” he winked. God, such a brave little kid. “It’ll all be over soon, you’ll see,’ he assured her and looked very confident of his words.
“I’ll miss you all guys,” she said as she walked over to hug Sweetie.
“We’ll miss you, too, darling,” Sweetie returned letting go of her, but cupping Massa’s pretty face to kiss her cheek.
“Every day, kiddo,” I added as crouched and gave her a big hug. I knew I’d really miss her. I was used to her leaving every now and then for two days at most but this was different. This was for longer time. if those two days so far always seemed like the house was somehow empty and too quiet now it’ll be desolate without her laughter, or occasional too loud music coming from her room. I’ll miss having to walk to bang on her door and her ignoring me until I step in and ask her to take it a bit easier which she’d do. Kai was never like that, so now when Massa leaves the house will be very silent.
“I’m coming back as soon as you say it’s safe,” she said glancing at all of us.
“We’ll be waiting impatiently,” I returned. I gave Ari to Sweetie and picke up Massa’s suitcase. It was pretty heavy. “Wow, you have bricks here, or what?”
“Hey, I’m a girl and girl have needs,” she returned on my joke in lighter tone.
On our way out to the car, we passed the security guys that were still checking the perimeter. One of them silently nodded at us, he was probably the boss. He also was the oldest. He glanced at two guys who got his cue and followed us outside. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all. I think that only then Massa began to grasp the reality of everything. When she sat on the backseat of the car, her face wasn’t sad any more but worried.
“Everything will be ok,” I said to her.
“Promise?” she returned.
“Promise,” I assured her with little smile. She nodded and Sweetie instructed the driver where to take her.
“Call us as soon as you get there, ok?” Sweetie told her and she nodded with a grin. She loved Sweetie’s little motherly caring things because she missed most of them from Berta. Massa closed the door and the car took off. We remained on the street, waving back at her until she disappeared behind the corner. Something in me clicked, some hole was punched in my chest and I hugged my lovely wife, my daughter and my son and let the feeling of absence sunk in on us. I felt Kai, move, his hand reaching out to wipe his eyes so I leaned over and took him in my arms. He hugged me, burying his head in my hair, its length giving him perfect shelter from the rest of the world. He always cried silently, no sobs. If I couldn’t feel his tears soaking my shirt I would think he was asleep or something like that.
Sweetie and I exchanged sad smiles, before we walked back in our house. The boss was finishing up his chat with few other guys. When he saw us the guys left and he walked over to us.
“Mr. and Mrs Valo,” he said as he shook our hands. “We checked the property, everything’s safe.”
“Thank you for coming so fast,” Sweetie said.
“It’s what you pay us for,” he returned seriously.
“Just one question,” I said, I had urge that I couldn’t resist. “You seem very professional.”
“Thank you. That’s what we’re all about,” he kept his stone face.
“Ok, endulge me, ease my mind,” I continued looking him in the eyes. “When does that professionalism end?”
“When we all die,” he returned. Then seeing that I’m not really convinced he elaborated. “I choose my boys very carefully. Loyalty is what I need from them. It’s what people who hire me need from me. I won’t lie and say we do this for charity or sympathy. We’re here to make money but in honorable way. When you pay us, you pay us enough to put our lives at risk for you without having second thoughts or hesitating,” he paused a little. “And in case you wonder if we’d change sides for better offer, no, we won’t.”
I nodded. I surely was convinced.
“We eliminate that possibility the moment we say our price. We make sure it can’t be topped,” he seriously said then his stone face changed and little grin appeared in the corner of his mouth and made me grin back.
“Fair enough,” I nodded. “No hard feelings, huh?” I asked offering him my hand.
“Of course not,” he assured me shaking my hand hard like he’s sealing a deal. “It’s reasonable to be suspicious.” He turned his head back to Sweetie. “I’d like to get through a few things with you if you don’t mind,’ he said to her then looked at me like he’s saying he wants me there as well.
Instead of reply, Sweetie nodded and led us to the living room. There on the table lay a blueprint of our tower. Sweetie probably gave them that earlier. One guy, was hooking up some system in the corner of the room, two more were helping him by putting the monitors, giving him cables and other stuff. It all felt surreal. Like I wasn’t in my living room but in some FBI crime TV series.
“I’d like to put few cameras,” the boss began showing us places on the outside of the house and around the yard. He explained how they’re very discreet, and showed us one which was extremely tiny. He tried his best to keep it simple explaining how powerful they are. All I got was that they were the latest thing on the market and hard to notice. You can get them in different colours apparently in any specific colour you want. The boss explained and showed us one that was the exact rusty colour of bricks on our tower and one that was dark green like pine in the back yard.
“You won’t even notice them, let alone the intruder won’t be able to find them. He’d have to get really close to them to see they’re there.”
“Wow,” I was really impressed.
“Like I said, we take your safety very seriously,” he pointed out.
“Will you put those inside, here, as well?” I asked.
“Only if you want to,” he returned. “Sweetheart said there’s no need so unless that changed, no we won’t put any of these in here.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Sweetie assured him and he nodded.
“How many of you guys are here?” I asked.
“There’s ten of us here and ten more somewhere out there.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? That out there thing?” I returned.
“It means that ten we can see and ten we better not ever see,” Sweetie explained and the boss nodded.
“There’s also one team that’s currently escorting your friends,” he added looking at Sweetheart. “Like you wanted, they’re very discreet. You’re friends don’t know they’re there.”
“Is…?”
“No,” he cut off Sweetie sooner than she could even began to ask. “There was no sign of anyone following or watching them. They left the house safely and should be here any time now.”
“Ok,” Sweetie nodded. “Well, then we better leave you do your thing,” Sweetie concluded and the guy nodded.
“Ma’m, sir,” he nodded as a polite excuse and walked away going around his business.
“Nice guy,” I commented.
“Yeah and from what I heard about him, extremely good at his job,” she added.
“Where did you find him?”
“If I tell you, I’ll have to shoot you,” she returned grinning shifting Ari in her arms. “Why don’t you take Kai to his room?” she said pecking my lips. “I’m going to make us some coffee. Find me in the office.”
Nodding, I turned around and walked back upstairs to Kai’s room. All this time, since Massa left he remained still frozen in the same position arms and legs wrapped around me, head bruied in my hair. He had a good grip that wasn’t loosening not even when I sat on his bed and he perfectly knew we’re all alone, just the two of us. I didn’t protest not urged him to let me go. I had pretty good idea that his perception of the entire situation changed in last fifteen minutes ever since he saw all those strange men downstairs. He knew perfectly well about occasional bodyguards that would follow us around on concerts but they never came further than the hotel entrance, or the bus. He didn’t mind those, they didn’t scare him. He knew they were paid by organizers, venues, or record company for a few hours when we’re around the crazy fans. They never came to our house, mom and dad never talked to them. Bodyguards he knew of never talked about security cameras that are hard to noticed, they never hooked up systems to track and listen our phone calls, they were never divided in teams or talked how they are paid to stay invisible.
The danger that Kai knew of in his mind seemed pretty naïve compared to all he has witnessed in this little time.
“It’s just a precaution measure, kiddo,” I began stroking his back hoping it will relax him at least a little. “Mom just went a bit over the top.”
“Mom’s not someone who overreacts,” he returned then his legs unclutched my frame and he peeled himself off of me. He remained sitting in my lap, looking me in the eye. “It’s you,” he added smirking. He knew me just too well. “You’re also not really that good at reassuring, either.” Yeah, he knew me that good. However, he never took it against me. He appreciated my parenting efforts.
“Now, that’s really a hurtful thing to say to your old man,” I joked.
“You’re not old. Maybe older but definitively not old,” he returned.
“Thanks,” I chuckled then ruffled his hair gentlier than I usually do and that brought Kai back to reality. His head bowed and he picked on my shirt. “Everything will be ok, love,” I spoke to him. “We’re perfectly safe and those guys down there will make sure it stays that way.”
“I know,” he nodded.
“I’m really sorry Kai,” I honestly said to him. It struck me that no matter what we were doing we somehow weren’t fair to him.
“Dad, please,” he snorted then looked me in the eyes. “Please, don’t start with that, ok? It’s getting old,” he pointed out leaving me speechless. “I don’t see things the way you do,” he slowly said. “I love both you and mom precisely for who you are. And this is part of it, I guess,” he shrugged. “It’s just new to me but I’ll get over it.”
“That’s exactly what’s my problem,” I returned. “You shouldn’t get over it. We shouldn’t jump into things then force you into adjusting to it…”
“Oh, shut up,” he raised his tone and frowned irritated. “You’re such pussy sometimes,” he snorted. “I love you both no matter what. You guys make me proud of being your son. I’m like the luckiest kid in the whole universe, for fucks sake. Why you just don’t accept that I’m never but supporting of you people? Why can’t you just trust me on that like mom does?”
“Because I’m not like mom,” I pointed out. “I’m not that…” I tried to find the right word.
“Smart?” he suggested and I nodded. “Well, then listen to me and trust my words without reading into them looking for some hidden message. I’m not Massa, I speak my mind, I plainly say what I think or feel. You guys taught me that. If I’d ever be disaporving or angry or upset about whatever you guys do I’d tell you the way it is.”
“So you’re not angry?”
“No,” he assured me. “I’m just a little shocked and scared. Well, not that much as when I first saw those bulldogs down there, but… the point is I’m not mad. I talked to mom yesterday about this. She told me what will happen. I know how dangerous this is. But I also understand that you’re not doing this all because you don’t care for me or Ari but quite opposite. Things you two fight against are all those things every parent should do to protect their kids. You’re just doing a huge favour to the rest of the parents that don’t have guts or don’t see things clearly.”
“That’s how you see us?”
“If you don’t know that by now, then you’re really dumb, dad,” he joked.
“Luckily, you’re smart enough for both,” I returned pulling him into hug.
“Even more,” he added and we laughed.
But my kid was right. I was dumb not to realize how he sees us. Sweetie seemed she wasn’t. she always trusted him hard on for every word he’d said. For her that’s a normal thing. Actually, it wasn’t.
Maybe for her it was even hard to fight that duality inside. One part of her was so philanthropic, ready to take the burden of entire human kind, willing to burn for all the sinners. The other part suffering, dealing with occasional troubles that the first part of her personality would cause. She couldn’t fight any of those sides. Couldn’t resist them for both were too strong. Somehow she learned how to embrace them. The silent suffering was probably responsible for her being way too kind and caring, hoping that somehow in the universe it will even the equasion, settle the score. And it did. I’m the first who will admit that because she’s so great around me, so gracious, loving, caring and all that she’s doing for me I’m ready to handle all the consequences. I’m ready to live in paranoia for a while for it was worth it. I loved every single little detail about her and wouldn’t change any of it. She’s my rock. She’s the rock of our family. She’s the driving force, the wind in our sails. But I don’t think she’ll ever admit that. I don’t believe she’ll ever admit she suffers inside, away from any eyes, even mine. That’s why she loves the silence more than any other person I’ve ever known. That’s why she doesn’t need to hear the words. She always reads when someone’s unhappy no matter how much one might try to fool her. you don’t have to tell her you’re sorry, she’ll sense it even with her backs turned to you. For she knew all those feelings and fears damn too well.
On the other hand, Kai was more like her anyway. That’s why she’d never have to have these kind of talks with him like I do. They have this weird connection that just… I don’t know, their like twins, talking telepathically, only with eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jealous. Actually, I was glad. I know I can always count on that connection. I can always rely on both of them for anything. They loved me, like I loved them.
“Dad? You’re suffocating me,” Kai mumbled forcing me to snap out of my thoughts and return to reality. I didn’t even noticed when I drifted away and got lost.
“Sorry,” clumsily I apologized and let go of him.
“Mom’s waiting for you,” he said moving from my lap to his bed.
“I can stay if you want.”
He bowed his head slightly and looked at me significantly, frowning and I raised my hands defensively.
“Ok, I’m leaving, hold your dogs,” I said getting up.
“Good,” he nodded then reached out to his nightstand and grabbed the book.
“What’s that?”
“Post Office, Bukowski. I have few pages left, want to finish it,” he said opening the book then he looked at me, “And no I’m not too young to read this. Mom said it’s ok.”
“Mhmm, mom said,” I nodded. “Cool,” I said confused with my own words giving Kai that little amusement he missed before I left the room.