No Ordinary Love, Part 3, chapter 211
211
Later that night, I had to talk about it with Sweetheart. She wasn’t surprised about the fact that neither Nik nor Ana had any love experience but she guessed it from other reasons.
“They suffered sexual abuse at very tender age and it went on for a really long time. When they finally both got away from him, they kept to themselves, had no one they could trust. Such things mess up people, brand them for life time,” she explained with hurt voice. “In some way they’ll never get over it. When they put him in jail, they’ll breath much easier, they’ll stop being afraid he’ll jump out of dark and hurt them. But I know what it means when those that should be your protectors, caretakers, or just those that love you most do quite opposite. Of course I can’t even imagine how it feels to be violated in such way but still… it’s a trust and love let down in the worst and the most brutal possible way,” she paused. “Without friends, real friends and support, you can’t get over it and really have a life. That’s what it’s like for them. They’re just surviving, not living.”
“I know,” I agreed. “Nik feels it’s his duty to stay with Ana and Ema and take care of them. He’s not even thinking about himself like it’s wrong to try think of anything else. And Ana, she’s not even interested in anything but Ema. I mean, ok, she’s her daughter no matter what but, she’s a beautiful woman, they both are good people it’s just such a shame to shut yourself that way.”
“I know,” she said hugging me tighter. “It’s just, they’re hard to get through to them. I just don’t know how to make Ana talk to me. It’s like walking on needles or something.”
“You went through similar thing with Eli…”
“No, that was different,” she shook her head. “Eli wanted to talk. She was eager to talk, Ana isn’t. Eli just wanted some confirmation she won’t be let down to freely trust in me. Ana’s not even giving me a chance. I so suck at talking to girls,” she scoffed.
“No, you don’t,” I assured her.
“No, serouslly, I do. How many girl friends I have? Eli and that’s it. There. And that’s only because she’s not girly girl either.”
“What about Manna, Vedrana…”
“They’re ok when I see them each alone. As soon as they’re all together I feel like I’m in some bad movie or something. They talk about things I don’t understand so I avoid them. Good thing they’re all aware of it so they don’t invite me for girls nights any more.”
“Poor darling,” I joked but I sympathized with her.
It really had nothing to do with Sweetheart not liking my boys’s girls or the other way round. Girls loved her or to be précised they were somehow intimidated by her for quite a long time, I hope that phase is over once and for good. At first, girls were really nice to Sweetie and she was doing her best to give back to them. She even let them take her to beauty saloons but Sweetie’s not really comfortable with strange people touching her so she told them not to count on her for that any more. Then came the invitations for girls nights out. Sweetie tried that as well but being surrounded with bunch of girls who talk fashion, trends, marriage, kids and decorating houses than movies, literature, art, philosophy or crack dirty jokes like my boys and I do, Sweetie can’t really relax. Especially, if girls get all dressed up and my darling goes in pair of her favourite jeans and sneakers and wears some of my dirty, smelly t-shirts so she wouldn’t miss me that much. “They looked at me like I’m retarded,” were her exact words how she described it back then.
And it was all good until they started bugging her with questions about whether she’s having fun, feeling ok, if everything’s ok between her and me and so on and so on. They were noisly trying to find the reason for her being reserved and quiet all night, not realizing something so obvious and simple - she’s never been and never will be one of them or anything alike. Then it really started to bother her and get on her nerves risking to make her openly angry; she felt like she’s ruining their night as well so she skipped that, too. Nobody objected.
Soon afterwards, the other girls learned about what she does for a living. That kind of scared the rest of the girls or something like that, I don’t know. All I remember is Sweetie talking to Mige about why Vedrana’s not calling her back. He said it’s stupid and she should just give her some space to get over it. Mige said, Vedrana feels guilty and embarrassed that she talked behind Sweetie’s back with other girls how Sweetie lacks a backbone, confidence. Apparently girls thought Sweetie doesn’t really have what it takes to keep me. Sweetie laughed her ass on that, told Mige to tell his wife to just call her. Sweetie just found that amusing and forgot about it. It didn’t take long, before the girls got the grip of it and everything went back to normal. They all realized she is just a strange girl that’s interested in only one thing being her casual self without any fuss.
She keeps good friends with them but only if she sees them individually and everybody’s happy. Each of them is extremely fond of her. They’re very aware how great, true friend and wonderful person she really is but they also finally accepted a simple fact - they’ll never be close to her the way they’d like, or the way their boys are close to her. There’s too much different frequencies and Sweetie’s not catching any of them.
Good things is that there was never jealousy in that circle. In the sense of girls feeling threatened by her eventually flirting with their men. That was perfectly clear to them that Sweetie’s obsessed with me like I’m with her, even though she never actually talked about our relationship to any of them. “They talk stupid, disgusting details,” she said. It’s actually, the same stupid thing we boys do with just one little difference: if a guy’s really in love with a girl, he won’t talk too intimate, sexual details about his lady nor would any of us dare to ask. It’s what we guys call respect. That’s a clear sign for everybody that that specific girl is to be respected and treated like a lady and above all that she’s off the limits. If we like her, at best she can become our sister. “And that’s exactly why I prefer boys,” Sweetie said when we talked about that tiny little difference between boys and girls club. “I have to go to bathroom million times for the night just so I wouldn’t have to listen about Mige’s or Gas’s or Linde’s penis,” she said with disgusted face. Back then I joked how she alredy heard all about our penises from us so it wasn’t interesting for her any more.
“That’s different, girls either exaggerate or bash, depending on their mood. And just for the record, I accidentally heard them say how I probably won’t talk about you in such way because you suck. They heard it from you know who and it pissed me off so I had to defend you,” she said.
“What did you say?” I asked not caring much that Jonna had spread the word I’m a bad fuck. I already forgot that and was more interested in what Sweetie had said to them to shut them up. I knew it had to be something juicy.
“I told them how you’re the best lover I ever had. That I never had an orgasm before you let alone that mindblowing and that you’re so skilled with every part of your body that just thinking about you makes me come. I left them staring and probably fantasizing about you. So, sorry about that,” she even apologized for defending my reputation in much better way than I ever possibly could.
That incident definitively sealed Sweetie’s attempts to socialize with them as a group. She was better with us in the boys clubs. She was a good sport, a shoulder to cry on, an extra pair of hands when we needed that, and the hardest critic that we could find. The girls club didn’t mind it and even if they did it would change nothing. For my guys she was their sister, there were no inappropriate incidents or anything that would disturb peaceful sleep for the members of the girls club. Thank God.
Sweetie’s the only girl that pulled that off. She didn’t even went through the usual phase of getting the shoulder from the girls. And that was somehow the usual procedure. They’d try to make it hard for a new girl to fit in their little community, if she fights back and shows her teeth she’s in if not, well she’s out.
Usually, our girls stayed away from our band if we’re practicing, touring, or working on a new album. It was just thing for us, the guys. They could hang around boys if we go out, visit one another, if they come for a gig and such. But they were never present on our rehearsals, studio or tours. Sweetie was the first that broke that rule and nobody objected. Also the first that liked all that, didn’t mind a single thing about boys being boys, being idiots, being drunk, missing a shower or sleeping in the bus bunks. What made other girls sick at the mere thought of it, Sweetie happily embraced, enjoyed and loved every single thing about it.
Maybe that’s why I let her into that side of my story so quickly, why I pulled her into it at such early stage of relationship. Secretly, I always wanted my girl to be part of it and always hoped they’ll all get used to it over time but it never happened. I always believed that the girl who doesn’t try to change that crucial part of me will be the real love of my life. By the time I met Sweetie I was losing hope such girl existed. I must have subconsciously put Sweetie to the last test when I decided to take her to one of band’s practices just one week after we shared a first kiss. I probably thought, if she survives it without a gag, she’s a keeper.
I remember how my nerves were wracking, palms sweating and she noticed that, she felt that. She didn’t ask anything just giggled. I brought her to that little, rented dump hole we practiced at, that smelled on five different blends of urine, stalled air and fast food. I thought she’ll ran away vomiting her guts for seriously we were always so discusting that even Bam couldn’t stand it for more than half an hour then he’d run out to get some air.
I held her hand tightly, praying inside that she won’t run as I pushed the door open. But it didn’t happen. She flashed a huge heartedly smile and walked across the room to hug the boys and didn’t pass out. She joked how we hide some serious valuable art there as she looked around the room. She giggled as she carefully avoided to step on empty coffee cups, beer cans and bottles of vodka. She seemed so comfortable there and I kept wondering if she’s maybe incapable to smell or something’s wrong with her nose. I knew it smelled bad but for me and boys it was inspirational smell and the way we liked it or just got used to it, I can’t really remember. But for the outsiders gross was a very weak and in many ways insufficient word to really describe it.
I kept my eyes on her, palms sweating thinking I must’ve gone completely mad, guys were doing their best not to burst out laughing. I didn’t understand it back them but they somehow knew I was panicking without any reason but my compulsive paranoia. Then when Sweetie asked, with eyes wide open about the religious cartoon collage of the pope fucking young nun on the wall and went into ten minutes long delighted, cheerful discussion with my guys about it, I realized I’m irrevocably and totally in love with her and I’ll do whatever to keep her. She stick for the most part of the rehearsal but had to go. When she left, the guys all smiled at me and nodded, first they teased me and I let them. I was just so in love that I knew I couldn’t hide it even if I wanted to. Truth was I wasn’t even trying. I missed the days when they were so happy for me, so supportive and approving of my choice of girl that I enjoyed their tease. They weren’t malicious just their usual childish selfs and that somehow took us back to good old days when we were young and innocent and dreamed about starting a band. Then in the end, when they had their share of fun they concluded what I already knew, that I’ve finally found the right one and only death will save me. But most of all they knew that she loved me back more than her life.
But guys knew lots of other things before me. Mige knew the first. He knows me the best of all the guys. He didn’t even meet her but he sensed something’s going on with me which had nothing to do with Jonna. Then he saw us on the street on the second day of our friendship walking into a bar. He didn’t mentioned it to me until much later but he swears he just knew it right that moment. He said we reminded him of a coffee bean. I’ve never really understood that but, it’s Mige.
It also turned out, that the night when they accidently all got out and bumped into Sweetie and me wasn’t acciedental at all. Mige called them, they all ganged up on me to have fun on my account in her presence. They were actually pissed off I wasn’t telling them anything so they took the matter in their own hands. Since I’m pretty self-centered it wasn’t hard to guess that I won’t change my preferences for some nice restaurant just because I’m on a date with a girl, so they found us easily.
And then once they saw us together from very close angle, they just all knew. Even Gas, who’s naturally slow, figured it out. Like I said, he’s just slow, not stupid. Nowdays, I don’t think they were exgaggerating when they said that electricity they saw between Sweetie and me that night, was enough to power Europe for next century without risking blackouts. Now, it’s believable. We’ve been through lot for past few years but that electricity’s still there, strong and blatantly obvious even to the blind people. It’s never fading. Not, even nine years and two kids later.
To think how Nik and Ana, those two wonderful people might never experience any of it was just disheartening, unjustful, devastating.
“I think Nik’s willing to give love a shot,” I said looking at Sweetheart. “I think he just feels guilty to be happy with someone when he knows his sister is alone.”
“Probably,” she agreed.
“You should see him, he was so sweet asking all these questions,” I smiled a little and she got intrigued. “Like how we still manage to love each other so much, how did I know you were the right girl and all that.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” she melted then sighed. “Wish Ana would show any interest. All she wants to talk about is kids.”
“Be patient, love,” I comforted her. “If anyone can get her into talking, it’s you.”
“Maybe you could try, see if you had better luck.”
“No, that’s not a good idea at all, trust me,” I assured her and she raised her eyebrow. “Apparently, as soon as any guy shows the slightest interest in her she shuts off completely. I’m safe for she knows I’m not interested at all. If I’d to start talking to her any more than usual, she’d not only shut down but leave and take Ema with her. And we can’t have that right now, right?”
“Right,” she agreed. “Then I’ll just have to bare with her.”
“You’re a my big girl,” I kissed her forehead and tightened the hug. “Oh, and George’s coming one of these days.”
“What? What do you mean he’s coming?” she frowned worried.
“No, just for a visit, he’s not returning, don’t worry,” I assured her and she relaxed. It’s not that we didn’t want him with us, but George returning home would mean bad things between him and Alex. So George not returning is a good thing. “Nik was pretty freaked out listening our little chat.”
“Oh, my I can’t only imagine, poor Nik,” she giggled.
“I told him it’s normal and that George’s great but he wasn’t really convinced.”
“No, one ever is. That’s just the way George rolls. I miss him.”
“Me, too,” I agreed.
“I just wished if he and Alex would move somewhere around here, in this neighbourhood. Then I wouldn’t miss him so much,” she sighed.
“Well, we offered them entire third floor but they refused,” I shrugged.
“In a way, it’s better they’re not under the same roof. They’re too noisy,” she returned. “Maybe when they cool off a little then they’ll come.”
“Maybe that will never happen.”
“It will, George always wears people down,” she said giggling. “He’s like walking Viagra. He’s slow to get it up but hard to get it down.”