(no subject)
I'm not upset, I know I'm not. Things like that wouldn't bother me. I know this. I'm not going to listen to what they said and believe all their drivel.
At the same time, I'm forced to evaluate the things I know.
I know I am married. I know I know that Jillia loved me. I know too that I don't love her like a husband would a wife. Not I can never love her. Simply, I didn't. It's not that I'm not making light of our marriage vows. It's that I don't regret not honoring those vows.
I know these.
I have to acknowledge that I don't know and it's not that what they said is true and that I believe them but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I love Kamui but can I be decent lover?
It's not that I'm doubting or that I'm jealous. It would be foolish to fall into those.
But--
I need time to think about this.
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Kamui... I'm going out to meet with a friend. Don't worry, I'm definitely going to be careful.
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Can we meet? I was thinking I needed to talk about something and you're the first person I thought of that I could talk with about this.
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