the veil that keeps me blind, 8/15
Title: The Veil That Keeps Me Blind
Chapter: 8/15 (Book III)
Notes: So now for something completely different, we shift to Book III and Lisbon’s POV. In which we begin to discover what she’s been up to for the past six months.
Book III
Chapter 8
xxxxx
Lisbon watches him go.
She should have stopped him, she knows she had ample opportunity, but she finds herself unable to move. She can still feel the imprint of his hands on her back and his lips on hers; she hears his words echo in her ear over and over again.
“I fell in love with you. I never even had a chance.”
Lisbon is still surprised that Jane is in Sacramento at all, let alone that he is still (apparently) working for the CBI; she cannot process anything more than that.
He was supposed to be long gone by now. Back to his home in Malibu or lying on a beach in the Caribbean or traveling the world. Anywhere but here in Sacramento, still consulting for her team and showing up on her doorstep unannounced, asking questions she isn’t ready to answer and making declarations of love she isn’t ready to hear.
Although she tried not to focus on it, she had prepared herself for Jane’s departure from the second she left him in Van Pelt’s care on the day Red John died. Lisbon knew Jane’s stance where Red John was concerned, she knew it better than anyone; she had been hoping to have more time before the inevitable happened. More time to maybe change his mind or make him see reason, or even just more time with him before he was gone from her life forever.
The way she had always seen it, there were three possible outcomes.
The first, the least desirable of the three, was that Jane could go after Red John and get himself killed in the process. (There was a subcategory to this option that included Red John getting away, but Lisbon chose never to dwell on that thought for more than a few seconds. It was simply too much to bear.)
The second was that Jane could go after Red John, successfully achieve his revenge, and then spend the rest of his own life locked up in prison -- or worse -- for premeditated murder.
The third and final option was that she could somehow get there before Jane and arrest Red John herself, preventing him from getting his revenge. No matter how she drew this scenario up, it always ended the exact same way: with Jane furious at her. She knew that he would be unable to even look at her, let alone forgive her for ruining his plans.
Needless to say, Lisbon always preferred the third scenario. Although it would sting, she would be able to handle his anger and his departure; as long as she knew he was out there somewhere and that he was safe, she would be fine. She would miss him, of course. Even before they had entered into their understanding (not relationship), he had been a friend, someone she enjoyed spending time with on the job and, on occasion, off the job. It would be worse now, she knew, but it was a risk she had been willing to take.
She knew he would never go for something more, but she wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway. Relationships were too complicated, too messy. With Jane, she knew exactly what she was getting; companionship and compatibility for one, the chance for something and the idea of not having to come home to an empty apartment every single night. Lisbon also knew her own feelings ran maybe a little deeper than they should, but that didn’t bother her. She could compartmentalize better than most. The benefits far outweighed the risks.
When the time came, she knew that she would survive without him and she would move on in time. So long as she knew he was out there somewhere, and free.
Then the unthinkable happened and she did prevent Jane from getting his revenge. Lisbon wasn’t completely surprised that Jane’s anger did not set in right away. After all, things happened so quickly, so unexpectedly; he hadn’t had time to process everything yet and neither had she. The confrontation was coming; oh, it was coming. Every time she turned a corner, she half expected him to be there, waiting for her with hatred in his heart and rage on his tongue.
She had matters of her own that she would like to address. The gun, for one. Her one condition in their understanding was that he stop hiding things from her, and yet he had kept this to himself. Although she should have been expecting it, the betrayal stung, cutting and deep. And that wasn’t even taking into account the fact that he had gone off on a dangerous chase for a serial killer without a second thought. He might be feeling angry and betrayed, but she was too and she wasn’t going to let him lay the blame solely at her feet.
Several days passed, and the expected confrontation never came to pass. Lisbon didn’t let her guard down, but she did become better at tracking Jane’s exact location at any given moment. It wasn’t particularly difficult, as he suddenly retreated to the attic, a place in which he hadn’t spent significant time in months.
She could only assume that the inevitable was still coming.
Then Hightower and the FBI approached her with an opportunity. The FBI had an ongoing investigation into a series of murders taking place at a battered women’s shelter just outside of San Francisco, and they were looking at a handful of high ranking female state agents to join their task force. She was told the FBI Special Agent in Charge was impressed by her career and very interested in having her on the team. Over the course of several weeks, he had spoken with Hightower at length about borrowing the head of Serious Crimes, but Hightower had been hesitant with the Red John case still open.
When Lisbon shot Red John that morning, she not only became even more desirable an asset in the eyes of the FBI, but also managed to make herself available to them without even knowing it.
The offer seemed too good to be true at the time. Agents Redmond and Casper arrived at CBI headquarters late one evening in week following Red John’s death, while Lisbon was still knee deep in wrapping up both the administrative and investigative sides of the serial killer’s file, with an opportunity that was both a tremendous honor and an incredible gift when she needed it most.
The time away and the chance to be part of something outside of the familiar walls of the CBI would serve her well. With the Red John case all but completed and Jane certainly brooding his way out the door right along with it, Lisbon jumped at the offer of something more than coming into work everyday and staring at an empty couch. At least in San Francisco, she would be doing some good again.
Agent Redmond informed her that she would be needed for at least three months, so by the time she got back, she assumed (or maybe hoped) that she would be reasonably adjusted to the idea of the team without Jane as a part of it.
What she had not expected was that she would be needed in San Francisco less than 48 hours after that initial meeting with Redmond and Casper. That left her with a lot to do and not much time in which to do it.
Someone at the DOJ’s office would be making arrangements for a couple of summer interns to stay at her place over the summer, at least to have someone looking after it while she was away, but this also meant that she would have to spend some time going through her apartment, putting anything of personal value into boxes and storing them in the attic. It wouldn’t take too long (she rarely kept anything of value -- whether monetary or sentimental -- out in the open anyway), but it was still a necessity.
Then there would be the matter of her brothers, who would not be particularly thrilled at this new development. Lisbon had a good idea, just from the initial outline of the case that she received at her briefing, that one of the options being considered to solve the case might involve an undercover operation. You didn’t go out and specifically target your search to female state agents who also happened to be single and/or not have a family for a case like this without that kind of underlying motivation. No, her brothers were not going to like this.
By the time she had taken care of that, and managed to hand over the very last of her Red John reports, Hightower had volunteered to take care of explaining everything to the team. As much as Lisbon thought she should be the one to tell them, it simply was not possible if she wanted to be in San Francisco on time. She wondered if maybe she would regret not taking the opportunity to say goodbye, particularly to Jane, but perhaps it was for the best. That way, she might be able to remember Jane as he had been that morning at her apartment, instead of bound and bleeding in that abandoned old farmhouse; or furious and angry at her, as he was sure to be if they spoke now.
So Lisbon reported for duty in San Francisco and tried not to give it a second thought. At this she was mostly successful, although just as she would always worry about her brothers, and she would always worry about her team. Every one of them.
She enjoyed her first few weeks in San Francisco. In a way, it felt much like it had when she first came to California when she was 21. Fresh out of college, just a few short months after her father died, coming to California and enrolling in the academy had been a wonderful escape. She had been responsible for other people for so long, had an obligation to them, that there was an unparalleled freedom in letting someone else worry about whether or not the case updates were getting filed or who among her her agents was breaking protocol at any given moment.
In her off hours (as few and far between as they were), Lisbon visited some of her favorite places in the city. She had not been to San Francisco for any purpose other than work in several years, and she had forgotten how much she had loved it.
The investigation itself, however, was not going well. Over the course of eighteen months, four women from the shelter all disappeared and turned up dead within a week of their disappearance; two of them had disappeared only a few weeks previously. It had taken over twelve months for the murders to be linked together due to the differing physical types of the victims and the fact that the initial murders had been so spread out. Without anyone to advocate for them, no one took much notice when the victims’ bodies turned up.
Only when the third body was discovered, beaten and strangled before being dumped in the river, did local law enforcement make the connection that all three women had been the victims of domestic abuse, and all three women had disappeared from the same shelter. That turned the case into a matter for the FBI.
Months passed and the FBI’s investigation turned up very little in the way of concrete evidence, but a few suggestions that the person involved may have a connection on the inside. That’s when they started to look at bringing on female agents from state law enforcement, as the San Francisco Field Office offered very few options in terms of female agents eligible for any kind of undercover work, particularly not one that would require such an extensive time commitment.
Although the task force had a few inconclusive leads, none brought them any closer to determining what was really the motive behind the killings. There were plenty of theories, but no answers. And no one wanted to talk to outsiders or law enforcement.
By the time the FBI brought in state agents, they were desperate. In three weeks’ time, Agent Redmond approached her about going undercover at the shelter. Lisbon had prepared herself for this; she accepted without a second thought.
At that point, the real work began.
xxxxx
Chapter: 8/15 (Book III)
Notes: So now for something completely different, we shift to Book III and Lisbon’s POV. In which we begin to discover what she’s been up to for the past six months.
Book III
Chapter 8
xxxxx
Lisbon watches him go.
She should have stopped him, she knows she had ample opportunity, but she finds herself unable to move. She can still feel the imprint of his hands on her back and his lips on hers; she hears his words echo in her ear over and over again.
“I fell in love with you. I never even had a chance.”
Lisbon is still surprised that Jane is in Sacramento at all, let alone that he is still (apparently) working for the CBI; she cannot process anything more than that.
He was supposed to be long gone by now. Back to his home in Malibu or lying on a beach in the Caribbean or traveling the world. Anywhere but here in Sacramento, still consulting for her team and showing up on her doorstep unannounced, asking questions she isn’t ready to answer and making declarations of love she isn’t ready to hear.
Although she tried not to focus on it, she had prepared herself for Jane’s departure from the second she left him in Van Pelt’s care on the day Red John died. Lisbon knew Jane’s stance where Red John was concerned, she knew it better than anyone; she had been hoping to have more time before the inevitable happened. More time to maybe change his mind or make him see reason, or even just more time with him before he was gone from her life forever.
The way she had always seen it, there were three possible outcomes.
The first, the least desirable of the three, was that Jane could go after Red John and get himself killed in the process. (There was a subcategory to this option that included Red John getting away, but Lisbon chose never to dwell on that thought for more than a few seconds. It was simply too much to bear.)
The second was that Jane could go after Red John, successfully achieve his revenge, and then spend the rest of his own life locked up in prison -- or worse -- for premeditated murder.
The third and final option was that she could somehow get there before Jane and arrest Red John herself, preventing him from getting his revenge. No matter how she drew this scenario up, it always ended the exact same way: with Jane furious at her. She knew that he would be unable to even look at her, let alone forgive her for ruining his plans.
Needless to say, Lisbon always preferred the third scenario. Although it would sting, she would be able to handle his anger and his departure; as long as she knew he was out there somewhere and that he was safe, she would be fine. She would miss him, of course. Even before they had entered into their understanding (not relationship), he had been a friend, someone she enjoyed spending time with on the job and, on occasion, off the job. It would be worse now, she knew, but it was a risk she had been willing to take.
She knew he would never go for something more, but she wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway. Relationships were too complicated, too messy. With Jane, she knew exactly what she was getting; companionship and compatibility for one, the chance for something and the idea of not having to come home to an empty apartment every single night. Lisbon also knew her own feelings ran maybe a little deeper than they should, but that didn’t bother her. She could compartmentalize better than most. The benefits far outweighed the risks.
When the time came, she knew that she would survive without him and she would move on in time. So long as she knew he was out there somewhere, and free.
Then the unthinkable happened and she did prevent Jane from getting his revenge. Lisbon wasn’t completely surprised that Jane’s anger did not set in right away. After all, things happened so quickly, so unexpectedly; he hadn’t had time to process everything yet and neither had she. The confrontation was coming; oh, it was coming. Every time she turned a corner, she half expected him to be there, waiting for her with hatred in his heart and rage on his tongue.
She had matters of her own that she would like to address. The gun, for one. Her one condition in their understanding was that he stop hiding things from her, and yet he had kept this to himself. Although she should have been expecting it, the betrayal stung, cutting and deep. And that wasn’t even taking into account the fact that he had gone off on a dangerous chase for a serial killer without a second thought. He might be feeling angry and betrayed, but she was too and she wasn’t going to let him lay the blame solely at her feet.
Several days passed, and the expected confrontation never came to pass. Lisbon didn’t let her guard down, but she did become better at tracking Jane’s exact location at any given moment. It wasn’t particularly difficult, as he suddenly retreated to the attic, a place in which he hadn’t spent significant time in months.
She could only assume that the inevitable was still coming.
Then Hightower and the FBI approached her with an opportunity. The FBI had an ongoing investigation into a series of murders taking place at a battered women’s shelter just outside of San Francisco, and they were looking at a handful of high ranking female state agents to join their task force. She was told the FBI Special Agent in Charge was impressed by her career and very interested in having her on the team. Over the course of several weeks, he had spoken with Hightower at length about borrowing the head of Serious Crimes, but Hightower had been hesitant with the Red John case still open.
When Lisbon shot Red John that morning, she not only became even more desirable an asset in the eyes of the FBI, but also managed to make herself available to them without even knowing it.
The offer seemed too good to be true at the time. Agents Redmond and Casper arrived at CBI headquarters late one evening in week following Red John’s death, while Lisbon was still knee deep in wrapping up both the administrative and investigative sides of the serial killer’s file, with an opportunity that was both a tremendous honor and an incredible gift when she needed it most.
The time away and the chance to be part of something outside of the familiar walls of the CBI would serve her well. With the Red John case all but completed and Jane certainly brooding his way out the door right along with it, Lisbon jumped at the offer of something more than coming into work everyday and staring at an empty couch. At least in San Francisco, she would be doing some good again.
Agent Redmond informed her that she would be needed for at least three months, so by the time she got back, she assumed (or maybe hoped) that she would be reasonably adjusted to the idea of the team without Jane as a part of it.
What she had not expected was that she would be needed in San Francisco less than 48 hours after that initial meeting with Redmond and Casper. That left her with a lot to do and not much time in which to do it.
Someone at the DOJ’s office would be making arrangements for a couple of summer interns to stay at her place over the summer, at least to have someone looking after it while she was away, but this also meant that she would have to spend some time going through her apartment, putting anything of personal value into boxes and storing them in the attic. It wouldn’t take too long (she rarely kept anything of value -- whether monetary or sentimental -- out in the open anyway), but it was still a necessity.
Then there would be the matter of her brothers, who would not be particularly thrilled at this new development. Lisbon had a good idea, just from the initial outline of the case that she received at her briefing, that one of the options being considered to solve the case might involve an undercover operation. You didn’t go out and specifically target your search to female state agents who also happened to be single and/or not have a family for a case like this without that kind of underlying motivation. No, her brothers were not going to like this.
By the time she had taken care of that, and managed to hand over the very last of her Red John reports, Hightower had volunteered to take care of explaining everything to the team. As much as Lisbon thought she should be the one to tell them, it simply was not possible if she wanted to be in San Francisco on time. She wondered if maybe she would regret not taking the opportunity to say goodbye, particularly to Jane, but perhaps it was for the best. That way, she might be able to remember Jane as he had been that morning at her apartment, instead of bound and bleeding in that abandoned old farmhouse; or furious and angry at her, as he was sure to be if they spoke now.
So Lisbon reported for duty in San Francisco and tried not to give it a second thought. At this she was mostly successful, although just as she would always worry about her brothers, and she would always worry about her team. Every one of them.
She enjoyed her first few weeks in San Francisco. In a way, it felt much like it had when she first came to California when she was 21. Fresh out of college, just a few short months after her father died, coming to California and enrolling in the academy had been a wonderful escape. She had been responsible for other people for so long, had an obligation to them, that there was an unparalleled freedom in letting someone else worry about whether or not the case updates were getting filed or who among her her agents was breaking protocol at any given moment.
In her off hours (as few and far between as they were), Lisbon visited some of her favorite places in the city. She had not been to San Francisco for any purpose other than work in several years, and she had forgotten how much she had loved it.
The investigation itself, however, was not going well. Over the course of eighteen months, four women from the shelter all disappeared and turned up dead within a week of their disappearance; two of them had disappeared only a few weeks previously. It had taken over twelve months for the murders to be linked together due to the differing physical types of the victims and the fact that the initial murders had been so spread out. Without anyone to advocate for them, no one took much notice when the victims’ bodies turned up.
Only when the third body was discovered, beaten and strangled before being dumped in the river, did local law enforcement make the connection that all three women had been the victims of domestic abuse, and all three women had disappeared from the same shelter. That turned the case into a matter for the FBI.
Months passed and the FBI’s investigation turned up very little in the way of concrete evidence, but a few suggestions that the person involved may have a connection on the inside. That’s when they started to look at bringing on female agents from state law enforcement, as the San Francisco Field Office offered very few options in terms of female agents eligible for any kind of undercover work, particularly not one that would require such an extensive time commitment.
Although the task force had a few inconclusive leads, none brought them any closer to determining what was really the motive behind the killings. There were plenty of theories, but no answers. And no one wanted to talk to outsiders or law enforcement.
By the time the FBI brought in state agents, they were desperate. In three weeks’ time, Agent Redmond approached her about going undercover at the shelter. Lisbon had prepared herself for this; she accepted without a second thought.
At that point, the real work began.
xxxxx