Essay WHAT THE FUCK.
Or, what the hell Ryuuken IS to Ying.
In the beginning, Ryuuken was a RIVAL, whether Ying wanted to admit it or not. When he'd arrived, Ying had already adopted Uryuu, and she was aware of Uryuu's feelings toward his father. When he arrived, she'd already had a negative impression of the man, and now here he came to retake his claim on his own son. And while Ying knew that LOGICALLY, she had no right to regard him as such, her prejudice and maybe even a hint of competitiveness made her see him as an immediate threat to her. So she hated him. And as he continued to play the so-called villain, she hated him more and more until she conspired with Heine to break him. However, the plan was aborted, and she found herself out of contact with him for many months.
She didn't speak with him until January, when he approached her while she was honoring her husband. Ying refuses to start needless conflict at that time, and if she's approached by someone she considers an enemy (Lady being one), she will respond civilly. And this often leads to a reconciliation. Even friendship. Really, Ryuuken picked the best possible time to approach her.
So they talked civilly. And she realized she had quite a bit in common with him. So they talked some more. And more. And they found themselves in awkward situations together, and they bonded over them.
Over time, they became extremely close friends.
And now, Ryuuken has very slowly occupied a new slot on Ying's hierarchy of friends, acquaintances, and family.
Zhuge Liang -- her husband, occupies the very top of the hierarchy. This isn't going to change. Ever. Directly underneath would be her close family. Her sons (Zhuge Zhan and Zhuge Qiao, though the latter was adopted), and her parents (Both of them, despite what she says about her mother being a damned fool). Under them would be her brothers-in-law. Under them would be the sons and daughters she adopted in camp. Uryuu, Near, Mello, and Koumei.
And directly under them would be her best friend. Considering Kongming's relationship with Pang Tong, I'm playing him as being the aforementioned best friend. Pang Tong is witty, snarky, and a canon prankster. All traits that "my" Ying enjoys. And a best friend, to Ying, is someone that she can not only confide in, but also play colossal pranks with and on. And brag about sexual exploits with. Okay, maybe not the latter.
Ryuuken is very much not the kind that Ying can drag out on prank wars, nor can she play jokes on him.
But she can and does confide in him. Of everyone in camp, Ying would trust him MOST with her deep, dark secrets. She already DOES trust him with her weakness. She lets him see the side of her that she'd rather DIE before exposing to the camp. The side of her that's frightened and alone. The side of her that just wants comfort.
And that's where things get sticky.
That, to her, goes above and beyond the call of duty as far as simple friends are concerned. Ying's a very motherly person, and she would gladly do that for not only those she's close to, but those who push her "child" buttons. And Ying is very much aware that Ryuuken is not the kind of person to do that for people. She doesn't expect him to. She doesn't expect anyone to, really. Only her husband.
But Ryuuken DOES offer comfort. He's a shoulder. He lets her hug him when she needs a hug. He doesn't leave her side when she asks. Hell, he even went so far as to SHARE HER BED when she begged him not to leave when she was injured.
Would Ying do the same for Ryuuken? Absolutely. She didn't leave his side when she drugged him (Though she didn't sleep in the same bed), and she DID sleep with him (and River) when she put him to sleep the second time.
This is above and beyond friendship. Ying doesn't expect this from her friends. But she's slowly coming to expect it from Ryuuken. When she's upset and he walks away from her, she becomes even MORE distraught. When she half-jokingly asks if he's going to lend a shoulder for her to cry on, and he not-so-jokingly says "Get over it," her feelings are actually HURT. Ying, who is NORMALLY not a needy person, NEEDS Ryuuken for some reason she can't readily explain.
It's not physical attraction. As far as Ryuuken's body is concerned, she could take it or leave it. They both are very clear and honest with each other when they say "I've had better." Their spouses. He's attractive, yes. But that's not important. Ying doesn't have any new and exciting sexual urges for him, and she doesn't daydream about his arms around her. Sure, she didn't mind kissing him. And if she needed someone to break a catperson virus, she'd go to him. But it's not a priority.
It's not quite mystique, either. There's a lot about Ryuuken that Ying doesn't know, and while she REALLY wants to know who the man under the shell is, she's not in love with the mystery. She loves getting to know Ryuuken, but if he's not willing to talk about it, she's not willing to pressure him. She'll poke and troll for responses, but when he clams up, that's game over. She's not going to try to chip away at his shell. She might WANT TO out of frustration sometimes, but she'd rather he open up to her on his own. And she's elated when he does. But if he doesn't, he doesn't, and that's that.
Right now, she's comfortable with him. They function well together. They fling their barbs, they have their fistfights, and then they sit down and emo over shared past experiences. And sometimes, a simple look or a handsqueeze or shoulder squeeze (or punch to the face) says more than any amount of words ever could. And that's the way it works. She would leap to his defense in a heartbeat, but she doesn't need to remind him of that. She knows he knows. And she knows he would come to her defense if she was in trouble.
Ying doesn't know if there's some deep love connection between them. She doesn't really CARE. She resents it when people make assumptions, not just because they're barging into her personal life, but because it makes her think about it. It makes her ask questions. And asking questions runs the risk of declaring a relationship that is outside of that realm of comfort, be it "We're a couple" or "We're not a couple."
She's comfortable with the ambiguity. Because if something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. No declaration of love bullshit. No mind games. No playing hard to get. No hurt feelings, and no bitterness. Just Ying, Ryuuken, and whatever the hell they see in each other that keeps them from KILLING each other.
And hell. That's all she needs.
In the beginning, Ryuuken was a RIVAL, whether Ying wanted to admit it or not. When he'd arrived, Ying had already adopted Uryuu, and she was aware of Uryuu's feelings toward his father. When he arrived, she'd already had a negative impression of the man, and now here he came to retake his claim on his own son. And while Ying knew that LOGICALLY, she had no right to regard him as such, her prejudice and maybe even a hint of competitiveness made her see him as an immediate threat to her. So she hated him. And as he continued to play the so-called villain, she hated him more and more until she conspired with Heine to break him. However, the plan was aborted, and she found herself out of contact with him for many months.
She didn't speak with him until January, when he approached her while she was honoring her husband. Ying refuses to start needless conflict at that time, and if she's approached by someone she considers an enemy (Lady being one), she will respond civilly. And this often leads to a reconciliation. Even friendship. Really, Ryuuken picked the best possible time to approach her.
So they talked civilly. And she realized she had quite a bit in common with him. So they talked some more. And more. And they found themselves in awkward situations together, and they bonded over them.
Over time, they became extremely close friends.
And now, Ryuuken has very slowly occupied a new slot on Ying's hierarchy of friends, acquaintances, and family.
Zhuge Liang -- her husband, occupies the very top of the hierarchy. This isn't going to change. Ever. Directly underneath would be her close family. Her sons (Zhuge Zhan and Zhuge Qiao, though the latter was adopted), and her parents (Both of them, despite what she says about her mother being a damned fool). Under them would be her brothers-in-law. Under them would be the sons and daughters she adopted in camp. Uryuu, Near, Mello, and Koumei.
And directly under them would be her best friend. Considering Kongming's relationship with Pang Tong, I'm playing him as being the aforementioned best friend. Pang Tong is witty, snarky, and a canon prankster. All traits that "my" Ying enjoys. And a best friend, to Ying, is someone that she can not only confide in, but also play colossal pranks with and on. And brag about sexual exploits with. Okay, maybe not the latter.
Ryuuken is very much not the kind that Ying can drag out on prank wars, nor can she play jokes on him.
But she can and does confide in him. Of everyone in camp, Ying would trust him MOST with her deep, dark secrets. She already DOES trust him with her weakness. She lets him see the side of her that she'd rather DIE before exposing to the camp. The side of her that's frightened and alone. The side of her that just wants comfort.
And that's where things get sticky.
That, to her, goes above and beyond the call of duty as far as simple friends are concerned. Ying's a very motherly person, and she would gladly do that for not only those she's close to, but those who push her "child" buttons. And Ying is very much aware that Ryuuken is not the kind of person to do that for people. She doesn't expect him to. She doesn't expect anyone to, really. Only her husband.
But Ryuuken DOES offer comfort. He's a shoulder. He lets her hug him when she needs a hug. He doesn't leave her side when she asks. Hell, he even went so far as to SHARE HER BED when she begged him not to leave when she was injured.
Would Ying do the same for Ryuuken? Absolutely. She didn't leave his side when she drugged him (Though she didn't sleep in the same bed), and she DID sleep with him (and River) when she put him to sleep the second time.
This is above and beyond friendship. Ying doesn't expect this from her friends. But she's slowly coming to expect it from Ryuuken. When she's upset and he walks away from her, she becomes even MORE distraught. When she half-jokingly asks if he's going to lend a shoulder for her to cry on, and he not-so-jokingly says "Get over it," her feelings are actually HURT. Ying, who is NORMALLY not a needy person, NEEDS Ryuuken for some reason she can't readily explain.
It's not physical attraction. As far as Ryuuken's body is concerned, she could take it or leave it. They both are very clear and honest with each other when they say "I've had better." Their spouses. He's attractive, yes. But that's not important. Ying doesn't have any new and exciting sexual urges for him, and she doesn't daydream about his arms around her. Sure, she didn't mind kissing him. And if she needed someone to break a catperson virus, she'd go to him. But it's not a priority.
It's not quite mystique, either. There's a lot about Ryuuken that Ying doesn't know, and while she REALLY wants to know who the man under the shell is, she's not in love with the mystery. She loves getting to know Ryuuken, but if he's not willing to talk about it, she's not willing to pressure him. She'll poke and troll for responses, but when he clams up, that's game over. She's not going to try to chip away at his shell. She might WANT TO out of frustration sometimes, but she'd rather he open up to her on his own. And she's elated when he does. But if he doesn't, he doesn't, and that's that.
Right now, she's comfortable with him. They function well together. They fling their barbs, they have their fistfights, and then they sit down and emo over shared past experiences. And sometimes, a simple look or a handsqueeze or shoulder squeeze (or punch to the face) says more than any amount of words ever could. And that's the way it works. She would leap to his defense in a heartbeat, but she doesn't need to remind him of that. She knows he knows. And she knows he would come to her defense if she was in trouble.
Ying doesn't know if there's some deep love connection between them. She doesn't really CARE. She resents it when people make assumptions, not just because they're barging into her personal life, but because it makes her think about it. It makes her ask questions. And asking questions runs the risk of declaring a relationship that is outside of that realm of comfort, be it "We're a couple" or "We're not a couple."
She's comfortable with the ambiguity. Because if something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. No declaration of love bullshit. No mind games. No playing hard to get. No hurt feelings, and no bitterness. Just Ying, Ryuuken, and whatever the hell they see in each other that keeps them from KILLING each other.
And hell. That's all she needs.