And there was Kung Fu fighting...
Amusing story for the night:
The beginning of this story starts two weeks ago, during Tony's birfday party. Bryce and I were on the couch and some underage skanky girl walks in. She looks at Bryce then does a double take when she sees me. Bryce and I both start laughing because it was so weird, and she wanders off with some boyfriend in tow. No, Bryce did not have sex with her. The story behind this girl is she was one of the roommate's ex-girlfriends from a very long time ago (his first), and now she's a big raging ho who spreads HPV to everyone in her disgusting Beavertron harem. She and her boys are high school drama idiots, and deserve to be beaten severely before being put to sleep. She actually has a collection of boys who she will claim to be dating, then randomly breakup and get back together with in the course of one night. Most of the people at the BBQs hate her (and rightfully so) but Bryce, Tony, and Jeff haven't kicked her out because some of her drama has amusement value, and I think Jeff has kept them from killing her since she was his first. Luckily, sexual history only goes so far.
Back to the story...
So she double-takes us then wanders off. A little while later I go home and don't think about it again until a few days later when I'm talking to Bryce on the phone. He tells me that the skank told Jeff that she did a double take because she couldn't believe Bryce was with a "girl like that" i.e. someone so ugly. A skank ho called me UGLY! I was so raging mad when Bryce told me, I was like, "And you didn't kick her out of her house, or at least gut her and make her eat her own entrails???" He laughed and said no, he found out after she left, and I grumbled and bitched a bit and told him if I saw her again I'd take a bottle to her face and show her what ugly really was.
If you can't tell I don't like people that call me ugly.
So yesterday was the BBQ, and guess who showed up? Yup, the girl who shall forever after be known as Skank Ho. Bryce and Jeff decide to have some fun. First they sicked their friend Will on her, a super dirty punk rock boy that all the girls love and everyone calls The Duke. He takes Skank Ho out back and tells her, "Oo you should shave your head. That would be hot. I just happen to have an electric razor right here. Why don't we do it now?" She's hemming and hawing about it, trying to flirt but not get her head shaved. "Oh, I don't know. Do you think it would look good? Maybe." At that point Bryce walks over, pushes her head forward and runs the electric shaver right up the back of her head. "There, now you have to." Maybe = bonafide permission in a household that even the cops won't go into.
Skank Ho's shocked and is stuttering and doesn't quite know what to say, so Jeff comes over and says, "Well, here, let me just straighten it out for you." He then proceeds to shave her head, but in the patchiest manner he can until finally, when it's "done", she walks into the house and her boyfriend of the moment screams, "Oh my god, what did you do to your hair?? You're UGLY!" Not soon after, she left the BBQ, hopefully never to be seen or heard from again.
HA! Who's ugly now?
Sometimes it's good to have the friends I do. It reminds me a lot of the time I convinced Frank to rip Bryce's shirt off of him while we were at the club, because I was bitter against it because it was his favorite shirt that he gave more affection to than me. Frank, being drunk and willing to do anything for a good time, walked over and ripped it off of him. Bryce was so pissed he didn't talk to me for a day. God, that was good times.
Now, what lesson can we take from this story? The lesson learned is that me and my friends are truly evil. Don't get in our way.
The beginning of this story starts two weeks ago, during Tony's birfday party. Bryce and I were on the couch and some underage skanky girl walks in. She looks at Bryce then does a double take when she sees me. Bryce and I both start laughing because it was so weird, and she wanders off with some boyfriend in tow. No, Bryce did not have sex with her. The story behind this girl is she was one of the roommate's ex-girlfriends from a very long time ago (his first), and now she's a big raging ho who spreads HPV to everyone in her disgusting Beavertron harem. She and her boys are high school drama idiots, and deserve to be beaten severely before being put to sleep. She actually has a collection of boys who she will claim to be dating, then randomly breakup and get back together with in the course of one night. Most of the people at the BBQs hate her (and rightfully so) but Bryce, Tony, and Jeff haven't kicked her out because some of her drama has amusement value, and I think Jeff has kept them from killing her since she was his first. Luckily, sexual history only goes so far.
Back to the story...
So she double-takes us then wanders off. A little while later I go home and don't think about it again until a few days later when I'm talking to Bryce on the phone. He tells me that the skank told Jeff that she did a double take because she couldn't believe Bryce was with a "girl like that" i.e. someone so ugly. A skank ho called me UGLY! I was so raging mad when Bryce told me, I was like, "And you didn't kick her out of her house, or at least gut her and make her eat her own entrails???" He laughed and said no, he found out after she left, and I grumbled and bitched a bit and told him if I saw her again I'd take a bottle to her face and show her what ugly really was.
If you can't tell I don't like people that call me ugly.
So yesterday was the BBQ, and guess who showed up? Yup, the girl who shall forever after be known as Skank Ho. Bryce and Jeff decide to have some fun. First they sicked their friend Will on her, a super dirty punk rock boy that all the girls love and everyone calls The Duke. He takes Skank Ho out back and tells her, "Oo you should shave your head. That would be hot. I just happen to have an electric razor right here. Why don't we do it now?" She's hemming and hawing about it, trying to flirt but not get her head shaved. "Oh, I don't know. Do you think it would look good? Maybe." At that point Bryce walks over, pushes her head forward and runs the electric shaver right up the back of her head. "There, now you have to." Maybe = bonafide permission in a household that even the cops won't go into.
Skank Ho's shocked and is stuttering and doesn't quite know what to say, so Jeff comes over and says, "Well, here, let me just straighten it out for you." He then proceeds to shave her head, but in the patchiest manner he can until finally, when it's "done", she walks into the house and her boyfriend of the moment screams, "Oh my god, what did you do to your hair?? You're UGLY!" Not soon after, she left the BBQ, hopefully never to be seen or heard from again.
HA! Who's ugly now?
Sometimes it's good to have the friends I do. It reminds me a lot of the time I convinced Frank to rip Bryce's shirt off of him while we were at the club, because I was bitter against it because it was his favorite shirt that he gave more affection to than me. Frank, being drunk and willing to do anything for a good time, walked over and ripped it off of him. Bryce was so pissed he didn't talk to me for a day. God, that was good times.
Now, what lesson can we take from this story? The lesson learned is that me and my friends are truly evil. Don't get in our way.