Eurydice
One fine day Yixing finds a naked man in the street, unconscious, so he does the next sanest thing - take him home.
Yixing knew he shouldn’t be disappointed. He managed to give a smile and a polite bow to his interviewer. He congratulated himself for not breaking down as he made his way out to the door. Or maybe it became so mundane and usual that no one accepts his works that he grew numb to it. He knew in the back of his mind it’s just a matter of time before he’ll be used to the feeling of frustration.
He dragged his feet back home, envelope crumpled from the careless handling now that he’s not presenting it to anybody. He thought of doing that thirty or so revisions or basically scrapping the idea and work on a new one -- it was really shitty and uninspired anyway despite all the labor and sweat he put into it, no biggie -- when he stopped in his steps.
There was a boy lying on the ground. Yixing had to blink a few more times to check if he was seeing right. How come he only noticed him just now when his existence is bizarre in the first place? It was a late afternoon and the streets were crowded. He looked around if anyone is staring at the stranger as well. There was no one even sparing a glance.
He felt cautious and instincts told him to walk away as far as possible and do not bother looking back. He shouldn’t pry, he shouldn’t be involve, and he certainly shouldn’t be walking to him and crouch beside him.
He was beautiful. Yixing inhaled sharply the moment he got a good look on his face. There was something ethereal in his presence. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful sleeping. Well, he looks like he’s sleeping.
It took a moment for Yixing to notice he was staring at a very naked man (albeit a beautiful one) and altogether forgot how long time passed until the stranger opened his eyes and looked back at him. Yixing swore he forgot how to breathe.
Gray. Iridescent soft gray eyes.
“You can see me.” His voice sounded like an echo at the back of his mind. His eyes widened. “You can see me.”
Yixing didn’t know how to reply to that. He also felt light and his mind hummed a dull buzz and for all intents and purposes, he didn't panic. It must be some kind of drug and Yixing wondered idly if he let Luhan come in his apartment recently. He did, however, have the sense to nod at the statement. “Chen… right?” Chen who?
Something flashed across the man’s (‘it wasn’t a boy’) face but Yixing didn’t have the time nor composure to analyze what emotion it was. He nodded at the name (‘it was his name…?’ How did I know his name?’) and closed his eyes once more before promptly leaning and basically draping his whole person at Yixing.
Chen did not wake up until Yixing brought him home.
--
Yixing was starting to think of funny thoughts like there must be some mystical voodoo shit going on because he was pretty sure he is not the type of guy that hauls naked people back at his place. Using public transportation, at that (not that he has a car; he barely afford rent being sort of jobless and all).
It was a bit awkward because he was carrying the unconscious naked man (‘Chen. His name is Chen and don’t think about his nakedness. Focus. Why is he so heavy for someone so tiny?’) to the subway and no one was saying a thing. Maybe a few funny looks here and there because he was heaving but not the type he was expecting.
Maybe the guy is still invisible? Chen did mention that Yixing can see him so maybe it was an only him kind of thing. For the whole ride, all Yixing could think about is if ghosts can be tangible to the person he is haunting.
Yixing’s apartment is a studio type, all small 20 square meters of space and clutter. He wasn’t the cleanest and most hygienic type but it was habitable compared to the strewn socks and molding ramen bowl in Luhan’s apartment so it was ok. Having another occupant, however, makes everything different and Yixing feels the cramped space whenever there is a visitor.
But even so, Yixing didn’t felt surprised nor wary when Chen looked perfectly normal in his couch as he laid him down. He was about to open his mouth to ask until he remembered said stranger was still sleeping so he decided to wait and write songs instead to pass the time.
Of course, that was easier said than done. Yixing was on a slump lately and he couldn't make his brain think of something interesting enough. Bizarre, yes, but not the kind that will make people stay long enough to listen. Maybe some lost tunes and lyrics here and there but they all feel very generic together. Still, Yixing is determined to make another piece.
When Chen woke up, Yixing asked if he wanted a shower and before he realized that wasn’t the questioned he’d been meaning to ask, Chen already nodded. Ah well, a few minutes wouldn’t hurt. Yixing went to get an extra set of clothes (the one he bought that shrunk and was too small for his size so hopefully it would fit more with Chen) and a towel. “Bathroom’s on the right. You won’t miss it.”
“Thank you,” Chen took the clothes and briefly their hands brushed.
Yixing inhaled sharply. Chen’s fingers feel both warm and cool. It was soft and smooth too. But more importantly to him, he suddenly had the urge to write this feeling down that he’s been looking for the longest time for his next piece. Like a sense of plot bunnies attacking him, if he knew such a term, and he quickly muttered a quick excuse to go back to his nearest pen and paper.
Chen only watched with careful eye as the man who took him in was in a frenzy, as if afraid that sudden burst will slip away just as fast. After all, inspirations are like dreams, easy to forget once you wake up. Chen knew the man doesn’t have to worry this time, though.
Chen came out dressed and very clean by the time Yixing was done writing and looking pleased at his luck. The piece was good with only little revisions to be done. He can feel his creative juices still buzzing. Yixing looked up and noticed how Chen’s skin was fair and didn’t have the scratches and bruises that adorned it just minutes ago. Or was it hours and days and what Yixing actually saw was dirt? Still, scars are bound to--
“Thank you,” Chen bowed in front of Yixing, stopping the latter in his thoughts.
“Uh you’re welcome… I’m Yixing by the way. And you're Chen, right?”
“...yes. That is my name.”
“Cool.”
Yixing wasn’t the one for chatty conversations and the two grew quickly silent. He felt a little bit awkward when he can’t help but stare at his new… friend? Acquaintance, and a little unnerving that Chen was staring back just as intensely but without the tense feeling he is experiencing now.
Then Yixing remembered his all important question. “Can I ask now who exactly are you and what were you doing in the middle of the street?”
“Very well, I owe you that much after all. I am Chen and I was there because I was running from my master. Well, past master now.”
“Master?”
“Master, artist, creator, whatever term you prefer.” Chen seemed to be humming in his words, like an endless string of music.
“You have a master… so you’re some kind of slave?”
“Not really. In a sense, yes, but not on the term. I am a Muse.”
Yixing felt his mouth hanging open. “A muse?”
“Muse,” Chen corrected irritably. “With a capital M.”
“I didn’t say it was a small--”
“You sounded it like a small letter which is wrong.”
There was a moment of silence before Yixing commented again, “Muses are girls.”
Chen looked offended. “That is a widely held misconception from stupid humans thousands of years ago and I take offense. Muses are simply guardians of art and deities of inspiration. They don't even have to be humanlike.”
Another beat from Yixing. “Is that why you were naked?”
Chen blinked at such a bizarre question. “N-no… I mean, I am normally of little clothing due to my nature but I do like clothes. They’re warm.”
“So why were you naked?”
“I told you. I was running away from my master. Or, he was my master but not anymore.”
Yixing slowly nodded though the answer didn't make sense. It was crazy, Chen was crazy, but he didn’t feel like handing him over to the police, which was the most sensible thing to do. “Right. Ok.”
“Ok? That’s the only thing you’re going to ask? Not the part why you don’t feel like sending me away?”
“...How do you know that?”
Chen’s lips formed upward but not enough to be called a smile, especially when the rest of his face remained to passive. “Only my master can see me and know my name. The past one forgot but now I have you and you have me to keep.”
--
The following days had been a twenty question game for the two roommates(?).
“So people can’t see you?”
“What part of the ‘only you can see’ did you not understand?”
It fell into a routine. Chen never leaves the house, and is fine watching Yixing come in and out for work. Or, looking for work to be exact. He didn’t come empty handed this time though since producers were now interested with his pitch and new materials. Yixing found the regular string of money and work was way more enjoyable that being bummed. Of course, this is all thanks to Chen’s wonderful powers.
“So how does this muse-thing power works?”
“Muse. And I don’t have any power. It’s just in my nature. Like how birds can fly.”
“Right, sorry. Nature then.”
“It’s different from every Muse. For me, it is physical touch. Whenever I touch you, you will be inspired. Like the first time. You remember, right? That first successful piece.”
“Oh so that’s why-- hey! That was not my first! I have a number of successful pieces.””
Chen laughed. “But not for some time now. Admit it.”
“Fine. So I get inspired whenever I touch you.”
“Whenever I touch you. It doesn’t work the other way around. It is my will to give you inspiration.”
“Always?”
Chen looked distant for a moment. “Not always. It can happen the other way but only if I permit it so.”
They talk at dinner. After Yixing talks about his day and proudly announces how the people find his work very ‘romantic’, ‘passionate’, and with ‘raw feelings’, he continues asking. Sometimes, Chen asks about Yixing but only after he stares at the latter far too long and Yixing clears his throat awkwardly to ask what’s wrong.
Sometimes, Chen replies that it was his face that was wrong, to which a mini food fight happens. At other times they were real genuine questions about Yixing’s life.
“Yixing. That’s a Chinese name.”
“Yeah, I’m Chinese.”
“No wonder your accent is horrible.”
“It is not! You’re the only one who said that. Plus my accent is fine; I’ve been practicing it for three years now.”
“So why are you in Seoul for three years now?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I like stories.”
On weekends, Yixing doesn’t work and he spends his time with Chen all day. Yixing wasn’t the best people person but he was easy to get along and Chen isn’t the most impossible to live with. Yixing often spaces out and asks the most bizarre questions. Chen has a comment and often a sarcastic and snarky at that in everything Yixing attempts to do. And yet there is some kind of respect and obedience that hung in his person to his new master.
“Please don’t call me master. It’s the most disturbing thing to hear.”
“So what should I call you?”
“Yixing is fine.”
“I see. You don’t look much like a master after all.”
“...what is that suppose to mean?!”
It wasn’t surprising it progressed into some kind of casual acquaintanceship and Yixing felt they were friends enough to tease each other. At least, he felt he did with all the remarks Chen spouts so he thinks he has the equal right as well.
“Since you’re a Muse and all, are you an immortal? Being a mythological creature?”
“I am very much real, not a myth, thank you very much. But yes, I am immortal.”
“So how old are you?”
“That’s a very rude question.”
"I bet you are at least a thou--"
And then there are the sometimes that happens at night when they share the bed (in the most literal sense. Plus there was only one and Yixing feels guilty making Chen sleep in the itchy couch plus Chen is not a bad sleeping partner) and Yixing asks afterthought questions that normal people would ask at the first meeting. Important questions.
“If I am your new master, who was your last master?” “Why do never leave the house?” “Have you always been a muse or were you human once?” “Do you like being a Muse?”
“Go to sleep.”
Yixing only nods and somehow understands. They were never asked again.
--
“I think you are going crazy.”
It was an afternoon and Yixing was sharing lunch with Luhan over McDonalds. Not the best place to eat but it was the cheapest and nearest place they could find over the quick decision to meet each other for lunch. Luhan was currently stuffing himself with fries. Yixing idly sipped on his cola. “I am not.”
“I think you are, very much. I mean really, an ‘invisible’ friend that gives you inspiration and only you can see him? And you want to help him with his problems? Does he even have a problem?”
“Well, there has to be a reason why I am paying twice the amount of grocery and water. You can check,” Yixing pulled out his bills and Luhan groaned at the stupid evidence. “And he has problems, I am sure. Everyone has. He looks sad whenever he thinks I wasn’t looking.”
“Not me. I don't have any problems.”
“You have a parole hearing tomorrow and if it weren’t for the fact that your boyfriend is a police, you’d be in jail, not here.”
“Matter of perspective. Now, do you know what is your problem?"
"I need a manager and a fixed contract..?"
"No. I think you need to get laid.”
Yixing only hums, knowing there is no use arguing to his friend once Luhan starts talking about Yixing’s nonexistent sex life. He just doesn’t find it all very interesting at the moment and no one to be interested at.
What he was thinking about instead was Chen. As much as Chen looks like someone he doesn’t care for the world and rolls on how it goes, he isn’t fooling Yixing with his passive action. Yixing was sure that strong personality and sarcastic remarks he sees in pieces are the real Chen, not the apathetic quiet persona he often displays.
--
“Are they random?”
“Are they what random?”
“The inspiration,” Yixing muses, stringing a few notes on his guitar. He smiles at the nice tone it made and made a quick note at the paper in front of him. “When you give inspiration, are they random? Can you control them? Like give morbid ideas.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Just out of curiosity.”
Chen rolled on the bed and laid on his stomach this time. “What do you think?”
“I think,” Yixing pauses and looks at the strings of his guitar. “You can only give one kind. Maybe. It seems so.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I only make love songs lately.”
“Maybe you’re hopelessly in love.”
“I’m not in love right now.”
“Were you? Before?” Chen lift his head up and looked curiously at him.
Yixing shrugged. “I guess. Once. But not now.”
“I see...”
“So, can you? Make a different kind?”
“Yes… was.”
“Was? Before?”
“Before. But now I can only inspire, as you put it, ‘love’ songs. It’s called Romance and it’s not limited to people loving each other.”
“That makes more sense,” Yixing didn’t seem entirely convinced because yes, he did have pieces about passion and dreams, but lately, it’s all about lost love or longing. And Yixing was pretty sure he wasn’t lonely right now. But he didn’t voice it out loud and let Chen continue.
“I can also manipulate the intensity of the inspiration, the duration how long you’ll feel it, and intensify a current inspiration even if it’s not about Romance.”
“Can you take inspiration away?”
Chen smiled though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I am inspiration himself. If I run away, I’ll take it with me.”
‘Will you run away?’ the very thought scared Yixing for some reason. Sure the job will come rarely again but it wasn’t the prospect of a bleak future that scared him. He still believes in his talents alone and Chen was just a nice safety net. It was Chen’s presence that became so much a part of his life in the last few weeks he was there that he was so afraid of losing. In some way, Chen became his muse and it wasn’t because of his celestial nature. This, he didn’t voice it out as well and asked instead. “How do you manipulate inspiration?”
The tense silence was broken and Chen smiled genuinely this time. “Do you want me to show you?”
Yixing nodded excitedly and put down his guitar. He likes these sessions, where Chen will hold his hands and in that moment he’ll feel on cloud nine and breathless. It was always a wonderful experience and a light buzz of ideas pouring in his mind for the next hours comes after which he puts down into words and notes.
It was different this time though when Chen stopped him from standing up and told to stay where he is. The muse got out of the bed and sat in front of Yixing until their knees touch. That was normal distance for them and Yixing waited patiently, hands slightly raised for Chen to hold. Chen held his fingers, two from each hand and the warm feeling of bliss enveloped him. Yixing sighed happily and closed his eyes as the ideas started surging.
“Inspiration comes depending on how long is the physical touch, how much is touched, and how intense it is felt.” Chen let go after his little explanation. “It is only fingers so it was only little splotches. Still strong but faint compared to the things I gave before. When I hold your hands fully, it is more vivid, yes?”
Yixing could only nod, still dazed at the ideas lingering in his head. “So what are the intense ones? Like really vivid ones?”
“They are called visions. And they are done like this,” Chen leaned so close that Yixing leaned back in reaction until he hit the wall. Chen’s face was so close and his gray ethereal eyes are so glassy zoomed in. His lips was just a breath away. “Intimate gestures.”
“Like a kiss?”
“Yes… would you like to try?”
Yixing wanted to say yes. He was curious after all and Chen’s lips didn’t look bad. On the contrary, they look very soft and pink and kissable (but he only notices this now when Chen is so close). Plus the memory of feeling on cloud nine is tempting. It was just holding hands so what more if it was more intimate?
But Yixing shook his head, not trusting his mouth to speak a no, thank you. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Chen leaned away, his eyes full of curiosity and confusion instead of the usual mischief and mystery it holds and was showing seconds ago.
“You don’t…?”
“Do you?” and that was the reason. Yixing didn’t know if Jongdae was ok with all this intimate gestures. It was stupid since he knows he wasn’t his first master, won’t be the last (he didn’t want to think about this), so it was a given Chen wasn’t the most innocent people (although he looked very innocent with that porcelain flawless skin and unaging body younger than Yixing). But he really want to ask if this was all right with Chen.
And as expected, it caught Chen off guard but in a way Yixing wasn’t thinking. Chen didn’t remember the last time someone asked him for his opinion. Masters, in general, do not ask for anyone’s opinions as they feel they have ideas of their own (ideas that come from Muses but that wasn’t the point). To be asked for permission…
Chen’s expression darkened and went cold. “No, I do not.”
Yixing froze at such a cold answer and change of behavior. “Then no. I am not going to ask.” He smiled weakly, trying to lighten the situation. “Don’t worry. It’s not like I’ll force you.”
“Will you? Then will you give me permission to leave?”
‘Will you come back?’ “You don’t have to ask permission for that.”
“I wish it was so,” Chen replied and his stance relaxed and went back to his default emotion. Yixing likes to calls it ‘Muse mode’ and it was a mixture of mischief, mystery, and right now, resignation. Snark too but Yixing suspects it was uniquely Chen’s personality showing that is beyond his otherworldly nature. “You are my master.”
“I told you I am not--”
“Yes you are. You know my name and so I am bound to you. I will only be free when you forget my name.”
Yixing didn’t know it was possible to forget Chen’s name when Chen is always there in his home. Wait a minute… “Is that why you never leave?”
“What do you think?”
Yixing suddenly felt cold and afraid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… if you don’t like it here, I understand. You can go.” And it makes Yixing more scared to ask but he continues, “But… when you say that if you leave, and I forget your name, will it just be your name? Or your whole memory? I do want to remember you,” he added the last part with a mumble as his voice grew soft. He didn’t really mean to keep Chen for so long. He just became a normal part of his life so quickly and easily. And Chen being so compliant and domicile about it, Yixing assumed that Chen enjoyed being here. Guess it was not so.
Chen, meanwhile has his own inner turmoil. Yixing babbles a lot and most of the time, he doesn’t make sense until you’ve been around him long enough to string up his ideas. And right now, Yixing is rambling, apologizing profusely for something, and Chen can’t make what his excuses and string of thoughts are forming. What he was sure though is what he was suspecting from Yixing when his first question was asked. Yixing's life is in the present.
It was all Yixing could care and how his life goes on. Chen figured it out just as quickly. Yixing’s questions about the past were late, as afterthoughts and certainly not very demanding. He didn’t ask for details. He asked about the most random things, things that what is on his mind without thinking of the consequence. And his first question is if he wanted a bath. It was about Chen’s wellbeing, nothing else. And it had Chen feeling very not like himself returning the politeness back.
And now this. Given permission to leave. If this happened before, he would have run in the next instant before his Master could change his mind and keep him again. They were all the same. Sweet aspiring artists dreaming big, only to succumb with obsession and lust and Chen will be at the very end of the spectrum of concern. Yixing fits the description to a T so it wasn’t surprising for Chen that Yixing saw him and knew his name. What went wrong was Yixing stayed on the first phase longer than anyone and he keeps staying.
It was a long tense silence and a heavy atmosphere in the tiny apartment full of cluttered paper. Then Chen laughed, a soft chuckle before blowing into a full blown laughter, tears streaming in his eyes and crinkling. His cheeks were red and he was heaving for air. He tumbled on the floor and fell out of balance.
"Uhm...” Yixing didn’t know what to say and looked unsure at the laughing fit before him. It was so very un-Chen.
That seemed to calm Chen and he sat back up. He still had the mirth in his eyes and he was covering his mouth from still chuckling. “Sorry. You just looked so serious and sorry. I never seen you like that.”
“Is that supposed to be funny?” Yixing wanted to get annoyed but he was too confused at the situation.
“Yes. To me at least. Ah Yixing, always so sincere...” He chuckled and wiped the tear stain. “I like you.”
“Me?” Yixing didn't know how to react at such a confession thrown so casually. Did Chen even meant it? Probably not that way.
“I know. I can’t believe it myself. I don’t like you but I like you all the same.”
Yixing felt insulted at the jibe but decided not to comment. The important thing is that Chen didn’t hate him.
“You gave me permission to leave, yes?”
"Yes..." Yixing tried to look apathetic about it but he couldn't help but feel scared.
"Do you...? Want me to leave, that is?" They were staring at each other now and Chen was looking at Yixing's eyes so carefully, for any twitch that would give him away.
"I... don't mind you leaving," Yixing replied, his voice going softer. He looked away at the intense gaze and picked up his guitar, as if that would create some sort of space. It didn't. "But I want you to come back or if not, we can still meet each other and you know, talk. Over coffee. Coffees are nice."
"Just talk?"
"Well, if you want to eat, sure, we could eat out too or--"
"No, I mean... nevermind." Chen chuckled at himself.
"What's so funny?"
"You don't act like a master."
Yixing can't help but smile slightly. "It looks like the other way around to me."
"No... I think, it is more... equal. I like that," Chen was back in his humming voice and his eyes became distant again. But he was smiling this time. He looked at Yixing and noticed his still tense figure. "You can relax now. I won't leave."
"Ok... but if you want to go somewhere like the park or mall, you can and--"
"I know."
"Ok," Yixing nodded and went back to his guitar, not that he have ideas what to compose now. His mind was completely blank from the conversation.
"Yixing...?"
Yixing looked up only for his eyes to widen as Chen pressed his lips to Yixing's lips. Yixing forgot how to breathe, forgot how to think, to feel, then instantly, every sensation filled him. The ideas turned colorful and he can clearly make out images, shapes and textures of emotions and words. He felt dizzy and disoriented in time. It felt like forever.
And forever was long enough for Yixing to make his way out of the ideas and look for Chen. He had enough experience of holding hands to push these ideas away for a moment and really take in what Chen feels like beneath his Muse persona. He learned that Chen's hands were soft and smooth and tiny, delicate long fingers that find themselves interlacing with his. It was a lot like his lips. Soft, very pink (if pink was a feeling), small, and very addicting. Yixing felt the shape, the curves, how Chen's lips was smiling right now as he kissed him.
Forever, of course, was not the case and Chen broke away enough before Yixing had the mind to kiss back. So maybe it was just a quick peck after all...?
"Well?" Chen was smiling, his eyes shining with curiosity. "What did you see?"
'You. Your lips and hands and smile and laughter probably thousands of years ago. Your eyes weren't gray. They were a soft brown color and--' "Jongdae. Your name is Jongdae, not Chen."
Chen froze and there was a look of fear and vulnerability in his eyes. Yixing noticed how Chen's face turned very... human? "Is that so..? That's... a nice name." Chen's voice seemed so distant, as if he wasn't talking to Yixing right now.
"Was it? Was your name Jongdae?"
"I don't know..." Chen's voice was growing quieter.
Yixing tried another tactic. "Do you want to be called Jongdae?"
Chen looked at him this time. "Do you want to?"
Yixing shrugged. "I don't mind either way. It's just a name. I can call you Lay and nobody will no the wiser."
"How about I call you Lay instead?" Chen asked back. They both burst into laughter at the ridiculous retort but it seemed to bring back Chen. "No... I will call you Yixing. As for me, names are powerful and I am bound to it so it is important. I am Chen, no one else and that is my name. My name is not Jongdae."
"I think you look Jongdae enough," Yixing replied.
"What is that suppose to mean?"
"It means I will call you that from now on. Jongdae, not Chen. And since I am calling you that, we really are equal and not just Master and Muse."
"So I am not a Muse anymore? I do like being a Muse. It is my nature."
"You'll be a muse," Yixing replied happily. He laughed at Chen-- Jongdae's sour expression. "Jongdae the muse."
"Muse! With a capital M!"
Yixing laughed and continued to tease and Jongdae, not the one to back down, tackled and started a verbal fight of insults. There was no malice though, and any push and shove Jongdae did, it did not urge Yixing to stop and write it down. His touch was just normal flesh, warm and soft.
As for the visions, they were never written, kept secret between the mind of a certain Chinese boy living in Seoul.
Part I | Part II | Part III (?)
Yixing knew he shouldn’t be disappointed. He managed to give a smile and a polite bow to his interviewer. He congratulated himself for not breaking down as he made his way out to the door. Or maybe it became so mundane and usual that no one accepts his works that he grew numb to it. He knew in the back of his mind it’s just a matter of time before he’ll be used to the feeling of frustration.
He dragged his feet back home, envelope crumpled from the careless handling now that he’s not presenting it to anybody. He thought of doing that thirty or so revisions or basically scrapping the idea and work on a new one -- it was really shitty and uninspired anyway despite all the labor and sweat he put into it, no biggie -- when he stopped in his steps.
There was a boy lying on the ground. Yixing had to blink a few more times to check if he was seeing right. How come he only noticed him just now when his existence is bizarre in the first place? It was a late afternoon and the streets were crowded. He looked around if anyone is staring at the stranger as well. There was no one even sparing a glance.
He felt cautious and instincts told him to walk away as far as possible and do not bother looking back. He shouldn’t pry, he shouldn’t be involve, and he certainly shouldn’t be walking to him and crouch beside him.
He was beautiful. Yixing inhaled sharply the moment he got a good look on his face. There was something ethereal in his presence. His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful sleeping. Well, he looks like he’s sleeping.
It took a moment for Yixing to notice he was staring at a very naked man (albeit a beautiful one) and altogether forgot how long time passed until the stranger opened his eyes and looked back at him. Yixing swore he forgot how to breathe.
Gray. Iridescent soft gray eyes.
“You can see me.” His voice sounded like an echo at the back of his mind. His eyes widened. “You can see me.”
Yixing didn’t know how to reply to that. He also felt light and his mind hummed a dull buzz and for all intents and purposes, he didn't panic. It must be some kind of drug and Yixing wondered idly if he let Luhan come in his apartment recently. He did, however, have the sense to nod at the statement. “Chen… right?” Chen who?
Something flashed across the man’s (‘it wasn’t a boy’) face but Yixing didn’t have the time nor composure to analyze what emotion it was. He nodded at the name (‘it was his name…?’ How did I know his name?’) and closed his eyes once more before promptly leaning and basically draping his whole person at Yixing.
Chen did not wake up until Yixing brought him home.
--
Yixing was starting to think of funny thoughts like there must be some mystical voodoo shit going on because he was pretty sure he is not the type of guy that hauls naked people back at his place. Using public transportation, at that (not that he has a car; he barely afford rent being sort of jobless and all).
It was a bit awkward because he was carrying the unconscious naked man (‘Chen. His name is Chen and don’t think about his nakedness. Focus. Why is he so heavy for someone so tiny?’) to the subway and no one was saying a thing. Maybe a few funny looks here and there because he was heaving but not the type he was expecting.
Maybe the guy is still invisible? Chen did mention that Yixing can see him so maybe it was an only him kind of thing. For the whole ride, all Yixing could think about is if ghosts can be tangible to the person he is haunting.
Yixing’s apartment is a studio type, all small 20 square meters of space and clutter. He wasn’t the cleanest and most hygienic type but it was habitable compared to the strewn socks and molding ramen bowl in Luhan’s apartment so it was ok. Having another occupant, however, makes everything different and Yixing feels the cramped space whenever there is a visitor.
But even so, Yixing didn’t felt surprised nor wary when Chen looked perfectly normal in his couch as he laid him down. He was about to open his mouth to ask until he remembered said stranger was still sleeping so he decided to wait and write songs instead to pass the time.
Of course, that was easier said than done. Yixing was on a slump lately and he couldn't make his brain think of something interesting enough. Bizarre, yes, but not the kind that will make people stay long enough to listen. Maybe some lost tunes and lyrics here and there but they all feel very generic together. Still, Yixing is determined to make another piece.
When Chen woke up, Yixing asked if he wanted a shower and before he realized that wasn’t the questioned he’d been meaning to ask, Chen already nodded. Ah well, a few minutes wouldn’t hurt. Yixing went to get an extra set of clothes (the one he bought that shrunk and was too small for his size so hopefully it would fit more with Chen) and a towel. “Bathroom’s on the right. You won’t miss it.”
“Thank you,” Chen took the clothes and briefly their hands brushed.
Yixing inhaled sharply. Chen’s fingers feel both warm and cool. It was soft and smooth too. But more importantly to him, he suddenly had the urge to write this feeling down that he’s been looking for the longest time for his next piece. Like a sense of plot bunnies attacking him, if he knew such a term, and he quickly muttered a quick excuse to go back to his nearest pen and paper.
Chen only watched with careful eye as the man who took him in was in a frenzy, as if afraid that sudden burst will slip away just as fast. After all, inspirations are like dreams, easy to forget once you wake up. Chen knew the man doesn’t have to worry this time, though.
Chen came out dressed and very clean by the time Yixing was done writing and looking pleased at his luck. The piece was good with only little revisions to be done. He can feel his creative juices still buzzing. Yixing looked up and noticed how Chen’s skin was fair and didn’t have the scratches and bruises that adorned it just minutes ago. Or was it hours and days and what Yixing actually saw was dirt? Still, scars are bound to--
“Thank you,” Chen bowed in front of Yixing, stopping the latter in his thoughts.
“Uh you’re welcome… I’m Yixing by the way. And you're Chen, right?”
“...yes. That is my name.”
“Cool.”
Yixing wasn’t the one for chatty conversations and the two grew quickly silent. He felt a little bit awkward when he can’t help but stare at his new… friend? Acquaintance, and a little unnerving that Chen was staring back just as intensely but without the tense feeling he is experiencing now.
Then Yixing remembered his all important question. “Can I ask now who exactly are you and what were you doing in the middle of the street?”
“Very well, I owe you that much after all. I am Chen and I was there because I was running from my master. Well, past master now.”
“Master?”
“Master, artist, creator, whatever term you prefer.” Chen seemed to be humming in his words, like an endless string of music.
“You have a master… so you’re some kind of slave?”
“Not really. In a sense, yes, but not on the term. I am a Muse.”
Yixing felt his mouth hanging open. “A muse?”
“Muse,” Chen corrected irritably. “With a capital M.”
“I didn’t say it was a small--”
“You sounded it like a small letter which is wrong.”
There was a moment of silence before Yixing commented again, “Muses are girls.”
Chen looked offended. “That is a widely held misconception from stupid humans thousands of years ago and I take offense. Muses are simply guardians of art and deities of inspiration. They don't even have to be humanlike.”
Another beat from Yixing. “Is that why you were naked?”
Chen blinked at such a bizarre question. “N-no… I mean, I am normally of little clothing due to my nature but I do like clothes. They’re warm.”
“So why were you naked?”
“I told you. I was running away from my master. Or, he was my master but not anymore.”
Yixing slowly nodded though the answer didn't make sense. It was crazy, Chen was crazy, but he didn’t feel like handing him over to the police, which was the most sensible thing to do. “Right. Ok.”
“Ok? That’s the only thing you’re going to ask? Not the part why you don’t feel like sending me away?”
“...How do you know that?”
Chen’s lips formed upward but not enough to be called a smile, especially when the rest of his face remained to passive. “Only my master can see me and know my name. The past one forgot but now I have you and you have me to keep.”
--
The following days had been a twenty question game for the two roommates(?).
“So people can’t see you?”
“What part of the ‘only you can see’ did you not understand?”
It fell into a routine. Chen never leaves the house, and is fine watching Yixing come in and out for work. Or, looking for work to be exact. He didn’t come empty handed this time though since producers were now interested with his pitch and new materials. Yixing found the regular string of money and work was way more enjoyable that being bummed. Of course, this is all thanks to Chen’s wonderful powers.
“So how does this muse-thing power works?”
“Muse. And I don’t have any power. It’s just in my nature. Like how birds can fly.”
“Right, sorry. Nature then.”
“It’s different from every Muse. For me, it is physical touch. Whenever I touch you, you will be inspired. Like the first time. You remember, right? That first successful piece.”
“Oh so that’s why-- hey! That was not my first! I have a number of successful pieces.””
Chen laughed. “But not for some time now. Admit it.”
“Fine. So I get inspired whenever I touch you.”
“Whenever I touch you. It doesn’t work the other way around. It is my will to give you inspiration.”
“Always?”
Chen looked distant for a moment. “Not always. It can happen the other way but only if I permit it so.”
They talk at dinner. After Yixing talks about his day and proudly announces how the people find his work very ‘romantic’, ‘passionate’, and with ‘raw feelings’, he continues asking. Sometimes, Chen asks about Yixing but only after he stares at the latter far too long and Yixing clears his throat awkwardly to ask what’s wrong.
Sometimes, Chen replies that it was his face that was wrong, to which a mini food fight happens. At other times they were real genuine questions about Yixing’s life.
“Yixing. That’s a Chinese name.”
“Yeah, I’m Chinese.”
“No wonder your accent is horrible.”
“It is not! You’re the only one who said that. Plus my accent is fine; I’ve been practicing it for three years now.”
“So why are you in Seoul for three years now?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I like stories.”
On weekends, Yixing doesn’t work and he spends his time with Chen all day. Yixing wasn’t the best people person but he was easy to get along and Chen isn’t the most impossible to live with. Yixing often spaces out and asks the most bizarre questions. Chen has a comment and often a sarcastic and snarky at that in everything Yixing attempts to do. And yet there is some kind of respect and obedience that hung in his person to his new master.
“Please don’t call me master. It’s the most disturbing thing to hear.”
“So what should I call you?”
“Yixing is fine.”
“I see. You don’t look much like a master after all.”
“...what is that suppose to mean?!”
It wasn’t surprising it progressed into some kind of casual acquaintanceship and Yixing felt they were friends enough to tease each other. At least, he felt he did with all the remarks Chen spouts so he thinks he has the equal right as well.
“Since you’re a Muse and all, are you an immortal? Being a mythological creature?”
“I am very much real, not a myth, thank you very much. But yes, I am immortal.”
“So how old are you?”
“That’s a very rude question.”
"I bet you are at least a thou--"
And then there are the sometimes that happens at night when they share the bed (in the most literal sense. Plus there was only one and Yixing feels guilty making Chen sleep in the itchy couch plus Chen is not a bad sleeping partner) and Yixing asks afterthought questions that normal people would ask at the first meeting. Important questions.
“If I am your new master, who was your last master?” “Why do never leave the house?” “Have you always been a muse or were you human once?” “Do you like being a Muse?”
“Go to sleep.”
Yixing only nods and somehow understands. They were never asked again.
--
“I think you are going crazy.”
It was an afternoon and Yixing was sharing lunch with Luhan over McDonalds. Not the best place to eat but it was the cheapest and nearest place they could find over the quick decision to meet each other for lunch. Luhan was currently stuffing himself with fries. Yixing idly sipped on his cola. “I am not.”
“I think you are, very much. I mean really, an ‘invisible’ friend that gives you inspiration and only you can see him? And you want to help him with his problems? Does he even have a problem?”
“Well, there has to be a reason why I am paying twice the amount of grocery and water. You can check,” Yixing pulled out his bills and Luhan groaned at the stupid evidence. “And he has problems, I am sure. Everyone has. He looks sad whenever he thinks I wasn’t looking.”
“Not me. I don't have any problems.”
“You have a parole hearing tomorrow and if it weren’t for the fact that your boyfriend is a police, you’d be in jail, not here.”
“Matter of perspective. Now, do you know what is your problem?"
"I need a manager and a fixed contract..?"
"No. I think you need to get laid.”
Yixing only hums, knowing there is no use arguing to his friend once Luhan starts talking about Yixing’s nonexistent sex life. He just doesn’t find it all very interesting at the moment and no one to be interested at.
What he was thinking about instead was Chen. As much as Chen looks like someone he doesn’t care for the world and rolls on how it goes, he isn’t fooling Yixing with his passive action. Yixing was sure that strong personality and sarcastic remarks he sees in pieces are the real Chen, not the apathetic quiet persona he often displays.
--
“Are they random?”
“Are they what random?”
“The inspiration,” Yixing muses, stringing a few notes on his guitar. He smiles at the nice tone it made and made a quick note at the paper in front of him. “When you give inspiration, are they random? Can you control them? Like give morbid ideas.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Just out of curiosity.”
Chen rolled on the bed and laid on his stomach this time. “What do you think?”
“I think,” Yixing pauses and looks at the strings of his guitar. “You can only give one kind. Maybe. It seems so.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I only make love songs lately.”
“Maybe you’re hopelessly in love.”
“I’m not in love right now.”
“Were you? Before?” Chen lift his head up and looked curiously at him.
Yixing shrugged. “I guess. Once. But not now.”
“I see...”
“So, can you? Make a different kind?”
“Yes… was.”
“Was? Before?”
“Before. But now I can only inspire, as you put it, ‘love’ songs. It’s called Romance and it’s not limited to people loving each other.”
“That makes more sense,” Yixing didn’t seem entirely convinced because yes, he did have pieces about passion and dreams, but lately, it’s all about lost love or longing. And Yixing was pretty sure he wasn’t lonely right now. But he didn’t voice it out loud and let Chen continue.
“I can also manipulate the intensity of the inspiration, the duration how long you’ll feel it, and intensify a current inspiration even if it’s not about Romance.”
“Can you take inspiration away?”
Chen smiled though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I am inspiration himself. If I run away, I’ll take it with me.”
‘Will you run away?’ the very thought scared Yixing for some reason. Sure the job will come rarely again but it wasn’t the prospect of a bleak future that scared him. He still believes in his talents alone and Chen was just a nice safety net. It was Chen’s presence that became so much a part of his life in the last few weeks he was there that he was so afraid of losing. In some way, Chen became his muse and it wasn’t because of his celestial nature. This, he didn’t voice it out as well and asked instead. “How do you manipulate inspiration?”
The tense silence was broken and Chen smiled genuinely this time. “Do you want me to show you?”
Yixing nodded excitedly and put down his guitar. He likes these sessions, where Chen will hold his hands and in that moment he’ll feel on cloud nine and breathless. It was always a wonderful experience and a light buzz of ideas pouring in his mind for the next hours comes after which he puts down into words and notes.
It was different this time though when Chen stopped him from standing up and told to stay where he is. The muse got out of the bed and sat in front of Yixing until their knees touch. That was normal distance for them and Yixing waited patiently, hands slightly raised for Chen to hold. Chen held his fingers, two from each hand and the warm feeling of bliss enveloped him. Yixing sighed happily and closed his eyes as the ideas started surging.
“Inspiration comes depending on how long is the physical touch, how much is touched, and how intense it is felt.” Chen let go after his little explanation. “It is only fingers so it was only little splotches. Still strong but faint compared to the things I gave before. When I hold your hands fully, it is more vivid, yes?”
Yixing could only nod, still dazed at the ideas lingering in his head. “So what are the intense ones? Like really vivid ones?”
“They are called visions. And they are done like this,” Chen leaned so close that Yixing leaned back in reaction until he hit the wall. Chen’s face was so close and his gray ethereal eyes are so glassy zoomed in. His lips was just a breath away. “Intimate gestures.”
“Like a kiss?”
“Yes… would you like to try?”
Yixing wanted to say yes. He was curious after all and Chen’s lips didn’t look bad. On the contrary, they look very soft and pink and kissable (but he only notices this now when Chen is so close). Plus the memory of feeling on cloud nine is tempting. It was just holding hands so what more if it was more intimate?
But Yixing shook his head, not trusting his mouth to speak a no, thank you. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Chen leaned away, his eyes full of curiosity and confusion instead of the usual mischief and mystery it holds and was showing seconds ago.
“You don’t…?”
“Do you?” and that was the reason. Yixing didn’t know if Jongdae was ok with all this intimate gestures. It was stupid since he knows he wasn’t his first master, won’t be the last (he didn’t want to think about this), so it was a given Chen wasn’t the most innocent people (although he looked very innocent with that porcelain flawless skin and unaging body younger than Yixing). But he really want to ask if this was all right with Chen.
And as expected, it caught Chen off guard but in a way Yixing wasn’t thinking. Chen didn’t remember the last time someone asked him for his opinion. Masters, in general, do not ask for anyone’s opinions as they feel they have ideas of their own (ideas that come from Muses but that wasn’t the point). To be asked for permission…
Chen’s expression darkened and went cold. “No, I do not.”
Yixing froze at such a cold answer and change of behavior. “Then no. I am not going to ask.” He smiled weakly, trying to lighten the situation. “Don’t worry. It’s not like I’ll force you.”
“Will you? Then will you give me permission to leave?”
‘Will you come back?’ “You don’t have to ask permission for that.”
“I wish it was so,” Chen replied and his stance relaxed and went back to his default emotion. Yixing likes to calls it ‘Muse mode’ and it was a mixture of mischief, mystery, and right now, resignation. Snark too but Yixing suspects it was uniquely Chen’s personality showing that is beyond his otherworldly nature. “You are my master.”
“I told you I am not--”
“Yes you are. You know my name and so I am bound to you. I will only be free when you forget my name.”
Yixing didn’t know it was possible to forget Chen’s name when Chen is always there in his home. Wait a minute… “Is that why you never leave?”
“What do you think?”
Yixing suddenly felt cold and afraid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… if you don’t like it here, I understand. You can go.” And it makes Yixing more scared to ask but he continues, “But… when you say that if you leave, and I forget your name, will it just be your name? Or your whole memory? I do want to remember you,” he added the last part with a mumble as his voice grew soft. He didn’t really mean to keep Chen for so long. He just became a normal part of his life so quickly and easily. And Chen being so compliant and domicile about it, Yixing assumed that Chen enjoyed being here. Guess it was not so.
Chen, meanwhile has his own inner turmoil. Yixing babbles a lot and most of the time, he doesn’t make sense until you’ve been around him long enough to string up his ideas. And right now, Yixing is rambling, apologizing profusely for something, and Chen can’t make what his excuses and string of thoughts are forming. What he was sure though is what he was suspecting from Yixing when his first question was asked. Yixing's life is in the present.
It was all Yixing could care and how his life goes on. Chen figured it out just as quickly. Yixing’s questions about the past were late, as afterthoughts and certainly not very demanding. He didn’t ask for details. He asked about the most random things, things that what is on his mind without thinking of the consequence. And his first question is if he wanted a bath. It was about Chen’s wellbeing, nothing else. And it had Chen feeling very not like himself returning the politeness back.
And now this. Given permission to leave. If this happened before, he would have run in the next instant before his Master could change his mind and keep him again. They were all the same. Sweet aspiring artists dreaming big, only to succumb with obsession and lust and Chen will be at the very end of the spectrum of concern. Yixing fits the description to a T so it wasn’t surprising for Chen that Yixing saw him and knew his name. What went wrong was Yixing stayed on the first phase longer than anyone and he keeps staying.
It was a long tense silence and a heavy atmosphere in the tiny apartment full of cluttered paper. Then Chen laughed, a soft chuckle before blowing into a full blown laughter, tears streaming in his eyes and crinkling. His cheeks were red and he was heaving for air. He tumbled on the floor and fell out of balance.
"Uhm...” Yixing didn’t know what to say and looked unsure at the laughing fit before him. It was so very un-Chen.
That seemed to calm Chen and he sat back up. He still had the mirth in his eyes and he was covering his mouth from still chuckling. “Sorry. You just looked so serious and sorry. I never seen you like that.”
“Is that supposed to be funny?” Yixing wanted to get annoyed but he was too confused at the situation.
“Yes. To me at least. Ah Yixing, always so sincere...” He chuckled and wiped the tear stain. “I like you.”
“Me?” Yixing didn't know how to react at such a confession thrown so casually. Did Chen even meant it? Probably not that way.
“I know. I can’t believe it myself. I don’t like you but I like you all the same.”
Yixing felt insulted at the jibe but decided not to comment. The important thing is that Chen didn’t hate him.
“You gave me permission to leave, yes?”
"Yes..." Yixing tried to look apathetic about it but he couldn't help but feel scared.
"Do you...? Want me to leave, that is?" They were staring at each other now and Chen was looking at Yixing's eyes so carefully, for any twitch that would give him away.
"I... don't mind you leaving," Yixing replied, his voice going softer. He looked away at the intense gaze and picked up his guitar, as if that would create some sort of space. It didn't. "But I want you to come back or if not, we can still meet each other and you know, talk. Over coffee. Coffees are nice."
"Just talk?"
"Well, if you want to eat, sure, we could eat out too or--"
"No, I mean... nevermind." Chen chuckled at himself.
"What's so funny?"
"You don't act like a master."
Yixing can't help but smile slightly. "It looks like the other way around to me."
"No... I think, it is more... equal. I like that," Chen was back in his humming voice and his eyes became distant again. But he was smiling this time. He looked at Yixing and noticed his still tense figure. "You can relax now. I won't leave."
"Ok... but if you want to go somewhere like the park or mall, you can and--"
"I know."
"Ok," Yixing nodded and went back to his guitar, not that he have ideas what to compose now. His mind was completely blank from the conversation.
"Yixing...?"
Yixing looked up only for his eyes to widen as Chen pressed his lips to Yixing's lips. Yixing forgot how to breathe, forgot how to think, to feel, then instantly, every sensation filled him. The ideas turned colorful and he can clearly make out images, shapes and textures of emotions and words. He felt dizzy and disoriented in time. It felt like forever.
And forever was long enough for Yixing to make his way out of the ideas and look for Chen. He had enough experience of holding hands to push these ideas away for a moment and really take in what Chen feels like beneath his Muse persona. He learned that Chen's hands were soft and smooth and tiny, delicate long fingers that find themselves interlacing with his. It was a lot like his lips. Soft, very pink (if pink was a feeling), small, and very addicting. Yixing felt the shape, the curves, how Chen's lips was smiling right now as he kissed him.
Forever, of course, was not the case and Chen broke away enough before Yixing had the mind to kiss back. So maybe it was just a quick peck after all...?
"Well?" Chen was smiling, his eyes shining with curiosity. "What did you see?"
'You. Your lips and hands and smile and laughter probably thousands of years ago. Your eyes weren't gray. They were a soft brown color and--' "Jongdae. Your name is Jongdae, not Chen."
Chen froze and there was a look of fear and vulnerability in his eyes. Yixing noticed how Chen's face turned very... human? "Is that so..? That's... a nice name." Chen's voice seemed so distant, as if he wasn't talking to Yixing right now.
"Was it? Was your name Jongdae?"
"I don't know..." Chen's voice was growing quieter.
Yixing tried another tactic. "Do you want to be called Jongdae?"
Chen looked at him this time. "Do you want to?"
Yixing shrugged. "I don't mind either way. It's just a name. I can call you Lay and nobody will no the wiser."
"How about I call you Lay instead?" Chen asked back. They both burst into laughter at the ridiculous retort but it seemed to bring back Chen. "No... I will call you Yixing. As for me, names are powerful and I am bound to it so it is important. I am Chen, no one else and that is my name. My name is not Jongdae."
"I think you look Jongdae enough," Yixing replied.
"What is that suppose to mean?"
"It means I will call you that from now on. Jongdae, not Chen. And since I am calling you that, we really are equal and not just Master and Muse."
"So I am not a Muse anymore? I do like being a Muse. It is my nature."
"You'll be a muse," Yixing replied happily. He laughed at Chen-- Jongdae's sour expression. "Jongdae the muse."
"Muse! With a capital M!"
Yixing laughed and continued to tease and Jongdae, not the one to back down, tackled and started a verbal fight of insults. There was no malice though, and any push and shove Jongdae did, it did not urge Yixing to stop and write it down. His touch was just normal flesh, warm and soft.
As for the visions, they were never written, kept secret between the mind of a certain Chinese boy living in Seoul.
Part I | Part II | Part III (?)