Just lucky I guess...
I'm laying in my bed.
...resting my head on a man. He is the most wonderful man and he is asleep. I can't think of another place I'd rather be than here listening to his breathing/snoring. I don't keep this updated enough so here it is. He's my boyfriend/partner/lover....he's my guy. I want us to be together and continue a life of fulfillment. He may not know it yet but he's making me want to be a better person. I see how he takes on challenges, speaks with his heart, stands up for what's right, and loves the people in his life.
I know my choices in life haven't been the right ones. With him here it changes the messed up feelings I'm trying to sort. Thanks to ayahuasca it helped me find my way out of those dark days. Thanks to my sister, my mom, and my friends I'm once again regaining my light. The time has come for me to take more of a stand to take control. I need to get my life set towards harder goals and repay the people I love. Thank you everyone for being in my life. You have saved me in my dark days and I'll be there for others.
This love, is an amazing, scary, unselfish experience. My emotions have been the hardest thing for me to control. I'm so impulsive at times but thanks to Kipp I'm feeling better. I don't feel neglected, alone, unwanted, insecure. Well, I do have my moments of doubt but he is there for me. He tells me I'm beautiful, I'm caring, I'm a good man, and that I mean so much to him. I was scared at first because it takes some people a long time or even a lot of courage to be honest about their feelings. We have been honest with each other and aren't trying to play games. The love I wanted for a long time is here. This is a moment I will cherish. It's not complicated, complex, or over the top. This moment is simple, unselfish, open, and beautiful. Something as simple as laying next to a person who makes your heart and head flutter. Everytime I see his face it's like a hit of fresh cool air. I could go on about this man but I won't. His head doesn't need it. Haha I kid because he knows my feelings...well maybe not the crazy ones. I'm going to take a break and enjoy this moment a bit longer.