THERE ARE NO ERRORS IN THE STORY OF The Golden Knights

[forgivesusan]

I DOUBLE-DOG-DARE YOU to find something wrong with this!

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MAKE COMMENTS AS TO EDITING, OR IN GENERAL. Thank you.

Who is that bold and merry lad who dares stand taller than the king himself? It is Prince Edward the ever-growing - why, I knew him when he was small enough to dash between a grown man’s legs to flee from the

Comments

[rollick]

Okay, I logged in as you and just edited this on the page, because typing up every example of a missing comma or "who's" instead of "whose" would have taken all day. So this is the edited version. I just fixed the little grammar stuff. Here's the bigger stuff for you to think about:

• You sometimes spell it "heartsease" and sometimes "hearts-ease." I changed all cases to the latter because it makes the words clearer, but if you like it better the other way you should change them all so they're consistent. And keep this in mind for other stories.
  
  
• Why doesn't Medwyn catch on the second time there's a sudden magic garden that if her sister talks about where it comes from, it'll disappear? Pretty dumb of her after it already happened once. And shouldn't she already know where it came from? I mean, it's a magic garden exactly like the last one! It might work better if she was asking "Did you catch the fish again? What did it say this time?" instead of "Wow, how'd this happen?"
  
  
• And why the hell isn't she curious about where the tree with

[forgivesusan]

OH MY GOD I JUST NOW SAW THIS hi!

I JUST NOW went through and fixed "howe'er."

And also I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT HOW TO WRITE A STUPID CONTRACTION since I've only been teaching that to 2nd graders fore're.

[forgivesusan]

How is it that one is older than the other?

Dude.

THIS is why I love you.

Matt is older than John, but Treynhew is the twin of Cavenjon, so you are right, I'll fix it.

[forgivesusan]

did you post this at 10:18?

OKIEDOKIE I am putting the kids to bed, and then I'm going to it.

Yes, I'll go through and fix all my howe'ers and 'ers and st'ff.

[rollick]

And more…

Is the dog's name Moonsel or Moonsle? Pick one and spell it that way consistently.

"…to try the metal of golden men on golden horses…" If you mean try their strength and power, it's "mettle," not "metal." If you literally mean try their metal because they're made out of metal, that's funny but people may think it's a typo.

"There shall grow something that shall be your true hearts’ pleasure.” I didn't notice this when I was editing, but if the fish is JUST talking about her it should be heart's pleasure. If he's talking about her heart AND her sister's heart (which he might be, who knows, he's a suicidal magic fish) then it's fine with the apostrophe where it is.

“You have found outpost, and the outland of our own kinsman’s kingdom." There's a word or a bunch of words or something missing from this sentence.

-- Countless countesses and royal maids made no secret of their scorn. “Her father will not let her marry a knight or a baronet or a baron, perhaps she should marry this bear-skin!” -- You already said this,

never mind, kids can stay up late

[forgivesusan]

Is the dog's name Moonsel or Moonsle?

The former, the latter is a mispelling.

I had no idea it was "mettle," not "metal." Oh goody, now I can say "try the mettle of the metal men."

If he's talking about her heart AND her sister's heart (which he might be, who knows, he's a suicidal magic fish) then it's fine with the apostrophe where it is. bwahahahahaha. I'm figuring he knows about Medwyn, since that's why the spell keeps going away, but yes, I'll change it to where Suicide Fish is only addressing R-r.

“

I think instead of the golden tree drooping when Treynhew is turned to stone, that it should turn to stone too. I mean, isn't it mystically linked to him and made out of the same stuff?

it was supposed to be well if all was well and droop if all was NOT well, but being turned to stone would be a lot more alarming, so I'll use that.

When you say Treynhew "moved to strike them with his boot," what do you mean? I mean "smack him with the boot which is currently on Treynhew's foot" but I'll change the boot to a sword.

OK now answer THIS question...

[thefirethorn]

This was the one specific question I wanted to know, about this story and ALL the stories, and you didn't even mention it, so so far so good.

Please answer, and please don't be nice:

Is the alliteration
(a) great because that's the style of the fairy tale
(b) too much
(c) WAY too much, like, did you want some story with that alliteration?
(d) ok
(e) ok if slighly annoying
(f) alliterwhatnow? didn't notice.

THANKS!

[teal_cuttlefish]

I found a few.

Part 2, 5 para from the bottom:

But if they wither and die, than we are in some danger.”

...then we are in some danger."

Part 3, about the middle:

she took the Golden Knight by his hand, and they took in Faire together.

Should that be ...took in the Faire together. ?

Also, in the story I looked at previous, you spell the herb heartsease -- you should probably be consistent between the stories.

[thefirethorn]

thanks -- I finally decided on hearts-ease. I'll make sure they are all this way.

Yes -- keeping the strange names (like Pierce and Moonsel) consistant and spelled the same is the reason I need proofreaders!