APP PART 2. ...No I don't have anything to say for myself.
Once Glee's BIG GAY SUMMER is over, Kurt happily tells off all anonymous haters and gets a slushie to the face. Also, he wears a women's sweater and he and Mercedes tell Rachel they're not self-involved enough to try to stop a girl with talent from joining the club solely in fear for their non-existent solos. Then they make wtf faces when Rachel goes I JUST LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. As they should. Also Nationals is in New York or something.
Anyway, after Rachel sends their new potential member to an inactive crackhouse, Kurt starts a facebook campaign to get to sing Britney Spears at the school assembly. The rest of the club agrees! Will shoots them down because he forgot what happened when he shot their idea down before a school assembly last year. Kurt continues to mention it to Will until Will goes NO OKAY NEVER and he finally snaps back and tells him to loosen up a little. He's sent to the principal for this. In the end they do sing Britney at the assembly! Kurt does not get to sing it though. Such is his lot in life.
Then Kurt gets in a minor disagreement with his father over whether a once-a-year-event or the traditional Friday Family Dinner is more important, and his dad says I AM DISAPPOINT, SON. Then he gets an arrhythmia. Kurt learns of this while showing off his French. FUCKING HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY UP IN HERE.
Kurt then spends the entire episode depressing me worried, since his father is in a resultant coma he might never wake out of. The Glee club tries to comfort him in different way, including kind words, saying heart attacks are just from loving too much (Brittany), a comforting hand on the shoulder (Finn … or, well, he tries. Kurt does not want.) and uh singing a song about turning to god in this hard time??? (Mercedes)
Kurt tells the club he doesn't believe in God and he is actually an atheist. The club reacts like any good friends would when one of their own is facing becoming an orphan: they proceed to try to convert him and shove religion down his throat. And form a prayer circle around his dad at his hospital bed. Though Kurt does employ a Sikh to use acupuncture to see if it would help. Fun fact: Sikh is one of the few religions that has a clear and generally positive view on homosexuality.
When she hears this, Sue comes to Kurt and gets him to ask her for help in shutting down this religionfest, and they bond over being apparently the only two atheists in Ohio. The club is pissed. Kurt cares very little.
He then tells the club the story of how when his mother died blablabla I put this all up there, and sings “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” as the club makes the biggest collective sad/horror face I have ever seen. Mercedes then tries reaching out again, asking him to go to her Church. Kurt accepts reluctantly, and though he still doesn't believe in God, Mercedes's word that he needs to believe in something make Kurt go to his father's bedside for the fiftieth time in this depressing ep and admit solemnly that he believes in Burt, and he believes in them, and he loves him. ): ): ):
Then Burt squeezes his hand back and Kurt goes insane because he woke up and Kurt sings “What If God Was One Of Us” with the rest of the club as acceptance. It's nice.
Next on the agenda: a new member joins the club, which is great because apparently Matt transferred last year and no one noticed. Also Puck is in juvie or something. The new kid is Sam Evans, a recent transfer, blond, cute, huge mouth, kind of a total geek and on the football team or something. Kurt instantly calls Team Gay, and Mercedes approves his crazy for some reason.
More important than Kurt's potential boyfriend however is that the glee club is having a duet competition this week! Kurt immediately calls dibs on Sam, who is mildly weirded out but mostly amused and okay with it. Finn however is worried that if Kurt sings with Sam, Sam will get bullied and quit the club. Because. So he tells this to Kurt, who objects that he just wants to sing with him, geez, and Finn said if he cared about the club he wouldn't do it because apparently he is toxic I guess. He also warns Sam off, except Sam didn't care. So basically Finn you douche.
Kurt bitches at his dad about it, but his dad tells him he's not so sure since Finn apparently told him about Kurt's crush last year, and Kurt goes JUST. SINGING. In the end, Kurt just ends up on a rant about wanting to just hold hands with a guy he likes or slow dance at his prom and why can't he have that? And his dad says until there's someone else who is out and proud like him, it might not happen. Kurt sadfaces into his dad's shoulder. ):
Then he “frees” Sam, who is mostly confused, and decides to perform his duet alone ... it makes sense in context after a decidedly not bitchy speech about sometimes being special means you are lonely. So there.
Then he sadfaces at Quinn and Sam performing a romantic duet together. ):
Rachel corners him once the competition is over, stating that she knows it's lonely and she can't imagine how hard it must be for him, but that the entire club loves him and they will win nationals thanks to him. She then offers to sing a duet with him, and they are awesome and adorable and this is the official start of the Hummelberry friendship. Yes. I used a portmanteau. DEAL WITH IT.
Then Will makes the club perform the musical Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kurt refuses the role of Frankenfurther Will, asking the only out gay kid to be the transsexual promiscuous bad guy is offensive but does play a rocking Riffraff. In the end the show is cancelled and they never speak of it ever again.
Then their competition for Sectionals is announced once again: the Dalton Academy Warblers (a prep school for boys) and a school for elderly people who are trying to get their high school diplomas. I don't know, okay, this is Glee. With this done, he tells them he's going to rehash last year's Boys Vs Girls idea, because it went so well the last time. Kurt once again tries to join the girls' team but does not get to. Woe.
Then it turns out one Dave Karofsky has started to turn up the bullying on Kurt, who is getting really fucking tired of it. Will notices Kurt after a particular vicious slam into the locker just staring angrily at Karofsky's back, and he decides now is the time to speak to Kurt about his bullying. Mainly, hey geez Kurt you've been kind of abrasive and mad lately usually the bullying didn't get you down this much why are you letting it affect you? ... I'm. I'm not even kidding, here. Kurt, like the audience, seems very unimpressed with Will, and says that yes, being the only out gay kid at school gets him down, but even more than that nothing in this school is challenging and Will's lesson plans are dumb and repetitive.
Will decides to do something about it, so instead of just normal Boys VS Girls, the guys are going to sing girl songs and vice versa! Will you suck. Kurt is enthralled and decides to take over immediately. His over-enthusiasm is mostly met with derision, however, and when Puck finally tells him he should make himself useful and go spy on the “Garglers”, Kurt snaps a “fine” and storms out, leaving the guys perplexed.
Kurt proceeds to seriously do that. For reals. Once he's in Dalton, however, he realizes his made-up uniform replacement sticks out a whole lot, and between that and the sudden commotion, he decides to ask a student for help with a really pitiful “Uh, excuse me. Hi, I'm new here.”. The guy gives Kurt a once-over, notices the lack of uniform and introduces himself as Blaine. Kurt, shocked that a guy would want to shake his hand his life so sad, spends the rest of this conversation epically bewildered until Blaine tells him he'll take him through a shortcut since the Warblers are performing soon. Then he grabs his hand and proceeds to drag him through the school while slow music plays and Kurt decides he wants to go there forever and always.
Turns out Blaine is the lead singer of the Warblers, and after he completely seduces Kurt with his impromptu performance of Katy Perry's “Teenage Dream”, he and two other Warblers grab Kurt and invite him out to coffee. Kurt says it's a nice gesture to do before beating him up for spying. They tell him he was a pretty terrible spy, so terrible it was cute, so they think spying isn't the real reason he came. Kurt can't help ask if they're all gay Blaine is!!, and the truth comes out: Dalton has a zero tolerance no-bullying policy in effect. Just it being mentioned nearly makes Kurt burst into tears, so Blaine asks the other two to leave and talks one on one with Kurt, who admits that there's one guy who keeps making his life hell and nobody notices. Blaine and Kurt bond over having been bullied, and since the tuition for Dalton is probably too steep for most people to afford., Blaine ends up giving Kurt the advice to stand up to his bullies.
THIS IS TERRIBLE ADVICE.
Later, after Blaine spams Kurt's phone with text messages saying “Courage!” and Kurt goes <3 <3 <3 <3 inside, Karofsky pushes Kurt once more and Kurt snaps. He runs after him into an empty locker room uh, Kurt, you are going to die and starts yelling at him. Karofsky tries to snap back, but the advantage is clearly Kurt's once he starts saying Karofsky isn't his type, and that if he wants to punch him he should go ahead and do it, because he can't punch the gay out of him anymore than Kurt could punch the ignoramus out of Karofsky.
And then Karofsky finally stops his tirade when he grabs Kurt and kisses him.
When he goes back for seconds, Kurt pushes him away and looks horribly violated. He ends up confessing what happened to Blaine, and Blaine decides to accompany him to their next intervention with Karofsky, who now instead of a homophobic bully is an in-the-closet homophobic bully, so it ends about as well as you expect. Meaning: Karofsky slams Blaine against a wall, but Kurt comes to the rescue of his knight in stupid uniform. Blaine tries t make light of it, but notices how depressed Kurt is, and Kurt admits that was his first kiss with a boy. Blaine offers him lunch. FRIENDSHIP.
Kurt is crushing hard now and makes a goddamn collage in his locker. Then he is once again slammed into it and as always nobody cares. This school sucks.
Kurt's infatuation with Blaine is so much that he starts being a lot happier around school and neglecting Mercedes, and he fangirls Will's substitute Holly Holiday super hard. He tries to set up Mercedes and … fails horribly, but the point is he is nearly happy. Except then Karofsky winks at him and it's a bit horrible, but STILL. HAPPY. He goes on not-dates with Blaine and just hearts all over the place.
Except then Karofsky finally talks to him about the kiss, and when Kurt says he understands and won't out him to anyone, he's told that if he does? Karofsky is going to kill him.
Happiness is a lie. ):
But then Burt and Finn's mom (Carole, okay) announce to both their kids that THEY ARE ENGAGED. They're getting married in … like... a week, because why the fuck not or something like that. Finn is unsure, but Kurt is ecstatic, because it turns out on top of decorating, fashion and musicals, he's also really into wedding planning. Kurt can do anything. So he ends up planning a small-budget wedding using the Glee club as music, because his dad wants to dance. Or something.
Kurt convinces Finn that dancing with his mother at the wedding will be badass … some...how... and also that you should feed birds glitter so that when they poop inside the chapel it'll look pretty. Then Finn leaves and he's once again badtouched by Karofsky, but this time Will notices him about to have a mental breakdown against the lockers. Will asks if he's okay and Kurt actually admits that he isn't, so they go to see Principal Sue!
No, you don't get to know how she became Principal, that's irrelevant.
The thing is, since Kurt doesn't want to admit to either the death threat or the kiss, there's nothing Sue can do for him, but she'll keep an eye out and the second he does something that can be reported, Kurt should come to her immediately. So while mostly a useless visit, Kurt at least gets her to stop calling him Lady, because it's hurtful! So Sue switches it up with Porcelain. Better than Tickle-Me-Doe-Face.
The Glee club then gets in on this new PROTECT KURT kick because Rachel noticed Hummelberry forever and planned an intervention of the guys to Karofsky. Finn refused because he sucks, but the other guys all end up getting in a fight except Puck because probation. Kurt thanks them but says they shouldn't have gotten involved, because Kurt asking for help was a one time only deal, okay.
Finn is super awkward about being seen as gay still, so it's when Kurt is teaching both his father and Finn how to slow dance in the choir room ... I don't know why in the choir room, okay and they suddenly separate when Karofsky mocks them from the entrance that Kurt's dad starts to question things. He doesn't believe Kurt's obvious bullshit, so the truth finally comes out … for the death threat. After extreme violence that ended when Kurt pulled his dad away and went NO YOU ARE SICK, they got a meeting with Principal Sue, Dave Karofsky and his dad. In the end KAROFSKY IS EXPELLED JOY TO THE WORLD la la la.
The wedding is wonderful and beautiful and exciting, and Finn finally realizes that he loves his bro so he gives an awesome speech and dances with him and sings a completely inappropriate song, and Kurt is full of happiness and HAPPY HAPPY JOY.
Hey, remember when I said happiness is a lie? It's still a lie.
The expulsion doesn't stick; the school board went against Sue on it, and so she renounces her position in a show of solidarity to Kurt. But that isn't enough to make Kurt feel okay and safe, so Carole and Burt decide to take the money they'd saved for a honeymoon to send him to Dalton Academy, stat. Kurt announces this to the shock of the entire club. Kurt can barely get the words out and ends up apologizing before running out.
Kurt Hummel has left McKinley. >:
He joins the Warblers, who are let's just say quite different from New Directions eclectic style. Kurt makes a pretty terrible first impression when he is given the Warbler mascot, a canary named Pavarotti, and he makes a tasteless yet hilarious joke about bringing him to a coal mine. Then he just worsens it by trying to suggest songs, when it's the council who takes care of that. Basically: Kurt looks dumb.
Blaine tells him they understand that it can be hard to adjust, and to help him along they've offered him the chance to audition for the solo for Sectionals! Kurt is super excite and forgets all about how awful and awkward he felt like three minutes ago.
He goes all the way to McKinley to corner Rachel in the auditorium and ask her for help choosing an appropriate song, stating that there's no denying she's the most talented performer he knows. Rachel is at first unsure at helping the competition, but Hummelberry lives on she agrees and gives him a completely inappropriate choice for an a capella choir. Kurt, Rachel didn't even know the Warblers' style, you moron.
Kurt is entirely too theatrical while performing, and Blaine tells him as much when he doesn't get the solo. He should try to not stand out so hard. Kurt admits he's going to have to get used to not screaming to be heard, and Blaine says a metaphor on birds or something.
Kurt and Rachel have another moment just before Sectionals, where Rachel seems shocked he didn't get the solo and they generally bond more in one episode than over the course of season one. Rachel admits Kurt was her only real competition and they hug. Also there's something about relationship drama Kurt was privy too, but to be fair he was unaware Rachel didn't know for once.
The Warblers and New Directions tie and both move on to Regionals. Yay.
Then near Christmas Blaine offers to sing a flirty duet with Kurt, Kurt starts to plan their children's names but is interrupted by a visit from Will Schuester, who needed help shopping for Sue. Kurt uses the opportunity to admit that he's in love with Blaine even if they're not together, but hey at least he's gay this time. Progress!! Then he gets the best damn present Sue Sylvester could have ever wanted because shopping for other people is also one of his many talents.
New Directions ends up having to help the football team with their championship match or some such they don't suck this year!, and it's during a coffee date with Mercedes, Rachel and Blaine (in which the boys were totally not bragging about how awesome their Regional perfomance was going to be) that Kurt says of course they'll go see the championship match, he and Blaine love football! … Nah just kidding Blaine loves football. Kurt loves scarves. Then he says he's apparently been bringing a glass of warm milk to Finn every night in order for them to have a lady chat and bond. It is going about as well as can be expected.
THEN COMES VALENTINE'S DAY. Kurt is generally grossed out and unimpressed with it, but he seems to change his tune when Blaine starts gushing about how he loves V-Day and how it is the best day to look someone in the eye and tell them I Love You. Which is exactly what he's planning to do this V-Day with the help of the Warblers. Also, he knows Kurt's coffee order. Kurt's brain goes me me pick me!!! and he becomes so excited he doesn't even consider that it could be someone not Kurt.
Turns out it is; it's some guy that works at the Gap instead. Kurt really regrets helping Blaine convince the Warblers to help him serenade the love of his life now. He goes to cry on Mercedes and Rachel's shoulders during a sleepover, and while he explains why he thought it was him he realizes that he made it all up in his mind and makes this face: ): ): ):. Mercedes convinces him to try rocking the single thing. Kurt eats pizza morosely and admits he really missed hanging with his girls. Cue cuddlefest. Also, his idol is Patti LuPone or something.
Kurt continues to cheer Blaine on with his serenading, proving extreme character growth considering what he did to Rachel last season. He doesn't even judge Blaine verbally when the guy mentions if he got married with his crush he'd get 50% off at the Gap. But he seriously wanted to. Blaine's serenading goes about as well as you can explain when you sing a sex song in the Gap of a mall in Lima, Ohio, and Kurt, though he spent most of it making the most bummed face this side of the heartbroken river, stays with him for moral support.
Though he does judge Blaine when the guy asks him if it was too much. There was a line about keeping toys in drawers tonight. Yeah. The guy rejects Blaine on multiple grounds, including him having just been outed to all his coworkers. Kurt snarks that with that hair they probably did. When Blaine turns to Kurt after his rejection Kurt at least tries to not look too pleased with himself, shrugging as if to say “Sorry it didn't work out, buddy”.
Blaine switches his tune on V-Day pretty fast, and while Kurt is admittedly amused at first, when the guy says he can't believe he made it all up in his head, Kurt makes a choice. They've always been honest with each other, so: he admits that he thought Blaine wanted to serenade him. Blaine is completely blindsided by this but ultimately says that while he really cares about Kurt, he doesn't want to ruin things between both of them. Kurt compares them to When Harry Met Sally and pretends to not hear when Blaine mentions those two get together in the end. To cheer Blaine up they end up performing for the majority of New Directions for V-Day, and it's adorable and Kurt is adamant that this is the year for singles and has awesomely cute moments with Rachel and Mercedes.
A few weeks later, Rachel organizes a party for New Directions since her dads are gone. Kurt and Blaine invite themselves, because this is how Kurt rolls. Also because Kurt is blackmailing Finn with his Internet browser history or something. The party starts getting wild once alcohol is introduced, and while Kurt stays sober in order to impress Blaine and not mention Disney movies, Blaine gets completely drunk off his ass. Kurt is at least mildly amused at this. CUE SPIN THE BOTTLE TIME.
Blaine gets Rachel, and while at first Kurt is just as lolleriffic about this as the rest of the club, their kiss gets a bit too passionate for his taste and he's the one to tell them “Okay, enough!”. Rachel and Blaine spend most of the party attached at the hip and Kurt makes this face:
Yes, I really needed to find a way to make this app look even longer.
Blaine is far too drunk to drive, so Kurt lets him crash at his house. In his bed. Burt goes to get Kurt and sees Blaine instead. Kurt, in the middle of moisturizing, sees absolutely nothing wrong with the scenario of “drunk gay guy in his bed”, possibly because they're both still fully clothed. Burt awkwardly goes away.
Later, Kurt seems completely okay with Blaine's drunken heterosexuality, possibly because in retrospect? Yeah kind of hilarious. But then Blaine accepts a date with Rachel, and once Kurt points out leading her on is awful Blaine says he is questioning his sexuality. Kurt responds about as well as can be expected. He projects his take on bisexuality all over Blaine and asks why the fuck he's questioning NOW when he's always been out and proud and Blaine goes defensive and they basically have an awful fight. It's never referenced again.
There is an awkward scene where Burt attempts to talk to Kurt about having had a guy over in his bed, and Kurt points out they were both clothed and if Burt wants to give him a no-sex rule he should find out what gay sex actually entails. Or something. This is only relevant for something else later on. You'll see.
Kurt then visits Rachel to help her clean up the after-party and tell her that she should stop dating Blaine because he is gay. Also that she is kind of a terrible friend, but that part is just implied. Rachel however is just convinced that the true answer to Blaine finding his sexuality is for her to kiss him sober.
Look, I don't write the show, I just suffer from it.
They arrange a coffee date where Kurt admits he doesn't want her to get hurt and he's really not winning anything in this scenario either way. Rachel ignores him because he is being sane, and then she kisses Blaine... who thanks her and declares himself 100% gay and flounces to the bathroom. Kurt says he sympathizes with her and knows how that sucks, but Rachel declares she has found perfect song inspiration and she flounces off too. Kurt is torn between feeling smug over Blaine's sexuality and feeling really confused because he is surrounded by people even crazier than he is on a bad day.
TIME PASSES, and Kurt and Blaine seem to have mended their friendship/budding (sorta) romance. Sue, who is now coaching the third competing club for Regionals (no, you don't get to know how that happened either), intercepts them in the coffee shop and shares “intel” with the baby Warblers about how a theme for Regionals will be “Sexy”. Or something. Kurt tells her that he's not actually in cahoots with her on anything, seriously, and Sue flounces off. Unfortunately the part of Blaine that wasn't stuck in horror-terror mode latched on to “Sexy”, and he decides the Warblers must SEXIFY THEMSELVES.
Kurt looks appropriately unsure.
During the “sexy” number they perform … in a warehouse... with a foam machine... in front of teenage girls... Yeah, I have no idea-- anyway, Kurt and Blaine duet, but Kurt keeps making absolutely ridiculous faces, to Blaine's complete bafflement. It's only after the number that Blaine asks what that was about and Kurt answers that they were his sexy faces! :D?
Blaine tells him they looked more like gas pains, which is exactly the sort of thing any boy wants his crush to tell them. So when Kurt frets that they can't perform a sexy number if he's got the sexual appeal of a baby penguin, so Blaine tells him he will teach him how.
While the audience starts to wonder what the fuck Kurt sees in this guy again, Blaine is helping Kurt practice sexy faces in his room in front of his mirror. And laughing. And telling him they all look the same. Kurt finally gives up and snaps back that they do because the face he's actually making is uncomfortable. The truth is Kurt isn't into sex at all, and to him there's nothing sexier than the touch of fingertips. He's tried watching porn, but he inevitably gets depressed because what would their mother think and why would you get a tattoo there?! Yes, that needed to be quoted word for word.
When Blaine points out Kurt kind of needs to be educated, Kurt goes oh my god no get out sexy time is over. So Blaine does what any good friend would do: enlist Burt to give Kurt The Talk.
Kurt infinitely regrets telling his father to get educated when he tries to corner him in the kitchen. Kurt wants to hear this speech so little he even goes as far as blocking his ears and going LA LA LA, okay. But Burt quickly puts a stop to that, and gives a speech that has very little to do with sexual education and all to do with how sex can emotionally affect you and Kurt shouldn't throw himself around ever, because he matters. Kurt makes the saddest shocked face you see on someone when they don't really think that, and I make this face >: >: >:!!
Then Kurt gets pamphlets and he goes to read those alone because that is quite enough humiliation for one day.
But Regionals is still coming up! So after the millionth study session interrupted by Blaine throwing the papers around because that is the only choreography the Warblers know, Kurt finally tells Blaine that while his solos are quite lovely, they're very numerous and Kurt feels like he's with Blaine and the Pips. Blaine sadfaces and Kurt walks away with his bird.
Yeah, remember Pavarotti? There's a reason I mentioned him earlier. In the middle of a Disney-style jam, the thing drops dead. Kurt, wrought with grief, shows up in the middle of Warbler practice out of uniform and interrupts whatever it is they're doing to announce the mascot is dead, and he sings a very emotional rendition of Blackbird for him.
Then next practice, Blaine announces that he wants to sing a duet in Regionals instead of getting all the solos. Kurt is immediately pleased and announces he'll be first on the list to audition, except Blaine says no, there won't be auditions. He wants to sing a duet with Kurt. The motion is voted unanimously and Kurt pretends he's not cautiously getting his hopes up.
It's when he's decorating Pavarotti's casket ...he bedazzled it and Blaine interrupts him so they can practice that Kurt asks Blaine why he wanted to sing with him. Blaine answers with a speech that includes such thing as “Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever” and “You move me, Kurt” and grasping Kurt's hand. Kurt doesn't respond at all, basically reminding himself of every other time he convinced himself Blaine had feelings for him-- but then
THEY KISSED~~!!!!
I have no idea what you mean, I'm not a shipper at all. When they finally stop, Blaine looks sheepish and says they should practice, which Kurt answers with a breathy “I thought we already were”. So they go on. Practicing.
Then comes the actual competition, and while Kurt and Blaine's duet was rocking and very gay and Kurt didn't suffer stage fright the size of a mountain beforehand that needed Blaine's reassurance or anything! ...Okay, yes, he did, and when it came time to bow he even had to be dragged in the limelight, because once again: characters with the weirdest self-esteem ever. Unfortunately, the Warblers lose to New Directions, partially because Too Gay Guys. ): Woe.
Kurt and Blaine bury Pavarotti together, and Blaine notes that this probably reminds Kurt of his mother's funeral. ...Blaine lacks tact. But the real thing bothering Kurt is that he's bummed they lost Regionals because he really wanted to win. Blaine tells him they did win because they got each other out of this and that >>> lousy trophy. Kurt goes <3 and they hold hands.
Okay, maybe I am a shipper.
Later, New Directions is having a charity concert and Kurt and Blaine are basically the only people going there to enjoy the show instead of heckling them. Kurt gives Blaine a tour of his old school, Blaine notices that Kurt really misses his old friends, and then they're bothered by Karofsky because why not. Santana comes to their rescue, and it's all well and good and bonding time. The couple spends the rest of the night looking married, including when Kurt as to try to reign Blaine in when he gets mad at the hecklers.
Then supposedly Karofsky's turned a new leaf and started stopping the bullying alongside Santana freakin' Lopez, and for some reason that means Kurt, Dave and their dads get another talk with a principal. Burt is really not okay with this or believes any of it, and even snaps that Kurt just wants to go back when Kurt goes WELL ACTUALLY MAYBE. Which is true. Kurt talks to Dave one-on-one who admits that Santana is blackmailing him. Kurt thinks that is a great plan and adds that they should make a PFLAG together :D :D.
Long story short, Kurt goes along with it because he really missed his friends, okay. KURT HUMMEL'S BACK AT MCKINLEY.
The Warblers since a lovely song goodbye to Kurt in the McKinley courtyard, and Kurt tells Blaine he will never say goodbye to him ever. Then he sings a kickass broadway song to the club to tell them how much he wuvs them.
In another plot point, Rachel has been considering a nose job, and Kurt stages a Barbravention that's barbra streisand + intervention for her at a mall in Ohio. He tells her that she's one in a million and worth so much more than that, then does a flash mob for her. It's. Super. Cute.
Also the club made t-shirts about things that they've wanted to change about themselves but have/will embrace(d). Kurt writes “LIKES BOYS” on his.
A bit later, the school newspaper is back and saying dirty dirty rumors, so Finn stakes out a motel because he thinks his current girlfriend (Quinn) is cheating on him with her ex (Sam). Or something dumb like that. But then Kurt comes out of Sam's motel room!!!
Rachel, who was there with Finn for some reason and then noticed Sam wearing Kurt's jacket, tries to convince Kurt that Sam, while cute, is not worth losing Blaine over. Kurt goes what, and when he finally understands what Rachel is on (the rumor mill) he tells her in no certain terms that that kind of thing is just hurtful and he's being a team player by not participating. Also Sam's life is totes not their business.
Turns out Sam and his family are homeless and Kurt was giving him some of his old clothes and just generally helping out. Awkwaaaaard. (Kurt only knew of the whole ordeal because Sam delivered pizza to Dalton, and I guess... Students never have jobs. IDK.)
Then! It is Junior Prom time! Kurt asks Blaine, who is unsure because the last time he went to a dance with a guy he got beat up for it. Joy. But Kurt says this might help Blaine face his demons-- though of course if he really doesn't want to they can just screw it and catch a movie. Have you guys noticed the character growth lately I am so proud. Blaine accepts, and all is well in the world.
Except Kurt wants to reference the royal wedding and wishes to wear a kilt to prom, which makes both his dad and Blaine nervous. Even though they both go “oh god don't” Kurt says he's done everything right, and whether Blaine is willing to join him or not is up to him and he'll understand, but he's going like this.
In another plot point, Kurt and Santana strike a deal after Kurt helps the girls pick their prom dresses because Kurt's opinion matters. The deal is basically that she and Dave will be Kurt's bodyguards until and during prom. What Santana gets out of this is apparently more votes for prom queen. Who cares! Kurt accepts, though he gets annoyed with it about seven seconds in.
It's when Dave is escorting Kurt around school that Kurt finally mentions that no one has been harassing him for a while. Dave is quick to lay glory on himself and Santana's handiwork, but Kurt says maybe the school has moved on from homophobia. Not in the sense that they're ready to embrace the gay, but in the sense that nobody cares. Dave looks as dubious as the audience, and Kurt goes on to say he used to hate him but now he just sees how much pain he's in and then Dave breaks down and apologizes for everything while crying in the middle of an empty hallway because that is super manly. Kurt accepts the apology wholeheartedly, not even holding a slight grudge against the guy who pretend sexually harassed him for some time.
Everything is super dandy at prom even if Kurt and Blaine aren't really dancing together until it comes time to announce the prom queen and king. The King is Dave! … The Queen is Kurt.
Kurt is shocked and horrified and runs out with Blaine right behind him, bursting into tears. At first he's quite hysterical, saying he was naïve to think anything had changed, that all of this was still hate only in an anonymous form and that he's just never going back in there, no way. After a while of Kurt pacing, Blaine asks him what he wants to do. Kurt says this was about facing demons, and so he's going to go back in there and get coronated, to show the world that they can't hurt him, hurt them or what they have.
“Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton,” Kurt tells his entire school, and they're led into applause by the glee club. Then it's time for an awkward King & Queen dance.
Except Karofsky ends up backing out unable to do it, and Kurt stands there awkwardly as Dancing Queen plays until Blaine asks him for this dance, and the rest of the night is positively awesome yay klaine.
Then Sue's sister dies (no you don't get to know when she got a sister) and Kurt and Finn take it upon themselves as Awesome Orphan Brothers to give her their condolences. They plan a funeral for Sue since she doesn't want to, and try to reach out to her in her time of need. Kurt also does funeral planning, apparently. Sue is both touched and repulsed by them, but in the end she breaks down crying at the funeral while the song sings Pure Imagination because her sister loved Willy Wonka.
In a completely different plot point, Jesse St Asshole came back and he's now a consultant for New Directions for some reason. With his brilliant idea, ND organizes solo auditions for Nationals. Kurt is the only guy to audition alongside Santana, Mercedes and Rachel. He kicks ass, and all Jesse has to say about his performance is that it's too controversial because he is singing a girl's song, which Kurt tells him is so last year. When Rachel tries to defend Jesse, Kurt points out he made breakfast on her head. But as always when Rachel performs Kurt is the first (...and only) to shoot out of his seat to applaud her because he can't deny she's talented ever. Yay Hummelberry. In the end no one gets the solo and Kurt and Santana pretend they weren't just huge bitches to each other.
Nationals!! In New York!! The club is so not prepared but they spend all their time frolicking in New York instead of rehearsing because it's fucking New York. Then Kurt ninja tackles Rachel awake to bring her to eat breakfast at Tiffany's (ha ha get it) and they both agree that they are totally moving there once they graduate. As is Blaine, because Kurt talks about that stuff with his boyfriend apparently. Then Kurt drags Rachel into an empty theater where the Wicked shows happen, and they almost get kicked out by a guard because they can't lie worth shit, but the guard gives them fifteen minutes. They sing a beautiful rendition of For Good and just love each other and the stage so much it's ridiculous and they are crying tears of tearfull tearness. Hummelberry forever. Then ND only gets 12th place because they didn't practice and also Rachel and Finn ended up getting their macks on in middle of the performance. ...Awkward.
Kurt relays all this to Blaine over coffee once he's back, and Blaine points out that Kurt doesn't seem bummed about losing at all. Kurt goes WHO CARES I WENT TO NEW YORK IT WAS AWESOME. Blaine looks lovestruck and he tells Kurt he loves him right as the guy is sipping his drink. Kurt tries to swallow, not spit (ha ha get it) and tells him he loves him too. Looking really stupidly giddy, he raises his cup and says overall, Kurt Hummel's had a pretty good year. Boyfriend >>>> everything bad.
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON: GLEE
~*Personality*~
What you know you want to read more of this section. Kurt is a fashionable diva with a bit of a mean/blunt/sarcastic/snarky streak to him, which he uses both for humor and as a defense mechanism. He's proud, not just of his sexuality but in general, and usually doesn't seek help for anything. He's grown a lot since season one, and while he can still be self-involved he's learned to take a step back in things. He's compassionate, fierce and still optimistic on some things even after years of bullying. He has a tendency to be a bit naïve, but he's also pretty cynical when it comes down to it. He's determined, he's
I just wrote like 23 pages of his background can his reactions to thing count as his personality.
Kurt is protective and bitchy and intense, insecure yet confident and seriously you're not even reading this anymore, are you. I know I wouldn't be. Let's call it a day.
Have you read up on how the game works?: Yep! The network is called FlameFerret (ha ha) and Kurt can make money by getting a job (or mooching off people or stealing) which he will inevitably have to if he wants a new wardrobe.
1st person sample: [Kurt stares critically into the camera before shifting the angle. There. That's much better.]
Excuse me. I've been informed that it seems my planet has been destroyed, and not actually by anything humans did themselves. Quite the shocker, really. It wasn't even predicted by Mayans.
[he sighs and flicks the hair out of his face, looking a bit too poised for it to be real]
While I understand that the possibility of survivors is higher than this would be in normal circumstances, I feel I should... grieve. Somehow. If not for the people, then for the planet itself. While the demographic sometimes lacked in brain matter, I... It was home.
So, in the tradition of our club, I'm going to sing.
[insert soul-shattering rendition of The Beatles' Across The Universe here.
Once this is done, Kurt seems to have to swallow and take deep breaths a few times before he gives a small, too fake smile.]
… Thank you.
3rd person sample: It just figures, honestly.
Kurt is finally completely happy with his life and the world blows up. This is just his luck. It says a lot that Kurt is actually hoping he's only been kidnapped by aliens instead, to be honest. Let me tell you something: if Kurt Hummel was going to get anything in his ass, a probe definitely wasn't on his top ten, but it's still a step above world destruction.
Oh, god, he can't believe he thought that. Even thinking it made him feel dirty.
Kurt takes a steadying breath. It's fine. It'll be fine. There's no way he's the only survivor out there (and seriously, who would pick a flamboyantly gay boy from Lima, Ohio to repopulate the Earth?), so no one he knows has to be dead. He's not in denial, and he's not going to pray for it, either. It's a conviction. It's--
A need, really. Because he can't stand the thought of his dad-- his family, his friends-- Blaine-- he can't stand the thought of losing even one of them, so all at once? Kurt would die. So. So: They're alive. They're alive, but just not there, and Kurt can deal with that. He can. He's used to loneliness and taking care of himself, and this is just temporary.
… It has to be.
Questions?: WHY DO I DO THIS?????? FUCK I NEVER WANT TO WRITE AGAIN EVER I apologize for everything ): ): ):
Did you put your characters name and fandom in the subject: Future me says I did, and I guess I'll believe her even if future me is kind of a moron. (Homestuck jokes are completely out of place in this app, I know.)
Anyway, after Rachel sends their new potential member to an inactive crackhouse, Kurt starts a facebook campaign to get to sing Britney Spears at the school assembly. The rest of the club agrees! Will shoots them down because he forgot what happened when he shot their idea down before a school assembly last year. Kurt continues to mention it to Will until Will goes NO OKAY NEVER and he finally snaps back and tells him to loosen up a little. He's sent to the principal for this. In the end they do sing Britney at the assembly! Kurt does not get to sing it though. Such is his lot in life.
Then Kurt gets in a minor disagreement with his father over whether a once-a-year-event or the traditional Friday Family Dinner is more important, and his dad says I AM DISAPPOINT, SON. Then he gets an arrhythmia. Kurt learns of this while showing off his French. FUCKING HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY UP IN HERE.
Kurt then spends the entire episode depressing me worried, since his father is in a resultant coma he might never wake out of. The Glee club tries to comfort him in different way, including kind words, saying heart attacks are just from loving too much (Brittany), a comforting hand on the shoulder (Finn … or, well, he tries. Kurt does not want.) and uh singing a song about turning to god in this hard time??? (Mercedes)
Kurt tells the club he doesn't believe in God and he is actually an atheist. The club reacts like any good friends would when one of their own is facing becoming an orphan: they proceed to try to convert him and shove religion down his throat. And form a prayer circle around his dad at his hospital bed. Though Kurt does employ a Sikh to use acupuncture to see if it would help. Fun fact: Sikh is one of the few religions that has a clear and generally positive view on homosexuality.
When she hears this, Sue comes to Kurt and gets him to ask her for help in shutting down this religionfest, and they bond over being apparently the only two atheists in Ohio. The club is pissed. Kurt cares very little.
He then tells the club the story of how when his mother died blablabla I put this all up there, and sings “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” as the club makes the biggest collective sad/horror face I have ever seen. Mercedes then tries reaching out again, asking him to go to her Church. Kurt accepts reluctantly, and though he still doesn't believe in God, Mercedes's word that he needs to believe in something make Kurt go to his father's bedside for the fiftieth time in this depressing ep and admit solemnly that he believes in Burt, and he believes in them, and he loves him. ): ): ):
Then Burt squeezes his hand back and Kurt goes insane because he woke up and Kurt sings “What If God Was One Of Us” with the rest of the club as acceptance. It's nice.
Next on the agenda: a new member joins the club, which is great because apparently Matt transferred last year and no one noticed. Also Puck is in juvie or something. The new kid is Sam Evans, a recent transfer, blond, cute, huge mouth, kind of a total geek and on the football team or something. Kurt instantly calls Team Gay, and Mercedes approves his crazy for some reason.
More important than Kurt's potential boyfriend however is that the glee club is having a duet competition this week! Kurt immediately calls dibs on Sam, who is mildly weirded out but mostly amused and okay with it. Finn however is worried that if Kurt sings with Sam, Sam will get bullied and quit the club. Because. So he tells this to Kurt, who objects that he just wants to sing with him, geez, and Finn said if he cared about the club he wouldn't do it because apparently he is toxic I guess. He also warns Sam off, except Sam didn't care. So basically Finn you douche.
Kurt bitches at his dad about it, but his dad tells him he's not so sure since Finn apparently told him about Kurt's crush last year, and Kurt goes JUST. SINGING. In the end, Kurt just ends up on a rant about wanting to just hold hands with a guy he likes or slow dance at his prom and why can't he have that? And his dad says until there's someone else who is out and proud like him, it might not happen. Kurt sadfaces into his dad's shoulder. ):
Then he “frees” Sam, who is mostly confused, and decides to perform his duet alone ... it makes sense in context after a decidedly not bitchy speech about sometimes being special means you are lonely. So there.
Then he sadfaces at Quinn and Sam performing a romantic duet together. ):
Rachel corners him once the competition is over, stating that she knows it's lonely and she can't imagine how hard it must be for him, but that the entire club loves him and they will win nationals thanks to him. She then offers to sing a duet with him, and they are awesome and adorable and this is the official start of the Hummelberry friendship. Yes. I used a portmanteau. DEAL WITH IT.
Then Will makes the club perform the musical Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kurt refuses the role of Frankenfurther Will, asking the only out gay kid to be the transsexual promiscuous bad guy is offensive but does play a rocking Riffraff. In the end the show is cancelled and they never speak of it ever again.
Then their competition for Sectionals is announced once again: the Dalton Academy Warblers (a prep school for boys) and a school for elderly people who are trying to get their high school diplomas. I don't know, okay, this is Glee. With this done, he tells them he's going to rehash last year's Boys Vs Girls idea, because it went so well the last time. Kurt once again tries to join the girls' team but does not get to. Woe.
Then it turns out one Dave Karofsky has started to turn up the bullying on Kurt, who is getting really fucking tired of it. Will notices Kurt after a particular vicious slam into the locker just staring angrily at Karofsky's back, and he decides now is the time to speak to Kurt about his bullying. Mainly, hey geez Kurt you've been kind of abrasive and mad lately usually the bullying didn't get you down this much why are you letting it affect you? ... I'm. I'm not even kidding, here. Kurt, like the audience, seems very unimpressed with Will, and says that yes, being the only out gay kid at school gets him down, but even more than that nothing in this school is challenging and Will's lesson plans are dumb and repetitive.
Will decides to do something about it, so instead of just normal Boys VS Girls, the guys are going to sing girl songs and vice versa! Will you suck. Kurt is enthralled and decides to take over immediately. His over-enthusiasm is mostly met with derision, however, and when Puck finally tells him he should make himself useful and go spy on the “Garglers”, Kurt snaps a “fine” and storms out, leaving the guys perplexed.
Kurt proceeds to seriously do that. For reals. Once he's in Dalton, however, he realizes his made-up uniform replacement sticks out a whole lot, and between that and the sudden commotion, he decides to ask a student for help with a really pitiful “Uh, excuse me. Hi, I'm new here.”. The guy gives Kurt a once-over, notices the lack of uniform and introduces himself as Blaine. Kurt, shocked that a guy would want to shake his hand his life so sad, spends the rest of this conversation epically bewildered until Blaine tells him he'll take him through a shortcut since the Warblers are performing soon. Then he grabs his hand and proceeds to drag him through the school while slow music plays and Kurt decides he wants to go there forever and always.
Turns out Blaine is the lead singer of the Warblers, and after he completely seduces Kurt with his impromptu performance of Katy Perry's “Teenage Dream”, he and two other Warblers grab Kurt and invite him out to coffee. Kurt says it's a nice gesture to do before beating him up for spying. They tell him he was a pretty terrible spy, so terrible it was cute, so they think spying isn't the real reason he came. Kurt can't help ask if they're all gay Blaine is!!, and the truth comes out: Dalton has a zero tolerance no-bullying policy in effect. Just it being mentioned nearly makes Kurt burst into tears, so Blaine asks the other two to leave and talks one on one with Kurt, who admits that there's one guy who keeps making his life hell and nobody notices. Blaine and Kurt bond over having been bullied, and since the tuition for Dalton is probably too steep for most people to afford., Blaine ends up giving Kurt the advice to stand up to his bullies.
THIS IS TERRIBLE ADVICE.
Later, after Blaine spams Kurt's phone with text messages saying “Courage!” and Kurt goes <3 <3 <3 <3 inside, Karofsky pushes Kurt once more and Kurt snaps. He runs after him into an empty locker room uh, Kurt, you are going to die and starts yelling at him. Karofsky tries to snap back, but the advantage is clearly Kurt's once he starts saying Karofsky isn't his type, and that if he wants to punch him he should go ahead and do it, because he can't punch the gay out of him anymore than Kurt could punch the ignoramus out of Karofsky.
And then Karofsky finally stops his tirade when he grabs Kurt and kisses him.
When he goes back for seconds, Kurt pushes him away and looks horribly violated. He ends up confessing what happened to Blaine, and Blaine decides to accompany him to their next intervention with Karofsky, who now instead of a homophobic bully is an in-the-closet homophobic bully, so it ends about as well as you expect. Meaning: Karofsky slams Blaine against a wall, but Kurt comes to the rescue of his knight in stupid uniform. Blaine tries t make light of it, but notices how depressed Kurt is, and Kurt admits that was his first kiss with a boy. Blaine offers him lunch. FRIENDSHIP.
Kurt is crushing hard now and makes a goddamn collage in his locker. Then he is once again slammed into it and as always nobody cares. This school sucks.
Kurt's infatuation with Blaine is so much that he starts being a lot happier around school and neglecting Mercedes, and he fangirls Will's substitute Holly Holiday super hard. He tries to set up Mercedes and … fails horribly, but the point is he is nearly happy. Except then Karofsky winks at him and it's a bit horrible, but STILL. HAPPY. He goes on not-dates with Blaine and just hearts all over the place.
Except then Karofsky finally talks to him about the kiss, and when Kurt says he understands and won't out him to anyone, he's told that if he does? Karofsky is going to kill him.
Happiness is a lie. ):
But then Burt and Finn's mom (Carole, okay) announce to both their kids that THEY ARE ENGAGED. They're getting married in … like... a week, because why the fuck not or something like that. Finn is unsure, but Kurt is ecstatic, because it turns out on top of decorating, fashion and musicals, he's also really into wedding planning. Kurt can do anything. So he ends up planning a small-budget wedding using the Glee club as music, because his dad wants to dance. Or something.
Kurt convinces Finn that dancing with his mother at the wedding will be badass … some...how... and also that you should feed birds glitter so that when they poop inside the chapel it'll look pretty. Then Finn leaves and he's once again badtouched by Karofsky, but this time Will notices him about to have a mental breakdown against the lockers. Will asks if he's okay and Kurt actually admits that he isn't, so they go to see Principal Sue!
No, you don't get to know how she became Principal, that's irrelevant.
The thing is, since Kurt doesn't want to admit to either the death threat or the kiss, there's nothing Sue can do for him, but she'll keep an eye out and the second he does something that can be reported, Kurt should come to her immediately. So while mostly a useless visit, Kurt at least gets her to stop calling him Lady, because it's hurtful! So Sue switches it up with Porcelain. Better than Tickle-Me-Doe-Face.
The Glee club then gets in on this new PROTECT KURT kick because Rachel noticed Hummelberry forever and planned an intervention of the guys to Karofsky. Finn refused because he sucks, but the other guys all end up getting in a fight except Puck because probation. Kurt thanks them but says they shouldn't have gotten involved, because Kurt asking for help was a one time only deal, okay.
Finn is super awkward about being seen as gay still, so it's when Kurt is teaching both his father and Finn how to slow dance in the choir room ... I don't know why in the choir room, okay and they suddenly separate when Karofsky mocks them from the entrance that Kurt's dad starts to question things. He doesn't believe Kurt's obvious bullshit, so the truth finally comes out … for the death threat. After extreme violence that ended when Kurt pulled his dad away and went NO YOU ARE SICK, they got a meeting with Principal Sue, Dave Karofsky and his dad. In the end KAROFSKY IS EXPELLED JOY TO THE WORLD la la la.
The wedding is wonderful and beautiful and exciting, and Finn finally realizes that he loves his bro so he gives an awesome speech and dances with him and sings a completely inappropriate song, and Kurt is full of happiness and HAPPY HAPPY JOY.
Hey, remember when I said happiness is a lie? It's still a lie.
The expulsion doesn't stick; the school board went against Sue on it, and so she renounces her position in a show of solidarity to Kurt. But that isn't enough to make Kurt feel okay and safe, so Carole and Burt decide to take the money they'd saved for a honeymoon to send him to Dalton Academy, stat. Kurt announces this to the shock of the entire club. Kurt can barely get the words out and ends up apologizing before running out.
Kurt Hummel has left McKinley. >:
He joins the Warblers, who are let's just say quite different from New Directions eclectic style. Kurt makes a pretty terrible first impression when he is given the Warbler mascot, a canary named Pavarotti, and he makes a tasteless yet hilarious joke about bringing him to a coal mine. Then he just worsens it by trying to suggest songs, when it's the council who takes care of that. Basically: Kurt looks dumb.
Blaine tells him they understand that it can be hard to adjust, and to help him along they've offered him the chance to audition for the solo for Sectionals! Kurt is super excite and forgets all about how awful and awkward he felt like three minutes ago.
He goes all the way to McKinley to corner Rachel in the auditorium and ask her for help choosing an appropriate song, stating that there's no denying she's the most talented performer he knows. Rachel is at first unsure at helping the competition, but Hummelberry lives on she agrees and gives him a completely inappropriate choice for an a capella choir. Kurt, Rachel didn't even know the Warblers' style, you moron.
Kurt is entirely too theatrical while performing, and Blaine tells him as much when he doesn't get the solo. He should try to not stand out so hard. Kurt admits he's going to have to get used to not screaming to be heard, and Blaine says a metaphor on birds or something.
Kurt and Rachel have another moment just before Sectionals, where Rachel seems shocked he didn't get the solo and they generally bond more in one episode than over the course of season one. Rachel admits Kurt was her only real competition and they hug. Also there's something about relationship drama Kurt was privy too, but to be fair he was unaware Rachel didn't know for once.
The Warblers and New Directions tie and both move on to Regionals. Yay.
Then near Christmas Blaine offers to sing a flirty duet with Kurt, Kurt starts to plan their children's names but is interrupted by a visit from Will Schuester, who needed help shopping for Sue. Kurt uses the opportunity to admit that he's in love with Blaine even if they're not together, but hey at least he's gay this time. Progress!! Then he gets the best damn present Sue Sylvester could have ever wanted because shopping for other people is also one of his many talents.
New Directions ends up having to help the football team with their championship match or some such they don't suck this year!, and it's during a coffee date with Mercedes, Rachel and Blaine (in which the boys were totally not bragging about how awesome their Regional perfomance was going to be) that Kurt says of course they'll go see the championship match, he and Blaine love football! … Nah just kidding Blaine loves football. Kurt loves scarves. Then he says he's apparently been bringing a glass of warm milk to Finn every night in order for them to have a lady chat and bond. It is going about as well as can be expected.
THEN COMES VALENTINE'S DAY. Kurt is generally grossed out and unimpressed with it, but he seems to change his tune when Blaine starts gushing about how he loves V-Day and how it is the best day to look someone in the eye and tell them I Love You. Which is exactly what he's planning to do this V-Day with the help of the Warblers. Also, he knows Kurt's coffee order. Kurt's brain goes me me pick me!!! and he becomes so excited he doesn't even consider that it could be someone not Kurt.
Turns out it is; it's some guy that works at the Gap instead. Kurt really regrets helping Blaine convince the Warblers to help him serenade the love of his life now. He goes to cry on Mercedes and Rachel's shoulders during a sleepover, and while he explains why he thought it was him he realizes that he made it all up in his mind and makes this face: ): ): ):. Mercedes convinces him to try rocking the single thing. Kurt eats pizza morosely and admits he really missed hanging with his girls. Cue cuddlefest. Also, his idol is Patti LuPone or something.
Kurt continues to cheer Blaine on with his serenading, proving extreme character growth considering what he did to Rachel last season. He doesn't even judge Blaine verbally when the guy mentions if he got married with his crush he'd get 50% off at the Gap. But he seriously wanted to. Blaine's serenading goes about as well as you can explain when you sing a sex song in the Gap of a mall in Lima, Ohio, and Kurt, though he spent most of it making the most bummed face this side of the heartbroken river, stays with him for moral support.
Though he does judge Blaine when the guy asks him if it was too much. There was a line about keeping toys in drawers tonight. Yeah. The guy rejects Blaine on multiple grounds, including him having just been outed to all his coworkers. Kurt snarks that with that hair they probably did. When Blaine turns to Kurt after his rejection Kurt at least tries to not look too pleased with himself, shrugging as if to say “Sorry it didn't work out, buddy”.
Blaine switches his tune on V-Day pretty fast, and while Kurt is admittedly amused at first, when the guy says he can't believe he made it all up in his head, Kurt makes a choice. They've always been honest with each other, so: he admits that he thought Blaine wanted to serenade him. Blaine is completely blindsided by this but ultimately says that while he really cares about Kurt, he doesn't want to ruin things between both of them. Kurt compares them to When Harry Met Sally and pretends to not hear when Blaine mentions those two get together in the end. To cheer Blaine up they end up performing for the majority of New Directions for V-Day, and it's adorable and Kurt is adamant that this is the year for singles and has awesomely cute moments with Rachel and Mercedes.
A few weeks later, Rachel organizes a party for New Directions since her dads are gone. Kurt and Blaine invite themselves, because this is how Kurt rolls. Also because Kurt is blackmailing Finn with his Internet browser history or something. The party starts getting wild once alcohol is introduced, and while Kurt stays sober in order to impress Blaine and not mention Disney movies, Blaine gets completely drunk off his ass. Kurt is at least mildly amused at this. CUE SPIN THE BOTTLE TIME.
Blaine gets Rachel, and while at first Kurt is just as lolleriffic about this as the rest of the club, their kiss gets a bit too passionate for his taste and he's the one to tell them “Okay, enough!”. Rachel and Blaine spend most of the party attached at the hip and Kurt makes this face:
Yes, I really needed to find a way to make this app look even longer.
Blaine is far too drunk to drive, so Kurt lets him crash at his house. In his bed. Burt goes to get Kurt and sees Blaine instead. Kurt, in the middle of moisturizing, sees absolutely nothing wrong with the scenario of “drunk gay guy in his bed”, possibly because they're both still fully clothed. Burt awkwardly goes away.
Later, Kurt seems completely okay with Blaine's drunken heterosexuality, possibly because in retrospect? Yeah kind of hilarious. But then Blaine accepts a date with Rachel, and once Kurt points out leading her on is awful Blaine says he is questioning his sexuality. Kurt responds about as well as can be expected. He projects his take on bisexuality all over Blaine and asks why the fuck he's questioning NOW when he's always been out and proud and Blaine goes defensive and they basically have an awful fight. It's never referenced again.
There is an awkward scene where Burt attempts to talk to Kurt about having had a guy over in his bed, and Kurt points out they were both clothed and if Burt wants to give him a no-sex rule he should find out what gay sex actually entails. Or something. This is only relevant for something else later on. You'll see.
Kurt then visits Rachel to help her clean up the after-party and tell her that she should stop dating Blaine because he is gay. Also that she is kind of a terrible friend, but that part is just implied. Rachel however is just convinced that the true answer to Blaine finding his sexuality is for her to kiss him sober.
Look, I don't write the show, I just suffer from it.
They arrange a coffee date where Kurt admits he doesn't want her to get hurt and he's really not winning anything in this scenario either way. Rachel ignores him because he is being sane, and then she kisses Blaine... who thanks her and declares himself 100% gay and flounces to the bathroom. Kurt says he sympathizes with her and knows how that sucks, but Rachel declares she has found perfect song inspiration and she flounces off too. Kurt is torn between feeling smug over Blaine's sexuality and feeling really confused because he is surrounded by people even crazier than he is on a bad day.
TIME PASSES, and Kurt and Blaine seem to have mended their friendship/budding (sorta) romance. Sue, who is now coaching the third competing club for Regionals (no, you don't get to know how that happened either), intercepts them in the coffee shop and shares “intel” with the baby Warblers about how a theme for Regionals will be “Sexy”. Or something. Kurt tells her that he's not actually in cahoots with her on anything, seriously, and Sue flounces off. Unfortunately the part of Blaine that wasn't stuck in horror-terror mode latched on to “Sexy”, and he decides the Warblers must SEXIFY THEMSELVES.
Kurt looks appropriately unsure.
During the “sexy” number they perform … in a warehouse... with a foam machine... in front of teenage girls... Yeah, I have no idea-- anyway, Kurt and Blaine duet, but Kurt keeps making absolutely ridiculous faces, to Blaine's complete bafflement. It's only after the number that Blaine asks what that was about and Kurt answers that they were his sexy faces! :D?
Blaine tells him they looked more like gas pains, which is exactly the sort of thing any boy wants his crush to tell them. So when Kurt frets that they can't perform a sexy number if he's got the sexual appeal of a baby penguin, so Blaine tells him he will teach him how.
While the audience starts to wonder what the fuck Kurt sees in this guy again, Blaine is helping Kurt practice sexy faces in his room in front of his mirror. And laughing. And telling him they all look the same. Kurt finally gives up and snaps back that they do because the face he's actually making is uncomfortable. The truth is Kurt isn't into sex at all, and to him there's nothing sexier than the touch of fingertips. He's tried watching porn, but he inevitably gets depressed because what would their mother think and why would you get a tattoo there?! Yes, that needed to be quoted word for word.
When Blaine points out Kurt kind of needs to be educated, Kurt goes oh my god no get out sexy time is over. So Blaine does what any good friend would do: enlist Burt to give Kurt The Talk.
Kurt infinitely regrets telling his father to get educated when he tries to corner him in the kitchen. Kurt wants to hear this speech so little he even goes as far as blocking his ears and going LA LA LA, okay. But Burt quickly puts a stop to that, and gives a speech that has very little to do with sexual education and all to do with how sex can emotionally affect you and Kurt shouldn't throw himself around ever, because he matters. Kurt makes the saddest shocked face you see on someone when they don't really think that, and I make this face >: >: >:!!
Then Kurt gets pamphlets and he goes to read those alone because that is quite enough humiliation for one day.
But Regionals is still coming up! So after the millionth study session interrupted by Blaine throwing the papers around because that is the only choreography the Warblers know, Kurt finally tells Blaine that while his solos are quite lovely, they're very numerous and Kurt feels like he's with Blaine and the Pips. Blaine sadfaces and Kurt walks away with his bird.
Yeah, remember Pavarotti? There's a reason I mentioned him earlier. In the middle of a Disney-style jam, the thing drops dead. Kurt, wrought with grief, shows up in the middle of Warbler practice out of uniform and interrupts whatever it is they're doing to announce the mascot is dead, and he sings a very emotional rendition of Blackbird for him.
Then next practice, Blaine announces that he wants to sing a duet in Regionals instead of getting all the solos. Kurt is immediately pleased and announces he'll be first on the list to audition, except Blaine says no, there won't be auditions. He wants to sing a duet with Kurt. The motion is voted unanimously and Kurt pretends he's not cautiously getting his hopes up.
It's when he's decorating Pavarotti's casket ...he bedazzled it and Blaine interrupts him so they can practice that Kurt asks Blaine why he wanted to sing with him. Blaine answers with a speech that includes such thing as “Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever” and “You move me, Kurt” and grasping Kurt's hand. Kurt doesn't respond at all, basically reminding himself of every other time he convinced himself Blaine had feelings for him-- but then
THEY KISSED~~!!!!
I have no idea what you mean, I'm not a shipper at all. When they finally stop, Blaine looks sheepish and says they should practice, which Kurt answers with a breathy “I thought we already were”. So they go on. Practicing.
Then comes the actual competition, and while Kurt and Blaine's duet was rocking and very gay and Kurt didn't suffer stage fright the size of a mountain beforehand that needed Blaine's reassurance or anything! ...Okay, yes, he did, and when it came time to bow he even had to be dragged in the limelight, because once again: characters with the weirdest self-esteem ever. Unfortunately, the Warblers lose to New Directions, partially because Too Gay Guys. ): Woe.
Kurt and Blaine bury Pavarotti together, and Blaine notes that this probably reminds Kurt of his mother's funeral. ...Blaine lacks tact. But the real thing bothering Kurt is that he's bummed they lost Regionals because he really wanted to win. Blaine tells him they did win because they got each other out of this and that >>> lousy trophy. Kurt goes <3 and they hold hands.
Okay, maybe I am a shipper.
Later, New Directions is having a charity concert and Kurt and Blaine are basically the only people going there to enjoy the show instead of heckling them. Kurt gives Blaine a tour of his old school, Blaine notices that Kurt really misses his old friends, and then they're bothered by Karofsky because why not. Santana comes to their rescue, and it's all well and good and bonding time. The couple spends the rest of the night looking married, including when Kurt as to try to reign Blaine in when he gets mad at the hecklers.
Then supposedly Karofsky's turned a new leaf and started stopping the bullying alongside Santana freakin' Lopez, and for some reason that means Kurt, Dave and their dads get another talk with a principal. Burt is really not okay with this or believes any of it, and even snaps that Kurt just wants to go back when Kurt goes WELL ACTUALLY MAYBE. Which is true. Kurt talks to Dave one-on-one who admits that Santana is blackmailing him. Kurt thinks that is a great plan and adds that they should make a PFLAG together :D :D.
Long story short, Kurt goes along with it because he really missed his friends, okay. KURT HUMMEL'S BACK AT MCKINLEY.
The Warblers since a lovely song goodbye to Kurt in the McKinley courtyard, and Kurt tells Blaine he will never say goodbye to him ever. Then he sings a kickass broadway song to the club to tell them how much he wuvs them.
In another plot point, Rachel has been considering a nose job, and Kurt stages a Barbravention that's barbra streisand + intervention for her at a mall in Ohio. He tells her that she's one in a million and worth so much more than that, then does a flash mob for her. It's. Super. Cute.
Also the club made t-shirts about things that they've wanted to change about themselves but have/will embrace(d). Kurt writes “LIKES BOYS” on his.
A bit later, the school newspaper is back and saying dirty dirty rumors, so Finn stakes out a motel because he thinks his current girlfriend (Quinn) is cheating on him with her ex (Sam). Or something dumb like that. But then Kurt comes out of Sam's motel room!!!
Rachel, who was there with Finn for some reason and then noticed Sam wearing Kurt's jacket, tries to convince Kurt that Sam, while cute, is not worth losing Blaine over. Kurt goes what, and when he finally understands what Rachel is on (the rumor mill) he tells her in no certain terms that that kind of thing is just hurtful and he's being a team player by not participating. Also Sam's life is totes not their business.
Turns out Sam and his family are homeless and Kurt was giving him some of his old clothes and just generally helping out. Awkwaaaaard. (Kurt only knew of the whole ordeal because Sam delivered pizza to Dalton, and I guess... Students never have jobs. IDK.)
Then! It is Junior Prom time! Kurt asks Blaine, who is unsure because the last time he went to a dance with a guy he got beat up for it. Joy. But Kurt says this might help Blaine face his demons-- though of course if he really doesn't want to they can just screw it and catch a movie. Have you guys noticed the character growth lately I am so proud. Blaine accepts, and all is well in the world.
Except Kurt wants to reference the royal wedding and wishes to wear a kilt to prom, which makes both his dad and Blaine nervous. Even though they both go “oh god don't” Kurt says he's done everything right, and whether Blaine is willing to join him or not is up to him and he'll understand, but he's going like this.
In another plot point, Kurt and Santana strike a deal after Kurt helps the girls pick their prom dresses because Kurt's opinion matters. The deal is basically that she and Dave will be Kurt's bodyguards until and during prom. What Santana gets out of this is apparently more votes for prom queen. Who cares! Kurt accepts, though he gets annoyed with it about seven seconds in.
It's when Dave is escorting Kurt around school that Kurt finally mentions that no one has been harassing him for a while. Dave is quick to lay glory on himself and Santana's handiwork, but Kurt says maybe the school has moved on from homophobia. Not in the sense that they're ready to embrace the gay, but in the sense that nobody cares. Dave looks as dubious as the audience, and Kurt goes on to say he used to hate him but now he just sees how much pain he's in and then Dave breaks down and apologizes for everything while crying in the middle of an empty hallway because that is super manly. Kurt accepts the apology wholeheartedly, not even holding a slight grudge against the guy who pretend sexually harassed him for some time.
Everything is super dandy at prom even if Kurt and Blaine aren't really dancing together until it comes time to announce the prom queen and king. The King is Dave! … The Queen is Kurt.
Kurt is shocked and horrified and runs out with Blaine right behind him, bursting into tears. At first he's quite hysterical, saying he was naïve to think anything had changed, that all of this was still hate only in an anonymous form and that he's just never going back in there, no way. After a while of Kurt pacing, Blaine asks him what he wants to do. Kurt says this was about facing demons, and so he's going to go back in there and get coronated, to show the world that they can't hurt him, hurt them or what they have.
“Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton,” Kurt tells his entire school, and they're led into applause by the glee club. Then it's time for an awkward King & Queen dance.
Except Karofsky ends up backing out unable to do it, and Kurt stands there awkwardly as Dancing Queen plays until Blaine asks him for this dance, and the rest of the night is positively awesome yay klaine.
Then Sue's sister dies (no you don't get to know when she got a sister) and Kurt and Finn take it upon themselves as Awesome Orphan Brothers to give her their condolences. They plan a funeral for Sue since she doesn't want to, and try to reach out to her in her time of need. Kurt also does funeral planning, apparently. Sue is both touched and repulsed by them, but in the end she breaks down crying at the funeral while the song sings Pure Imagination because her sister loved Willy Wonka.
In a completely different plot point, Jesse St Asshole came back and he's now a consultant for New Directions for some reason. With his brilliant idea, ND organizes solo auditions for Nationals. Kurt is the only guy to audition alongside Santana, Mercedes and Rachel. He kicks ass, and all Jesse has to say about his performance is that it's too controversial because he is singing a girl's song, which Kurt tells him is so last year. When Rachel tries to defend Jesse, Kurt points out he made breakfast on her head. But as always when Rachel performs Kurt is the first (...and only) to shoot out of his seat to applaud her because he can't deny she's talented ever. Yay Hummelberry. In the end no one gets the solo and Kurt and Santana pretend they weren't just huge bitches to each other.
Nationals!! In New York!! The club is so not prepared but they spend all their time frolicking in New York instead of rehearsing because it's fucking New York. Then Kurt ninja tackles Rachel awake to bring her to eat breakfast at Tiffany's (ha ha get it) and they both agree that they are totally moving there once they graduate. As is Blaine, because Kurt talks about that stuff with his boyfriend apparently. Then Kurt drags Rachel into an empty theater where the Wicked shows happen, and they almost get kicked out by a guard because they can't lie worth shit, but the guard gives them fifteen minutes. They sing a beautiful rendition of For Good and just love each other and the stage so much it's ridiculous and they are crying tears of tearfull tearness. Hummelberry forever. Then ND only gets 12th place because they didn't practice and also Rachel and Finn ended up getting their macks on in middle of the performance. ...Awkward.
Kurt relays all this to Blaine over coffee once he's back, and Blaine points out that Kurt doesn't seem bummed about losing at all. Kurt goes WHO CARES I WENT TO NEW YORK IT WAS AWESOME. Blaine looks lovestruck and he tells Kurt he loves him right as the guy is sipping his drink. Kurt tries to swallow, not spit (ha ha get it) and tells him he loves him too. Looking really stupidly giddy, he raises his cup and says overall, Kurt Hummel's had a pretty good year. Boyfriend >>>> everything bad.
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON: GLEE
~*Personality*~
What you know you want to read more of this section. Kurt is a fashionable diva with a bit of a mean/blunt/sarcastic/snarky streak to him, which he uses both for humor and as a defense mechanism. He's proud, not just of his sexuality but in general, and usually doesn't seek help for anything. He's grown a lot since season one, and while he can still be self-involved he's learned to take a step back in things. He's compassionate, fierce and still optimistic on some things even after years of bullying. He has a tendency to be a bit naïve, but he's also pretty cynical when it comes down to it. He's determined, he's
I just wrote like 23 pages of his background can his reactions to thing count as his personality.
Kurt is protective and bitchy and intense, insecure yet confident and seriously you're not even reading this anymore, are you. I know I wouldn't be. Let's call it a day.
Have you read up on how the game works?: Yep! The network is called FlameFerret (ha ha) and Kurt can make money by getting a job (or mooching off people or stealing) which he will inevitably have to if he wants a new wardrobe.
1st person sample: [Kurt stares critically into the camera before shifting the angle. There. That's much better.]
Excuse me. I've been informed that it seems my planet has been destroyed, and not actually by anything humans did themselves. Quite the shocker, really. It wasn't even predicted by Mayans.
[he sighs and flicks the hair out of his face, looking a bit too poised for it to be real]
While I understand that the possibility of survivors is higher than this would be in normal circumstances, I feel I should... grieve. Somehow. If not for the people, then for the planet itself. While the demographic sometimes lacked in brain matter, I... It was home.
So, in the tradition of our club, I'm going to sing.
[insert soul-shattering rendition of The Beatles' Across The Universe here.
Once this is done, Kurt seems to have to swallow and take deep breaths a few times before he gives a small, too fake smile.]
… Thank you.
3rd person sample: It just figures, honestly.
Kurt is finally completely happy with his life and the world blows up. This is just his luck. It says a lot that Kurt is actually hoping he's only been kidnapped by aliens instead, to be honest. Let me tell you something: if Kurt Hummel was going to get anything in his ass, a probe definitely wasn't on his top ten, but it's still a step above world destruction.
Oh, god, he can't believe he thought that. Even thinking it made him feel dirty.
Kurt takes a steadying breath. It's fine. It'll be fine. There's no way he's the only survivor out there (and seriously, who would pick a flamboyantly gay boy from Lima, Ohio to repopulate the Earth?), so no one he knows has to be dead. He's not in denial, and he's not going to pray for it, either. It's a conviction. It's--
A need, really. Because he can't stand the thought of his dad-- his family, his friends-- Blaine-- he can't stand the thought of losing even one of them, so all at once? Kurt would die. So. So: They're alive. They're alive, but just not there, and Kurt can deal with that. He can. He's used to loneliness and taking care of himself, and this is just temporary.
… It has to be.
Questions?: WHY DO I DO THIS?????? FUCK I NEVER WANT TO WRITE AGAIN EVER I apologize for everything ): ): ):
Did you put your characters name and fandom in the subject: Future me says I did, and I guess I'll believe her even if future me is kind of a moron. (Homestuck jokes are completely out of place in this app, I know.)