(no subject)
IC:
Character name: Rachel Berry
Fandom: Glee
Timeline: End of season two!
Age: 16
~*Magical*~ abilities and strengths:
She can produce a super sonic scream that can-- wait no that's Black Canary my bad. JUST A NORMAL HUMAN HERE, FOLKS.
How would they use their abilities?:
To be generally obnoxious.
Appearance:
She stands at 5'2'' and is generally just... a tiny person all around except for her nose. She has brown hair that goes down a bit past her shoulders, brown eyes, and light skin. Rachel normally dresses like a sexy librarian. No, really, just animal sweaters and knee high socks and flowery dresses all around here.
Background:
First off I just want to point out that I did this by episode, so basically every paragraph equals to one episode. That's also why the transitions are so weird! There are some exceptions to this since a few episodes got more than one paragraph, and some episodes I just skipped altogether because Rachel had little do to with them. That's all, moving on!
Lima, Ohio is your regular small town in the good ol' USA. McKinley High School is also your regular, well, high school. It's filled with jocks and cheerleaders Cheerios and losers and at the bottom of the barrel of loserdom is a girl known as Rachel Berry. Ever since she was young, Rachel has been... special. She was raised by two gay Jewish lawyer dads (she is very subtle about this) who knew that their little girl was destined for greatness from day one: She won her first dance competition at the tender age of three months. They also named her after the character from Friends; they were huge fans of the show. While the show starts sometime after her sophomore year had already begun, Rachel had been in the club since the start of the year. However, because the teacher didn't give her a solo, she got him fired on charges of child molestation because that's just how Rachel Berry goddamn rolls.
Now moving onto where the show starts! Will Schuester is the Spanish teacher (there is no need to remember that because no one else did) and he has a dream of starting the Glee club back up again! Rachel obviously joins, becoming one of the five original members (the others being Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Artie Abrams, and Tina Cohen-Chang) of the newly named New Directions. And, at first, they really suck. They suck so much that Rachel quits (get used to that)! Will talks to her and tries to persuade her to come back, but she tells him that while she understands what he's trying to do it's just not for her. She needs someone who can match her vocally, and while the other members were good, they weren't THE ONE. Sometime later, Will listens to the football team's quarterback, Finn Hudson, sing in the shower. Yes, this is extremely creepy. He then blackmails him into joining the group. And let's just say that Rachel falls for him. Hard. Like he actually is kind of freaked out by how hard she comes onto him. Anyway because Finn is worried about ~*~being popular~*~ so he doesn't exactly want to join Glee. Rachel talks him back into it (again, get used to that), and they DON'T STOP BELIEVING.
So! Rachel wants to get closer to Finn. She tries forcing herself to throw up in order to look more attractive and Emma Pillsbury (the school's therapist) is kinda just, THAT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA. So Emma tells her to try doing some things that Finn is into, so she uh. Joins the Celibacy Club which he and Quinn Fabray are members of. Quinn, by the way, is his Cheerio girlfriend. Anyway, Rachel eventually realizes that's dumb and quits. MEANWHILE, ND is set to perform in front of the school and Will has picked an extremely embarrassing song for them. Horrified by this, Rachel has the bright idea to sing an extremely over the top sexy song instead. Which they do. And it ends horribly. After Quinn watches her boyfriend basically have sex with another girl on stage, she goes to Sue Sylvester(the Cheerios' coach and main antagonist of the series) and tells her that she's going to join Glee in order to keep an eye on them. Sue gives her the okay so Quinn, along with Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce, all join Glee to act as spies. MEANWHILE AGAIN, undeterred by this, Rachel invites Finn to practice with her! She even sets up an adorable picnic for them, which they afterward sit down to enjoy. And then they kissed, Finn JIZZES. IN HIS PANTS. Then runs off, telling Rachel not to tell anyone about what just happened. And she is a sad diva on a stage.
Later, Glee makes Will feel bad so he joins a musical group! He starts spending a whole lot of time on it, leaving the Glee kids feeling unloved. In an effort to sabotage the club, Quinn gets Rachel to hire Vocal Adrenaline's choreography coach. VA, by the way, is a rival show choir group who has been the national champions for three years running. You may ask, "But how is that sabotage? That sounds really helpful!" and I will shake my head while chuckling. No, you fools, for that coach is an extremely expensive slave driver who feeds on the tears of children. After he essentially bullies the kids after they hire them, Rachel stands up against him! And they fire him, but that's okay because Will returns to his senses and goes back to the club.
Sometime later, Will gives Tina a solo and then all hell breaks loose. Rachel is insulted! How dare he give that solo to someone not her?? Anyway, she joins the school's musical that sadly Zac Efron was not a part of to get the recognition that she deserves. Noah Puckerman (Puck), Mike Chang, and Matt Rutherford (members of the football team) then join Glee because of reasons that may or may not involve the team doing the Single Ladies dance during a game. Yup. Anyway, when Will still doesn't give Rachel the lead, Rachel dramatically quits Glee to put her full attention in the musical. ALSO we find out that Quinn is pregnant and Finn is the father! Just kidding, it's Puck, but it's not like she's going to tell Finn that.
So Will finds out that VA keeps failing a kid to keep him in their group, so he gets the bright idea of getting an old student who didn't graduate to join Glee! Enter April Rhodes, who wins over all the kids by various methods that are illegal. Rachel, on the other hand, is having a horrible time in the musical. Finn tries to get her to rejoin the group by flirting with her, but he only does it for his kid with Quinn since he believes that they can't win without Rachel. She falls for it and decides to join Glee... just in time for Puck to announce to the club that Quinn is pregnant. Cue Rachel quitting Glee. After a while, April realizes that she is stealing the spotlight from the kids, and Rachel rejoins ND again after quitting the musical and everyone is happy! Sort of.
Moving along, moving along! Will begins a boys versus girls competition in Glee! Both will do a number, and Emma will help judge to see who did it better. The girls (except Rachel) find this as a reason to simply laze around because they know that there was no way the boys was going to beat them. Unluckily for them, Terri (Will's psycho wife who is pretending to be pregnant) became the school nurse to spy on him and Emma. She supplies the boys with a vitamin that makes them super energetic, and they pull an amazing performance. Annnd then Kurt reveals that they cheated because his loyalty is to the girls. Rachel doesn't take that shit, confronts Finn about it, and he admits that Terri gave it to them. She is disgusted-- and then the girls do the same. Afterward, she and Finn admit to doing it, thinking that everything will go right back to normal afterward. Except no, this is a major offense, and so the principal makes Sue the club's co-director.
As co-directors, Will and Sue spend basically the entire time arguing like a married couple; the Glee kids are their children who hide in the corner but can't take their eyes away. The two of them finally end up splitting the club up in two groups (this was Sue's idea since she wants to ruin Glee from the inside). Meanwhile Jacob Ben Israel, an extremely obnoxious guy who is in love with Rachel or something equally as creepy, confronts her! He says that he knows that Quinn is pregnant and he'll release the story unless Rachel gives in to his demands. Like giving him her underwear. Ew. In the end though, the kids stand up to Will and Sue and demand for them to stop fighting they're tearing this family apaaaarrrttttt. Sue agrees to let Will stay in charge even though she's still co-director. But before everything can end too happily, she reveals that she knows that Quinn is pregnant. Even more, she forced Jacob to release the story, so the entire school now knows as well. She later kicks Quinn off the Cheerios as well in the next episode.
One night, Puck has a vision that tells him he needs to date Rachel because she is a fellow hot Jew. At first she rejects him, saying that she can't go out with someone who won't sing a solo. SURE RACHEL THAT'S TOTALLY THE REASON. And to her surprise, the next thing he's doing is singing a solo in front of the whole club! Rachel swoons, and agrees to be his girlfriend. MEANWHILE the football coach who is in love with (and marrying!) Emma forces an ultimatum: The boys can either choose Glee or football. Puck, realizing that his popularity is seriously hurting, tells Rachel that he's choosing football, but that now he realized just how horribly he treated her and the other original club members. When it comes to decide though, he really does pick Glee yay! However, Rachel later admits to him that she loves Finn, and that she knows he's in love with Quinn. After breaking up with him, she asks if they can still be friends. He says that they never were friends, and walks away. Everything is depressing.
Time passes, blah blah, and Will gives Rachel a solo from Wicked! Kurt, however, really loves this musical, and wants the solo as well. After his dad, Burt, raises hell at the school because Will won't give Kurt a shot (Will says it's because Kurt can't hit a high F while Burt says it's cause Kurt's a guy). In the end, though Will realizes that he's right and makes it into a competition. To make sure that it stays fair, the kids are given the chance to vote for who should get the solo. Rachel is, unsurprisingly, really annoyed by this. She's just BUT YOU ALREADY GAVE ME THE SOLO and since Kurt is more popular than she is, she thinks the kids are going to vote based on that. Kurt makes them promise that they'll vote fairly, and later on they have the competition! That... Kurt intentionally loses for his dad's sake. Whoops.
And then Ballad happened and I like to pretend that it didn't. UH I MEAN. One fateful day, Will decides to have a lesson on ballads. He pairs everyone up in groups, but since Matt (if you forgot who he is, that's okay because he only says like three things the entire season) is absent because of a SPIDER IN HIS EAR he has to pair up with Rachel. The two of them perform a ballad as an example to the club, and to Will's and the audience's complete horror, it seemingly turns Rachel on. And so, she turned into a Will stalker. Like she literally spends the entire episode giving him gifts and going TEE HEE and at one point she even goes to his house. Terri, being the loving wife that she is, has Rachel clean the house and cook for them! Will is not amused and takes her home. Suzy Pepper, a crazy girl who used to have a massive crush on Will too, finally confronts Rachel and helps her understand that she is also being a crazy girl. And so ends the tale of Rachel stalking Will... so she can go back to stalking Finn.
Quinn is having doubts about whether or not she wants Finn to be the baby's father instead of Puck if she does decide to keep it. Deciding that Rachel would be a nice distraction for Finn while she "test drives" Puck, she asks Kurt to give the girl a makeover. So Kurt goes over to Rachel's house, and they're having fun times aka Kurt is horrified of how pink her room is. And for a little bit, it seems like everything will be okay... until Rachel admits that she wants to look nice for Finn. And you can literally see the plan of sabotage forming in Kurt's mind at that moment, because he also likes Finn. He basically tells her that Finn likes skanky girls and that she should dress like a whore to get his attention. She follows this advice, and invites Finn over to her place to practice. And she wore a... catsuit... yeah. Finn reacts the same way he did when they first met: Freaked the hell out. After telling her that he didn't like this new look, he said something along the lines of WOW THAT'S SO WEIRD KURT ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF GIRLS DO I LIKE AND I SAID THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU JUST DID. Realizing what happened, Rachel confronts Kurt about it, saying that she thought they were friends. Kurt replies saying that they were never friends and it comes to light that he also likes Finn. In the end, they both bond a little over the fact that they can't have Finn because A) he isn't gay and B) he won't leave Quinn.
It's yearbook picture time! Sadly, the only one excited for a club picture is Rachel because the Glee photo always gets vandalized. Apparently Rachel loves yearbook pictures because it's practice for getting her photo taken when she's famous. She joins as many clubs as possible just to be in the picture, including the Muslim and Black Society ones. SHE'S RACHEL FUCKING BERRY AND SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS. Finn agrees to do it with her, but in the end he chickens out and she takes the photo alone. However, the photographer tells her that he is looking for people to cast in a mattress commercial. So the kids shoot a commercial, and everything is all fine and dandy! They even get a bunch of mattresses out of the deal. BUT doing this revokes their amateur status, making them unable to perform in competition. They could easily solve this by simply returning the mattresses and that is exactly what they do-- wait no. Will opened one and slept on it because LOL HE FOUND OUT THAT TERRI WASN'T REALLY PREGNANT. In order to save the kids, he resigns from the club.
So it's time for sectionals! Since Will is no longer director to the club, he gets Emma to go in his place. While that seems like it is enough drama for one episode, it's really not! Rachel starts to get suspicious about who the real baby's daddy is. Pretty much the entire club except for her and Finn knows at this point, and she ends up telling the latter her suspicions. He takes it about as well as you would think: He beats the crap out of Puck, leaves Quinn, then quits the club. What's depressing is that Quinn doesn't even blame Rachel for what happened, since she thinks that what was she should have done in the first place. Now that is enough drama for one episode, right? LOL NOPE. See, Sue gave the two opposing teams ND's set lists! So not only is all that other crap happening, but their songs get stolen in the competition. But thanks to a pep talk from Will, Finn rejoins them, and they bust out with an on the spot performance. And win with it yay! Sue later gets fired as the Cheerios coach (she comes back later), and Will is reinstated as Glee's director.
Contrary to what they hope and dream, winning sectionals does absolutely nothing to boost the club's popularity. But that's somewhat okay for Rachel, because she's now ~*~DATING FINN~*~ so everything is perfect. Please note that they did not talk about this or anything, Rachel just assumed all on her own that they are dating. She even made them matching cat calendars! Finn, on the other hand, is still in a rut after what happened with Quinn, and he isn't sure what he wants for himself. So after a while he has enough, and blurts out that he doesn't want to be her boyfriend. He's not even sure if he even is her boyfriend considering THEY NEVER TALKED ABOUT GETTING TOGETHER. Rachel takes this pretty well! She stops crying long enough to sing a song in revenge against him.
To find sheet music for that week's lesson, Rachel heads over to the music store. There she runs into ~*~Jesse St. James~*~. He's the lead vocalist of VA, and he woos her with a duet. Also I like to point out that he's really, really hilarious. They both decide to date! Meanwhile, Finn finally realizes that he was wrong and that he really does want to go out with Rachel... who rejects him because lol Jesse. Finn thinks that Jesse only wants in her pants to spy on them, and he tells the rest of the club about their relationship. They give Rachel an ultimatum: She can either dump Jesse or they quit Glee. In the end, she and Jesse choose to have a secret relationship, and Finn tells her that he won't give up on her.
It turns out that Jesse has brought up some interest on having sex! When Rachel rejects his advances, he apparently left her place annoyed AND WITHOUT THE CARE BEAR SHE WON HIM. )8 Rachel later asks the Glee girls for advice, and their answer is basically that guys sucks. Will is there during this, and he's pretty surprised to find out about how much the guys take advantage of them. After getting some inspiration from Sue, he makes the lesson of the week Madonna! Anyway, Santana wants to have sex with Finn because of Cheerio related reasons, but he says no because he's still trying to get back together with Rachel. San reveals to him that she's dating Jesse, and he later confronts her about this. Rachel is like WE'RE STILL FRIENDS RIGHT and... for once, the answer she gets is yes! Although Finn quickly adds on that if Jesse ends up fucking them over, that their friendship will be done as well. Some time after that, Jesse apologizes to Rachel for his behavior, and tells her that he's willing to wait as long as she wants. Rachel says that she's ready, but when they try to do it, she realizes that she actually can't do it. She says that since they're technically rivals, she doesn't want to give all of herself to him. Meanwhile Finn and Santana have sex oops. In the end, this just leads to Jesse transferring to McKinley so that nothing can be in the way of their relationship.
Anyway, so one of the Glee members created a list that ranks the members on level of their sexual experiences. Rachel received a -5, so yeah, she wasn't very happy about that! And then her desperate need to ~*~become popular~*~ returned. Since having a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all, she gets the bright idea to make it look like a bunch of guys are fighting over here! So with the help of Artie and the AV club, she makes a music video of herself to Run Joey Run. The kicker? She casts Jesse, Finn, and Puck to be her boyfriend in it. And even without that factor, it was just terrible. The response from the club was, obviously, negative-- especially from those three guys. Rachel apologizes to Jesse, and he tells her that before he transferred he asked around to find out what kind of person she was. While most of the people had no idea who she was, everyone else answered that she was "kinda sneaky hot, but that quality was canceled out by a compulsive need to be right and a strange affinity for sweaters with animals on them." But mostly that she was someone you could trust. And after telling her not to talk to him at ballet club, he leaves.
Anyway so sometime later, Jesse is away on spring break with his VA friends! During this time, Rachel, who has perfect pitch, notices that the rest of the club is slacking by not actually singing during practice. After she calls them out on this, Will makes the lesson of the week to sing a song that represents them. Rachel, like always, volunteers to show them how it's done... only to discover that she lost her voice. After a checkup at the doctor, it's revealed that she has a severe case of tonsillitis. The doctor says that if she doesn't get better she'll probably have to get her tonsils removed. Rachel promptly flips her shit because she's worried about what effects that would have on her singing voice. When Finn says that she's being ridiculous, she replies that she's like Tinker Bell, and that she needs applause to live. To teach her a lesson, Finn takes her to visit a paralyzed friend of his. He helps Rachel understand that her singing isn't all who she is. And since this IS a show about singing, her voice does get better.
Jesse returns from his break, and he readily forgives Rachel! Because the club has been discussing dreams because of a rather unfortunate encounter that included being told that all their dreams would never come true, he asks Rachel what hers is. At first she says it's being a star on Broadway, but he tells her that's not a dream, but something that will definitely happen eventually. She then admits that she had always wanted to know who her real mother is, but never got around to searching because she didn't want to hurt her two gay Jewish lawyer dads' feelings. Jesse suggests that they just don't tell them, and that they look for her together. One day, Rachel announces that she has finally found her mother-- Patti Lupone. After she gives a very detailed explanation on how it would be possible, Jesse goes LOL NOPE and tells her to stop being so scared to find out the truth.
And so they go to Rachel's place to search through her baby things in order to find a clue. While Rachel isn't looking, Jesse hides a tape inside one of the boxes and then goes OH LOOK WHAT I FOUND. On it, it says that it's from her mom. While Jesse is ready to get her to listen to it right away, Rachel says that she's not ready and asks him to leave. It is then revealed to the audience that Jesse did, in fact, get together with Rachel with an ulterior motive. HOWEVER it wasn't to spy on ND, but to reunite Rachel with her biological mother-- the coach of VA, Shelby Corcoran. He does admit that while he only took the job as an acting practice, that he now actually had genuine feelings for Rachel. Shelby tells Jesse that he has to get Rachel to listen to the tape no matter what. And so, he plays it for her and then leaves to let her listen to it by herself. The tape is simply Shelby singing to Rachel, and that is enough to make her want to track down on her mom.
Rachel spies on VA (which is most likely against the rules but no fucks were given) and finds out that they are doing Lady Gaga. The group panic, especially since theatricality is something that VA is already awesome at. That, and the fact that Tina was banned from dressing in her usual goth fashion, causes Will to make the lesson of the week Lady Gaga. Rachel, Mercedes, and Quinn go to spy on a VA practice (also against the rules, still no fucks can be found) and Shelby starts to sing. Rachel instantly recognizes that voices to be her mother's, and then introduces herself to the coach. After practice, the two sit and just talk. Shelby admits that she did miss Rachel, and that she never even got the chance to hold her. And she got the idea to try to contact her after she heard Rachel sing in sectionals. Rachel comments that she's thirsty, and then explains that when she was little, her two gay Jewish lawyer dads would bring her a glass of water. After hearing that, Shelby gets up to leave, saying that this was a mistake and that it didn't feel right; she expected a touching, over dramatic reunion and instead it was just awkward. Rachel says that they could go out to dinner, but Shelby leaves.
The next day, the girls and Kurt are all dressed up in Lady Gaga gear. Rachel is missing, and they begin to wonder where she is until Quinn and Mercedes tell them about the Shelby situation. They're all convinced that she jumped ship until she shows up in a very hideous outfit and tells them that she's not going anywhere. She also lets out that her therapist is probably going to move into her house to help her deal with the emotional problems this is going to give her. Anyway, the girls do an awesome performance, and afterward Rachel goes to visit Shelby. It turns out that her two gay Jewish lawyer dads can't sew, and she wants Shelby to make her a new outfit! Because that's what moms do. :> So Rachel then returns to McKinley in hot new clothes! After that, Will talks to Shelby, and he tells her that he's worried about Rachel. Shelby admits that she's not as committed to the relationship as Rachel was, and that she only wanted her baby girl back; Rachel was almost an adult now, so she didn't feel like she could just step into her life and make it natural. She then tells this all to Rachel, who understands the feeling. Shelby gives Rachel a cup (with a gold star on it!) so that Rachel can drink her water in it, and then they both do a duet as a goodbye.
There's only one month left before regionals, and everyone is pumped! With Jesse on their side, there is no way that they can lose to VA, right? If you are good at remembering things, then you might recall that the only reason Jesse joined ND was to reunite Rachel and Shelby. And you might also recall that they had indeed reunited, so there was no reason for him to remain in ND. And if you recalled all of that, then good job, because guess who went back to VA? Even more, the entire group sneak into the Glee kids' auditorium and perform a very awesome number in front of them; the goal was to put them into a funk right before the competition, which works! They also TP'd the choir room. Puck and Finn even go and slash the tires of all the VA guys, which ends badly and it's only because of Shelby that they don't get expelled. But yes, the entire club is in a giant funk because of the performance, except for Rachel who is in a funk over the whole being dumped thing. Sometime later, Rachel gets a call from Jesse to meet her outside. She goes, and the moment she sees him she has this giant smile on her face and runs toward him AND SHE'S JUST THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD AT THAT MOMENT. Until the other VA members show up and throw eggs at her, and then begin to taunt her about it because she's a vegan. They then tell Jesse to do it as well, and with a pretty pained expression on his face, he eggs her while saying, "I loved you." Then all then leave so Rachel can finish her breakfast in peace. Now, when Rachel tells the club about all of this the next day, they are all very pissed off! All the guys are ready to go beat the shit out of Jesse, but Will stops them. Instead he decides that they should exploit VA's one weakness-- they can't do funk numbers. They have Rachel call Jesse (she still had his number in her phone...) and get him to bring all of VA back to their auditorium. And they then proceed to school their soulless automaton asses. Also if you write "funk" enough times it no longer looks like a word.
Finally, it's time for regionals. About a week or so before the competition, the Glee club is hit with pretty bad news-- Sue is one of the judges. Considering her vendetta against the club, everyone pretty much gives up the thought of winning. They all meet up at Will's place to choose which numbers to do, but all they can do is cry and talk about the fun times they had. After crying alone in his car because that is apparently A Thing in this show, Will has an epiphany! He tells the kids that while what they're going through now may not be important in a couple of years down the road, what matters is that they enjoy themselves now. So he decides that they are going to do a Journey medley since the first time they ever sounded good was while doing a Journey song. Before that happened though, Rachel kisses Finn after he gets into WE MUST SAVE GLEE CLUB mode. Anyway, so it's competition time! Right before they start singing, Finn finally tells Rachel that he loves her, and then they have a really awesome number. So while the club is feeling generally badass backstage, Quinn's water breaks! If someone did not see that one coming, they are an idiot. All of the kids sans Rachel go to the hospital; she watches VA perform their set. And I'd just like to mention that the real life actors who did the dance routine for it actually suffered injuries. Ow. After that's done, Rachel goes to talk to Shelby. Considering that Jesse is graduating that year, Rachel says that there's no point in her mom staying with VA and that she should come and help Will with ND instead. Shelby declines, explaining that she doesn't want to coach show choir anymore and would rather just live her own life. The two say a final farewell, but before Rachel leaves she mentions that Quinn had a baby girl. Spoilers: Shelby adopts her.
So then it's time to announce the winners. And, sadly, it's VA. The Glee kids didn't even place (get used to that). As it turned out, though, Sue actually did vote for them but the other judges were giant douches. Depressed, the kids tell Will how much they love and appreciate him, and then sing a song as a thank you. After that, Sue reveals that she got the principal to extend Glee club for another year! Yay!! Will tells the kids, and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
ALSO UH this app was too long to fit into just one post so I split it up by season... This is what I get for making fun of Zia when it happened to her. CONTINUE HERE FOR PART TWO.
PS: Zia was here, Francy is a loser.
Character name: Rachel Berry
Fandom: Glee
Timeline: End of season two!
Age: 16
~*Magical*~ abilities and strengths:
She can produce a super sonic scream that can-- wait no that's Black Canary my bad. JUST A NORMAL HUMAN HERE, FOLKS.
How would they use their abilities?:
To be generally obnoxious.
Appearance:
She stands at 5'2'' and is generally just... a tiny person all around except for her nose. She has brown hair that goes down a bit past her shoulders, brown eyes, and light skin. Rachel normally dresses like a sexy librarian. No, really, just animal sweaters and knee high socks and flowery dresses all around here.
Background:
First off I just want to point out that I did this by episode, so basically every paragraph equals to one episode. That's also why the transitions are so weird! There are some exceptions to this since a few episodes got more than one paragraph, and some episodes I just skipped altogether because Rachel had little do to with them. That's all, moving on!
Lima, Ohio is your regular small town in the good ol' USA. McKinley High School is also your regular, well, high school. It's filled with jocks and cheerleaders Cheerios and losers and at the bottom of the barrel of loserdom is a girl known as Rachel Berry. Ever since she was young, Rachel has been... special. She was raised by two gay Jewish lawyer dads (she is very subtle about this) who knew that their little girl was destined for greatness from day one: She won her first dance competition at the tender age of three months. They also named her after the character from Friends; they were huge fans of the show. While the show starts sometime after her sophomore year had already begun, Rachel had been in the club since the start of the year. However, because the teacher didn't give her a solo, she got him fired on charges of child molestation because that's just how Rachel Berry goddamn rolls.
Now moving onto where the show starts! Will Schuester is the Spanish teacher (there is no need to remember that because no one else did) and he has a dream of starting the Glee club back up again! Rachel obviously joins, becoming one of the five original members (the others being Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Artie Abrams, and Tina Cohen-Chang) of the newly named New Directions. And, at first, they really suck. They suck so much that Rachel quits (get used to that)! Will talks to her and tries to persuade her to come back, but she tells him that while she understands what he's trying to do it's just not for her. She needs someone who can match her vocally, and while the other members were good, they weren't THE ONE. Sometime later, Will listens to the football team's quarterback, Finn Hudson, sing in the shower. Yes, this is extremely creepy. He then blackmails him into joining the group. And let's just say that Rachel falls for him. Hard. Like he actually is kind of freaked out by how hard she comes onto him. Anyway because Finn is worried about ~*~being popular~*~ so he doesn't exactly want to join Glee. Rachel talks him back into it (again, get used to that), and they DON'T STOP BELIEVING.
So! Rachel wants to get closer to Finn. She tries forcing herself to throw up in order to look more attractive and Emma Pillsbury (the school's therapist) is kinda just, THAT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA. So Emma tells her to try doing some things that Finn is into, so she uh. Joins the Celibacy Club which he and Quinn Fabray are members of. Quinn, by the way, is his Cheerio girlfriend. Anyway, Rachel eventually realizes that's dumb and quits. MEANWHILE, ND is set to perform in front of the school and Will has picked an extremely embarrassing song for them. Horrified by this, Rachel has the bright idea to sing an extremely over the top sexy song instead. Which they do. And it ends horribly. After Quinn watches her boyfriend basically have sex with another girl on stage, she goes to Sue Sylvester(the Cheerios' coach and main antagonist of the series) and tells her that she's going to join Glee in order to keep an eye on them. Sue gives her the okay so Quinn, along with Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce, all join Glee to act as spies. MEANWHILE AGAIN, undeterred by this, Rachel invites Finn to practice with her! She even sets up an adorable picnic for them, which they afterward sit down to enjoy. And then they kissed, Finn JIZZES. IN HIS PANTS. Then runs off, telling Rachel not to tell anyone about what just happened. And she is a sad diva on a stage.
Later, Glee makes Will feel bad so he joins a musical group! He starts spending a whole lot of time on it, leaving the Glee kids feeling unloved. In an effort to sabotage the club, Quinn gets Rachel to hire Vocal Adrenaline's choreography coach. VA, by the way, is a rival show choir group who has been the national champions for three years running. You may ask, "But how is that sabotage? That sounds really helpful!" and I will shake my head while chuckling. No, you fools, for that coach is an extremely expensive slave driver who feeds on the tears of children. After he essentially bullies the kids after they hire them, Rachel stands up against him! And they fire him, but that's okay because Will returns to his senses and goes back to the club.
Sometime later, Will gives Tina a solo and then all hell breaks loose. Rachel is insulted! How dare he give that solo to someone not her?? Anyway, she joins the school's musical that sadly Zac Efron was not a part of to get the recognition that she deserves. Noah Puckerman (Puck), Mike Chang, and Matt Rutherford (members of the football team) then join Glee because of reasons that may or may not involve the team doing the Single Ladies dance during a game. Yup. Anyway, when Will still doesn't give Rachel the lead, Rachel dramatically quits Glee to put her full attention in the musical. ALSO we find out that Quinn is pregnant and Finn is the father! Just kidding, it's Puck, but it's not like she's going to tell Finn that.
So Will finds out that VA keeps failing a kid to keep him in their group, so he gets the bright idea of getting an old student who didn't graduate to join Glee! Enter April Rhodes, who wins over all the kids by various methods that are illegal. Rachel, on the other hand, is having a horrible time in the musical. Finn tries to get her to rejoin the group by flirting with her, but he only does it for his kid with Quinn since he believes that they can't win without Rachel. She falls for it and decides to join Glee... just in time for Puck to announce to the club that Quinn is pregnant. Cue Rachel quitting Glee. After a while, April realizes that she is stealing the spotlight from the kids, and Rachel rejoins ND again after quitting the musical and everyone is happy! Sort of.
Moving along, moving along! Will begins a boys versus girls competition in Glee! Both will do a number, and Emma will help judge to see who did it better. The girls (except Rachel) find this as a reason to simply laze around because they know that there was no way the boys was going to beat them. Unluckily for them, Terri (Will's psycho wife who is pretending to be pregnant) became the school nurse to spy on him and Emma. She supplies the boys with a vitamin that makes them super energetic, and they pull an amazing performance. Annnd then Kurt reveals that they cheated because his loyalty is to the girls. Rachel doesn't take that shit, confronts Finn about it, and he admits that Terri gave it to them. She is disgusted-- and then the girls do the same. Afterward, she and Finn admit to doing it, thinking that everything will go right back to normal afterward. Except no, this is a major offense, and so the principal makes Sue the club's co-director.
As co-directors, Will and Sue spend basically the entire time arguing like a married couple; the Glee kids are their children who hide in the corner but can't take their eyes away. The two of them finally end up splitting the club up in two groups (this was Sue's idea since she wants to ruin Glee from the inside). Meanwhile Jacob Ben Israel, an extremely obnoxious guy who is in love with Rachel or something equally as creepy, confronts her! He says that he knows that Quinn is pregnant and he'll release the story unless Rachel gives in to his demands. Like giving him her underwear. Ew. In the end though, the kids stand up to Will and Sue and demand for them to stop fighting they're tearing this family apaaaarrrttttt. Sue agrees to let Will stay in charge even though she's still co-director. But before everything can end too happily, she reveals that she knows that Quinn is pregnant. Even more, she forced Jacob to release the story, so the entire school now knows as well. She later kicks Quinn off the Cheerios as well in the next episode.
One night, Puck has a vision that tells him he needs to date Rachel because she is a fellow hot Jew. At first she rejects him, saying that she can't go out with someone who won't sing a solo. SURE RACHEL THAT'S TOTALLY THE REASON. And to her surprise, the next thing he's doing is singing a solo in front of the whole club! Rachel swoons, and agrees to be his girlfriend. MEANWHILE the football coach who is in love with (and marrying!) Emma forces an ultimatum: The boys can either choose Glee or football. Puck, realizing that his popularity is seriously hurting, tells Rachel that he's choosing football, but that now he realized just how horribly he treated her and the other original club members. When it comes to decide though, he really does pick Glee yay! However, Rachel later admits to him that she loves Finn, and that she knows he's in love with Quinn. After breaking up with him, she asks if they can still be friends. He says that they never were friends, and walks away. Everything is depressing.
Time passes, blah blah, and Will gives Rachel a solo from Wicked! Kurt, however, really loves this musical, and wants the solo as well. After his dad, Burt, raises hell at the school because Will won't give Kurt a shot (Will says it's because Kurt can't hit a high F while Burt says it's cause Kurt's a guy). In the end, though Will realizes that he's right and makes it into a competition. To make sure that it stays fair, the kids are given the chance to vote for who should get the solo. Rachel is, unsurprisingly, really annoyed by this. She's just BUT YOU ALREADY GAVE ME THE SOLO and since Kurt is more popular than she is, she thinks the kids are going to vote based on that. Kurt makes them promise that they'll vote fairly, and later on they have the competition! That... Kurt intentionally loses for his dad's sake. Whoops.
And then Ballad happened and I like to pretend that it didn't. UH I MEAN. One fateful day, Will decides to have a lesson on ballads. He pairs everyone up in groups, but since Matt (if you forgot who he is, that's okay because he only says like three things the entire season) is absent because of a SPIDER IN HIS EAR he has to pair up with Rachel. The two of them perform a ballad as an example to the club, and to Will's and the audience's complete horror, it seemingly turns Rachel on. And so, she turned into a Will stalker. Like she literally spends the entire episode giving him gifts and going TEE HEE and at one point she even goes to his house. Terri, being the loving wife that she is, has Rachel clean the house and cook for them! Will is not amused and takes her home. Suzy Pepper, a crazy girl who used to have a massive crush on Will too, finally confronts Rachel and helps her understand that she is also being a crazy girl. And so ends the tale of Rachel stalking Will... so she can go back to stalking Finn.
Quinn is having doubts about whether or not she wants Finn to be the baby's father instead of Puck if she does decide to keep it. Deciding that Rachel would be a nice distraction for Finn while she "test drives" Puck, she asks Kurt to give the girl a makeover. So Kurt goes over to Rachel's house, and they're having fun times aka Kurt is horrified of how pink her room is. And for a little bit, it seems like everything will be okay... until Rachel admits that she wants to look nice for Finn. And you can literally see the plan of sabotage forming in Kurt's mind at that moment, because he also likes Finn. He basically tells her that Finn likes skanky girls and that she should dress like a whore to get his attention. She follows this advice, and invites Finn over to her place to practice. And she wore a... catsuit... yeah. Finn reacts the same way he did when they first met: Freaked the hell out. After telling her that he didn't like this new look, he said something along the lines of WOW THAT'S SO WEIRD KURT ASKED ME WHAT KIND OF GIRLS DO I LIKE AND I SAID THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU JUST DID. Realizing what happened, Rachel confronts Kurt about it, saying that she thought they were friends. Kurt replies saying that they were never friends and it comes to light that he also likes Finn. In the end, they both bond a little over the fact that they can't have Finn because A) he isn't gay and B) he won't leave Quinn.
It's yearbook picture time! Sadly, the only one excited for a club picture is Rachel because the Glee photo always gets vandalized. Apparently Rachel loves yearbook pictures because it's practice for getting her photo taken when she's famous. She joins as many clubs as possible just to be in the picture, including the Muslim and Black Society ones. SHE'S RACHEL FUCKING BERRY AND SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS. Finn agrees to do it with her, but in the end he chickens out and she takes the photo alone. However, the photographer tells her that he is looking for people to cast in a mattress commercial. So the kids shoot a commercial, and everything is all fine and dandy! They even get a bunch of mattresses out of the deal. BUT doing this revokes their amateur status, making them unable to perform in competition. They could easily solve this by simply returning the mattresses and that is exactly what they do-- wait no. Will opened one and slept on it because LOL HE FOUND OUT THAT TERRI WASN'T REALLY PREGNANT. In order to save the kids, he resigns from the club.
So it's time for sectionals! Since Will is no longer director to the club, he gets Emma to go in his place. While that seems like it is enough drama for one episode, it's really not! Rachel starts to get suspicious about who the real baby's daddy is. Pretty much the entire club except for her and Finn knows at this point, and she ends up telling the latter her suspicions. He takes it about as well as you would think: He beats the crap out of Puck, leaves Quinn, then quits the club. What's depressing is that Quinn doesn't even blame Rachel for what happened, since she thinks that what was she should have done in the first place. Now that is enough drama for one episode, right? LOL NOPE. See, Sue gave the two opposing teams ND's set lists! So not only is all that other crap happening, but their songs get stolen in the competition. But thanks to a pep talk from Will, Finn rejoins them, and they bust out with an on the spot performance. And win with it yay! Sue later gets fired as the Cheerios coach (she comes back later), and Will is reinstated as Glee's director.
Contrary to what they hope and dream, winning sectionals does absolutely nothing to boost the club's popularity. But that's somewhat okay for Rachel, because she's now ~*~DATING FINN~*~ so everything is perfect. Please note that they did not talk about this or anything, Rachel just assumed all on her own that they are dating. She even made them matching cat calendars! Finn, on the other hand, is still in a rut after what happened with Quinn, and he isn't sure what he wants for himself. So after a while he has enough, and blurts out that he doesn't want to be her boyfriend. He's not even sure if he even is her boyfriend considering THEY NEVER TALKED ABOUT GETTING TOGETHER. Rachel takes this pretty well! She stops crying long enough to sing a song in revenge against him.
To find sheet music for that week's lesson, Rachel heads over to the music store. There she runs into ~*~Jesse St. James~*~. He's the lead vocalist of VA, and he woos her with a duet. Also I like to point out that he's really, really hilarious. They both decide to date! Meanwhile, Finn finally realizes that he was wrong and that he really does want to go out with Rachel... who rejects him because lol Jesse. Finn thinks that Jesse only wants in her pants to spy on them, and he tells the rest of the club about their relationship. They give Rachel an ultimatum: She can either dump Jesse or they quit Glee. In the end, she and Jesse choose to have a secret relationship, and Finn tells her that he won't give up on her.
It turns out that Jesse has brought up some interest on having sex! When Rachel rejects his advances, he apparently left her place annoyed AND WITHOUT THE CARE BEAR SHE WON HIM. )8 Rachel later asks the Glee girls for advice, and their answer is basically that guys sucks. Will is there during this, and he's pretty surprised to find out about how much the guys take advantage of them. After getting some inspiration from Sue, he makes the lesson of the week Madonna! Anyway, Santana wants to have sex with Finn because of Cheerio related reasons, but he says no because he's still trying to get back together with Rachel. San reveals to him that she's dating Jesse, and he later confronts her about this. Rachel is like WE'RE STILL FRIENDS RIGHT and... for once, the answer she gets is yes! Although Finn quickly adds on that if Jesse ends up fucking them over, that their friendship will be done as well. Some time after that, Jesse apologizes to Rachel for his behavior, and tells her that he's willing to wait as long as she wants. Rachel says that she's ready, but when they try to do it, she realizes that she actually can't do it. She says that since they're technically rivals, she doesn't want to give all of herself to him. Meanwhile Finn and Santana have sex oops. In the end, this just leads to Jesse transferring to McKinley so that nothing can be in the way of their relationship.
Anyway, so one of the Glee members created a list that ranks the members on level of their sexual experiences. Rachel received a -5, so yeah, she wasn't very happy about that! And then her desperate need to ~*~become popular~*~ returned. Since having a bad reputation is better than no reputation at all, she gets the bright idea to make it look like a bunch of guys are fighting over here! So with the help of Artie and the AV club, she makes a music video of herself to Run Joey Run. The kicker? She casts Jesse, Finn, and Puck to be her boyfriend in it. And even without that factor, it was just terrible. The response from the club was, obviously, negative-- especially from those three guys. Rachel apologizes to Jesse, and he tells her that before he transferred he asked around to find out what kind of person she was. While most of the people had no idea who she was, everyone else answered that she was "kinda sneaky hot, but that quality was canceled out by a compulsive need to be right and a strange affinity for sweaters with animals on them." But mostly that she was someone you could trust. And after telling her not to talk to him at ballet club, he leaves.
Anyway so sometime later, Jesse is away on spring break with his VA friends! During this time, Rachel, who has perfect pitch, notices that the rest of the club is slacking by not actually singing during practice. After she calls them out on this, Will makes the lesson of the week to sing a song that represents them. Rachel, like always, volunteers to show them how it's done... only to discover that she lost her voice. After a checkup at the doctor, it's revealed that she has a severe case of tonsillitis. The doctor says that if she doesn't get better she'll probably have to get her tonsils removed. Rachel promptly flips her shit because she's worried about what effects that would have on her singing voice. When Finn says that she's being ridiculous, she replies that she's like Tinker Bell, and that she needs applause to live. To teach her a lesson, Finn takes her to visit a paralyzed friend of his. He helps Rachel understand that her singing isn't all who she is. And since this IS a show about singing, her voice does get better.
Jesse returns from his break, and he readily forgives Rachel! Because the club has been discussing dreams because of a rather unfortunate encounter that included being told that all their dreams would never come true, he asks Rachel what hers is. At first she says it's being a star on Broadway, but he tells her that's not a dream, but something that will definitely happen eventually. She then admits that she had always wanted to know who her real mother is, but never got around to searching because she didn't want to hurt her two gay Jewish lawyer dads' feelings. Jesse suggests that they just don't tell them, and that they look for her together. One day, Rachel announces that she has finally found her mother-- Patti Lupone. After she gives a very detailed explanation on how it would be possible, Jesse goes LOL NOPE and tells her to stop being so scared to find out the truth.
And so they go to Rachel's place to search through her baby things in order to find a clue. While Rachel isn't looking, Jesse hides a tape inside one of the boxes and then goes OH LOOK WHAT I FOUND. On it, it says that it's from her mom. While Jesse is ready to get her to listen to it right away, Rachel says that she's not ready and asks him to leave. It is then revealed to the audience that Jesse did, in fact, get together with Rachel with an ulterior motive. HOWEVER it wasn't to spy on ND, but to reunite Rachel with her biological mother-- the coach of VA, Shelby Corcoran. He does admit that while he only took the job as an acting practice, that he now actually had genuine feelings for Rachel. Shelby tells Jesse that he has to get Rachel to listen to the tape no matter what. And so, he plays it for her and then leaves to let her listen to it by herself. The tape is simply Shelby singing to Rachel, and that is enough to make her want to track down on her mom.
Rachel spies on VA (which is most likely against the rules but no fucks were given) and finds out that they are doing Lady Gaga. The group panic, especially since theatricality is something that VA is already awesome at. That, and the fact that Tina was banned from dressing in her usual goth fashion, causes Will to make the lesson of the week Lady Gaga. Rachel, Mercedes, and Quinn go to spy on a VA practice (also against the rules, still no fucks can be found) and Shelby starts to sing. Rachel instantly recognizes that voices to be her mother's, and then introduces herself to the coach. After practice, the two sit and just talk. Shelby admits that she did miss Rachel, and that she never even got the chance to hold her. And she got the idea to try to contact her after she heard Rachel sing in sectionals. Rachel comments that she's thirsty, and then explains that when she was little, her two gay Jewish lawyer dads would bring her a glass of water. After hearing that, Shelby gets up to leave, saying that this was a mistake and that it didn't feel right; she expected a touching, over dramatic reunion and instead it was just awkward. Rachel says that they could go out to dinner, but Shelby leaves.
The next day, the girls and Kurt are all dressed up in Lady Gaga gear. Rachel is missing, and they begin to wonder where she is until Quinn and Mercedes tell them about the Shelby situation. They're all convinced that she jumped ship until she shows up in a very hideous outfit and tells them that she's not going anywhere. She also lets out that her therapist is probably going to move into her house to help her deal with the emotional problems this is going to give her. Anyway, the girls do an awesome performance, and afterward Rachel goes to visit Shelby. It turns out that her two gay Jewish lawyer dads can't sew, and she wants Shelby to make her a new outfit! Because that's what moms do. :> So Rachel then returns to McKinley in hot new clothes! After that, Will talks to Shelby, and he tells her that he's worried about Rachel. Shelby admits that she's not as committed to the relationship as Rachel was, and that she only wanted her baby girl back; Rachel was almost an adult now, so she didn't feel like she could just step into her life and make it natural. She then tells this all to Rachel, who understands the feeling. Shelby gives Rachel a cup (with a gold star on it!) so that Rachel can drink her water in it, and then they both do a duet as a goodbye.
There's only one month left before regionals, and everyone is pumped! With Jesse on their side, there is no way that they can lose to VA, right? If you are good at remembering things, then you might recall that the only reason Jesse joined ND was to reunite Rachel and Shelby. And you might also recall that they had indeed reunited, so there was no reason for him to remain in ND. And if you recalled all of that, then good job, because guess who went back to VA? Even more, the entire group sneak into the Glee kids' auditorium and perform a very awesome number in front of them; the goal was to put them into a funk right before the competition, which works! They also TP'd the choir room. Puck and Finn even go and slash the tires of all the VA guys, which ends badly and it's only because of Shelby that they don't get expelled. But yes, the entire club is in a giant funk because of the performance, except for Rachel who is in a funk over the whole being dumped thing. Sometime later, Rachel gets a call from Jesse to meet her outside. She goes, and the moment she sees him she has this giant smile on her face and runs toward him AND SHE'S JUST THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD AT THAT MOMENT. Until the other VA members show up and throw eggs at her, and then begin to taunt her about it because she's a vegan. They then tell Jesse to do it as well, and with a pretty pained expression on his face, he eggs her while saying, "I loved you." Then all then leave so Rachel can finish her breakfast in peace. Now, when Rachel tells the club about all of this the next day, they are all very pissed off! All the guys are ready to go beat the shit out of Jesse, but Will stops them. Instead he decides that they should exploit VA's one weakness-- they can't do funk numbers. They have Rachel call Jesse (she still had his number in her phone...) and get him to bring all of VA back to their auditorium. And they then proceed to school their soulless automaton asses. Also if you write "funk" enough times it no longer looks like a word.
Finally, it's time for regionals. About a week or so before the competition, the Glee club is hit with pretty bad news-- Sue is one of the judges. Considering her vendetta against the club, everyone pretty much gives up the thought of winning. They all meet up at Will's place to choose which numbers to do, but all they can do is cry and talk about the fun times they had. After crying alone in his car because that is apparently A Thing in this show, Will has an epiphany! He tells the kids that while what they're going through now may not be important in a couple of years down the road, what matters is that they enjoy themselves now. So he decides that they are going to do a Journey medley since the first time they ever sounded good was while doing a Journey song. Before that happened though, Rachel kisses Finn after he gets into WE MUST SAVE GLEE CLUB mode. Anyway, so it's competition time! Right before they start singing, Finn finally tells Rachel that he loves her, and then they have a really awesome number. So while the club is feeling generally badass backstage, Quinn's water breaks! If someone did not see that one coming, they are an idiot. All of the kids sans Rachel go to the hospital; she watches VA perform their set. And I'd just like to mention that the real life actors who did the dance routine for it actually suffered injuries. Ow. After that's done, Rachel goes to talk to Shelby. Considering that Jesse is graduating that year, Rachel says that there's no point in her mom staying with VA and that she should come and help Will with ND instead. Shelby declines, explaining that she doesn't want to coach show choir anymore and would rather just live her own life. The two say a final farewell, but before Rachel leaves she mentions that Quinn had a baby girl. Spoilers: Shelby adopts her.
So then it's time to announce the winners. And, sadly, it's VA. The Glee kids didn't even place (get used to that). As it turned out, though, Sue actually did vote for them but the other judges were giant douches. Depressed, the kids tell Will how much they love and appreciate him, and then sing a song as a thank you. After that, Sue reveals that she got the principal to extend Glee club for another year! Yay!! Will tells the kids, and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
ALSO UH this app was too long to fit into just one post so I split it up by season... This is what I get for making fun of Zia when it happened to her. CONTINUE HERE FOR PART TWO.
PS: Zia was here, Francy is a loser.