Violent Leisure ch 3 pt 1/2
Title: Violent Leisure
Co-written with Severed_Sanity
Pairings: This chapter is Roy-centric, again, we’re going to ultimately end up with at least a GreedxKimbleexRoy
Warnings: Head games, Rape, torture This chapter: getting into after affects and mindsets
Rating: NC-17 without a doubt, this chapter? R
Notes: As I don’t want to stop posting a fic partway through somewhere, but I know that it’ll be a while, people on the com that have their pairings on hold, just tell me if you want me to pause posting there until the part-that’s-taking-way-too-long-to-arrive gets here. I know exactly when that is now though, so...
Chapter one
Chapter two
Chapter Three
Roy peered over the edge of the tub as Maes stepped into the room, having submerged himself almost entirely under the hot water. It wasn't at all what his burns needed, but he didn't care. The burns were one of the kinder things anyway. He'd never shared any of his quirks with Maes of course, most especially not that one, but that was entirely beside the point. "Done?"
"My mother would approve." Maes said wistfully grabbing up the towels from the sink's rim. "How about you? Bout ready to crawl back into bed?" His tone was neutral, and he stared down at his friend as he settled on the edge of the tub. He could feel the heat of the water rising against his thigh and couldn't stop the slow frown forming. "Didn't we just go over not making yourself into a soup? It can't be good for your injuries... well the soreness maybe, but not anything else."
Roy tipped his head to peer up at Maes with an innocent expression. Amazingly, it actually seemed to be genuine. "Well, yes, but it doesn't hurt. It's just nice to be warm..."
"Hurt or not, it can't be doing you any good. No need to worry about the warmth bit though. I've got you out those funny gray PJs Gracia got you for your birthday and there are plenty of covers piled on the bed. Add in that it’s a very warm day outside and you've got the perfect comfort weather. Come on," he lightened his voice and offered a hand. "let’s get you up and dried. Then we should talk." And maybe I'll find something to hide behind when we do.
He looked like he was seriously considering hiding under his nice scalding water instead of crawling out for dry covers, but he finally sighed and took the offered hand, sitting up. "It's not a warm day. It's nowhere near summer yet..."
Maes grunted with the effort of pulling the man to his feet but replied in a near teasing tone. "You're just a freak for warm weather. Anything below scorching and you're grumpy. It is a nice day out, in the mid eighties I believe. It's warm enough to serve its purpose and there's covers to pile over your head if you prefer, so stop being difficult." He quickly wrapped one of the towels around Roy's hips, the other going around his shoulders. He wound an arm around the dripping waist and held onto Roy's arm, draping it over his shoulders to help him out of the tub.
"You know I prefer my weather at least in the nineties... And dry." He nearly collapsed after getting over the rim of the tub, only keeping his feet for a few seconds before a bout of dizziness slammed him and his knees gave out.
They stumbled together for a few steps before Maes was able to correct them. He bent slightly and picked Roy up, cradling the man against his chest. This was not good, and be damned what Roy thought. They needed help, fast. Maneuvering around the room wasn't as easy as it first had been, why? He honestly didn't know. Maybe it was because he was tired? Maybe… he didn't know but they finally reached the bed. Sitting Roy down gently as he could, he released him to grab the shirt lying just beside him.
"I don't know why you didn't just take the job out east then. The weather is by far the warmest I've ever experienced and you can have it. I prefer the seasons right here in Central. The springs are warm, the summers bearable, the falls pleasant, and the winters mild. What more could a guy ask for? Besides you I mean. If you had your way, every day would be 95 and we'd all be doomed to wear shorts and tank tops to the office. Though I wouldn't mind that since there are quite a few lovely ladies roaming around nowadays."
"Nothing is happening in the East... and it's muggy. Here it isn't muggy, and there is snows..." He shook his head, using the towel to more or less attack the water that was clinging to his skin. "I need to be bandaged up or I'll get blood on the pajamas."
"Right... it would be me that forgets after harping to you about it getting done." Maes was slightly abashed, there was even a faint hint of pink coloring his cheeks as he turned away to retrieve the supplies. Bandages, peroxide, alcohol, rubbing pads, gaze snips, and a small sewing kit, everything the modern first aid kit should hold was all piled neatly on the bed beside the hurt man when Maes returned moments later with the tackle he'd thrown together. "We'll start with your from the head and move our way down. It's going to be uncomfortable as we get lower... I want you to let me know when you want me to stop." He looked into Roy's eyes and hoped he understood that he was a bit uncomfortable about doing anything below the chest himself. Maybe if the alchemist acknowledged the problem then he could effectively broach the subject of a doctor. How they got this far without one was beyond him.
Roy peered at Maes for a moment before a weak chuckle escaped him and he shook his head, staring down at the covers and his bare lap. "Honestly, after all the fuss I would have thought that you would have been a bit less blunt than to say something like that." Tipping his face down, he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. Honestly, how could the man even think he needed to be reminded that it would hurt? It was blatantly obvious.
"Forgive me for trying to give you a chance to prepare. Of course we both know this is going to hurt like hell but damn it Roy, I'm trying to make it easier for us both!" Why the hell did he have to an arse about everything? It was like he wanted to pick a fight... and he just might. He could understand that his friend was frustrated and upset but he'd be damned if he was going to be the target of it. He tightened his lips and started the long process of disinfecting and bandaging every cut, burn, and bruise along the way.
And Roy... well, he found it absurdly funny that Maes wasn't affected by his rather rude attitude. He snickered softly and closed his eyes, focusing on the painful, yet soothing, touches that started on his face and worked their way down. Then part of what his friend had said had filtered in and he cracked his eyes back open. "Something wrong with you too Maes?"
He sent a mild glare of frustration over the rim of his glasses. Oh leave it to the man to pick it up now. Oh well, he wasn't actually trying to hide the fact that he was upset but he'd hoped it wouldn't come up. Now that it had, he had to deal with it. He worried over the nasty bite mark on Roy’s neck. "Besides the fact that I've discovered a murderous streak a mile long somewhere within me... No. I'm fine." Of course he wasn't fine but one little lie would be alright. He ignored his guilt meter and continued to cleanse.
He titled his head a little so Maes could get at the bite easier, eyes squinting a little as he tried to ignore the painful part of this. "Murderous streak? I guess we all have one of those somewhere, but there's no need for you to summon up yours." He adjusted his towel a little.
"Oh, you think not? Well it's there and waiting for the moment it can come out. But that's for later discussion." He replied quietly moving from one wound to the next. He'd worked his way down to the chest by the time he found enough courage to bring up his inept abilities at helping. "I… I don't think I'm going to do much more than dress these you know. And I'm definitely in the dark about... I mean..." This was harder to say than it sounded it in his head.
Roy sighed softly and shook his head. "I don't think there's anything that can be done with... that at this point. Just get the others and I'll deal with it later." He spoke quietly, but there was an underlying steel in there.
Maes pulled the pad away from the battered chest and sat beside the man. He was expecting a fight, but he wasn't going to be deterred so easily. With a shaky breath he pushed forward. "You don't know anything more than I do about this. Face it, you won't do anything about it besides let it go. You need to deal with this before you lose more blood and/or anything becomes infected. These simple measures won't last for long if any one of them become infected. Roy, you need a doctor."
"No. Even if I need one, the person would not be able to get anywhere close to me so it's pointless anyway." He waved one hand, now bandaged, around a little bit.
"Roy." He raised his voice slightly looking down at his slightly stained hands. "You do need one. I can't do anything else. I don't know how! You need help and I can't provide it this time. There's nothing I can do."
"We'll figure it out Maes." He reached over and soothed some burn cream up along the inside of his legs. "Besides, now that I'm fully aware of what's going on again, I'm sure that if anyone else comes near me, that I won't be able to control my reaction. Do you really think me mauling a doctor will help anything?"
He laughed at that. "Well I don't think it would do either of us any good if you did that. But you need one... maybe I could ask about this but we need to do something Roy."
Roy shook his head a little, shooting a glare at his friend. "We are doing something. I'm cleaned up, and now we're dealing with these wounds, and I'm going to need you to at least hold the bandage in place." There was one thing with Roy, he never had been very modest, and was perfectly fine with flashing his injured body. He gestured for Maes to step closer. Really, the only part of him that Maes had never gotten a good look at was the scar that Kimblee had been too fascinated with to damage again.
Maes chewed on his bottom lip but didn't try again. He wasn't going to argue with him anymore. If Roy didn't want a doctor then there wasn't much else he could do besides accept it, bar incapacitating the man, and he really doubted he'd have a friend if that would be the case. He sighed heavily and shook his head. "Fine... fine, alright. We'll do it your way for now. But if you get worse then I'm getting help."
Roy snorted softly and reached out to snag Maes' hand, putting it where he needed it so that he could work on wrapping the bandage properly. "Hold that." He started to wrap, not seeming as ignorant of bandaging himself up as Maes had thought. In fact, he seemed rather proficient at it...
Maes nearly jumped at the change in body temperatures. He'd been more or less touching Roy's exposed flesh for the better part of two full hours, from finding him, the bath, to now so touching wasn't the problem. It was like extremes of warmth; one area was normal even temperature while where his hand now rested it felt like a small furnace. Was it because the area was closer to more flesh? He didn't know and almost didn't care, he wasn't really interested. Okay maybe curious, though, of that white jagged scar he saw peeking over his friend’s fingers. "Hmm, don't remember that one." He looked at his friend from the corner of his eye. "What happened there?"
Roy paused a little, glancing to the scar in question before reluctantly removing his fingers from it to resume wrapping the bandages. "I've had it since the war." His voice was a soft, even tone, and he carefully worked around Maes' hand, not being at all ginger with his own wounds.
He couldn't help himself, he ran a finger pad across the upper most part of the scar, fascinated by the pattern. "Since the war? Wonder why I haven't noticed it before… I've seen you naked since then you know and I swear I don't remember that being there. How'd you get it?" He was being nosey but that was just who he was, Roy would either forgive him and tell or kill him and hide the body later. Either option seemed workable at this point.
"I tend to hide it. I'm the only one that knows how I got it. I had to burn it shut after because I was bleeding too much, but that was really the least of it." He shook his head, turning his attention to his other leg, moving Maes to where he needed him.
"Not going to share that bit of information I take it?" It was a bit of a let down, not being able to know the how and why of the scar's history but if Roy hid it even from him then he wasn't going to push it. He'd just keep himself on his best behavior and stamp his usual curiosity down over this one. If Roy wanted to tell him, fine and dandy but he wasn't going to insist.
"It's my secret." He nodded a little then shook his head. "My shame, mine to worry about." And there was something in his gaze that flat out said that whatever the scar represented to him, it was very important given the current situation. "You weren't the only one startled to see it Maes."
Maes idly wondered how a scar could hold shame over the man but he supposed that anything was possible. He had his own secret shames and knew the importance to keep them to himself but he never thought his friend might be the same way. He also couldn't help feeling a little hurt about being kept in the dark. He thought they didn't have secrets between them. But apparently he'd been wrong. It was alright. Things like this happened all the time; he couldn’t know everything about his best friend just as Roy couldn't know everything about him. It still hurt though but he didn't let it show through. "Why do I have a feeling that Kimblee was surprised by it?" His voice held foreboding since he pretty much figured that's who Roy was referring to.
"Because he was. I wouldn't tell him about it either." he shrugged slightly, running a finger along the smooth part of the scar. "You know how hard it is for me to scar Maes. Especially so effectively." His finger ran back, the motion slightly hypnotic considering that while most of his moves weren't the most graceful at the moment, that one was completely without a hitch. "I think he thought he knew where all my scars from then came from."
"I thought I did as well." He uttered under his breath as he watched the action. It seemed that now that he knew about the blamed thing, he couldn't take his eyes off it. He felt kind of like a voyeur as he stared at the scar. It wasn't his place to look but he couldn't help himself. "Kimblee is a piece of work. He should have been dealt with during the war..."
"They said they had. He's been locked up all this time. I'm not sure how they managed it now that I think about it, he really isn't the sort to let someone keep him in a cage, however well fortified." He tilted his head, then suddenly moved to tie off the bandage he'd abandoned midway through.
Maes managed to tear his eyes away, swallowing sharply. "I don't like the idea of anyone being able to squirrel away a demented freak like Kimblee for years on end without it being public knowledge by now. You'd think I might have an inkling but I don't. It's too damn hinky to be something as simple as reprogramming... something major happened and I don't like the implications of that."
"He's still as sane as he ever was, so if they were trying to change how he thought, they failed." He ran his gaze over the finer cut wounds low on his body and reached for the antiseptic, welcoming the stinging. It was keeping him anchored firmly. "He had no outside contact, or he wouldn't have needed to come find me, even if he blamed me. Really, when he was thinking his strategy tended to be better than mine."
He'd never personally met the Crimson Alchemist, so of course he'd never worked with the man and he couldn't agree or disagree with Roy on that point. He wanted to deny that Kimblee was a better at anything compared to one of the smartest people he knew. Okay, Roy was a genius in most things but get him drunk enough and you'd think differently. He smiled at a swirling memory, almost chuckling aloud at a particularly vivid part. "Careful with that Roy, don't use to much or you'll deaden the area for longer than intended. That's not good no matter what the situation is and we're trying to keep the quacks away... for now." He kept the last part as quiet as possible.
Roy raised an eyebrow and switched to the more adhesive bandages, smoothing them over the fine lined cuts. "I know. I've done things like this before, if not quite on this type of scale Maes. I think you forgot somewhere in there that Alchemists during the war were feared on both sides."
"Prefer to forget actually. And I don't care, I'm being a mother hen so deal with it. I'm trying to... sort of." He ran a hand down his face then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Or trying to. Just work with me here."
Roy reached out and moved Maes' hand away from his face, pushing his glasses back up his nose rather calmly. "You're making me wonder what I look like you know. That it has you in such a state." He moved his hand away, and it drifted back to that scar, which he couldn't seem to stop messing with now that Kimblee had seen it. That was the last person he'd ever wanted to know about this one mark.
The touch had been light, quick, and managed to pull him out of whatever hole he'd fallen into. Probably depression or something of that nature, he wasn't too sure but, it was gone now. Maes took the chance to really look at his friend, really look. He dismissed the slightly damaged cover and took a better look at the man. Something was definitely missing, most likely the famous cocky and absolutely charismatic aura that usually surrounded the alchemist. It was still there, hidden beneath the layers or bruises and pain. It was still Roy, just diminished. Maes wanted that hug, damn it. He needed to make sure that Roy was tangible and whole... or healing. It was hard to explain the need even to himself. He took the opportunity to resettle on the bed. "Well you're not the pretty picture you always were but nothing too bad... this just shook me up is all. Hell, shocked the hell out of me more like it. Surprised I didn't keel over from a heart attack."
"You always liked to be far too dramatic." He shook his head slightly and finally reached for the pajama top to tug it on, unwilling to even attempt the pants at the moment. "It's nothing so bad as that Maes... Of course, it being you that came here is far different than if someone else had come, but it's neither here nor there I think." He shook his head, reaching up to brush his hair out of his eyes as it suddenly agitated him. "And I'm still cold."
Maes reached up to help slide the top over Roy's head, careful not to agitate the raw wounds any more than possible. The task was easier said than done though it was over with in a matter of moments but Maes' hands still lingered on the hem of the fabric. He pinned Roy with an amused look. "Well you're half naked you dolt." He chuckled, slinking an arm around the shoulders to gently press his friend into his side. "We'll get you under to covers, that ought to take care of the heat for awhile."
He didn't exactly relax with the initial contact, but after a moment he noticed that Maes was incredibly warm, which led to him burrowing in against his friend as the man reached for the covers. "I still don't know why you dragged me out of my bath... I was keeping it at a lovely temperature."
"Probably because you would have become a prune at some point... or boiled yourself alive. I think I know just how warm that water was." He glanced down at the hand that had been scalded with a slight frown. He tightened his grip around Roy's shoulders and shifted them both on the bed, bending slightly to help his friend swing his legs onto the bed with the rest of him. It took some doing but he managed to pull the covers from under them and situated it around both their legs without upsetting their position. He only let go long enough to adjust the pillows before laying both Roy and himself down. Once that was done, he moved his arm back around him and pulled the covers over both their bodies. Looked like he wasn't going anywhere. To hell with the office for today... and possibly tomorrow. They wouldn't miss him.
"It wasn't bothering me. It was soothing." He sighed quietly, as though he was trying to get a point across to a particularly stubborn child. It was a bit amusing that he was acting like the stubborn child in the equation, curling close against Maes in an attempt to leech every bit of warmth out of him.
"Tch, you say that but I know the truth. You'd have happily stewed yourself. You and your relationship with your element. Never fails to amuse me sometimes." He didn't miss the fact that Roy was snuggling himself against his side. It felt right like this, with him holding the man close. Something clicked, twisted inside his chest and he felt like crying in both pain and joy. Maybe it was a twisted sense of empathy mixed with the need to make sure Roy was alright. He turned onto his side and draped the other arm around him after removing his glasses, placing them in-between the headboard and the mattress, already certain they'd find their way to the floor sooner or later.
He blinked a few times over the, to his view, rather abrupt actions. "I've always been like that. You know that. I suppose I really belonged in the desert, didn't I?" He sighed out a breath, relaxing back into his friend as he resettled himself, tugging the blankets more tightly around them.
"Yeah... though with your complexion you might be a big sunburn for the first few months. Though it would eventually bring out the olive in your skin." It was idle conversation but it was a safe topic. No more talks about Kimblee, no more doctors, just a simple conversation about warmth. "Would have been a long commute to see you too. You know a few thousand miles isn't going to stand in my way to drop in unannounced for a visit."
A small, genuine smile crossed his face before he hid it against Maes' shoulder, amused. "They'd kick me out within a week and we both know it. They'd beg you to take me away the moment they saw you." He shook his head a little, moving a rather timid hand to hang onto Maes' shirt.
"Ha! I actually believe that. You always managed to get yourself into the weirdest situations and guess who always has fun getting you out of them." He squeezed the other man’s shoulder gently, closing his eyes trying to imagine the scene. It wouldn't be to far from the truth if Roy ever went to an eastern post. From what he'd gleamed about the offices over there they didn't take kindly to practically all that Roy was. Would be an adventure... he just didn't want him to go. Probably a bit selfish, but he'd miss his best friend too much. He opened his eyes and smiled down into Roy's dark eyes. "Would be a great story to tell the grandkids though."
Roy quirked his lips a little and shook his head, his hair once more getting into his face with the action as he tightened his fingers a bit, as though subconsciously worried his friend would try to escape him without him paying the closest of attention. Really, it was fortunate that it had been Maes and not Hawkeye who had come in search of him, because the blond woman would more than likely have been slapped back with fire at the first sign of a threat. And if he was being honest with himself, the woman was a walking threat. "You're already planning grandkids? Well, you certainly know how to get ahead of yourself, don't you?" He moved his other hand, resting it on Maes' side. He really wanted the comfort but he was clearly not up to being his bold self.
He moved the free hand to brush away the stray hair from Roy's face, still smiling. It was good to hear some form of humor from him even if it was a bit weak and his voice was a bit shaky with worry. Though what Roy would be worrying about he couldn't exactly figure out. It was within reach and taunting him but he couldn't put his finger on it. He merely shrugged away the feeling mentally and moved on with more important ones. Like comfort and security. He was trying to provide both for his friend and, in some way, for himself. "Of course! I plan on being the best damn grandfather in the world. Never too early to start planning these things out. That way you don't get gobsmacked when it actually happens." He paused a moment, lost in thought. "Then again it better not be any time in this decade. Not sure the grandkids would appreciate growing up without a father."
Getting no immediate protest to his inching in to cling, he scooted closer, firming his grip a little. Well, it wasn't as though he hadn't already found a way to keep Maes in place considering how he had his shirt, but he had no wish to risk it. He did blink at the other man for moving his hair though, not seeing any reason for the action himself. "More like this century. I doubt you'll ever have grandchildren with how protective you are. Gracia's lucky she gets to spend any time with Elysia."
"Can I help it if I want to be close to my little angel? And come on, I have a right. There are far to many weirdoes out there that I do not want my baby getting involved with. Though it would be my luck she'd fall for some anti-military radical thinker punk and elope in Dublith or somewhere like that." He jostled Roy's hair playfully. "And don't you dare give her any ideas. She's smarter than even I give her credit for and I wouldn't put it past her to listen to you far more than me when she grows up. I swear it's a teenager trait."
He ducked away from the ruffling with a sound of discontent, as he had a rather serious bruise on the back of his head from where he'd been bounced off the wall the second time. "If she's smart, she'll figure out a way to put your picture obsession to use. I doubt you'll ever have to worry about weirdo's with her, you are one." He finally slid his arm slowly around him, cautious of being told no.
"Don't point out the obvious... wait. I'm not a weirdo!" He huffed indignantly. "I'm a loving father that enjoys documenting my daughter's life through film. I can't help it if she's so photogenic. Come on, you know you love seeing her as much as I do. Why do you think I bombard you with her photos every chance I get?! Uncle Roy needs copies to." Oh he knew full and well how much his little collection tended to get on people's nerves, especially Roy’s. That didn't stop him from bring them out every chance he got. It was a great distraction and an even better mood breaker. He shifted a little when Roy pulled away and he could have kicked himself when he realized that it was probably hurting him. He seemed to shrink a little with the realization and turned his head to the side in embarrassment. He quietly muttered, "Sorry."
He tightened his grip at the hint that Maes might possibly be considering moving away from him. He suddenly very much didn't want the other man out of arms reach. He trusted Maes, and he knew his friend wouldn't hurt him on purpose. "No, it's okay, really."
Maes had, up until this point, ignored the fact that Roy was holding onto his shirt for dear life but it was painfully obvious that the man didn't want him going anywhere. Like he was considering it. No, he had no plans on moving from his side for a long time yet. Though he did make a mental note to call Gracia at some point to make sure she wouldn't worry. He was glad she was understanding... very understanding. Often times he wondered how the hell he'd gotten so lucky for her to say yes. Must have done something right in the previous life. He readjusted his grip on Roy and snuggled into the mattress, "Still sorry though. I shouldn't have done it. Your head didn't make it through unscathed after all and I was inconsiderate to the fact."
"It's okay, you didn't realize. Just a bruise is all..." He burrowed back against him, taking a shaky breath as he tried to calm down from the fright the small retreat had given him. He didn't loosen his hold any, and he was finally coming down from the obscure place he'd been for hours and hours before now. He hadn't been safe to come down, but now he was safe and he wasn't hurting anymore. Now everything that happened was finally starting to get through to him.
He resisted the urge to stroke the still damp hair, not wanting to cause even the slightest wince to come from his friend. But it didn't stop him from attempting that course a half dozen times. "Bruise or not it still hurt no matter which way you slice it. So, warm enough I take it?"
"It didn't hurt enough to bother me..." He really wished he hadn't reacted that way, because he easily caught the repeatedly aborted motion out of the corner of his eye and he wouldn't have minded it any. "Yeah..." He didn't want his friend scared to touch him! He was hurt, not fragile... of course, that worry made his voice quaver a bit.
A breathy sigh escaped his lips at the peace of mind that this gave him. They weren't at each others throats, snarling over getting a doctor, they weren't still fussing over the wounds, and Roy wasn't bleeding as much anymore. It'd almost stopped from what he could tell though he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. But that didn't seem to matter much at the moment since he was reveling in the closeness and comfort. Maybe it was wrong to actually enjoy this; He honestly didn't care.
Maes hand found its way against Roy's head by accident mostly but once there the ‘want to’ out weighted the ‘need not’ and continued to pet gently. Guilty pleasure he supposed but it always felt good to do and have done to. What it really boiled down to was he wanted to comfort his friend any way he could and this was one of the few ways he knew how to provide such comfort. It might be silly when looked at just for face value but the simple action could do wonders for the state of being. He often found that just stroking through his little girl's hair when she was upset would soothe her worries and calm her down. He hoped it would do the same for Roy.
It wasn't completely dissimilar, as Roy was simply relieved that his friend wasn't going to try to avoid touching him still. He did relax, but only a little as he felt the urge to just break down rise in him at the comfort. He was sure that wasn't the reaction that his friend had been hoping for in the least, but he was almost certain it was the one he was going to get. He tightened the arm he'd slid around his friend, taking a deep breath.
There were flashes of nagging thoughts that tugged at Maes' subconscious, like the mess in the kitchen to get rid of, the appropriate and very necessary phone calls to make to everyone from his wife to their respective departments back at HQ, even the argument about the doctor. It was enough to make him want to scream. Of course he didn't and he didn't let any of what was bothering him leak from either his mouth or posture. He was relaxing with Roy against him and that was it. No room for anything bothersome… well maybe breathing but that was necessary.
Roy closed his eyes, concentrating on the sheer familiarity of his companion. He drew another breath, closing his eyes a bit as his fear of his friend escaping abated a bit, and he moved slightly so his face was fully hidden against the other man's chest. "You're not going anywhere for a while... right?" The quaver that had slid into his voice before wasn't gone, and had in fact gotten a bit worse.
The voice coming from the alchemist's mouth just didn't seem like it fit with the man Maes knew. It was scared and weak... and it made his heart clench. With a pause to steady himself and make sure his voice wouldn't crack in the slightest, he managed to nod an answer. "Not for a very long time." He slid his hand around to brush at the side of Roy's head. "You should get some rest, you'll need it."
The fine quaver seemed to slide from his voice into his body with that, but there was no easing his death grip on Maes. Apparently he was still stronger than he looked, even after so long out of the field. "I can't." He shook his head a little, seeming to almost want to crawl into his friend. "I want to, but I can't. I'm thinking too much, and I just, I..." He tapered off into a soft sob, unable to finish his words. He was exhausted in so many ways, but he simply couldn't sleep.
More than anything, at this moment, Maes wanted to be able to whisper that it would be alright, that everything would be fine. But deep down the he knew it wouldn’t, not for a long time at least. He'd seen cases similar to this during the war. Not like, but similar. Once where stood healthy young men and women ready to take on the anything the war threw at them there was nothing left but empty emotional husks. He didn't want Roy becoming like that. He ran his fingers through the damp tresses, letting his friend cry.
"I know this will sound utterly stupid, but don't think. I know it'll be hard to do but try. Focus on other things. Ask silly questions, hum a few bars from that raunchy tune we learned our first year in the military... don't sing though. You can't carry a tune in a bucket."
If anything, the comment prompted a near laugh that made him cry harder, the tears mostly silent, and he shook his head a little, easing off his grip a fraction so he could rub the tears off on Maes' shirt. "You aren't as funny as you think you are you know." Not think? The man had to be insane to tell him to not think. He simply couldn't get the events out of his head. He hadn't been thinking all night really, and now that he was, he couldn't stop. "Besides, whatever anyone says, it's not that easy to just quit thinking." He shook his head, face still hidden against his chest.
"Told you it was stupid didn't I? It's hard to stop thinking, we all know this from our repeated attempts throughout our lives. But during the process of trying not to think we tend to be led down other avenues of thought rather than the one we were currently brooding over and ‘attempting’ to forget. It's some psychological round about way of helping one deal with your problem without having to actually deal with it."
He really needed to shut up, he was confusing himself. When the thought of ‘not thinking’ struck him he'd been taken back to earlier years just after the war. He remembered the same insane idea thrust upon him when he let the demons from his past rise from the depths of his own personal inner hell. It was stupid and didn't work... or so he had thought at the time. It struck him that it did in fact work when he found himself pondering just where his hell was located within himself. It was a distraction device, nothing more nothing less; but it had given him and possibly countless others the time needed to step away from their problems for a few precious seconds, minutes, hours. Time he knew that Roy would need to start his healing. Emotional more so than physical because he had a feeling that the emotional side of his best friend would be forever torn.
He arched a brow, "And I damn well am as funny as I think. You're just too sour to appreciate my sense of humor."
"I'll never understand why I surround myself with the most bizarre people possible." It was a low mutter and he made a furious rubbing action to get the last of his tears, though more were lingering, as his sobbing had only abated a slight bit. Really, it was trembling just behind his voice. "And you're telling me to think of something else. It's kind of hard when you've long since taught yourself to be ready for the roundabout associations and logic jumps..." He took a shaky breath, a self depreciating smile on his lips. "Honestly, you know my brain works in weird ways."
"You mean when it works?" He just said it as a counter, nothing meant behind those words. "But now that I think about it, you do attract some pretty bizarre characters. Let’s see. Riza had to be your second since I'm currently the reigning number one. She is an odd duck if you ask me and the relationship she has with her side arm." He shuddered mockingly. "Then, of course, I have to bring up the subject of Jean. I'll never work through just how that puff of hair is natural. Always thought he colored it but you can see the roots. Would love to met his mother."
"Why must everyone mock my mind? It always works, if not always how I want it to..." He huffed softly, still dwelling too much on how much Maes' comment about his mind working was like Kimblee's, but he no longer was about to start sobbing again. "Don't forget yourself, you're obsessive to the extreme when the occasion calls for it." He tipped his head back to his chest, hair hiding what little of his face would be visible at that angle. "And you entirely forgot the other two."
"I'm sure they'll forgive me." Maes smirked. Something was definitely still niggling at Roy, he could tell. Of course the man being a crying mess cuddling against him for warmth was a dead given but there was something else. He could tell that what he'd hoped would take Roy's mind off the attack went horribly in the other direction. Those little gears that operated that very astute if sometimes negated blob of flesh most referred to as a brain turned any faster then the man might just have a melt down. Way to go Maes. You should really do this for a living. I'm sure there are other lives you can wreck with your astounding stupidity. The curse was meant for his thoughts alone so he kept a firm grip on his bottom lip. With a sigh his hand slid under Roy's chin and slowly turned it upwards until he could look into the other's eyes. "Just close your eyes and lay here. Probably won't go to sleep but I'll be here if you do and I'll still be here when you wake up. But try."
And suddenly he wanted to talk again. He had earlier, in something of an incoherent babble, but now he wanted to talk again, and this time he might actually make sense, as his mind wasn't almost a complete blank. He really wasn't happy that his mind kept swiveling between pain, blankness and this. He very much didn't want to meet his gaze, not anyone's gaze, and it showed in his eyes as he struggled to hold the eye contact. "I can't, I just, I didn't even have control of myself Maes..." He did close his eyes though, as he spoke, unable to hold that green gold gaze.
The pad of his thumb ran across the unmarred flesh of Roy's chin as he pressed the man closer, still, to his body. There was so much he wanted to be able to say and do right now but couldn't. Like make this all go away. Fat chance there but it was a nice little fantasy. "No one really has control over themselves all the time Roy, not even the Fuhrer. You tend to disagree with me on that subject but it's human nature to be a conflicting mass of walking flesh. In your case, though..." He would have to word things carefully at this point. "In your case your control was stripped away by an imposing force. It was against your will and not your fault. You can't blame yourself for that. You didn't want this to happen but it did and I'm betting you think that there was more you could have done to prevent this. The truth is that there might have been but that doesn't mean you didn't do the best you could at the time, no matter if you don't believe that. It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault."
Roy shook his head and a little despondent sound escaped him as he ducked away, hiding his face again. "Even then, I should have had some sort of hold on myself!" Really, at this point there wasn't any closer he could get without releasing his grip on the other man. "I... I liked some of it. How could I possibly...?" He shook his head a little.
Onto the rest of the chapter
Co-written with Severed_Sanity
Pairings: This chapter is Roy-centric, again, we’re going to ultimately end up with at least a GreedxKimbleexRoy
Warnings: Head games, Rape, torture This chapter: getting into after affects and mindsets
Rating: NC-17 without a doubt, this chapter? R
Notes: As I don’t want to stop posting a fic partway through somewhere, but I know that it’ll be a while, people on the com that have their pairings on hold, just tell me if you want me to pause posting there until the part-that’s-taking-way-too-long-to-arrive gets here. I know exactly when that is now though, so...
Chapter one
Chapter two
Chapter Three
Roy peered over the edge of the tub as Maes stepped into the room, having submerged himself almost entirely under the hot water. It wasn't at all what his burns needed, but he didn't care. The burns were one of the kinder things anyway. He'd never shared any of his quirks with Maes of course, most especially not that one, but that was entirely beside the point. "Done?"
"My mother would approve." Maes said wistfully grabbing up the towels from the sink's rim. "How about you? Bout ready to crawl back into bed?" His tone was neutral, and he stared down at his friend as he settled on the edge of the tub. He could feel the heat of the water rising against his thigh and couldn't stop the slow frown forming. "Didn't we just go over not making yourself into a soup? It can't be good for your injuries... well the soreness maybe, but not anything else."
Roy tipped his head to peer up at Maes with an innocent expression. Amazingly, it actually seemed to be genuine. "Well, yes, but it doesn't hurt. It's just nice to be warm..."
"Hurt or not, it can't be doing you any good. No need to worry about the warmth bit though. I've got you out those funny gray PJs Gracia got you for your birthday and there are plenty of covers piled on the bed. Add in that it’s a very warm day outside and you've got the perfect comfort weather. Come on," he lightened his voice and offered a hand. "let’s get you up and dried. Then we should talk." And maybe I'll find something to hide behind when we do.
He looked like he was seriously considering hiding under his nice scalding water instead of crawling out for dry covers, but he finally sighed and took the offered hand, sitting up. "It's not a warm day. It's nowhere near summer yet..."
Maes grunted with the effort of pulling the man to his feet but replied in a near teasing tone. "You're just a freak for warm weather. Anything below scorching and you're grumpy. It is a nice day out, in the mid eighties I believe. It's warm enough to serve its purpose and there's covers to pile over your head if you prefer, so stop being difficult." He quickly wrapped one of the towels around Roy's hips, the other going around his shoulders. He wound an arm around the dripping waist and held onto Roy's arm, draping it over his shoulders to help him out of the tub.
"You know I prefer my weather at least in the nineties... And dry." He nearly collapsed after getting over the rim of the tub, only keeping his feet for a few seconds before a bout of dizziness slammed him and his knees gave out.
They stumbled together for a few steps before Maes was able to correct them. He bent slightly and picked Roy up, cradling the man against his chest. This was not good, and be damned what Roy thought. They needed help, fast. Maneuvering around the room wasn't as easy as it first had been, why? He honestly didn't know. Maybe it was because he was tired? Maybe… he didn't know but they finally reached the bed. Sitting Roy down gently as he could, he released him to grab the shirt lying just beside him.
"I don't know why you didn't just take the job out east then. The weather is by far the warmest I've ever experienced and you can have it. I prefer the seasons right here in Central. The springs are warm, the summers bearable, the falls pleasant, and the winters mild. What more could a guy ask for? Besides you I mean. If you had your way, every day would be 95 and we'd all be doomed to wear shorts and tank tops to the office. Though I wouldn't mind that since there are quite a few lovely ladies roaming around nowadays."
"Nothing is happening in the East... and it's muggy. Here it isn't muggy, and there is snows..." He shook his head, using the towel to more or less attack the water that was clinging to his skin. "I need to be bandaged up or I'll get blood on the pajamas."
"Right... it would be me that forgets after harping to you about it getting done." Maes was slightly abashed, there was even a faint hint of pink coloring his cheeks as he turned away to retrieve the supplies. Bandages, peroxide, alcohol, rubbing pads, gaze snips, and a small sewing kit, everything the modern first aid kit should hold was all piled neatly on the bed beside the hurt man when Maes returned moments later with the tackle he'd thrown together. "We'll start with your from the head and move our way down. It's going to be uncomfortable as we get lower... I want you to let me know when you want me to stop." He looked into Roy's eyes and hoped he understood that he was a bit uncomfortable about doing anything below the chest himself. Maybe if the alchemist acknowledged the problem then he could effectively broach the subject of a doctor. How they got this far without one was beyond him.
Roy peered at Maes for a moment before a weak chuckle escaped him and he shook his head, staring down at the covers and his bare lap. "Honestly, after all the fuss I would have thought that you would have been a bit less blunt than to say something like that." Tipping his face down, he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. Honestly, how could the man even think he needed to be reminded that it would hurt? It was blatantly obvious.
"Forgive me for trying to give you a chance to prepare. Of course we both know this is going to hurt like hell but damn it Roy, I'm trying to make it easier for us both!" Why the hell did he have to an arse about everything? It was like he wanted to pick a fight... and he just might. He could understand that his friend was frustrated and upset but he'd be damned if he was going to be the target of it. He tightened his lips and started the long process of disinfecting and bandaging every cut, burn, and bruise along the way.
And Roy... well, he found it absurdly funny that Maes wasn't affected by his rather rude attitude. He snickered softly and closed his eyes, focusing on the painful, yet soothing, touches that started on his face and worked their way down. Then part of what his friend had said had filtered in and he cracked his eyes back open. "Something wrong with you too Maes?"
He sent a mild glare of frustration over the rim of his glasses. Oh leave it to the man to pick it up now. Oh well, he wasn't actually trying to hide the fact that he was upset but he'd hoped it wouldn't come up. Now that it had, he had to deal with it. He worried over the nasty bite mark on Roy’s neck. "Besides the fact that I've discovered a murderous streak a mile long somewhere within me... No. I'm fine." Of course he wasn't fine but one little lie would be alright. He ignored his guilt meter and continued to cleanse.
He titled his head a little so Maes could get at the bite easier, eyes squinting a little as he tried to ignore the painful part of this. "Murderous streak? I guess we all have one of those somewhere, but there's no need for you to summon up yours." He adjusted his towel a little.
"Oh, you think not? Well it's there and waiting for the moment it can come out. But that's for later discussion." He replied quietly moving from one wound to the next. He'd worked his way down to the chest by the time he found enough courage to bring up his inept abilities at helping. "I… I don't think I'm going to do much more than dress these you know. And I'm definitely in the dark about... I mean..." This was harder to say than it sounded it in his head.
Roy sighed softly and shook his head. "I don't think there's anything that can be done with... that at this point. Just get the others and I'll deal with it later." He spoke quietly, but there was an underlying steel in there.
Maes pulled the pad away from the battered chest and sat beside the man. He was expecting a fight, but he wasn't going to be deterred so easily. With a shaky breath he pushed forward. "You don't know anything more than I do about this. Face it, you won't do anything about it besides let it go. You need to deal with this before you lose more blood and/or anything becomes infected. These simple measures won't last for long if any one of them become infected. Roy, you need a doctor."
"No. Even if I need one, the person would not be able to get anywhere close to me so it's pointless anyway." He waved one hand, now bandaged, around a little bit.
"Roy." He raised his voice slightly looking down at his slightly stained hands. "You do need one. I can't do anything else. I don't know how! You need help and I can't provide it this time. There's nothing I can do."
"We'll figure it out Maes." He reached over and soothed some burn cream up along the inside of his legs. "Besides, now that I'm fully aware of what's going on again, I'm sure that if anyone else comes near me, that I won't be able to control my reaction. Do you really think me mauling a doctor will help anything?"
He laughed at that. "Well I don't think it would do either of us any good if you did that. But you need one... maybe I could ask about this but we need to do something Roy."
Roy shook his head a little, shooting a glare at his friend. "We are doing something. I'm cleaned up, and now we're dealing with these wounds, and I'm going to need you to at least hold the bandage in place." There was one thing with Roy, he never had been very modest, and was perfectly fine with flashing his injured body. He gestured for Maes to step closer. Really, the only part of him that Maes had never gotten a good look at was the scar that Kimblee had been too fascinated with to damage again.
Maes chewed on his bottom lip but didn't try again. He wasn't going to argue with him anymore. If Roy didn't want a doctor then there wasn't much else he could do besides accept it, bar incapacitating the man, and he really doubted he'd have a friend if that would be the case. He sighed heavily and shook his head. "Fine... fine, alright. We'll do it your way for now. But if you get worse then I'm getting help."
Roy snorted softly and reached out to snag Maes' hand, putting it where he needed it so that he could work on wrapping the bandage properly. "Hold that." He started to wrap, not seeming as ignorant of bandaging himself up as Maes had thought. In fact, he seemed rather proficient at it...
Maes nearly jumped at the change in body temperatures. He'd been more or less touching Roy's exposed flesh for the better part of two full hours, from finding him, the bath, to now so touching wasn't the problem. It was like extremes of warmth; one area was normal even temperature while where his hand now rested it felt like a small furnace. Was it because the area was closer to more flesh? He didn't know and almost didn't care, he wasn't really interested. Okay maybe curious, though, of that white jagged scar he saw peeking over his friend’s fingers. "Hmm, don't remember that one." He looked at his friend from the corner of his eye. "What happened there?"
Roy paused a little, glancing to the scar in question before reluctantly removing his fingers from it to resume wrapping the bandages. "I've had it since the war." His voice was a soft, even tone, and he carefully worked around Maes' hand, not being at all ginger with his own wounds.
He couldn't help himself, he ran a finger pad across the upper most part of the scar, fascinated by the pattern. "Since the war? Wonder why I haven't noticed it before… I've seen you naked since then you know and I swear I don't remember that being there. How'd you get it?" He was being nosey but that was just who he was, Roy would either forgive him and tell or kill him and hide the body later. Either option seemed workable at this point.
"I tend to hide it. I'm the only one that knows how I got it. I had to burn it shut after because I was bleeding too much, but that was really the least of it." He shook his head, turning his attention to his other leg, moving Maes to where he needed him.
"Not going to share that bit of information I take it?" It was a bit of a let down, not being able to know the how and why of the scar's history but if Roy hid it even from him then he wasn't going to push it. He'd just keep himself on his best behavior and stamp his usual curiosity down over this one. If Roy wanted to tell him, fine and dandy but he wasn't going to insist.
"It's my secret." He nodded a little then shook his head. "My shame, mine to worry about." And there was something in his gaze that flat out said that whatever the scar represented to him, it was very important given the current situation. "You weren't the only one startled to see it Maes."
Maes idly wondered how a scar could hold shame over the man but he supposed that anything was possible. He had his own secret shames and knew the importance to keep them to himself but he never thought his friend might be the same way. He also couldn't help feeling a little hurt about being kept in the dark. He thought they didn't have secrets between them. But apparently he'd been wrong. It was alright. Things like this happened all the time; he couldn’t know everything about his best friend just as Roy couldn't know everything about him. It still hurt though but he didn't let it show through. "Why do I have a feeling that Kimblee was surprised by it?" His voice held foreboding since he pretty much figured that's who Roy was referring to.
"Because he was. I wouldn't tell him about it either." he shrugged slightly, running a finger along the smooth part of the scar. "You know how hard it is for me to scar Maes. Especially so effectively." His finger ran back, the motion slightly hypnotic considering that while most of his moves weren't the most graceful at the moment, that one was completely without a hitch. "I think he thought he knew where all my scars from then came from."
"I thought I did as well." He uttered under his breath as he watched the action. It seemed that now that he knew about the blamed thing, he couldn't take his eyes off it. He felt kind of like a voyeur as he stared at the scar. It wasn't his place to look but he couldn't help himself. "Kimblee is a piece of work. He should have been dealt with during the war..."
"They said they had. He's been locked up all this time. I'm not sure how they managed it now that I think about it, he really isn't the sort to let someone keep him in a cage, however well fortified." He tilted his head, then suddenly moved to tie off the bandage he'd abandoned midway through.
Maes managed to tear his eyes away, swallowing sharply. "I don't like the idea of anyone being able to squirrel away a demented freak like Kimblee for years on end without it being public knowledge by now. You'd think I might have an inkling but I don't. It's too damn hinky to be something as simple as reprogramming... something major happened and I don't like the implications of that."
"He's still as sane as he ever was, so if they were trying to change how he thought, they failed." He ran his gaze over the finer cut wounds low on his body and reached for the antiseptic, welcoming the stinging. It was keeping him anchored firmly. "He had no outside contact, or he wouldn't have needed to come find me, even if he blamed me. Really, when he was thinking his strategy tended to be better than mine."
He'd never personally met the Crimson Alchemist, so of course he'd never worked with the man and he couldn't agree or disagree with Roy on that point. He wanted to deny that Kimblee was a better at anything compared to one of the smartest people he knew. Okay, Roy was a genius in most things but get him drunk enough and you'd think differently. He smiled at a swirling memory, almost chuckling aloud at a particularly vivid part. "Careful with that Roy, don't use to much or you'll deaden the area for longer than intended. That's not good no matter what the situation is and we're trying to keep the quacks away... for now." He kept the last part as quiet as possible.
Roy raised an eyebrow and switched to the more adhesive bandages, smoothing them over the fine lined cuts. "I know. I've done things like this before, if not quite on this type of scale Maes. I think you forgot somewhere in there that Alchemists during the war were feared on both sides."
"Prefer to forget actually. And I don't care, I'm being a mother hen so deal with it. I'm trying to... sort of." He ran a hand down his face then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Or trying to. Just work with me here."
Roy reached out and moved Maes' hand away from his face, pushing his glasses back up his nose rather calmly. "You're making me wonder what I look like you know. That it has you in such a state." He moved his hand away, and it drifted back to that scar, which he couldn't seem to stop messing with now that Kimblee had seen it. That was the last person he'd ever wanted to know about this one mark.
The touch had been light, quick, and managed to pull him out of whatever hole he'd fallen into. Probably depression or something of that nature, he wasn't too sure but, it was gone now. Maes took the chance to really look at his friend, really look. He dismissed the slightly damaged cover and took a better look at the man. Something was definitely missing, most likely the famous cocky and absolutely charismatic aura that usually surrounded the alchemist. It was still there, hidden beneath the layers or bruises and pain. It was still Roy, just diminished. Maes wanted that hug, damn it. He needed to make sure that Roy was tangible and whole... or healing. It was hard to explain the need even to himself. He took the opportunity to resettle on the bed. "Well you're not the pretty picture you always were but nothing too bad... this just shook me up is all. Hell, shocked the hell out of me more like it. Surprised I didn't keel over from a heart attack."
"You always liked to be far too dramatic." He shook his head slightly and finally reached for the pajama top to tug it on, unwilling to even attempt the pants at the moment. "It's nothing so bad as that Maes... Of course, it being you that came here is far different than if someone else had come, but it's neither here nor there I think." He shook his head, reaching up to brush his hair out of his eyes as it suddenly agitated him. "And I'm still cold."
Maes reached up to help slide the top over Roy's head, careful not to agitate the raw wounds any more than possible. The task was easier said than done though it was over with in a matter of moments but Maes' hands still lingered on the hem of the fabric. He pinned Roy with an amused look. "Well you're half naked you dolt." He chuckled, slinking an arm around the shoulders to gently press his friend into his side. "We'll get you under to covers, that ought to take care of the heat for awhile."
He didn't exactly relax with the initial contact, but after a moment he noticed that Maes was incredibly warm, which led to him burrowing in against his friend as the man reached for the covers. "I still don't know why you dragged me out of my bath... I was keeping it at a lovely temperature."
"Probably because you would have become a prune at some point... or boiled yourself alive. I think I know just how warm that water was." He glanced down at the hand that had been scalded with a slight frown. He tightened his grip around Roy's shoulders and shifted them both on the bed, bending slightly to help his friend swing his legs onto the bed with the rest of him. It took some doing but he managed to pull the covers from under them and situated it around both their legs without upsetting their position. He only let go long enough to adjust the pillows before laying both Roy and himself down. Once that was done, he moved his arm back around him and pulled the covers over both their bodies. Looked like he wasn't going anywhere. To hell with the office for today... and possibly tomorrow. They wouldn't miss him.
"It wasn't bothering me. It was soothing." He sighed quietly, as though he was trying to get a point across to a particularly stubborn child. It was a bit amusing that he was acting like the stubborn child in the equation, curling close against Maes in an attempt to leech every bit of warmth out of him.
"Tch, you say that but I know the truth. You'd have happily stewed yourself. You and your relationship with your element. Never fails to amuse me sometimes." He didn't miss the fact that Roy was snuggling himself against his side. It felt right like this, with him holding the man close. Something clicked, twisted inside his chest and he felt like crying in both pain and joy. Maybe it was a twisted sense of empathy mixed with the need to make sure Roy was alright. He turned onto his side and draped the other arm around him after removing his glasses, placing them in-between the headboard and the mattress, already certain they'd find their way to the floor sooner or later.
He blinked a few times over the, to his view, rather abrupt actions. "I've always been like that. You know that. I suppose I really belonged in the desert, didn't I?" He sighed out a breath, relaxing back into his friend as he resettled himself, tugging the blankets more tightly around them.
"Yeah... though with your complexion you might be a big sunburn for the first few months. Though it would eventually bring out the olive in your skin." It was idle conversation but it was a safe topic. No more talks about Kimblee, no more doctors, just a simple conversation about warmth. "Would have been a long commute to see you too. You know a few thousand miles isn't going to stand in my way to drop in unannounced for a visit."
A small, genuine smile crossed his face before he hid it against Maes' shoulder, amused. "They'd kick me out within a week and we both know it. They'd beg you to take me away the moment they saw you." He shook his head a little, moving a rather timid hand to hang onto Maes' shirt.
"Ha! I actually believe that. You always managed to get yourself into the weirdest situations and guess who always has fun getting you out of them." He squeezed the other man’s shoulder gently, closing his eyes trying to imagine the scene. It wouldn't be to far from the truth if Roy ever went to an eastern post. From what he'd gleamed about the offices over there they didn't take kindly to practically all that Roy was. Would be an adventure... he just didn't want him to go. Probably a bit selfish, but he'd miss his best friend too much. He opened his eyes and smiled down into Roy's dark eyes. "Would be a great story to tell the grandkids though."
Roy quirked his lips a little and shook his head, his hair once more getting into his face with the action as he tightened his fingers a bit, as though subconsciously worried his friend would try to escape him without him paying the closest of attention. Really, it was fortunate that it had been Maes and not Hawkeye who had come in search of him, because the blond woman would more than likely have been slapped back with fire at the first sign of a threat. And if he was being honest with himself, the woman was a walking threat. "You're already planning grandkids? Well, you certainly know how to get ahead of yourself, don't you?" He moved his other hand, resting it on Maes' side. He really wanted the comfort but he was clearly not up to being his bold self.
He moved the free hand to brush away the stray hair from Roy's face, still smiling. It was good to hear some form of humor from him even if it was a bit weak and his voice was a bit shaky with worry. Though what Roy would be worrying about he couldn't exactly figure out. It was within reach and taunting him but he couldn't put his finger on it. He merely shrugged away the feeling mentally and moved on with more important ones. Like comfort and security. He was trying to provide both for his friend and, in some way, for himself. "Of course! I plan on being the best damn grandfather in the world. Never too early to start planning these things out. That way you don't get gobsmacked when it actually happens." He paused a moment, lost in thought. "Then again it better not be any time in this decade. Not sure the grandkids would appreciate growing up without a father."
Getting no immediate protest to his inching in to cling, he scooted closer, firming his grip a little. Well, it wasn't as though he hadn't already found a way to keep Maes in place considering how he had his shirt, but he had no wish to risk it. He did blink at the other man for moving his hair though, not seeing any reason for the action himself. "More like this century. I doubt you'll ever have grandchildren with how protective you are. Gracia's lucky she gets to spend any time with Elysia."
"Can I help it if I want to be close to my little angel? And come on, I have a right. There are far to many weirdoes out there that I do not want my baby getting involved with. Though it would be my luck she'd fall for some anti-military radical thinker punk and elope in Dublith or somewhere like that." He jostled Roy's hair playfully. "And don't you dare give her any ideas. She's smarter than even I give her credit for and I wouldn't put it past her to listen to you far more than me when she grows up. I swear it's a teenager trait."
He ducked away from the ruffling with a sound of discontent, as he had a rather serious bruise on the back of his head from where he'd been bounced off the wall the second time. "If she's smart, she'll figure out a way to put your picture obsession to use. I doubt you'll ever have to worry about weirdo's with her, you are one." He finally slid his arm slowly around him, cautious of being told no.
"Don't point out the obvious... wait. I'm not a weirdo!" He huffed indignantly. "I'm a loving father that enjoys documenting my daughter's life through film. I can't help it if she's so photogenic. Come on, you know you love seeing her as much as I do. Why do you think I bombard you with her photos every chance I get?! Uncle Roy needs copies to." Oh he knew full and well how much his little collection tended to get on people's nerves, especially Roy’s. That didn't stop him from bring them out every chance he got. It was a great distraction and an even better mood breaker. He shifted a little when Roy pulled away and he could have kicked himself when he realized that it was probably hurting him. He seemed to shrink a little with the realization and turned his head to the side in embarrassment. He quietly muttered, "Sorry."
He tightened his grip at the hint that Maes might possibly be considering moving away from him. He suddenly very much didn't want the other man out of arms reach. He trusted Maes, and he knew his friend wouldn't hurt him on purpose. "No, it's okay, really."
Maes had, up until this point, ignored the fact that Roy was holding onto his shirt for dear life but it was painfully obvious that the man didn't want him going anywhere. Like he was considering it. No, he had no plans on moving from his side for a long time yet. Though he did make a mental note to call Gracia at some point to make sure she wouldn't worry. He was glad she was understanding... very understanding. Often times he wondered how the hell he'd gotten so lucky for her to say yes. Must have done something right in the previous life. He readjusted his grip on Roy and snuggled into the mattress, "Still sorry though. I shouldn't have done it. Your head didn't make it through unscathed after all and I was inconsiderate to the fact."
"It's okay, you didn't realize. Just a bruise is all..." He burrowed back against him, taking a shaky breath as he tried to calm down from the fright the small retreat had given him. He didn't loosen his hold any, and he was finally coming down from the obscure place he'd been for hours and hours before now. He hadn't been safe to come down, but now he was safe and he wasn't hurting anymore. Now everything that happened was finally starting to get through to him.
He resisted the urge to stroke the still damp hair, not wanting to cause even the slightest wince to come from his friend. But it didn't stop him from attempting that course a half dozen times. "Bruise or not it still hurt no matter which way you slice it. So, warm enough I take it?"
"It didn't hurt enough to bother me..." He really wished he hadn't reacted that way, because he easily caught the repeatedly aborted motion out of the corner of his eye and he wouldn't have minded it any. "Yeah..." He didn't want his friend scared to touch him! He was hurt, not fragile... of course, that worry made his voice quaver a bit.
A breathy sigh escaped his lips at the peace of mind that this gave him. They weren't at each others throats, snarling over getting a doctor, they weren't still fussing over the wounds, and Roy wasn't bleeding as much anymore. It'd almost stopped from what he could tell though he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. But that didn't seem to matter much at the moment since he was reveling in the closeness and comfort. Maybe it was wrong to actually enjoy this; He honestly didn't care.
Maes hand found its way against Roy's head by accident mostly but once there the ‘want to’ out weighted the ‘need not’ and continued to pet gently. Guilty pleasure he supposed but it always felt good to do and have done to. What it really boiled down to was he wanted to comfort his friend any way he could and this was one of the few ways he knew how to provide such comfort. It might be silly when looked at just for face value but the simple action could do wonders for the state of being. He often found that just stroking through his little girl's hair when she was upset would soothe her worries and calm her down. He hoped it would do the same for Roy.
It wasn't completely dissimilar, as Roy was simply relieved that his friend wasn't going to try to avoid touching him still. He did relax, but only a little as he felt the urge to just break down rise in him at the comfort. He was sure that wasn't the reaction that his friend had been hoping for in the least, but he was almost certain it was the one he was going to get. He tightened the arm he'd slid around his friend, taking a deep breath.
There were flashes of nagging thoughts that tugged at Maes' subconscious, like the mess in the kitchen to get rid of, the appropriate and very necessary phone calls to make to everyone from his wife to their respective departments back at HQ, even the argument about the doctor. It was enough to make him want to scream. Of course he didn't and he didn't let any of what was bothering him leak from either his mouth or posture. He was relaxing with Roy against him and that was it. No room for anything bothersome… well maybe breathing but that was necessary.
Roy closed his eyes, concentrating on the sheer familiarity of his companion. He drew another breath, closing his eyes a bit as his fear of his friend escaping abated a bit, and he moved slightly so his face was fully hidden against the other man's chest. "You're not going anywhere for a while... right?" The quaver that had slid into his voice before wasn't gone, and had in fact gotten a bit worse.
The voice coming from the alchemist's mouth just didn't seem like it fit with the man Maes knew. It was scared and weak... and it made his heart clench. With a pause to steady himself and make sure his voice wouldn't crack in the slightest, he managed to nod an answer. "Not for a very long time." He slid his hand around to brush at the side of Roy's head. "You should get some rest, you'll need it."
The fine quaver seemed to slide from his voice into his body with that, but there was no easing his death grip on Maes. Apparently he was still stronger than he looked, even after so long out of the field. "I can't." He shook his head a little, seeming to almost want to crawl into his friend. "I want to, but I can't. I'm thinking too much, and I just, I..." He tapered off into a soft sob, unable to finish his words. He was exhausted in so many ways, but he simply couldn't sleep.
More than anything, at this moment, Maes wanted to be able to whisper that it would be alright, that everything would be fine. But deep down the he knew it wouldn’t, not for a long time at least. He'd seen cases similar to this during the war. Not like, but similar. Once where stood healthy young men and women ready to take on the anything the war threw at them there was nothing left but empty emotional husks. He didn't want Roy becoming like that. He ran his fingers through the damp tresses, letting his friend cry.
"I know this will sound utterly stupid, but don't think. I know it'll be hard to do but try. Focus on other things. Ask silly questions, hum a few bars from that raunchy tune we learned our first year in the military... don't sing though. You can't carry a tune in a bucket."
If anything, the comment prompted a near laugh that made him cry harder, the tears mostly silent, and he shook his head a little, easing off his grip a fraction so he could rub the tears off on Maes' shirt. "You aren't as funny as you think you are you know." Not think? The man had to be insane to tell him to not think. He simply couldn't get the events out of his head. He hadn't been thinking all night really, and now that he was, he couldn't stop. "Besides, whatever anyone says, it's not that easy to just quit thinking." He shook his head, face still hidden against his chest.
"Told you it was stupid didn't I? It's hard to stop thinking, we all know this from our repeated attempts throughout our lives. But during the process of trying not to think we tend to be led down other avenues of thought rather than the one we were currently brooding over and ‘attempting’ to forget. It's some psychological round about way of helping one deal with your problem without having to actually deal with it."
He really needed to shut up, he was confusing himself. When the thought of ‘not thinking’ struck him he'd been taken back to earlier years just after the war. He remembered the same insane idea thrust upon him when he let the demons from his past rise from the depths of his own personal inner hell. It was stupid and didn't work... or so he had thought at the time. It struck him that it did in fact work when he found himself pondering just where his hell was located within himself. It was a distraction device, nothing more nothing less; but it had given him and possibly countless others the time needed to step away from their problems for a few precious seconds, minutes, hours. Time he knew that Roy would need to start his healing. Emotional more so than physical because he had a feeling that the emotional side of his best friend would be forever torn.
He arched a brow, "And I damn well am as funny as I think. You're just too sour to appreciate my sense of humor."
"I'll never understand why I surround myself with the most bizarre people possible." It was a low mutter and he made a furious rubbing action to get the last of his tears, though more were lingering, as his sobbing had only abated a slight bit. Really, it was trembling just behind his voice. "And you're telling me to think of something else. It's kind of hard when you've long since taught yourself to be ready for the roundabout associations and logic jumps..." He took a shaky breath, a self depreciating smile on his lips. "Honestly, you know my brain works in weird ways."
"You mean when it works?" He just said it as a counter, nothing meant behind those words. "But now that I think about it, you do attract some pretty bizarre characters. Let’s see. Riza had to be your second since I'm currently the reigning number one. She is an odd duck if you ask me and the relationship she has with her side arm." He shuddered mockingly. "Then, of course, I have to bring up the subject of Jean. I'll never work through just how that puff of hair is natural. Always thought he colored it but you can see the roots. Would love to met his mother."
"Why must everyone mock my mind? It always works, if not always how I want it to..." He huffed softly, still dwelling too much on how much Maes' comment about his mind working was like Kimblee's, but he no longer was about to start sobbing again. "Don't forget yourself, you're obsessive to the extreme when the occasion calls for it." He tipped his head back to his chest, hair hiding what little of his face would be visible at that angle. "And you entirely forgot the other two."
"I'm sure they'll forgive me." Maes smirked. Something was definitely still niggling at Roy, he could tell. Of course the man being a crying mess cuddling against him for warmth was a dead given but there was something else. He could tell that what he'd hoped would take Roy's mind off the attack went horribly in the other direction. Those little gears that operated that very astute if sometimes negated blob of flesh most referred to as a brain turned any faster then the man might just have a melt down. Way to go Maes. You should really do this for a living. I'm sure there are other lives you can wreck with your astounding stupidity. The curse was meant for his thoughts alone so he kept a firm grip on his bottom lip. With a sigh his hand slid under Roy's chin and slowly turned it upwards until he could look into the other's eyes. "Just close your eyes and lay here. Probably won't go to sleep but I'll be here if you do and I'll still be here when you wake up. But try."
And suddenly he wanted to talk again. He had earlier, in something of an incoherent babble, but now he wanted to talk again, and this time he might actually make sense, as his mind wasn't almost a complete blank. He really wasn't happy that his mind kept swiveling between pain, blankness and this. He very much didn't want to meet his gaze, not anyone's gaze, and it showed in his eyes as he struggled to hold the eye contact. "I can't, I just, I didn't even have control of myself Maes..." He did close his eyes though, as he spoke, unable to hold that green gold gaze.
The pad of his thumb ran across the unmarred flesh of Roy's chin as he pressed the man closer, still, to his body. There was so much he wanted to be able to say and do right now but couldn't. Like make this all go away. Fat chance there but it was a nice little fantasy. "No one really has control over themselves all the time Roy, not even the Fuhrer. You tend to disagree with me on that subject but it's human nature to be a conflicting mass of walking flesh. In your case, though..." He would have to word things carefully at this point. "In your case your control was stripped away by an imposing force. It was against your will and not your fault. You can't blame yourself for that. You didn't want this to happen but it did and I'm betting you think that there was more you could have done to prevent this. The truth is that there might have been but that doesn't mean you didn't do the best you could at the time, no matter if you don't believe that. It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault."
Roy shook his head and a little despondent sound escaped him as he ducked away, hiding his face again. "Even then, I should have had some sort of hold on myself!" Really, at this point there wasn't any closer he could get without releasing his grip on the other man. "I... I liked some of it. How could I possibly...?" He shook his head a little.
Onto the rest of the chapter