Cat Troubles
Title: Cat Troubles
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Alphonse/Edward with hints of Al/Ed/Havoc
Words: 1178
Rating: R
Warnings: A bit of sexual content. Incest. A cat of doom.
Summary: Sometimes it was just too much to ask for sex in peace.
It wasn't the first time, or the second time, or even, unfortunately, the third time that something like this had happened. In fact, he wasn't even sure exactly how many times it had, but the way he grabbed the cat and rolled off the bed was turning into a practiced feat. The unhappy groan of misery that left his naked partner was no better, being well rehearsed and pitched at the exact frequency to indicate how utterly horribly timed the interruption was.
If he was being perfectly honest, he wanted to make that exact noise himself. He would like to have sex in peace, he really would, but the bedroom doors didn't have locks, and the cat seemed to know how to get the knobs to turn. She had since she was all of four months old. And, since then, he had yet to figure out how to have sex in his bedroom without the cat darting in and planting herself on his lover's chest, or back, or some body part of his by way of protest.
It had been going on almost three weeks now, and he had to admit that no matter how soft hearted he was about the cute fuzzy animals, his body wasn't appreciating the stop and go sex nearly so much as he might have hoped it would.
Twisting his hand so he was nose to nose with the cat while he padded down the hall, he sighed. "Why can't you just be good and leave me alone with brother, hmm? You never do this to Jean when he comes to stay with us."
She just licked him on the nose by way of answer, giving a soulful look that made him sigh even more deeply. At least she was a quiet cat, it did make some things easier since they didn't lose any sleep because she was noisy. Not that he figured his brother would ever lose sleep over a cat of all things, but he knew he would be compelled to fuss, and that would keep the other Elric awake until the oddest hours. It was like he had a tracking system or something.
Not that he minded, he loved his brother in all ways possible, even if some of them were a bit… unique. He was just glad their mutual lover didn't seem to mind so much as understand that it just came with the territory. He was a good guy.
And someone who seemed to have an anti-cat pheromone he was completely sure that brother wanted to get bottled so that they could have sex in peace. Locking the cat in the bathroom didn't work, they tried that before and she just managed to jimmy the lock until she could get out and get to them. That time had been worse, because she'd ended up running across them and it had taken some quick distraction to keep his brother from going after the cat while death was on his mind.
Blue balls weren't even the least little bit fun and he could more than admit it was, while novel, not a sensation he really had wanted to get intimately acquainted with.
"You know you brought this on yourself." Turning his attention back to the cat in his grip, he sighed. "I want to have sex and you're just bungling it all up for me. So you're going to be in the basement until we're done."
The words got a piteous mew, and the cat tried to twist out of his grip. She was a smart thing, and that just proved to him that she knew exactly what she was up to.
"We know that you don’t like it down there, but if you'd stayed out of the bedroom, it wouldn't have been a problem. Would you rather I leave it to brother to find something to do with you? He'd put you outside you know, and it's snowy out there." He pointedly showed her the window. "And we both know how much you don't like snow, now don't we?"
When that just got more frantic wiggles out of the cat, he padded the rest of the way to the basement and stuck her through the door. "I didn't think so. You stay there. I mean it."
Giving her a very stern look, he dropped the cat on the top of the landing and quickly closed the door before she could jump back out.
-o-o-o-o-
He laid on the bed while he waited for Al to come back, staring up at the ceiling on a sigh. He didn't get why this was such a big deal. The cat should just stay out of their damn love life. It was a cat, they were people, the two did not mix, and it was rather creepy that she kept managing to barge in.
If putting her in the basement didn't work, he was going to start fusing the door to the wall, and he knew that would work, completely guaranteed. At least he liked to think it was completely guaranteed, because if it wasn't, that was just… disturbing was the word he was looking for. He could just see the news now. 'Brothers denied sex by cat.' Well, if it ever hit the news anyway.
That would be entirely new levels of horrible of course, since things would go downhill, Jean would get in trouble for having known about them, social stigmas would be all over the place, on down the list of horrible things he never ever wanted his brother to experience.
And he should really stop thinking about that if he wanted to still be in any kind of shape to take up where they left off, because if there was anything worse than blue balls, it was giving someone else blue balls because you'd gone and made yourself impotent by accident. He also knew he'd never live it down, so he'd just stop thinking those horrible thoughts now. All of them.
Using the most effective method he could think of, he closed his eyes and just visualized his lovers. It worked amazingly well. At least until he felt the sensation of paws on his chest.
Instead of opening his eyes, he just sighed. "Al, why is the cat on me?"
"She started whining and scratching at the door, I couldn't leave her down there."
The apologetic tone made him want to grumble, but he didn't. Instead he just picked up the cat and held her away from himself as he opened his eyes and got off the bed. "Right. Okay, Al? I'm going to use alchemy to solve our problem now, and then we're going to have sex."
Padding past his sibling, the elder Elric just dropped the cat out the door. He was going to get sex, and damn it, he wasn't going to wait for another week for Jean to get back in town to have the chance either.
Once he was finished barricading them in, things went much more smoothly.
If one ignored the noise anyway.
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Alphonse/Edward with hints of Al/Ed/Havoc
Words: 1178
Rating: R
Warnings: A bit of sexual content. Incest. A cat of doom.
Summary: Sometimes it was just too much to ask for sex in peace.
It wasn't the first time, or the second time, or even, unfortunately, the third time that something like this had happened. In fact, he wasn't even sure exactly how many times it had, but the way he grabbed the cat and rolled off the bed was turning into a practiced feat. The unhappy groan of misery that left his naked partner was no better, being well rehearsed and pitched at the exact frequency to indicate how utterly horribly timed the interruption was.
If he was being perfectly honest, he wanted to make that exact noise himself. He would like to have sex in peace, he really would, but the bedroom doors didn't have locks, and the cat seemed to know how to get the knobs to turn. She had since she was all of four months old. And, since then, he had yet to figure out how to have sex in his bedroom without the cat darting in and planting herself on his lover's chest, or back, or some body part of his by way of protest.
It had been going on almost three weeks now, and he had to admit that no matter how soft hearted he was about the cute fuzzy animals, his body wasn't appreciating the stop and go sex nearly so much as he might have hoped it would.
Twisting his hand so he was nose to nose with the cat while he padded down the hall, he sighed. "Why can't you just be good and leave me alone with brother, hmm? You never do this to Jean when he comes to stay with us."
She just licked him on the nose by way of answer, giving a soulful look that made him sigh even more deeply. At least she was a quiet cat, it did make some things easier since they didn't lose any sleep because she was noisy. Not that he figured his brother would ever lose sleep over a cat of all things, but he knew he would be compelled to fuss, and that would keep the other Elric awake until the oddest hours. It was like he had a tracking system or something.
Not that he minded, he loved his brother in all ways possible, even if some of them were a bit… unique. He was just glad their mutual lover didn't seem to mind so much as understand that it just came with the territory. He was a good guy.
And someone who seemed to have an anti-cat pheromone he was completely sure that brother wanted to get bottled so that they could have sex in peace. Locking the cat in the bathroom didn't work, they tried that before and she just managed to jimmy the lock until she could get out and get to them. That time had been worse, because she'd ended up running across them and it had taken some quick distraction to keep his brother from going after the cat while death was on his mind.
Blue balls weren't even the least little bit fun and he could more than admit it was, while novel, not a sensation he really had wanted to get intimately acquainted with.
"You know you brought this on yourself." Turning his attention back to the cat in his grip, he sighed. "I want to have sex and you're just bungling it all up for me. So you're going to be in the basement until we're done."
The words got a piteous mew, and the cat tried to twist out of his grip. She was a smart thing, and that just proved to him that she knew exactly what she was up to.
"We know that you don’t like it down there, but if you'd stayed out of the bedroom, it wouldn't have been a problem. Would you rather I leave it to brother to find something to do with you? He'd put you outside you know, and it's snowy out there." He pointedly showed her the window. "And we both know how much you don't like snow, now don't we?"
When that just got more frantic wiggles out of the cat, he padded the rest of the way to the basement and stuck her through the door. "I didn't think so. You stay there. I mean it."
Giving her a very stern look, he dropped the cat on the top of the landing and quickly closed the door before she could jump back out.
-o-o-o-o-
He laid on the bed while he waited for Al to come back, staring up at the ceiling on a sigh. He didn't get why this was such a big deal. The cat should just stay out of their damn love life. It was a cat, they were people, the two did not mix, and it was rather creepy that she kept managing to barge in.
If putting her in the basement didn't work, he was going to start fusing the door to the wall, and he knew that would work, completely guaranteed. At least he liked to think it was completely guaranteed, because if it wasn't, that was just… disturbing was the word he was looking for. He could just see the news now. 'Brothers denied sex by cat.' Well, if it ever hit the news anyway.
That would be entirely new levels of horrible of course, since things would go downhill, Jean would get in trouble for having known about them, social stigmas would be all over the place, on down the list of horrible things he never ever wanted his brother to experience.
And he should really stop thinking about that if he wanted to still be in any kind of shape to take up where they left off, because if there was anything worse than blue balls, it was giving someone else blue balls because you'd gone and made yourself impotent by accident. He also knew he'd never live it down, so he'd just stop thinking those horrible thoughts now. All of them.
Using the most effective method he could think of, he closed his eyes and just visualized his lovers. It worked amazingly well. At least until he felt the sensation of paws on his chest.
Instead of opening his eyes, he just sighed. "Al, why is the cat on me?"
"She started whining and scratching at the door, I couldn't leave her down there."
The apologetic tone made him want to grumble, but he didn't. Instead he just picked up the cat and held her away from himself as he opened his eyes and got off the bed. "Right. Okay, Al? I'm going to use alchemy to solve our problem now, and then we're going to have sex."
Padding past his sibling, the elder Elric just dropped the cat out the door. He was going to get sex, and damn it, he wasn't going to wait for another week for Jean to get back in town to have the chance either.
Once he was finished barricading them in, things went much more smoothly.
If one ignored the noise anyway.