Inspiration and drag downs

[forsaken_adam]

I've been listening to techno all week to get back into my former mind set, the techno/rave Adam mind, and it has been good for me and driving, friends help, they have been pushing me to try just by caring, it been nice, but then everyday I hit drag downs, things that either put me in a bad mood or make me a bit insulted that just coat my mind. And

Comments

[forsaken_adam]

I hate this stupid site, it keeps erasing my reply's

Grrrr fuck..

Anyways, short point was...

Thanks for caring man, wish there were more people like you and me here. and your right fun is the point, why keep going on if you have nothing to look forward to but accomplishments, you need the fun, or nothing else matters.

and don't feel bad for going on a trip, Japan is awesome, your with an awesome host family and you've met kick ass people... all in all I say it's been worth it for you, right. I'm patient for you to head back man, maybe I will just head to B.C. for a few months, make some heavy change and come back with my pockets full. That way we have "social gathering" funds when we head off to Montreal *cough* party *cough* :D

You keep having fun, and I'll start having some...

Cya when you get back man, till then atleast we get to chat on the net.

Adam.

[dalendra]

sounds like youve hit the patch of the 'lonely' ... I hate that part of life. Thinking theres no one around whos on your side, lifes too hard to just keep on going, if there wasjust one thing around to keep you going. But there is always one thing and its just you, and your desire to get the better of everyone whos dragging you down so you feel some sort of completion within yourself. youre doing that, not letting yourself get taken away and drowned in the current that flows to suffocate you. hang in there, everyones been there and its only the strongest who get out. you will get out.
<3

[forsaken_adam]

Thanks Dale,
But I love living, I just hate life, it's never been even remotely fair to me. And I don't want hand outs in life (I'll take 'em, but not looking out for them), but I would like to try for once and not have it blown up in my face. It's hard to keep putting out the effort and having the person going half assed get it before I do. I had worked hard, and I got nothing but bad relationships over and over, bad work place treatments and financial screw balls. I'm seriously burnt out from being the janitor, rather then the big boss, when I do both anyways. I'm strong in mind, but weakened in spirit. I need a refill, some sign that there is a point to my trying, even a small goal getting a hit...

I had to turn down a 20 K -60 K a year job because they didn't want me going to school, in sales, something I wanted to do. Just because I wasn't ready to give up trying for that big picture they wanted someone more... permanent. I'm not ready to be permenant unless

[forsaken_adam]

I have something I want out of life to stay permanent... and I have nothing from years of fighting for me. It sadens me, but I'll push on... I just wish one time I'd get a break in this storm, some easy road stuff... But I'll never get it, now that I have rested so long I have to fight harder to take what I want, and I will, I'm just afraid that if I push hard, I'll get shoved harder... Fear is something I have to overcome, to regain my confidence..

[forsaken_adam]

And I've always been lonely, it's just me, hopeless romantic... endlessly abused by empty promises...

I've been looking for the "one" so long, I forgot about look for me I guess *sigh*

[forsaken_adam]

Car sales at Carlton Honda