hearts like ours don't rust for wykedpanda (2/3)

[forvixxmods]

"You don't mind if I come in?" Hakyeon asks once they're only a few steps away from Taekwoon's home. He looks in the direction of his car, parked next to the mostly unused well.

"It's pretty late, isn't it…"

"Don't be ridiculous, your clothes are soaked. You should stay the night." After today's events he really doesn't like the idea of Hakyeon riding back home at night, all alone.

Hakyeon rubs the side of his neck awkwardly. "I'd have to leave early… I don't want to be any trouble." The underlying message is clear- I know you don't like my company so much.
He remembers Hakyeon saying, even in that creepy house- I'm happy to be here with you. Did Hakyeon really want to come back here to see him again? Is he truly happy about the marriage? Is Taekwoon's lack of enthusiasm making him sad? But if so…why did he never apologize? Actually, to hell with apologies- Taekwoon just wanted an explanation.

He knows Hakyeon forgot a lot after leaving the village. It was the forest's natural protection and it still worked back then. But he couldn't forget all about them.

"It's okay," he says, walking up the porch steps. He fishes the wet keys out of his wet shorts pocket and opens the door. Neither Chip nor the cat is on the porch- they probably found a more reliable shelter from the rain. "I don't mind waking up early." Encouraged, Hakyeon follows him up the steps. Taekwoon's fingers are numb and he fumbles with the keys a little, but he manages to open the door fairly quickly. "Come in."

***

The inside of the house still smells pleasantly, like the blueberry cupcakes Taekwoon has baked this morning. Hakyeon immediately comments on it, a tone of regret in his voice.

"They were so good… can't believe we left them there."

Taekwoon smiles at that. "I left some in the oven. We can eat them later."

The first thing Taekwoon does is go to the bedroom to find them dry clothes. He frowns at the mess he left on the bed; he dressed in hurry this morning. He cleans it up while looking for something to wear for both of them. It's still warm so he chooses simple t-shirts and sweatpants. He'll have to wash Hakyeon's clothes and make sure they're ready for wearing again tomorrow; he doubts any of his long pants would fit Hakyeon well.

He changes quickly then comes back to the kitchen with clothes for Hakyeon. Hakyeon is crouching on the floor, leaning over… the cat.
It's happily rubbing its head against Hakyeon's hand.

"How did that little rascal get in here?" he wonders. He leans down to try to pet him; the cat blinks at him lazily, a clear sign of trust. Its eyes are very pretty, a mix of gold and blue.

"It seems like it's a boy," Hakyeon says.

Taekwoon hums, scratching the cat behind his ear. "He's so cute, look at his white socks and his pink nose…"

Hakyeon raises his eyes at him and tilts his head, as if in wonder. "You're the one who's cute."

Taken aback, Taekwoon feels his cheek warm up. "Here are some dry clothes," he mumbles, pushing the clothes in Hakyeon's face, making him laugh. "Go take a shower, I'll make some coffee."

Hakyeon gives him a thankful smile. "Good idea."

***

They discuss the day's events over the coffee and cupcakes, but even remembering them makes them feel very uneasy, and the only conclusion they reach is that they never want to lay their eyes on that house again.

"But we're safe here…right?" Taekwoon can't help but ask. "I mean…I hope we didn't trigger some curse that would chase us until the end of time."

"Don't even joke like that," Hakyeon gives him a dark look. "But don't you think that house seemed kind of… separated from its surroundings? I think…somehow I feel like whatever is in there, can't leave on its own."

"You mean…it wanted to use us to leave?"

Hakyeon fixes his gaze on the table's surface, worrying his bottom lip, deep in thought. "I really don't know…" He shakes his head. "Let's not talk about it anymore. It's getting dark and I already feel uneasy." He chuckles. "I hope we're sleeping in one room?"

"Well… there aren't many other options," Taekwoon rubs the back of his neck. "I turned my old room into a workshop of sorts."

"Workshop?" Hakyeon blinks at him, curious. "What do you do?"

"Ah… music? But it's just for fun I haven't been able to do it recently. Anyway," he changes the topic because he can see Hakyeon is already opening his mouth, probably to ask if he can listen, "I'll sleep on the floor so don't worry."

"Um… can't we sleep together?"

The question is clearly innocent but Taekwoon feels flustered either way. It triggers memories of them together. It all happened so long ago it feels like another lifetime.

"The bed isn't big, and it's too hot anyway." The rain already stopped and the air still feels stuffy- Taekwoon anticipates more thunderstorms soon. "I had a fan but it broke and..." He shrugs.

"Okay, then I should be the one to-," Hakyeon starts but Taekwoon just snorts.

"Listen, I'm used to it. I sleep in the forest sometimes. You're a city person, you won't get much sleep that way."

Hakyeon looks mildly offended but he doesn't press. Taekwoon knows Hakyeon was born here, so technically he also is a country boy. But after so long, his origins don't matter that much. He's used to city life by now.

As he takes shower, Taekwoon's mind goes back to that article he saw in the haunted house. He thinks of the blurred names, the ink washed out with age. He's sure he saw Hakyeon's family name there. But he remembers Hakyeon and his mother have always lived in a small house in the village. Hakyeon's mom moved away when he was 18, then Hakyeon himself followed a year later. The family name might be just a coincidence, but still… something made him feel uneasy about the whole story. "One of them might be the killer," the newspaper said.

He snorts to himself as he pours shampoo into his hand. It would be truly ironic if it turned out he asked a murderer to stay the night. But he used to know Hakyeon well. He's sure Hakyeon would never do something like that.

The warm water soothes both his tiredness and his worries, and he walks out of the shower refreshed. As he leaves the bathroom he suddenly realizes that despite all that happened today it's been a while since he felt this relaxed and contented. He wonders if it's because of the adrenaline. Or because he wasn't left alone with his gloomy thoughts all day.

When he enters the bedroom Hakyeon is sitting on the bed, a book in his lap. He smiles at Taekwoon when he walks in.

"This is so disturbing," he says good-naturedly; he sounds intrigued, not judgmental. "I wouldn't guess you liked books like these."

"I like all kinds of books." Taekwoon opens the wardrobe and reaches into the bottom drawer to pull out the sleeping bag. "They're good inspiration for…" he trails off. He doesn't want to talk about lyrics and music. He's been reading countless books recently but he had no inspiration whatsoever.

Hakyeon hums. "I like science fiction. And psychological stuff. Kind of like this book, but not quite." He watches Taekwoon spread the sleeping bag on the floor next to the bed. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Taekwoon replies impatiently.

Hakyeon only smiles at that. "Thank you, Taekwoonie."

It's sweet and full of affection, the way his name rolls off Hakyeon's tongue. Taekwoon tries to focus on unzipping the sleeping bag and hopes Hakyeon doesn't notice the flush he can feel on his face and ears. Why is it so easy for Hakyeon to get him all worked up? Sure, they used to be very close, but that was a long time ago. Hakyeon was little more than a stranger now.

And yet, Taekwoon can't deny he cares for him. He remembers how afraid he was for Hakyeon, how he couldn't stomach the idea of something bad happening to him.

But…it's a good thing, isn't it. After all, they're going to be a married couple soon.

"I set the alarm clock to six in the morning." There's a sheepish tone in Hakyeon's voice. "Sorry…"

"It's fine." Taekwoon doesn't bother sliding into the sleeping bag; it's too warm anyway. He lies on top of it and pushes his face into the pillow, more than ready to fall asleep. "Let's just sleep."

"Okay." Hakyeon switches the light off and Taekwoon can hear him settle into a comfortable position. And then the house falls into quiet darkness, the rustle of the wind in the greenery, and the crickets and night animals outside, the only sounds accompanying their quiet, calm breaths.

He's consciousness is already slipping away when he hears Hakyeon call his name. He slowly opens his eyes, responding with a questioning hum.

"Can you…can you come here?" Hakyeon sounds shaken up and that's enough to make Taekwoon sit up immediately, his eyes searching Hakyeon's in the darkness. Hakyeon is curled up on the bed, and he looks at Taekwoon pleadingly, his mouth pressed into thin line, his whole body tense. "I can't fall asleep, I…" he trails off then moves over to make more space for Taekwoon as he gets up and climbs on the bed.

"What's wrong?" Taekwoon asks, alarmed. "Did you…see something?"

Hakyeon shakes his head. "I just keep seeing that girl…staring at me…each time I close my eyes." He pauses, swallowing thickly. "It was a girl, right? I feel like I should remember something, I…" He frowns, closing his eyes. "It's scary…"

Taekwoon lies down beside him and grasps his hand. Hakyeon opens his eyes and looks right into his; their faces are mere inches from each other and Taekwoon can see his pupils, dilated with the fear.

"Hey, don't think about it," he whispers, squeezing Hakyeon's hand. He tries not to let Hakyeon know he himself feels uneasy. What is that thing Hakyeon can't remember? "Think happy thoughts."

"Happy thoughts," Hakyeon repeats, blinking. "Like getting married to you?"

Taekwoon has no idea how to respond to that; he feels surprised, flattered and confused at the same time. His expression must look funny because it makes Hakyeon snort.

"Okay, I know it's not such a happy thought to you…" He sighs, closing his eyes. "You know what comes to mind? When we used to go to the forest together. We climbed the trees like little monkeys. I wasn't scared of heights back then. But then, one time, I fell… I only hurt my leg a bit but the fall was so scary. And I was such a crybaby, I made a big fuss." A faint smile stretches over his lips.

"But you calmed me down and helped me get home, I didn't want you to leave and I kept clutching your hand... And you stayed. I thought, back then, that being with you felt safe. I still think so now…" He opens his eyes, giving Taekwoon a sad look. "You always stayed with me when I asked you to. But when you asked the same, I didn't stay."

It's hard for Taekwoon to swallow through the lump in his throat; he's afraid that if he speaks, his voice will break.

"I didn't ask," he protests softly. It's true; he never tried to stop Hakyeon, he pretended like it didn't bother him so much. Both because he was always scared to show a vulnerable side, and because he didn't want Hakyeon to change his decision for his sake.

Hakyeon tentatively brings his hand to Taekwoon's face, his thumb caressing his cheek.

"Not out loud. But I could hear your heart speak," he says, his eyes glinting in the darkness, his voice heavy with barely held back feelings. "I was always able to hear you. And yet, I told myself, if you don't say it out loud it must mean you're fine with it. But I could feel it, how scared you were, that I wouldn't come back…" He releases a shaky breath, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip. He looks like he's about to cry. "And then I…I didn't."

Taekwoon wants to ask what Hakyeon means by being able to hear him- but then he realizes he doesn't need to, he already knows. It's the same thing Ellen keeps reminding him of. He didn't talk as a child, and yet Hakyeon was able to hear and respond. That's how he became Taekwoon's only close friend.

"Can you still hear it now?" he asks in a small voice, feeling so vulnerable he almost wants to run away and hide. Hakyeon slowly shakes his head and Taekwoon isn't sure which emotion in him is stronger- the relief or the disappointment. Whatever bond they had, the separation must have severed it.

"I'm sorry," Hakyeon whispers. He sniffs and buries his face in Taekwoon's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

It's with his heart hammering in his chest and countless doubtful thoughts running through his head that Taekwoon puts his arms around Hakyeon and embraces him. Hakyeon returns the hug, melts to it, and Taekwoon's mind erupts with questions: if Hakyeon ever wondered why Taekwoon couldn't go with him, if, maybe, he remembered more than them being close friends. Or maybe, if Taekwoon takes him to the forest, he'll be able to remember despite the magic that's erased his memories?

He needs to find out. The next time they meet, he needs to take Hakyeon there. But for now, they fall asleep like this, in each other's arms, so close but so aware of all the things that are still keeping them apart.

***

Taekwoon's plan was to get up at the same time as Hakyeon, make him breakfast and see him off, so when he wakes up in an empty bed and checks his phone only to find out it's after 9, he's a little disgruntled. He usually wakes up easily; he has no idea how Hakyeon managed to get up and leave without alerting him. He feels very well-rested though. It's been a while since he last slept so well.

The window was left open for the night and now cold air is blowing through it, along with the fresh scent of wet grass. He wonders if he somehow slept through another storm, too. The sky is only partly cloudy and the day is bright and pleasantly cool, yesterday's heat and stuffiness long forgotten. Seems like the perfect weather for a long walk.

He takes a shower, noting Hakyeon's clothes are gone from the drying rack, and moves to the kitchen to start the coffee machine. The cat appears out of nowhere and proceeds to hopefully rub his head against his ankle. He leans down to pet him and as he straightens up he notices there's a piece of paper lying on the table.

It's a note: Thank you for everything, Taekwoonie. Btw I ate the leftover cupcakes for breakfast! So delicious! See you next week!, it says, the words followed by a smiley and three hearts. He catches himself smiling at it, then he realizes he's actually looking forward to seeing Hakyeon again. Hakyeon didn't really explain, but he did apologize, and Taekwoon can't find it in himself to be still upset with him. He knows he’s probably being foolish, but he’s been never the type to be able to stay upset for a long time once someone apologizes. And he never stopped loving Hakyeon-he tried to and he couldn’t understand why he wasn’t able to. He thinks anyone would, after being treated that way, and yet... Still, a part of him wants to remain cautious. In the end, he’s been hurting for a long time.

He feeds the cat some ham, making a mental note to buy cat food later, then he makes pancakes and eats them quickly, wondering if he has enough food for dinner. He remembers the sausage left in the picnic basket. What a waste, but he wouldn't go back to the house even if the basket was filled with diamonds.

He doesn't have much to feed Chip but he figures he can give him some buttered bread at least. He opens the door to see if he's around, and to his surprise, he finds Hakyeon outside. The hood of his car is lifted and Hakyeon is leaning over it, a thoughtful expression on his face. He turns to look at Taekwoon when he steps out of the house and Taekwoon can't help but laugh. Hakyeon's hair is messy, his face, hands and his shirt covered in smears of something black and oily.

"Morning," he says with amusement, approaching him. "Who knew a week could pass by so fast."

Hakyeon sighs heavily, but he returns the smile.

"The car broke," he states the obvious. "I probably should have taken another one but this one's my favorite…"

Taekwoon eyes the car. All he can tell is that it's red and it looks old; he knows next to nothing about cars. With how rich Hakyeon's stepfather is, Taekwoon has no doubt he can afford a better one- he knows Hakyeon actually earns his money, working at his stepfather's company, but it doesn't change the fact his salary is very impressive.

"Let me guess." He can't stop his lips from curling up in a teasing smile. "It's retro or something? In other words about to fall apart?"

Hakyeon rests his hands on his hips, glaring at him defensively. "It's a 1954 Mercury Monterey with-"

"Save yourself the trouble," Taekwoon interrupts. "I won't understand anyway."

Hakyeon lets out another sigh. "So I guess you can't help me with it."

"You can't fix it?"

"Well, I was always able to, until now." Hakyeon looks at the, very mysterious to Taekwoon, insides of the car again. "I probably just need more time…"

"Are you staying for dinner?"

Hakyeon glances at him bashfully. "Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I can leave after I fix it, you don't have to-"

"It's fine," Taekwoon smiles, "I like cooking for you." The words sound much cheesier than he intended but he can't bring himself to regret them when Hakyeon smiles at him so happily the sun pales in comparison with that warmth. A smile like that is definitely worth his time.

***

Hakyeon manages to fix the car before noon; Taekwoon is in the kitchen, trying to decipher a rather ambiguous chicken recipe he got from Ellen along with fresh chicken breasts, when he hears the engine run. He looks through the open window to see Hakyeon in the driver's seat, grinning triumphantly.

"It works!" he exclaims when he notices Taekwoon standing by the window. "I'm a mechanics genius!"

Taekwoon laughs; Hakyeon is even dirtier now and his smug expression makes a funny contrast to the state of his shirt and hands.

"I'm sure you are!" he shouts back. "Come here and take a shower."

Hakyeon looks at him as if he's surprised, but he obeys. He stops the engine and jumps out of the car, and soon he's entering the house, smiling at Taekwoon happily.

"It's been a while since I heard you speak so loudly," he says as Taekwoon hands him a cloth so he can wipe his hands a bit and avoid leaving any more oily stains. "And sound so happy. Your voice is really cute, you know."

Taekwoon feels the blood rush to his face. Hakyeon is the one who's cute, he thinks, looking so happy about something so insignificant. And he's pretty, flushed from exertion, his eyes sparkling gleefully. Even with all the dirt smeared on his face, he's stunning. Taekwoon really wants to kiss him. And, both to his own and Hakyeon's surprise- he does.

Hakyeon freezes when their mouths connect, then inhales shakily as Taekwoon moves his lips against Hakyeon's slowly, experimentally. Taekwoon's eyes are closed but he can sense Hakyeon shifting, as if he wants to hold onto him, then probably remembering his hands are dirty and dropping them to his sides. Hakyeon returns the kiss, but neither of them deepens it. It's as if they both feel they're stepping on thin ice, each move gentle and careful. All the kisses they've shared flash through Taekwoon's mind and the nostalgia he feels is suffocating. He wonders if Hakyeon will ever remember. With that sad thought, he pulls back, watches Hakyeon blink at him repeatedly, his cheeks prettily flushed.

"Ah…" he says, dazed. Then he chuckles. "I got your nose dirty."

Flustered, Taekwoon rubs his nose with the back of his hand. So much for staying cautious. He’s angry with himself-but at the same happy he did it. "Go and take a shower," he mumbles, breaking the eye contact because Hakyeon seems just a bit too amused with how abashed he is and his eyes keep glinting mischievously.

"Only if you kiss me again."

Taekwoon has the urge to roll his eyes, but instead, impulsively, he grabs Hakyeon's shoulders and presses their lips together once more, the kiss brief but just a bit more urgent and forceful this time. Hakyeon laughs breathlessly after he pulls away, then fans his face with his hands.

"Well, now I definitely need a shower," he comments.

In the end, it seems Taekwoon is bound to be the more embarrassed one.

The dinner passes in a pleasant atmosphere. The conversation is much less one-sided than the ones before. They discuss simple things like books and movies they've enjoyed and it's actually fun. Taekwoon laughs more than once and after the third time Hakyeon ceases to gape at him like he's just grown a second head. He still sometimes stares at his lips though, then gets flustered when Taekwoon catches him. It's a nice, warm, buzzing feeling, like he's falling in love all over again.

He keeps thinking about taking Hakyeon to the spring. In the end he decides to ask, nervous but determined.

"Do you have to go back after dinner?" He asks. Hakyeon glances at him curiously. "I mean, can you go back in the evening?"

"Sure." Hakyeon smiles. "Want to keep me longer?"

Taekwoon flushes, shrugging, pushing the rest of his food around on the plate with his fork. "I just wanted to show you something, in the forest."

"Um." Hakyeon looks alarmed. "It's not some dangerous animal, is it?"

Taekwoon chuckles, shaking his head. "No, it's perfectly safe. And very pretty."

"Hmm. Okay then. I'd love to go." Hakyeon seems genuinely excited and Taekwoon can only hope that he won't be disappointed.

***

"I feel like I've been here before," is one of the first things Hakyeon says as they sit down by the spring. The river begins in the rocks, a small, clear stream falling into the round, deep, blue pond below. Then from the pond it winds its merry way down the side of the hill, turning into a steady stream at its foot. The clearing, surrounded by one of the forest's oldest trees, tall and heavy with dark green leaves, is small and very cozy. It feels like a safe place- and it is, one of the few left in the forest. The forest's magic used to be like a great, deep lake. Now there are only a few puddles left. Small pools of magic in the dried out surroundings.

"I mean," Hakyeon continues, dipping his hand in the pond water. "I must have been here, right? So why can't I remember clearly?" He looks up at Taekwoon, eyes troubled and questioning. Taekwoon wishes he could answer. But Hakyeon had to remember on his own- otherwise he'd forget again a moment later.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" he asks evasively.

Hakyeon hums, lying down on his back, stretching on the green grass. Taekwoon joins him, and they both stare at the patch of blue sky peeking out from between the dark tree tops.

"It feels so peaceful." Hakyeon sighs. "And kind of…magical…" he frowns, falling silent, as if he's trying very hard to recall something. Taekwoon hopes he can succeed.

Tentatively, he reaches out to wrap his hand around Hakyeon's. Hakyeon closes his eyes, a smile stretching over his lips as he intertwines their fingers. The wind rustles in the trees around them, a light cool breeze, but despite the goosebumps on his arm, Taekwoon feels warm.

"This feels so nice…" Hakyeon whispers. "One of those moments you wish you could stop time."

Taekwoon wonders if Hakyeon really means it, if he wouldn't mind being here with him forever. Then he wonders if he himself would want the same. His eyes fall shut as he listens to the merry splash of the water, the mysterious whispers of the leaves above them. The air smells like a warm summer day and old magic, raw and heavy but calm and relaxing. His body feels light and it's easy to focus on the warm feeling of Hakyeon's hand in his. He realizes he does want to be with Hakyeon, regardless of the past. He wonders if he’s being foolish- but he can’t help it, the thought of letting Hakyeon go again is unbearable to him.

"Hey." Hakyeon suddenly shifts to lie on his side and starts playing with the fingers of Taekwoon's hand, touching, tugging. "I really feel like I've been here before… with you."

Taekwoon stills, his heart beating fast. He only hums in reply, waiting, hoping.

"We were lying here like this…" He pulls at Taekwoon's arm and Taekwoon blinks at him, startled, as he's pulled on top of Hakyeon; he supports himself and looks down at his smiling face. He's so pretty, he thinks, he shouldn't be real.

"And we were kissing…" Hakyeon's eyebrows are drawn together as he draws linear patterns up and down Taekwoon's arms, making his skin tingle. He wonders if Hakyeon wants to kiss now. But Hakyeon is looking at the sky above, fully focused on his memories. "And something was flying above us? Like…lights?" He pauses, his eyes shifting to Taekwoon's face, questioning. "Fireflies?"

Taekwoon smiles. They weren't fireflies but at least Hakyeon is remembering something.

"Strange… was that a dream?" Hakyeon muses.

"Maybe…" Taekwoon answers noncommittally. He knows it wasn't a dream. He and Hakyeon did kiss here- and more.

"Well." Hakyeon grins. "If it was a dream, we should make it come true." And with that, he pulls Taekwoon down for a kiss. It quickly turns passionate, Hakyeon's body arching up to him, pressing close, as their tongues slide sensually against each other in the warmth of their mouths. It feels so good, he doesn't think he can ever get enough of kissing Hakyeon.

He wants Hakyeon to remember but at the same time he wonders what it must feel like for him, experiencing this as something new. Then he realizes it's probably not much different from what he feels- each time he kisses Hakyeon feels like the first time.

He loves him so much, so so much. All these years and he's never stopped loving him. No wonder he keeps getting hurt over it- feelings this strong are always a source of both happiness and pain.

***

It rains the next time Hakyeon visits. Taekwoon loves rain, and on most days he'd welcome it happily. He's just a bit upset this time, though, as he watches the droplets of water hit the kitchen windows, pit-patting against the windowsill. He won't be able to go with Hakyeon anywhere, and he wanted to take him to the forest again in hopes he'd remember more. Last time he didn't recall anything else; they ended up making out for a long time, then they went back holding hands, flushed and giddy, as if they were teenagers again.

He opens the window, letting the cool air in along with the scent of rain. Wet droplets hit his face and he moves away from the window, retreating behind the kitchen counter to start cooking. It's meatball spaghetti today- Hakyeon mentioned he liked it a lot. Taekwoon sighs, stretching his arms over his head. These days he cooks much more often than ever before. He doesn't dislike it, though- the delighted look on Hakyeon's face as he eats his food is more than worth the effort.

The food is almost done when he hears the car wheels grind against the gravel driveway. He looks through the window and notices that despite the trouble last week, Hakyeon took the same old, red car- mercury something, was it?- again. He shakes his head as he goes back to stirring the sauce; Hakyeon's love for the vehicle is something he'll probably never comprehend.

Hakyeon knocks at the door but then opens it himself; as he walks in the cat runs between his legs into the kitchen. Taekwoon turns to smile at them both. Hakyeon looks as good as ever, handsome and radiant; the navy shirt and black pants suit him really well.

"Hey," he says with a wide smile then approaches him and pulls him into a loose embrace, pressing a brief kiss to his lips. "You smell nice."

Taekwoon blinks, surprised by the compliment. He only took a shower, nothing special. "You sure you're not confusing me with the sauce?"

Hakyeon chuckles as he nuzzles his neck; the contrast between his hot breath and his hair, cool and damp with the rain, makes Taekwoon shiver. Hakyeon is the one who smells nice, like expensive cologne and the rain.

"You always smell like...something peaceful and sweet. I missed you," Hakyeon mumbles and Taekwoon's heart skips a beat. He still can't fully believe it- that Hakyeon would want to be with him. After avoiding him for so long…why?

He suddenly feels irritated with himself, for letting Hakyeon in again so soon. He gently pushes him away.

"The food is ready," he says; it's true, not just an excuse, but it's a good cover up for the uneasiness he feels.

"Feels like we're already married," Hakyeon comments as he sits down at the table. "It won't be so bad, you see? And I think you'll like it in the city."

Taekwoon's hand freezes for a second as he's putting the pasta on one of the plates.

"I'm not moving to the city," he says quietly. Hakyeon brushes that reply off with a short laugh, like he wants to say 'you can't possibly mean it'. Taekwoon bites the inside of his cheek, suddenly feeling irritated. He puts the plate away, turns around and faces Hakyeon. "I can't leave the village."

It's quiet for a while, only the cat lets out a short meow as it stares at Taekwoon, probably hoping for some food. Taekwoon turns away from Hakyeon's troubled expression, takes a meatball out of the sauce and crouches in front of the cat, reaching out to him. The cat smells it then licks at it tentatively. He seems to like it; he raises his paw to push it off Taekwoon's hand, then once it rolls towards him he takes it in his mouth and hides safely under the chair to eat it.

"I hope you're not expecting me to move here," Hakyeon finally speaks up. His tone is light, almost joking, but there's an edge to it that makes Taekwoon's stomach churn.

He stands up and wipes his hands on his apron. "No," he answers carefully. He wishes it was possible, but he understands Hakyeon won't want to. Even if he remembers about the forest, he might still prefer to stick to his city life. But most likely he'll never remember. "It's enough if we keep seeing each other like now." He'd like to live with Hakyeon but this is already more than he thought he'd get.

"And here I thought you were actually warming up to the idea." Hakyeon sounds aloof, like he's holding back all his emotions. "But you just want to brush me off, don't you? Get it over with and forget?"

Taekwoon tenses. His teeth sink into his lower lip and he digs his fingernails into his palm, telling himself to stay calm. He hates arguments.

"That's not true," he protests. Hakyeon should know, he should be able to sense it. They were so close just a moment ago. Taekwoon wouldn't let him so close if he didn't…didn't love him. "If I could I'd move in with you."

Hakyeon laughs; the sound is short and bitter, it makes Taekwoon frown. "Sorry, but why exactly can't you leave the village? I don't think there's anything holding you here. It's not like you work or anything."

Taekwoon breaks the eye contact; Hakyeon's stare is cold and piercing, and the words bring a flush of shame to Taekwoon's cheeks. They imply what he's been trying to forget all this time, that in the so-called "real world" he's practically a nobody.

He doesn't answer. It's not that he doesn't want to. He'd like to at leasttry to explain, to dissolve Hakyeon's doubts. He'd also like to get angry and point out to Hakyeon that he's the one who left him here for years, and what right does he have to be upset with him now?

But it's like back when he was a child. A lost, scared kid, abandoned by both of his parents, a kid who wanted to talk but couldn't get a word out, anxiety gripping at his throat each time he tried. He was able to overcome it with time, but it came back each time someone got upset with him. Hakyeon used to be well aware of it and he'd always try to talk things out with Taekwoon instead of getting angry at him. But he probably forgot- or he just doesn't care anymore.

"You could at least explain it to me, you know!" Hakyeon finally raised his voice. He gets up, takes a step towards Taekwoon, then stops, as if changing his mind. His eyes are shining with anger; Taekwoon looks away, unable to stand that gaze. He bites on his lip so hard it hurts, but the anxiety keeps bubbling up inside him. He can't force out even a single word.

"I wanted- I really wanted us to get along again, so that stupid marriage wouldn't be such a shitty experience for both of us! You think I wanted to come back here? This place is like a fucking nightmare that's been haunting me for years! I only came back because I thought we could still get along…" Hakyeon's voice wavers and he takes a deep breath. "Even though I didn't want any of this at all." The words are laced with bitterness, spat out like a bite of spoiled food. "I did that because I felt indebted to my mother and my stepfather. But you know what? Fuck that. They can kick me out of work for all I care. I'm not going through with this bullshit anymore." He sounds calm and distant now and when Taekwoon raises his eyes, the expression on Hakyeon's face scares him. It's so cold, detached, indifferent.

Hakyeon gives him a wry smile. "I won't get a single word out of you, huh?" He shakes his head, his eyes full of disappointment- but even though he wants to, Taekwoon can't speak. After a moment, Hakyeon sharply turns around and strides towards the door. His hands are trembling as he puts on his shoes. "I forgot you don't care about any of this. No wonder you ended up here all alone. But you like living like this, right?" He raises his head, gives Taekwoon one final, cold look. "I hope you do because I doubt it'll ever change." And with that he leaves, shutting the door behind him.

As if all the strength has suddenly left him, Taekwoon slides down to the floor. He wraps his shaking arms around his knees, and tells himself to calm down, repeats it in his head countless times. But he still can barely catch his breath, his heart thumping erratically in his chest. Calm down, he thinks again. His cheeks feel hot, his hands sweaty, and he just can't breathe.

He doesn't know how long he sits there, battling the feelings that keep trying to steal his breath away. But once he's finally a little calmer, he looks up at the window and sees sun rays falling through it, creating bright spots on the kitchen counter. It's as if the sun is mocking him, asking- didn't you want to take that cute boyfriend of yours somewhere?

So it was all a lie, he thinks. Hakyeon didn't want to come back. If it wasn't for the arranged marriage, he'd never see Taekwoon again, and he wouldn't care how much he'd hurt him.

And even if he was so sweet to him, even if he didn't hate spending time with him, it wasn't fully sincere, was it? And honestly… why should he be surprised? What could a person like Hakyeon, handsome, popular, successful and fun, want from someone like him? Hakyeon doesn't remember who they are, doesn't remember the connection they used to have. And apart from that, there's nothing Hakyeon could like about him. In the end he's just that person who can't do anything right.

He doesn't cry. He wishes he could, he wishes some of that hollow, suffocating pain would leave him. But tears just don't come; he feels numb and resigned. He doesn't move from that spot on the floor for a long time, only finally getting up when the cat scratches at the door, asking him to open it. He gets up, his legs wobbly, his steps unsure as he walks to the door and lets the cat out. He then moves to the bedroom and, feeling worn out to the bone, he drops on the bed and closes his eyes.

PART 3