Love So Sweet for taekxing
Title: Love So Sweet
Recipient: taekxing
Pairing: Taekwoon/Jaehwan (Leo/Ken)
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 5.2k
Summary: Taekwoon loves his bakery job and hates change, but Jaehwan bursts into his life like a storm and it might be a good thing.
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Taekwoon loves the smell of bread and sugar. He loves sitting in front of the oven, feeling the warm escaping from the cracks, watching the dough rise. It is soothing, quiet. He likes it best quiet. It gives him time to think, and time to not think about anything at all. When he was a child, all he wanted to do was open up his own bakery, but as he got older he realized he didn't want to deal with the numbers or the people.
That's why he's grateful for the opportunity that Hakyeon has given him, to bake and not worry about anything else. It’s a good deal, Hakyeon handles the front and Taekwoon handles the back. Hakyeon pesters him a lot, but he knows pretty well how far Taekwoon’s limits go. He knows the kitchen is Taekwoon’s sanctuary. Not many people understand Taekwoon's eccentricities, and not many people try to, but Hakyeon does and Taekwoon doesn't complain. He just does what he loves day in and day out.
Every day, Taekwoon arrives a couple hours early to get the day’s fresh batch of bread going. He likes it best in the mornings before anybody else arrives. As he kneads the dough, its consistency familiar to his practiced hands, he sings. He sings as he cuts fruit for his cakes, putting his excitement into it for the birthday boy or girl who will eventually eat it. He sings when he fills macarons, his voice as light and sweet as the creme he pipes. He sings while he rolls dough in his hands, making each piece perfectly round. He sings while he draws delicate sugar flowers onto cupcakes, imagining the look of delight on the faces of the kids who come in and admire the sweets in the windows.
When he finishes baking the day’s batch, he spends the rest of the time filling customers’ drink and bingsoo orders.
Taekwoon doesn't like a lot of things, but he does like his part-time job. It's quiet and peaceful in the backroom with all the cakes and pastries. It’s comfortable.
*
One day in the beginning of spring when winter is just about done melting away, Taekwoon comes into work, and amidst the familiar scent of warm sugar and vanilla and sun streaming in the wide windows, something is off. Hakyeon’s behind the counter, which isn’t unusual because he sometimes gets there early too, to manage the store, but he’s in his suit and not in his uniform. Taekwoon remembers the suit from when he applied for the job. He knows what it means.
"No," he says before Hakyeon can even open his mouth.
"Hear me out, please?" Hakyeon begs and Taekwoon doesn't say anything. He owes Hakyeon for being one of very few people who understands his need for privacy. "I’m going to the new location for a few months to help them get started.”
Taekwoon nods, almost imperceptibly, in acknowledgment and not in agreement.
"I’m the owner and it’s good to have my presence there, you know. The temporary worker will manage the new place when it’s finished, so he’ll be gone before you know it. For the good of our bakery."
For the good of the bakery. Taekwoon supposes he can live with that.
"You can trust my judgment," Hakyeon says and Taekwoon doesn't answer.
What Hakyeon said is true, even if Taekwoon hates to admit it. Hakyeon had hired Taekwoon. Taekwoon does his job to detailed perfection, but nobody could see past his stony exterior, except for Hakyeon. He gives a hum of quietest affirmation, that only trained ears like Hakyeon's pick up.
"Thanks, Taekwoon." Hakyeon hugs him, squeezing the breath out of Taekwoon while he struggles to get out of the hug.
He'll try trusting Hakyeon.
*
Jaehwan's first day starts with a bang, literally, when he knocks a stack of baking sheets off the shelf. Hakyeon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fingers while resolutely turning his back to the frantic shouts of surprise coming from Jaehwan.
(Taekwoon doesn't bother with names. Usually. But coming into the store the first day, Jaehwan had not ceased speaking.
"You must be Taekwoon, right? I'm Jaehwan, born April 6th, 1992. Remember that, ok? Did you get that? Jaehwan. J-A-E-H-W-A-N. April, the sixth. That’s my birthday. Oh don't I look like a foreigner? Do you speak English? You can call me Ken. My English teacher gave me that nickname, I haven't studied abroad or anything, but doesn't it fit me? Do you have an English name?"
Taekwoon had taken one look and walked into the kitchen, the door swinging behind him. It would have been okay, but Jaehwan had followed him, and the first thing he managed to do was knock over everything Taekwoon had so carefully arranged.)
The kitchen rings with the sound of metal banging on metal, and Taekwoon can't stand it. "Out," he growls, whipping around and pointing at the door.
Jaehwan had no boundaries. It seems like Hakyeon had not given Jaehwan a single warning about Taekwoon. Taekwoon fumes and wants to punch himself for trusting in Hakyeon.
*
Apparently, Jaehwan cannot take a hint. When there’s no customer he needs to assist, Jaehwan bursts into-forget walking in-the kitchen to bother Taekwoon..
“What are you doing? How are you doing that? Do you need help? I can help. Did you know my art was featured in an exhibit? I can do that,” he says as he observes Taekwoon drizzle syrup in a swirl on a tart.
Taekwoon tries to keep his back turned towards Jaehwan, hoping that Jaehwan would lose interest. Sometimes, he interrupts these long spans of one-sided conversations with the coldest stare he can muster.
Jaehwan tries joke after lame joke in attempt to make Taekwoon laugh, or at least smile, but Taekwoon meets each with the same disinterest and annoyance.
It’s only a matter of time before Jaehwan gets tired of doing this.
*
"Taekwoon, can I try this, please?" Jaehwan asks, holding up a macaron. He’s in Taekwoon’s kitchen, uninvited, of course. Again.
"Pay for it."
Jaehwan whines but he drops a few coins into an empty cookie jar. Taekwoon’s eyebrow jerks in annoyance, but it’s not like he uses the cookie jar so he ignores it. Jaehwan makes a big show of stuffing the entire macaron into his mouth at once. "Mmm, thif ith amazing,” he says around his mouthful. “Taekwoon, you are amazing, how does this taste so good?"
Taekwoon doesn't answer but he smiles by accident, before he catches himself.
“Wait, didja juth ‘mile?” Jaehwan says, stopping all other jaw movements, crumbs dropping from his lips.
Taekwoon glares.
"I saw that," Jaehwan says gleefully after swallowing. "You can smile!" He wraps an arm around Taekwoon's shoulders and Taekwoon shrugs him off. That doesn't stop him from laughing. Taekwoon is going to regret this slip in his armor for just about forever.
*
Jaehwan eventually tries everything Taekwoon can bake and the cookie jar turns into a sort of tip jar. He also always pinches a macaron no matter what. They’re his favorite, so it doesn’t really come as a surprise to Taekwoon when Jaehwan barges in and slams his palms on the countertop. "Hey, can you show me how to make your macarons?" he asks.
Taekwoon looks at him. Of all the things, making macarons was probably the most time-consuming and meticulous task he could have chosen. "You can watch," he says, turning his back to Jaehwan again.
"I want to help," Jaehwan says, in his most annoying nagging voice. "Can I please help?"
"No." Taekwoon reaches up in his carefully arranged cabinets for flour and sugar, but Jaehwan impedes his reach by grabbing onto his forearms.
"What do you need? I'll be your assistant." Jaehwan looks determined and Taekwoon sighs.
"Fine. Almond flour and powdered sugar are up in that cabinet. Baking soda in that drawer. What kind of flavor do you want? Teas are in the cabinet to the left of the sink, cocoa powder is with the flour and vanilla is on the spice rack." Taekwoon starts issuing his commands quickly, hoping that Jaehwan will give up. "Fetch me the sifter, the large and medium mixing bowls, and mixer. And eggs and butter, in the fridge."
He watches as Jaehwan scurries around in the least optimal pattern and doubles back to the same spot. “Ah, maybe I’ll just watch you,” Jaehwan says sheepishly after gathering less than half of what Taekwoon asked for.
Taekwoon does feel a little bad for being so harsh and he concedes. He lets Jaehwan hold the bowl while he mixes, even when he normally does it himself.
“If you want to help with something, I can start teaching you how to make the bubble tea,” Taekwoon says later, when the macarons are in the oven baking.
Jaehwan’s slumped defeated form immediately transforms. “Yes, please!”
*
Jaehwan picks up making drink orders fairly quickly, and soon Taekwoon admits he could probably take over the kitchen by himself, after Taekwoon bakes all the bread, of course.
"Why don't you come out and work the front sometime?" Jaehwan asks. “While I man the kitchen.”
Taekwoon ignores him.
"Oh yeah, you'd probably scare away your customers."
Taekwoon wonders when Jaehwan will get tired of talking to his back.
"But you should really see the looks on their faces when they admire your work you know. And when they're eating." Taekwoon's ears perk up despite himself. He does sort of want to know what reaction his treats elicit in his customers.
Jaehwan doesn't continue though, and Taekwoon swallows back the disappointment he convinces himself he doesn't feel.
"Just switch with me once." Jaehwan says and Taekwoon for once considers his words.
"Once," Taekwoon says and nothing else. When he steals a peek at Jaehwan, he sees a wide smile and bouncy step.
*
The next day, after the day’s baking is finished, Taekwoon nervously takes a step out of the kitchen, wearing the uniform instead of his flour-covered clothes. Of course, Taekwoon's first day out front starts out tentatively, but it's less uncomfortable than he initially thought it would be. It's quiet and once the customers order, they turn and make idle talk to their friends, not paying him much attention.
Taekwoon enjoys watching all the different people and their reactions to his baked snacks on display. Some of them take a long time staring, and some make a beeline for their favorites. Sometimes the high school girls flock around his mini cakes and squeal over how cute they are. Any positive reaction makes Taekwoon glow a little inside.
"I haven't seen you around," a girl says. She and her friend seemed to be regulars.
Taekwoon bows his head. "I'm usually in the back," he replies, quiet and respectful.
"Oh, you're the baker? I can't live without your shu creme buns!" The girl looks at her friend, who nods. "Thank you for making them."
Feeling his cheeks bunch on their own accord, Taekwoon smiles. He feels them grow warm and he hides behind the back of his hand. He doesn't generally like to talk but the "thank you" that leaves him contains his heart's thoughts. They leave giggling, and Taekwoon considers thanking Jaehwan for pushing him out there. Speaking of Jaehwan, he was doing well filling the drink orders.
Taekwoon hadn’t expected to be happy out here, but he is. He’s enjoying saying “have a nice day,” to each of the customers. A lot of them say “you too” back.
All of a sudden, a loud screeching chair draws his attention.
The girl who had thanked him before is on the ground, clutching her neck. Taekwoon leaps over the counter and rushes to her side, but he’s completely helpless.
“Allergic reaction,” her friend says, her face pale. She digs through her bag, and pulls out a cylindrical tube. Taekwoon watches in horror, rooted to his spot, as the girl uncaps the pen-like object and stabs her friend’s thigh.
“Somebody call 119,” he hears somebody say, but his body won’t move.
“I’m on it,” a familiar voice from behind him says. Taekwoon turns around to see Jaehwan on his cell phone.
Before Taekwoon sees anything else happen, he backs up and runs into the kitchen, hiding behind the safety of the swinging doors. He sits down, his back sliding against the oven door, and he starts to cry.
His hands shake and his breathing is shallow as he lets out a choked sob. It was so unexpected, and he was completely helpless. He racks his brain, trying to think of what could have caused the allergic reaction. It might have been a mislabeled loaf of bread, or misplaced one. Taekwoon tries to think of whether he accidentally mixed tools used for nuts and tools kept away from nuts. He wonders if his hand slipped.
A million different scenarios race across his mind as he hears the siren of the ambulance. He buries his face in his arms and rests them on top of his knees as he tries to breathe.
A few moments or an eternity later, Taekwoon’s not sure which, Jaehwan opens the door to the kitchen. “She’ll be okay.”
Taekwoon doesn’t look up. He tries to stop his tears and dry them on the sleeves of his shirt but they’re too soaked already.
"Taekwoon, I'm sorry." Jaehwan for once has run out of words. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay, okay?”
Taekwoon sniffs and wipes his eyes, trying not to reveal any more than he has to.
"That was a one in a million chance that would have happened, it's not your fault." Jaehwan says, putting a hand on his shoulder. Taekwoon appreciates that Jaehwan’s not trying to get him up or anything, he’s just there. “We’ll be even more careful in the future, okay?”
The little spot of warmth on Taekwoon’s shoulder is comforting. He doesn't flinch away from the touch. “Okay,” he says, letting out the breath he had been holding.
*
After Jaehwan had handled the allergic reaction situation so professionally, and maybe because of how Jaehwan had handled Taekwoon, Taekwoon’s determination to ignore Jaehwan relents a little. He ventures out to the front more often, and allows Jaehwan to bother him in the kitchen for longer periods of time.
Jaehwan's presence in Taekwoon's kitchen becomes so customary that Taekwoon doesn't get annoyed anymore, but when Jaehwan places a jelly roll cake from a competitor in front of him, Taekwoon reconsiders his position. He feels betrayed.
"Try it," Jaehwan commands.
Baleful eyes trained on Jaehwan, Taekwoon takes a bite. Just a jelly roll, nothing special.
"You could do so much better," Jaehwan says.
Taekwoon's annoyance becomes confusion. He doesn't make jelly rolls. That's what his eyes tell Jaehwan.
"You should expand your repertoire," Jaehwan says, and Taekwoon is momentarily startled. He hadn’t expected Jaehwan to pick up his silent ways of speaking, especially since Jaehwan had been so oblivious to Taekwoon’s annoyance at first.
Before he can marvel too much at the fact, he remembers he’s talking to Jaehwan. Taekwoon doesn't like change. If there was no need for it, he preferred to keep things the way they are. "Why?"
"It'll probably help business." Taekwoon doesn't think "probably"s cut it. "I want to eat them?" Jaehwan says when Taekwoon closes off his shoulders. "But seriously, all the mediocre jelly rolls are crying out to you to fix them, it's a waste that jelly rolls made by Jung Taekwoon don't exist."
Taekwoon looks away.
"You should see what's out there," Jaehwan says, persistent. "Let me take you."
*
Taekwoon doesn't know what he's doing sitting in an unfamiliar coffee shop. He knows how he got there but he doesn't know how Jaehwan had convinced him to come. Something about expanding his repertoire and getting new ideas.
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat while Jaehwan chatters at him, distracted by the furtive glances and giggles thrown their direction. "Look at all the attention you’re getting," Jaehwan says, sighing and shaking his head. "You’re too handsome."
Taekwoon glances around and when he catches a girl smiling at them, he ducks his head. He thinks that Jaehwan might have given himself too little credit but he doesn't say anything.
Jaehwan lets Taekwoon pick a coffee but he takes control of ordering the sweets. "Don't bother with the macarons, yours are the best. We're going to get you some puff pastries and shortbread cookies."
Taekwoon lets Jaehwan explain to him all the different baked goods and then he eats them. As Taekwoon tries each new thing, he adds it to his mental list of things to try out. He’s surprised at Jaehwan’s knowledge and begrudgingly admits that his taste is good.
(Not out loud, of course.)
*
They go to a different bakery every day and Taekwoon learns what drinks go well with what baked goods and soon he starts experimenting in the kitchen. He was initially resistant to adding new things to their menu because new things are uncomfortable, but eating so many different treats, he realizes that Jaehwan has a point. He also finds that he can't handle all the tasks by himself in the back anymore, so he lets Jaehwan help on the condition that not a sound was to be heard from him.
Jaehwan complies, for the most part. He still interrupts Taekwoon's precious silences, but Taekwoon gets used to it.
One time Taekwoon forgets that Jaehwan's there and he starts to sing. He doesn't realize that Jaehwan's harmonizing with him until he makes his batter too runny, having been immersed in his singing.
"You're really good at singing," Jaehwan says and Taekwoon feels his ears turn red. He doesn't say it, but he thinks that it should be the other way around. He also doesn't remember the last time somebody caught him singing, but strangely, he doesn't really mind. “Let’s go to the noraebang sometime.”
Taekwoon doesn’t say yes, but he doesn’t say no either.
*
"I never agreed to this." Taekwoon has long given up trying to shake Jaehwan's vice-like grip, so he's letting himself be dragged by the hand, literally, to karaoke.
"You never disagreed to it."
That's because you never asked, Taekwoon thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. It's not like it'll change Jaehwan's mind at all when they're already in the noraebang lobby.
At least it's cheap, since they're there before dinner. It's is not usually the hangout spot for sane people any time before the sun sets.
They don't have to wait for a room, so Jaehwan leads Taekwoon to one of the tiny dark booths, the glare of the TV screen stinging in the low lighting. The room's not big enough for the both of them, and Taekwoon accommodates by shrinking his shoulders in.
Jaehwan tosses a microphone and song book at him. "Choose something you want to sing," he says.
While Taekwoon looks through the book for songs he knows, Jaehwan queues up a few and starts singing. Taekwoon stops rifling through the pages when he recognizes the slow ballad that comes up and starts to sing along despite his reservations about singing in front of others.
Sensing that Taekwoon was comfortable on the melody, Jaehwan hops on the harmony. He softens the edges of his voice to make it blend perfectly with Taekwoon's, so perfectly that it doesn't even sound like there are two people singing. Taekwoon supposes this is how Jaehwan snuck up on him earlier. The ballad is one he's familiar with, and he's unwavering on the melody so he looks away from the words on the flashing TV screen and looks at Jaehwan instead.
Jaehwan’s usual expression like he's got something up his sleeve is gone, replaced by a serious demeanor, eyes closed in concentration. Taekwoon also sees some of his own excitement at hearing how well they sound together reflected on Jaehwan's face.
The songs they go through feel much shorter than they actually are because they're so immersed in singing together. Jaehwan isn’t drowning Taekwoon in a thousand words per minute because he’s too focused on singing. They skip songs to songs that they both know, and order a round of drinks and snacks.
After a few of the songs, Taekwoon's urge to try harmony beats his lack of confidence and he asks to change parts. He doesn't have any idea how Jaehwan does it, but he wants to try. He's musical enough, after all.
"You got this," Jaehwan encourages. He starts to sing the melody, his voice taking on a different shape, stronger now that he's not the supporting voice.
The blend isn't as smooth as when Jaehwan does it and sometimes he misses the harmony entirely, but Taekwoon thinks it's interesting figuring out the thirds, fourths, and fifths. It's fun. He sneaks another glance at Jaehwan, and Jaehwan catches him. His eyes widen, and he stops singing. "You're smiling," Jaehwan says, grinning, and Taekwoon doesn't care this time.
*
They end up staying until they get too hungry to be sustained by the expensive noraebang snacks.
"Treat me to dinner," Jaehwan says as he foots the bill for karaoke.
"Ok." Taekwoon agrees more easily than he would normally; he's hungry and still on a kind of high from singing his lungs out.
Of course, since Taekwoon's paying, Jaehwan drags them out to barbeque and orders the most high quality samgyupsal. At least when he's stuffing his face, he's much more quiet, Taekwoon thinks.
"So have you considered any of the new baked goods I showed you?" Jaehwan asks. It actually doesn't sound like coherent words because of Jaehwan's full mouth, but that's what Taekwoon interprets it as.
Taekwoon nods. He's been baking multiple batches of the pastries and cakes, searching all the different versions of recipes online and adding his own ingredients. He's not ready to show Jaehwan yet.
"When can I try them?" Jaehwan asks, a greedy look in his eyes even when he's already full of the delicious fatty beef.
"Be patient," Taekwoon says, and he wants to laugh because he can't imagine Jaehwan being patient.
"Don't lower your head like that," Jaehwan says, taking on his scolding voice. "I know you're laughing. Stop laughing."
Taekwoon covers his face as he starts laughing harder.
"I can totally be patient, just watch me."
Taekwoon calms down and looks up, but his cheeks are still tight from trying not to smile. Jaehwan's indignant and determined expression is amusing. He nods. "Ok."
Jaehwan doesn't notice the stare that Taekwoon is fixing him with and launches into a monologue about quality beef. Amusing, Taekwoon thinks again. Not annoying. Amusing.
*
As he promised, Taekwoon presents a new baked treat to Jaehwan every few days. He watches Jaehwan try each of them very carefully, and he only allows the ones that make Jaehwan's features slacken with sheer bliss to go up on display. The others go back to the working room.
Before too long, he runs every one of the new menu items by Jaehwan, every one except for his secret project.
On the morning of April 6th, Taekwoon arrives earlier than usual. In addition to baking the day's stock, Taekwoon wants to surprise Jaehwan with a baker's special created especially for him. It's a walnut cake filled with red bean and cream. The outside, layered in walnuts, is lumpy and looks kind of strange, but the inside and the taste defies expectations. It’s like Jaehwan. Taekwoon's proud of himself for coming up with the concept.
When Jaehwan walks in through the front door, the kitchen lights are off. Taekwoon lights the single candle on the lumpy loaf of bread as he watches Jaehwan make his way to the kitchen, too absorbed in his own world to notice. When the kitchen door swings open, Taekwoon can see the surprise registering on Jaehwan's face. He starts to sing, "Happy birthday to you." He almost stops when Jaehwan joins in singing to himself, trying not to laugh. "Happy birthday, dear Jaehwan," they sing together.
They finish and Jaehwan blows out the candles. "Ask me what I wished for."
It's Jaehwan's day so Taekwoon obliges. "What did you wish for?"
"That's a secret," Jaehwan says, winking at Taekwoon. It's kind of infuriating. "Ow," he yelps when Taekwoon digs a knuckle into the back of his head.
"This is called Ken bread," Taekwoon says before Jaehwan starts protesting too much.
Jaehwan’s eyes widen. "It's named after me?"
Taekwoon nods. "Doesn't it look like you?"
Holding up the heavy plate next to his face, Jaehwan scrunches his face up in an over-the-top grin. "We're twins."
"Try it," Taekwoon prods, and Jaehwan lets him cut out a piece.
Jaehwan pops the bite in his mouth and chews slowly, closing his eyes.
"It's so much more than it looks," Taekwoon explains. "So I named it Ken bread."
Jaehwan doesn't say anything, his eyes still closed and jaw working. Taekwoon starts to get nervous, when he notices wetness forming in the corners of his eyes. Jaehwan’s crying.
"Um." Taekwoon has no idea what just happened and he has no idea how to respond, and he ends up just putting a hand on Jaehwan's shoulders. It's kind of awkward, but he remembers how warm Jaehwan's hand had been the first day he went out front and ended up crying, so he leaves it there.
"I'm so moved." Jaehwan finally opens his eyes and pulls Taekwoon in for a hug. "Thank you."
Taekwoon's arms dangle for a bit before he reaches up and pats Jaehwan on the back. He's not sure what he's doing but he smiles into Jaehwan's shoulder.
When Jaehwan leaves to man the register, Taekwoon keeps thinking about Jaehwan's unexpected reaction. Every artist, writer, musician, whatever, wants to bring their audience to tears at some point with their work. A warm pride glows in Taekwoon's chest when he realizes that's what he had done. The fact that it had been Jaehwan though, makes him feel even more happy.
*
Taekwoon doesn't know when he stopped flinching away from Jaehwan's draping arms, playful hits, and tight hugs.
He doesn't know when he started to return these touches. He's not a touchy person, but he likes coming up behind Jaehwan and trailing his fingers across Jaehwan's waist in greeting, just to see Jaehwan's reaction.
He doesn't remember when he started to anticipate Jaehwan's arrival at the store instead of dreading it, nor when Jaehwan stopped filling up his makeshift tip jar and when he moved it out to sit on the front counter.
But one day when Jaehwan smiles at him after sneaking a macaron and Taekwoon's heart stutters, Taekwoon knows in that moment, no matter how ridiculous it seemed, he'd fallen completely for Jaehwan.
Nothing big really changes, only the little things. Taekwoon’s heart beats a little faster when he sees Jaehwan out of the corner of his eye, blushes a little more when their fingers brush, and it frazzles him a bit, but he's a professional doing his job. Nothing terrible happens. The kitchen remains intact.
Inside his head, it’s worse. Every stray thought comes back to Jaehwan and it’s harder for Taekwoon to fall asleep at night.
Now when Jaehwan asks an innocent, "what's on your mind," Taekwoon can't answer him truthfully. "I want to try adding rose extract to make rose-flavored macarons," he says when he was actually wondering what in the world Jaehwan's favorite flower was. Dishonesty goes against everything Taekwoon believes in but saying "you" is too embarrassing.
Taekwoon catches himself staring at Jaehwan a lot, and he can't remember if he always did that, or if it only just started. It’s not a big deal, and Taekwoon thinks it’s ok to stay like this for a while longer.
*
One day, Hakyeon comes back and Taekwoon remembers that Jaehwan was never meant to be a permanent addition.
Before he can process what it means that Jaehwan will no longer be working with them, he’s standing in front of the store with Jaehwan for the last time. Taekwoon doesn't know how to say goodbye.
"Thank you for everything that you pushed me to do," Taekwoon says, looking down. He hasn't said this many words at once in a long while. "I would never have seen what the people who eat what I make looked like, or come up with any new ideas, or ever gone to the noraebang after work, or attempted to make something that could move people if you didn't make me try."
Ken smiles. "You had the potential, I just unlocked it."
"I would like it if you could stay," Taekwoon says. "I like you." It's easy to say because it's the truth. But it's not the whole truth.
"I like you too," Jaehwan says, giving Taekwoon one of his rib-crushing hugs. Taekwoon returns it with equal force. "I'll see you around, alright?" He walks away slowly, backwards, before he turns around.
Taekwoon's stomach is all twisted up. Things feel kind of final. He reaches out and catches Jaehwan’s wrist. “Jaehwan.”
Jaehwan turns around and pauses.
"I meant I really like you. Like as in love." Taekwoon's normally soft voice comes out clear.
Jaehwan walks back over, coming way too close and Taekwoon resists the urge to stumble back. Their noses are almost touching. "Do you want to kiss me?" Jaehwan asks in his customary blunt way.
Taekwoon blinks, the tiniest of nods. Jaehwan knows him enough to know what it means, and he closes the gap, their lips brushing lightly, and that is that. Taekwoon had closed his eyes and they open at the removal of contact. He sinks to the ground and buries his face in his hands as he flushes, his neck, the tips of his ears, his cheeks burning. Jaehwan squats down next to him.
"If you had ever come out front you would have seen me every single day," Jaehwan says. "I was your number one customer." Taekwoon peeks through his fingers. Jaehwan's elbows are resting on his knees and his chin is resting on his hands. "I guess I sort of fell in love with you before I knew who you were?"
He looks thoughtful, and he meets Taekwoon's disbelieving stare. "The whole time?"
Jaehwan grins. "Yeah, I guess," he says. “By the way, I’m supposed to come back week to train my baking skills.” His smile turns large and cheesy and Taekwoon wants to punch him.
Instead, he lets out a frustrated groan and curls up even tighter, burying his face in his knees. But as Jaehwan slings his arm around Taekwoon’s shoulders and squeezes, Taekwoon is happy, and that’s what matters the most.
Recipient: taekxing
Pairing: Taekwoon/Jaehwan (Leo/Ken)
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 5.2k
Summary: Taekwoon loves his bakery job and hates change, but Jaehwan bursts into his life like a storm and it might be a good thing.
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Taekwoon loves the smell of bread and sugar. He loves sitting in front of the oven, feeling the warm escaping from the cracks, watching the dough rise. It is soothing, quiet. He likes it best quiet. It gives him time to think, and time to not think about anything at all. When he was a child, all he wanted to do was open up his own bakery, but as he got older he realized he didn't want to deal with the numbers or the people.
That's why he's grateful for the opportunity that Hakyeon has given him, to bake and not worry about anything else. It’s a good deal, Hakyeon handles the front and Taekwoon handles the back. Hakyeon pesters him a lot, but he knows pretty well how far Taekwoon’s limits go. He knows the kitchen is Taekwoon’s sanctuary. Not many people understand Taekwoon's eccentricities, and not many people try to, but Hakyeon does and Taekwoon doesn't complain. He just does what he loves day in and day out.
Every day, Taekwoon arrives a couple hours early to get the day’s fresh batch of bread going. He likes it best in the mornings before anybody else arrives. As he kneads the dough, its consistency familiar to his practiced hands, he sings. He sings as he cuts fruit for his cakes, putting his excitement into it for the birthday boy or girl who will eventually eat it. He sings when he fills macarons, his voice as light and sweet as the creme he pipes. He sings while he rolls dough in his hands, making each piece perfectly round. He sings while he draws delicate sugar flowers onto cupcakes, imagining the look of delight on the faces of the kids who come in and admire the sweets in the windows.
When he finishes baking the day’s batch, he spends the rest of the time filling customers’ drink and bingsoo orders.
Taekwoon doesn't like a lot of things, but he does like his part-time job. It's quiet and peaceful in the backroom with all the cakes and pastries. It’s comfortable.
*
One day in the beginning of spring when winter is just about done melting away, Taekwoon comes into work, and amidst the familiar scent of warm sugar and vanilla and sun streaming in the wide windows, something is off. Hakyeon’s behind the counter, which isn’t unusual because he sometimes gets there early too, to manage the store, but he’s in his suit and not in his uniform. Taekwoon remembers the suit from when he applied for the job. He knows what it means.
"No," he says before Hakyeon can even open his mouth.
"Hear me out, please?" Hakyeon begs and Taekwoon doesn't say anything. He owes Hakyeon for being one of very few people who understands his need for privacy. "I’m going to the new location for a few months to help them get started.”
Taekwoon nods, almost imperceptibly, in acknowledgment and not in agreement.
"I’m the owner and it’s good to have my presence there, you know. The temporary worker will manage the new place when it’s finished, so he’ll be gone before you know it. For the good of our bakery."
For the good of the bakery. Taekwoon supposes he can live with that.
"You can trust my judgment," Hakyeon says and Taekwoon doesn't answer.
What Hakyeon said is true, even if Taekwoon hates to admit it. Hakyeon had hired Taekwoon. Taekwoon does his job to detailed perfection, but nobody could see past his stony exterior, except for Hakyeon. He gives a hum of quietest affirmation, that only trained ears like Hakyeon's pick up.
"Thanks, Taekwoon." Hakyeon hugs him, squeezing the breath out of Taekwoon while he struggles to get out of the hug.
He'll try trusting Hakyeon.
*
Jaehwan's first day starts with a bang, literally, when he knocks a stack of baking sheets off the shelf. Hakyeon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fingers while resolutely turning his back to the frantic shouts of surprise coming from Jaehwan.
(Taekwoon doesn't bother with names. Usually. But coming into the store the first day, Jaehwan had not ceased speaking.
"You must be Taekwoon, right? I'm Jaehwan, born April 6th, 1992. Remember that, ok? Did you get that? Jaehwan. J-A-E-H-W-A-N. April, the sixth. That’s my birthday. Oh don't I look like a foreigner? Do you speak English? You can call me Ken. My English teacher gave me that nickname, I haven't studied abroad or anything, but doesn't it fit me? Do you have an English name?"
Taekwoon had taken one look and walked into the kitchen, the door swinging behind him. It would have been okay, but Jaehwan had followed him, and the first thing he managed to do was knock over everything Taekwoon had so carefully arranged.)
The kitchen rings with the sound of metal banging on metal, and Taekwoon can't stand it. "Out," he growls, whipping around and pointing at the door.
Jaehwan had no boundaries. It seems like Hakyeon had not given Jaehwan a single warning about Taekwoon. Taekwoon fumes and wants to punch himself for trusting in Hakyeon.
*
Apparently, Jaehwan cannot take a hint. When there’s no customer he needs to assist, Jaehwan bursts into-forget walking in-the kitchen to bother Taekwoon..
“What are you doing? How are you doing that? Do you need help? I can help. Did you know my art was featured in an exhibit? I can do that,” he says as he observes Taekwoon drizzle syrup in a swirl on a tart.
Taekwoon tries to keep his back turned towards Jaehwan, hoping that Jaehwan would lose interest. Sometimes, he interrupts these long spans of one-sided conversations with the coldest stare he can muster.
Jaehwan tries joke after lame joke in attempt to make Taekwoon laugh, or at least smile, but Taekwoon meets each with the same disinterest and annoyance.
It’s only a matter of time before Jaehwan gets tired of doing this.
*
"Taekwoon, can I try this, please?" Jaehwan asks, holding up a macaron. He’s in Taekwoon’s kitchen, uninvited, of course. Again.
"Pay for it."
Jaehwan whines but he drops a few coins into an empty cookie jar. Taekwoon’s eyebrow jerks in annoyance, but it’s not like he uses the cookie jar so he ignores it. Jaehwan makes a big show of stuffing the entire macaron into his mouth at once. "Mmm, thif ith amazing,” he says around his mouthful. “Taekwoon, you are amazing, how does this taste so good?"
Taekwoon doesn't answer but he smiles by accident, before he catches himself.
“Wait, didja juth ‘mile?” Jaehwan says, stopping all other jaw movements, crumbs dropping from his lips.
Taekwoon glares.
"I saw that," Jaehwan says gleefully after swallowing. "You can smile!" He wraps an arm around Taekwoon's shoulders and Taekwoon shrugs him off. That doesn't stop him from laughing. Taekwoon is going to regret this slip in his armor for just about forever.
*
Jaehwan eventually tries everything Taekwoon can bake and the cookie jar turns into a sort of tip jar. He also always pinches a macaron no matter what. They’re his favorite, so it doesn’t really come as a surprise to Taekwoon when Jaehwan barges in and slams his palms on the countertop. "Hey, can you show me how to make your macarons?" he asks.
Taekwoon looks at him. Of all the things, making macarons was probably the most time-consuming and meticulous task he could have chosen. "You can watch," he says, turning his back to Jaehwan again.
"I want to help," Jaehwan says, in his most annoying nagging voice. "Can I please help?"
"No." Taekwoon reaches up in his carefully arranged cabinets for flour and sugar, but Jaehwan impedes his reach by grabbing onto his forearms.
"What do you need? I'll be your assistant." Jaehwan looks determined and Taekwoon sighs.
"Fine. Almond flour and powdered sugar are up in that cabinet. Baking soda in that drawer. What kind of flavor do you want? Teas are in the cabinet to the left of the sink, cocoa powder is with the flour and vanilla is on the spice rack." Taekwoon starts issuing his commands quickly, hoping that Jaehwan will give up. "Fetch me the sifter, the large and medium mixing bowls, and mixer. And eggs and butter, in the fridge."
He watches as Jaehwan scurries around in the least optimal pattern and doubles back to the same spot. “Ah, maybe I’ll just watch you,” Jaehwan says sheepishly after gathering less than half of what Taekwoon asked for.
Taekwoon does feel a little bad for being so harsh and he concedes. He lets Jaehwan hold the bowl while he mixes, even when he normally does it himself.
“If you want to help with something, I can start teaching you how to make the bubble tea,” Taekwoon says later, when the macarons are in the oven baking.
Jaehwan’s slumped defeated form immediately transforms. “Yes, please!”
*
Jaehwan picks up making drink orders fairly quickly, and soon Taekwoon admits he could probably take over the kitchen by himself, after Taekwoon bakes all the bread, of course.
"Why don't you come out and work the front sometime?" Jaehwan asks. “While I man the kitchen.”
Taekwoon ignores him.
"Oh yeah, you'd probably scare away your customers."
Taekwoon wonders when Jaehwan will get tired of talking to his back.
"But you should really see the looks on their faces when they admire your work you know. And when they're eating." Taekwoon's ears perk up despite himself. He does sort of want to know what reaction his treats elicit in his customers.
Jaehwan doesn't continue though, and Taekwoon swallows back the disappointment he convinces himself he doesn't feel.
"Just switch with me once." Jaehwan says and Taekwoon for once considers his words.
"Once," Taekwoon says and nothing else. When he steals a peek at Jaehwan, he sees a wide smile and bouncy step.
*
The next day, after the day’s baking is finished, Taekwoon nervously takes a step out of the kitchen, wearing the uniform instead of his flour-covered clothes. Of course, Taekwoon's first day out front starts out tentatively, but it's less uncomfortable than he initially thought it would be. It's quiet and once the customers order, they turn and make idle talk to their friends, not paying him much attention.
Taekwoon enjoys watching all the different people and their reactions to his baked snacks on display. Some of them take a long time staring, and some make a beeline for their favorites. Sometimes the high school girls flock around his mini cakes and squeal over how cute they are. Any positive reaction makes Taekwoon glow a little inside.
"I haven't seen you around," a girl says. She and her friend seemed to be regulars.
Taekwoon bows his head. "I'm usually in the back," he replies, quiet and respectful.
"Oh, you're the baker? I can't live without your shu creme buns!" The girl looks at her friend, who nods. "Thank you for making them."
Feeling his cheeks bunch on their own accord, Taekwoon smiles. He feels them grow warm and he hides behind the back of his hand. He doesn't generally like to talk but the "thank you" that leaves him contains his heart's thoughts. They leave giggling, and Taekwoon considers thanking Jaehwan for pushing him out there. Speaking of Jaehwan, he was doing well filling the drink orders.
Taekwoon hadn’t expected to be happy out here, but he is. He’s enjoying saying “have a nice day,” to each of the customers. A lot of them say “you too” back.
All of a sudden, a loud screeching chair draws his attention.
The girl who had thanked him before is on the ground, clutching her neck. Taekwoon leaps over the counter and rushes to her side, but he’s completely helpless.
“Allergic reaction,” her friend says, her face pale. She digs through her bag, and pulls out a cylindrical tube. Taekwoon watches in horror, rooted to his spot, as the girl uncaps the pen-like object and stabs her friend’s thigh.
“Somebody call 119,” he hears somebody say, but his body won’t move.
“I’m on it,” a familiar voice from behind him says. Taekwoon turns around to see Jaehwan on his cell phone.
Before Taekwoon sees anything else happen, he backs up and runs into the kitchen, hiding behind the safety of the swinging doors. He sits down, his back sliding against the oven door, and he starts to cry.
His hands shake and his breathing is shallow as he lets out a choked sob. It was so unexpected, and he was completely helpless. He racks his brain, trying to think of what could have caused the allergic reaction. It might have been a mislabeled loaf of bread, or misplaced one. Taekwoon tries to think of whether he accidentally mixed tools used for nuts and tools kept away from nuts. He wonders if his hand slipped.
A million different scenarios race across his mind as he hears the siren of the ambulance. He buries his face in his arms and rests them on top of his knees as he tries to breathe.
A few moments or an eternity later, Taekwoon’s not sure which, Jaehwan opens the door to the kitchen. “She’ll be okay.”
Taekwoon doesn’t look up. He tries to stop his tears and dry them on the sleeves of his shirt but they’re too soaked already.
"Taekwoon, I'm sorry." Jaehwan for once has run out of words. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay, okay?”
Taekwoon sniffs and wipes his eyes, trying not to reveal any more than he has to.
"That was a one in a million chance that would have happened, it's not your fault." Jaehwan says, putting a hand on his shoulder. Taekwoon appreciates that Jaehwan’s not trying to get him up or anything, he’s just there. “We’ll be even more careful in the future, okay?”
The little spot of warmth on Taekwoon’s shoulder is comforting. He doesn't flinch away from the touch. “Okay,” he says, letting out the breath he had been holding.
*
After Jaehwan had handled the allergic reaction situation so professionally, and maybe because of how Jaehwan had handled Taekwoon, Taekwoon’s determination to ignore Jaehwan relents a little. He ventures out to the front more often, and allows Jaehwan to bother him in the kitchen for longer periods of time.
Jaehwan's presence in Taekwoon's kitchen becomes so customary that Taekwoon doesn't get annoyed anymore, but when Jaehwan places a jelly roll cake from a competitor in front of him, Taekwoon reconsiders his position. He feels betrayed.
"Try it," Jaehwan commands.
Baleful eyes trained on Jaehwan, Taekwoon takes a bite. Just a jelly roll, nothing special.
"You could do so much better," Jaehwan says.
Taekwoon's annoyance becomes confusion. He doesn't make jelly rolls. That's what his eyes tell Jaehwan.
"You should expand your repertoire," Jaehwan says, and Taekwoon is momentarily startled. He hadn’t expected Jaehwan to pick up his silent ways of speaking, especially since Jaehwan had been so oblivious to Taekwoon’s annoyance at first.
Before he can marvel too much at the fact, he remembers he’s talking to Jaehwan. Taekwoon doesn't like change. If there was no need for it, he preferred to keep things the way they are. "Why?"
"It'll probably help business." Taekwoon doesn't think "probably"s cut it. "I want to eat them?" Jaehwan says when Taekwoon closes off his shoulders. "But seriously, all the mediocre jelly rolls are crying out to you to fix them, it's a waste that jelly rolls made by Jung Taekwoon don't exist."
Taekwoon looks away.
"You should see what's out there," Jaehwan says, persistent. "Let me take you."
*
Taekwoon doesn't know what he's doing sitting in an unfamiliar coffee shop. He knows how he got there but he doesn't know how Jaehwan had convinced him to come. Something about expanding his repertoire and getting new ideas.
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat while Jaehwan chatters at him, distracted by the furtive glances and giggles thrown their direction. "Look at all the attention you’re getting," Jaehwan says, sighing and shaking his head. "You’re too handsome."
Taekwoon glances around and when he catches a girl smiling at them, he ducks his head. He thinks that Jaehwan might have given himself too little credit but he doesn't say anything.
Jaehwan lets Taekwoon pick a coffee but he takes control of ordering the sweets. "Don't bother with the macarons, yours are the best. We're going to get you some puff pastries and shortbread cookies."
Taekwoon lets Jaehwan explain to him all the different baked goods and then he eats them. As Taekwoon tries each new thing, he adds it to his mental list of things to try out. He’s surprised at Jaehwan’s knowledge and begrudgingly admits that his taste is good.
(Not out loud, of course.)
*
They go to a different bakery every day and Taekwoon learns what drinks go well with what baked goods and soon he starts experimenting in the kitchen. He was initially resistant to adding new things to their menu because new things are uncomfortable, but eating so many different treats, he realizes that Jaehwan has a point. He also finds that he can't handle all the tasks by himself in the back anymore, so he lets Jaehwan help on the condition that not a sound was to be heard from him.
Jaehwan complies, for the most part. He still interrupts Taekwoon's precious silences, but Taekwoon gets used to it.
One time Taekwoon forgets that Jaehwan's there and he starts to sing. He doesn't realize that Jaehwan's harmonizing with him until he makes his batter too runny, having been immersed in his singing.
"You're really good at singing," Jaehwan says and Taekwoon feels his ears turn red. He doesn't say it, but he thinks that it should be the other way around. He also doesn't remember the last time somebody caught him singing, but strangely, he doesn't really mind. “Let’s go to the noraebang sometime.”
Taekwoon doesn’t say yes, but he doesn’t say no either.
*
"I never agreed to this." Taekwoon has long given up trying to shake Jaehwan's vice-like grip, so he's letting himself be dragged by the hand, literally, to karaoke.
"You never disagreed to it."
That's because you never asked, Taekwoon thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. It's not like it'll change Jaehwan's mind at all when they're already in the noraebang lobby.
At least it's cheap, since they're there before dinner. It's is not usually the hangout spot for sane people any time before the sun sets.
They don't have to wait for a room, so Jaehwan leads Taekwoon to one of the tiny dark booths, the glare of the TV screen stinging in the low lighting. The room's not big enough for the both of them, and Taekwoon accommodates by shrinking his shoulders in.
Jaehwan tosses a microphone and song book at him. "Choose something you want to sing," he says.
While Taekwoon looks through the book for songs he knows, Jaehwan queues up a few and starts singing. Taekwoon stops rifling through the pages when he recognizes the slow ballad that comes up and starts to sing along despite his reservations about singing in front of others.
Sensing that Taekwoon was comfortable on the melody, Jaehwan hops on the harmony. He softens the edges of his voice to make it blend perfectly with Taekwoon's, so perfectly that it doesn't even sound like there are two people singing. Taekwoon supposes this is how Jaehwan snuck up on him earlier. The ballad is one he's familiar with, and he's unwavering on the melody so he looks away from the words on the flashing TV screen and looks at Jaehwan instead.
Jaehwan’s usual expression like he's got something up his sleeve is gone, replaced by a serious demeanor, eyes closed in concentration. Taekwoon also sees some of his own excitement at hearing how well they sound together reflected on Jaehwan's face.
The songs they go through feel much shorter than they actually are because they're so immersed in singing together. Jaehwan isn’t drowning Taekwoon in a thousand words per minute because he’s too focused on singing. They skip songs to songs that they both know, and order a round of drinks and snacks.
After a few of the songs, Taekwoon's urge to try harmony beats his lack of confidence and he asks to change parts. He doesn't have any idea how Jaehwan does it, but he wants to try. He's musical enough, after all.
"You got this," Jaehwan encourages. He starts to sing the melody, his voice taking on a different shape, stronger now that he's not the supporting voice.
The blend isn't as smooth as when Jaehwan does it and sometimes he misses the harmony entirely, but Taekwoon thinks it's interesting figuring out the thirds, fourths, and fifths. It's fun. He sneaks another glance at Jaehwan, and Jaehwan catches him. His eyes widen, and he stops singing. "You're smiling," Jaehwan says, grinning, and Taekwoon doesn't care this time.
*
They end up staying until they get too hungry to be sustained by the expensive noraebang snacks.
"Treat me to dinner," Jaehwan says as he foots the bill for karaoke.
"Ok." Taekwoon agrees more easily than he would normally; he's hungry and still on a kind of high from singing his lungs out.
Of course, since Taekwoon's paying, Jaehwan drags them out to barbeque and orders the most high quality samgyupsal. At least when he's stuffing his face, he's much more quiet, Taekwoon thinks.
"So have you considered any of the new baked goods I showed you?" Jaehwan asks. It actually doesn't sound like coherent words because of Jaehwan's full mouth, but that's what Taekwoon interprets it as.
Taekwoon nods. He's been baking multiple batches of the pastries and cakes, searching all the different versions of recipes online and adding his own ingredients. He's not ready to show Jaehwan yet.
"When can I try them?" Jaehwan asks, a greedy look in his eyes even when he's already full of the delicious fatty beef.
"Be patient," Taekwoon says, and he wants to laugh because he can't imagine Jaehwan being patient.
"Don't lower your head like that," Jaehwan says, taking on his scolding voice. "I know you're laughing. Stop laughing."
Taekwoon covers his face as he starts laughing harder.
"I can totally be patient, just watch me."
Taekwoon calms down and looks up, but his cheeks are still tight from trying not to smile. Jaehwan's indignant and determined expression is amusing. He nods. "Ok."
Jaehwan doesn't notice the stare that Taekwoon is fixing him with and launches into a monologue about quality beef. Amusing, Taekwoon thinks again. Not annoying. Amusing.
*
As he promised, Taekwoon presents a new baked treat to Jaehwan every few days. He watches Jaehwan try each of them very carefully, and he only allows the ones that make Jaehwan's features slacken with sheer bliss to go up on display. The others go back to the working room.
Before too long, he runs every one of the new menu items by Jaehwan, every one except for his secret project.
On the morning of April 6th, Taekwoon arrives earlier than usual. In addition to baking the day's stock, Taekwoon wants to surprise Jaehwan with a baker's special created especially for him. It's a walnut cake filled with red bean and cream. The outside, layered in walnuts, is lumpy and looks kind of strange, but the inside and the taste defies expectations. It’s like Jaehwan. Taekwoon's proud of himself for coming up with the concept.
When Jaehwan walks in through the front door, the kitchen lights are off. Taekwoon lights the single candle on the lumpy loaf of bread as he watches Jaehwan make his way to the kitchen, too absorbed in his own world to notice. When the kitchen door swings open, Taekwoon can see the surprise registering on Jaehwan's face. He starts to sing, "Happy birthday to you." He almost stops when Jaehwan joins in singing to himself, trying not to laugh. "Happy birthday, dear Jaehwan," they sing together.
They finish and Jaehwan blows out the candles. "Ask me what I wished for."
It's Jaehwan's day so Taekwoon obliges. "What did you wish for?"
"That's a secret," Jaehwan says, winking at Taekwoon. It's kind of infuriating. "Ow," he yelps when Taekwoon digs a knuckle into the back of his head.
"This is called Ken bread," Taekwoon says before Jaehwan starts protesting too much.
Jaehwan’s eyes widen. "It's named after me?"
Taekwoon nods. "Doesn't it look like you?"
Holding up the heavy plate next to his face, Jaehwan scrunches his face up in an over-the-top grin. "We're twins."
"Try it," Taekwoon prods, and Jaehwan lets him cut out a piece.
Jaehwan pops the bite in his mouth and chews slowly, closing his eyes.
"It's so much more than it looks," Taekwoon explains. "So I named it Ken bread."
Jaehwan doesn't say anything, his eyes still closed and jaw working. Taekwoon starts to get nervous, when he notices wetness forming in the corners of his eyes. Jaehwan’s crying.
"Um." Taekwoon has no idea what just happened and he has no idea how to respond, and he ends up just putting a hand on Jaehwan's shoulders. It's kind of awkward, but he remembers how warm Jaehwan's hand had been the first day he went out front and ended up crying, so he leaves it there.
"I'm so moved." Jaehwan finally opens his eyes and pulls Taekwoon in for a hug. "Thank you."
Taekwoon's arms dangle for a bit before he reaches up and pats Jaehwan on the back. He's not sure what he's doing but he smiles into Jaehwan's shoulder.
When Jaehwan leaves to man the register, Taekwoon keeps thinking about Jaehwan's unexpected reaction. Every artist, writer, musician, whatever, wants to bring their audience to tears at some point with their work. A warm pride glows in Taekwoon's chest when he realizes that's what he had done. The fact that it had been Jaehwan though, makes him feel even more happy.
*
Taekwoon doesn't know when he stopped flinching away from Jaehwan's draping arms, playful hits, and tight hugs.
He doesn't know when he started to return these touches. He's not a touchy person, but he likes coming up behind Jaehwan and trailing his fingers across Jaehwan's waist in greeting, just to see Jaehwan's reaction.
He doesn't remember when he started to anticipate Jaehwan's arrival at the store instead of dreading it, nor when Jaehwan stopped filling up his makeshift tip jar and when he moved it out to sit on the front counter.
But one day when Jaehwan smiles at him after sneaking a macaron and Taekwoon's heart stutters, Taekwoon knows in that moment, no matter how ridiculous it seemed, he'd fallen completely for Jaehwan.
Nothing big really changes, only the little things. Taekwoon’s heart beats a little faster when he sees Jaehwan out of the corner of his eye, blushes a little more when their fingers brush, and it frazzles him a bit, but he's a professional doing his job. Nothing terrible happens. The kitchen remains intact.
Inside his head, it’s worse. Every stray thought comes back to Jaehwan and it’s harder for Taekwoon to fall asleep at night.
Now when Jaehwan asks an innocent, "what's on your mind," Taekwoon can't answer him truthfully. "I want to try adding rose extract to make rose-flavored macarons," he says when he was actually wondering what in the world Jaehwan's favorite flower was. Dishonesty goes against everything Taekwoon believes in but saying "you" is too embarrassing.
Taekwoon catches himself staring at Jaehwan a lot, and he can't remember if he always did that, or if it only just started. It’s not a big deal, and Taekwoon thinks it’s ok to stay like this for a while longer.
*
One day, Hakyeon comes back and Taekwoon remembers that Jaehwan was never meant to be a permanent addition.
Before he can process what it means that Jaehwan will no longer be working with them, he’s standing in front of the store with Jaehwan for the last time. Taekwoon doesn't know how to say goodbye.
"Thank you for everything that you pushed me to do," Taekwoon says, looking down. He hasn't said this many words at once in a long while. "I would never have seen what the people who eat what I make looked like, or come up with any new ideas, or ever gone to the noraebang after work, or attempted to make something that could move people if you didn't make me try."
Ken smiles. "You had the potential, I just unlocked it."
"I would like it if you could stay," Taekwoon says. "I like you." It's easy to say because it's the truth. But it's not the whole truth.
"I like you too," Jaehwan says, giving Taekwoon one of his rib-crushing hugs. Taekwoon returns it with equal force. "I'll see you around, alright?" He walks away slowly, backwards, before he turns around.
Taekwoon's stomach is all twisted up. Things feel kind of final. He reaches out and catches Jaehwan’s wrist. “Jaehwan.”
Jaehwan turns around and pauses.
"I meant I really like you. Like as in love." Taekwoon's normally soft voice comes out clear.
Jaehwan walks back over, coming way too close and Taekwoon resists the urge to stumble back. Their noses are almost touching. "Do you want to kiss me?" Jaehwan asks in his customary blunt way.
Taekwoon blinks, the tiniest of nods. Jaehwan knows him enough to know what it means, and he closes the gap, their lips brushing lightly, and that is that. Taekwoon had closed his eyes and they open at the removal of contact. He sinks to the ground and buries his face in his hands as he flushes, his neck, the tips of his ears, his cheeks burning. Jaehwan squats down next to him.
"If you had ever come out front you would have seen me every single day," Jaehwan says. "I was your number one customer." Taekwoon peeks through his fingers. Jaehwan's elbows are resting on his knees and his chin is resting on his hands. "I guess I sort of fell in love with you before I knew who you were?"
He looks thoughtful, and he meets Taekwoon's disbelieving stare. "The whole time?"
Jaehwan grins. "Yeah, I guess," he says. “By the way, I’m supposed to come back week to train my baking skills.” His smile turns large and cheesy and Taekwoon wants to punch him.
Instead, he lets out a frustrated groan and curls up even tighter, burying his face in his knees. But as Jaehwan slings his arm around Taekwoon’s shoulders and squeezes, Taekwoon is happy, and that’s what matters the most.