OOC: RP Log Posting - Red and Finch
((Picks up after Finch got Red back to his quarters, following his near collapse outside/the tail-stuck-in-door incident... Apologies for the formatting. LJ is an aft-headed slagger. XP ))
As soon as the door shut behind her, Finch walked to the nearby berth and set everything she was carrying down on it, careful to keep the bottle and mugs a bit aside from Red as he's put down. "Well, they do say necessity is the mother of invention. I didn't want to have to put anything down, so I decided to see how well I could manipulate one wingtip. I actually didn't think I'd get it on the first try, but maybe I just got lucky." Uncapping the bottle, she then poured some mid-grade into each mug, hoping Red won't have too difficult a time drinking out of it. "...kinda hoping that if you get enough energon in you, your body will focus on processing that instead of...well...letting you have nightmares."
Once he was set down on his berth, Red Alert curled up in a semi-circle, watching Finch tiredly as she prepared the two mugs of energon. "I would have crawled up to your shoulder, freeing a hand... or you could have set me down, Finch. Still... I think it has less to do with 'luck', and more that... -skill- you possess." At the mention of nightmares, Red Alert sighed softly, tail flicking in the air faintly, the tip still rather visibly bent... but right now, it was among the least of his worries. "Roadbuster... _our_ Roadbuster brought me in some mid-grade earlier, but... Primus. I don't think it helped. It was a while between having that, and being brought here for recharge." He frowned, then, softly. "....I don't think...it would have made a difference anyway," he whispered softly.
Finch frowned in worry before sliding one mug closer to Red and taking a drink from her own. "Did you...want to talk about exactly what your nightmare was about? I'm no pyschologist, but I dunno... Maybe just TALKING about it a little might help get it off your chest. I don't doubt stress has something to do with it. Stress on the body...whether you're organic or mechanoid...is just never helpful thing. Trouble being, if you're that stressed, you can't rest to RELIEVE the stress. I just don't want to see you keep hitting that cycle again and again until you reach a point of burnout."
Flicking one ear, and quirking one brow, Red Alert carefully looked up at Finch as she spoke, then managed a tiny, wry smile. "You -sound- like a pyschologist. Experience?" he asked after a pause, softly. He then shook his head, slowly sitting back on his haunches. Too tired to transform into robot mode, he pulled the mug towards him, carefully holding the sides of it while he bowed his head, carefully taking a sip of the pink liquid. "... My apologies. I shouldn't ask. It's... -You're- not the one that needs to talk... It's me..." Red Alert paused, then sighed tiredly, shoulders slumping, tail falling to lay flat on the surface of the recharger. "It... I've *dealt* with stress before. I'm no stranger to it; everyone knows that. But... Primus. It... Everything. _Everything_... Too much. Even for me." He paused, staring down into his mug, at the shadow of his form in the liquid. "Not just the physical stress, either..." he mumbled.
"Just a matter of being observant," she responded quietly, shrugging. Pulling up a chair, she sat down and rested one elbow on the top of the berth, the mug still in her other hand. For a long moment, she said nothing else, simply watching him. No one knew about her sixth sense and she doubted anyone really DID need to know. It was an asset to her job as an infiltrator and the ability itself was one she was sure would make others nervous if they were aware of it. Still... This was Red. They were starting to get close and...well.... "Red," she finally said, glancing down at her own mug, "I know something is bothering
you. And whatever it is, it's something that's really eating at you. You're...emotionally distraught. I don't know if it's something that happened here, recently...something someone did or said to hurt you, but... Whatever it is, you need to find some way to cope with it. The worry and pain are so strong, they're almost tangible."
Bowing his head, the squirrel shook his head, clawed fingertips scraping against the side of his mug, frowning deeply. "It... it's both here... and in the past... Long past. But that's just -one- factor in the whole... ohPrimus... I don't even know where to _begin_. It all... If it was just *one* thing at a time, or
even -two- things at once, I might have... _some_ way to ... to deal with it all. But... it's all happened at once. Even *before* this... chaos with the trans-warp accident. Things were starting to build up..."
"Always one thing after another, I guess." Taking another drink from her mug, she set it aside, resting her chin in one hand. Figuring it might be worth it to gamble a little, she started naming off incidents, trying to see if there are any "touchy subjects" that need to be dealt with. "...before the transwarp trouble, it was Pyre. During that, it was Prime missing. In between, Decepticon spies coming and going. Almost too much to keep track of...."
At the name of his old 'friend', Red started to tremble, bowing his head further. Depsite his attempts to control them, tears started to slide down his cheeks. Hissing in a breath, Red Alert nodded faintly. "Yuh... yes. It was... at -first-... keeping track of it. And more, you're probably not aware of... S-Seeing Prime get blown up... the officer's meeting... But Pyre. Oh Primus..." Frame shaking, Red Alert was only brought aware of that fact when he nearly overbalanced, the energon from the mug splashing out and falling upon his arms. Snapping out of it faintly, Red sat back a little, wide-eyed, staring at the drops of energon clinging to the techno-organic fibres. For a moment, his mind snapped back to that moment in the halls, Pyre-controlled Inferno ripping his shoulder cannon then sensor horn off, the energon and mech-fluids flowing everywhere. He then blinked, snapping back to the present, and let out a little gasp, air-intakes having locked. Bowing his head, he took a deep swallow of the energon before sitting back, wiping at his mouth with the back of his paw. "I... guess I'd... better start at the beginning... if I even know where the beginning to all this _is_..." he mumbled out softly.
Finch watched him, optic ridges rising a little in concern as a few tears slip down the sides of his face. Unable to help herself, she reached out with one hand and used her thumb to gently brush a few of them away. "Talk because you to, not because you need to -explain- it all to me. Whatever you need to start with is fine..."
Red Alert startles faintly, sitting up a little straighter as her thumb makes contact with his cheek, but his eyelids close half-way a second later, his small frame shivvering as he allowed Finch to wipe his tears away. "P-Pyre... I... I don't know -why-... don't know *how* he... -became- that... What his agenda is... He's been... t-_twisted_... hurt. Primus... I don't know. DIDN'T know... who... 'till Inferno... Inferno came in... to tell me... That... broke me. Was too much, on top of everything else..." Reaching up with small hands to take a hold of Finch's hand, Red Alert closed his eyes, pressing his cheek to the palm of her hand, trying to steady his breathing and calm down. A few moments later he opened his eyes, shyly letting go of Finch's hand to sit back again. "Years... _years_ ago.. back on Cybertron... Primus. Not many mechs *know* this. I don't even know if Prime knows how it's connected. ahh... I'm rambling again." Taking in another calming 'breath', Red Alert let it out slowly, optics unfocused and starting at nothing in particular. "Years ago... before the war really got underway... when Sentinel Prime was just really starting to lead the Autobots against Megatron... ... I was a different mech back then. Younger. Carefree." Red Alert paused, then chuckled dryly. "Reckless... Eager to leave my duty to go racing..."
"So I take it Inferno is connected to this, as well..." Finch left her hand alongside Red, if just to keep as little distance between them as possible. Despite herself, she smiled just a bit at the thought of Red leaving his duties to -race-. "I admit...the idea of you cutting out to race is a tough one to believe. But
then again, it has been a very long time since Sentinel Prime."
At first, Red smiled faintly... but it quickly turned into a downcast, guilty frown. Staring at the surface of the recharger, Red shook his head faintly. "It.. it was something I loved. We all did... We--" Cutting himself off again, Red's shoulders shook, then he sighed. "Inferno is connected to this, yes. Back then... we were still best friends. He.. he was different, too. Body... body and name. He was smaller, sleeker... a transport skiff... mech named Blaze. I... I used to be called Redline. We raced each other... challenged each other. Worked under the command of a mech named Granen, in Omicron VII. It was in the outskirts of Cybertron... not too an important a post... Pretty much abandoned, except for the mechs all working there. Granen...was always worried about Decepticons attacking. I ... I always teased him for being... 'paranoid'..." Red Alert said slowly, a dry, humourless chuckle escaping him.
Finch listened without commenting, not really wanting to voice the thought of how ironic the dynamic between Red and Granen was at that time. Rather than bring up such thoughts, she merely nodded, waiting for him to continue and explain further. .oO (Difficult to imagine Inferno and Red as -racers-... Something must have changed their lives drastically to convert them from being so carefree into search and rescue units. Or well...Inferno is still carefree in some ways, but he's definitely doesn't SEEM the racing type, anymore. ...I wonder if some of this has to do with his need to rush headlong into so many things....)
Taking a moment to collect himself, Red took another long drink of his energon, sitting back with a sigh and a frown. "It was... so -carefree- back then. Racing each other... testing our limits... cheering on our favourite mechs in the Cybertron Endurance. Planning to one day -enter- that race, once the war was over... ...Meeting our new friend, in cheering those races... the three of us... Blaze, myself... and... Pyre...
racing each other... pushing each other to our limits..." Red's voice had dropped until it was a flat whisper, his gaze once more locked on a spot of air in the room, his thoughts trapped in the past. "We... we never *thought*... _I_ never thought... Cut out... once my shift was over.... Took to the outer edges... raced... Didn't _care_ about anything but the race, having fun. Didn't THINK the Decepticons would _ever_ want *anything* to do with out base. Stupid... I was young and s-*stupid*..." Tears welling up again, Red Alert bowed his head, shaking it from side to side. "I... I fell into a ravine, that day... Wasn't watching where I was going. It was my own... *recklessness* that saved me. B-Blaze and Pyre... went back to get help.. to get me out. I... I went offline, due to my injuries. Wh-when I woke up.... Omicron VII was GONE. Destroyed. Megatron.... wiped out _everyone_." Shuddering, Red's hands clenched into tight fists, the nails cutting into the techno-organic skin of his palms, tears now flowing freely down his cheeks. "B-Blaze... was the only survivor... or so we THOUGHT. He... he was so _damaged_ though... H-had to do a spark-transfer... into his new body. But Granen...everyone. Slaughtered. Blaze... _Inferno_ was in a new body... new name. I... I changed my name, too. In respect to Granen... I... I swore... I wouldn't be so reckless again. I'd take the responsibility I shirked. I wouldn't allow anything like that to happen.... ever again." Pausing once more, Red Alert sucked in a breath, shaking. "But... Inferno... just told me... when he was 'infected' with the rogue spark... It was Pyre. Pyre did it ALL. He... he was the one... who told Megatron what Granen had been placed in safe-keeping of. Betrayed us. HATES Inferno and I... F-for what... why... I don't know. He wants us _dead_, though... He... he told me that. Wants to tear us apart. And... Primus... for the LIFE of me... though Inferno said it was all stuff said by Pyre... Meant to unnerve me... I.. I can't help but fear... fear what he said _was_ true..."
Biting her lower lip, Finch clenched and unclenched her hand a bit...the reaction partially out of sympathy, partially out of anger. "I can see where something like that...would change a pair of mechs so much.... And I'm not even sure I want to know how Pyre survived and...ended up here, infecting our friends. I don't...I don't recall much from when he was in Dirge aside from all the crazy things he made that ridiculous conehead do. Possible that he didn't really let so much...-show- then." Fingers reaching to touch Red's side gently, she lowered her voice a little, watching him carefully. "...do you mind explaining...what it was that was said....?"
Whimpering softly, Red finally turned his gaze to look up at Finch. "I... I hold Inferno back. I'm... I'm nothing to him... but an -excuse-. I let him get away with things, since I'm his friend. I... I'm so full of
faults... I hold Inferno back from _enjoying_ himself... from being free." Parts of that, truly, Red was no longer aware *if* Inferno had said those things, that day in the hall... or if they were his own fears, coming up to the fore.
Hand lifting, Finch stroked his side gently, fighting back a bit of optic fluid, herself. His internal,
emotional pain was so real to her - to her empathy - that she could almost feel it invading her spark case.
"Red.... I don't really think that's true. Inferno...is just himself, no matter what. He's going to do what he's going to do... And maybe I haven't known him nearly as long as most here, much less you, but he doesn't
strike me as the type to be resentful of you like that. ...as for faults, everyone has them. And I don't see
Inferno as the type to pick on yours, either. You guys have been friends for a very long time. You had a common bond through racing, through being under the same commander at the same outpost...one that suffered a tragedy which you both survived. Now...you're both search and rescue... Inferno's a good mech. He wouldn't continue to be your friend if...if you didn't mean something -special- to him."
Red Alert nodded, faintly, reaching up with one small hand to wipe away at his tears, leaning into Finch's touch. "I... I know. I -know-, but... but I still fear that... Feel *guilty* for that. It's... all part of my nightmare... That... and more... That I am... redundant, useless... easily replaced... I know I fly off the handle... panic much too easily... And..." He paused, trailing off, glancing up at Finch again, his cheeks colouring. "I was... scared of you. Of... of what I feel for you... what you might feel for me. I've... never been *in* this situation before..." He glanced away again, then... shiverring a little. "The nightmare... all that. Not to mention... being -trapped- in this body... Having all the strangers... dropping in... and everything."
Continuing to stroke his side, Finch shook her head a little. "No one here is easily replaced...and I mean that on both a professional and personal level. I think...you just need some time to get yourself together, to sort out...personal priorities. At some point, both you and Inferno should just have a long talk. Just have some...I dunno...therapy time. And if there's anything that needs to be said...just say it." She then managed a small smile. "...and I would've been scared of me, too, with how I was acting sometimes. Just...don't be afraid to tell me if I start doing things that make you nervous or uncomfortable."
His body moving almost beyond the control of his own mind, Red Alert leaned into the contact, eyelids closing over his eyes, a tired whimper slipping past his vocalizer. "My mind... is torn in so many directions. It... -usually- is, anyway... with my job, but... ...but it's been so *bad*, lately... I can't keep up." Letting out a sigh, he opened his eyes, peering up at the femme. "To talk... I'd be scared, but... it's probably... ... no. It -is- a good idea..." He paused again, then a tiny, faint, nervous smile managed to cross his lips. "You.. _always_ make me nervous... Unintentionally. If not wondering... what you're -planning-, then... ...by being near you. Wondering at... my *own* reactions to you." Maybe it was the mental exhaustion finally catching up to him... maybe it was the physical exhaustion, coupled with the energon he'd recently taken in flowing through his systems making him drowsy... or maybe it was all that combined, and more... but he closed his eyes again, leaning back into Finch's gentle touch...the words slipping from his mouth before his mind could catch up to them and stop them. "I'm comfortable -now-, though..."
Standing up, Finch slowly ran her hand down over his back, smoothing his fur down. "Then if you're comfortable, you should probably just get some recharge in." She paused a moment, faceplate redding just a bit. "If you want...I can stay here with you... Make sure you're okay. And that you can get out of the room when you're ready...?"
Before he could stop himself, he arched up into that stroke, a tiny little rumble building in his engine... before his mind _finally_ caught up with himself, and he hunched back down, blushing brightly in embarassment... the colour darkening enough to be visible at Finch's offer. "Ahh... um... actually... I... I'd ... like that. That.. that's how I got my tail caught in the door, actually. I had... difficulty opening the door, and... when I finally _could_...it closed too quickly." Getting to his feet, he turned in a nervous circle, before moving to the edge of the recharger, next to the wall, near the 'head' of the piece of furniture. .o(It's...just recharge. Just recharge. She's just... keeping me company... to help me get _out_ of my room tomorrow... Slaggit... I shouldn't be so nervous.)
"Definitely wouldn't be good if that happened again." More than aware of the fact that she's stating the obvious out of nerves, Finch tapped one finger on the edge of the berth before climbing up onto it, laying down on her side, facing Red. Taking in a deep, calming breath through her intakes, she let it out as a sigh. "...could probably use a little more recharge myself, anyway. Still kind of tired from my run out, earlier..." .oO (...is this happening? Is this REALLY happening...? I didn't think he'd agree, even though...I mean...it's just recharge. .......just behave yourself. Right? Don't tease. ... ... ooooh Primus, if Delphia knew what I was doing.........eh hehehehe...)
Shivvering, Red sucked in a deep "breath" of air through his intakes in order to calm himself. .o(Calm down calm _down_.... I WAS comfortable, before... but I -won't- be able to rest if I *do* work myself up again...) Turning around in a little circle, Red paused... then shyly moved a little closer, in front of
Finch's head and upper chest, about half-a-foot away, before turning in another nervous circle, then finally
settling down. "Th- thank you, Finch.... For... for everything."
Finch encircled him a little with one arm in a protective sort of way before settling in, herself, optics nearly shuttered. "You're welcome... And...anytime, really." Leaning in a bit hesitantly, if just because she's not sure if she's pushing it a little too much, she gives him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "See you in a few hours, Red."
Another little tremor ran through his form as her arm came around him, but he didn't make a move to pull away... a nervous shivver yet NOT a nervous shivver... and he blushed again at the gentle kiss, optics powering down. "G-good night, Finch..."
Optics shuttering completely, Finch smiled a little before managing to fall into recharge, thanking Primus as she did so... .oO (...and everything will be alright. I know it will be, Red... You're a good mech and I love you. No matter what....)
As soon as the door shut behind her, Finch walked to the nearby berth and set everything she was carrying down on it, careful to keep the bottle and mugs a bit aside from Red as he's put down. "Well, they do say necessity is the mother of invention. I didn't want to have to put anything down, so I decided to see how well I could manipulate one wingtip. I actually didn't think I'd get it on the first try, but maybe I just got lucky." Uncapping the bottle, she then poured some mid-grade into each mug, hoping Red won't have too difficult a time drinking out of it. "...kinda hoping that if you get enough energon in you, your body will focus on processing that instead of...well...letting you have nightmares."
Once he was set down on his berth, Red Alert curled up in a semi-circle, watching Finch tiredly as she prepared the two mugs of energon. "I would have crawled up to your shoulder, freeing a hand... or you could have set me down, Finch. Still... I think it has less to do with 'luck', and more that... -skill- you possess." At the mention of nightmares, Red Alert sighed softly, tail flicking in the air faintly, the tip still rather visibly bent... but right now, it was among the least of his worries. "Roadbuster... _our_ Roadbuster brought me in some mid-grade earlier, but... Primus. I don't think it helped. It was a while between having that, and being brought here for recharge." He frowned, then, softly. "....I don't think...it would have made a difference anyway," he whispered softly.
Finch frowned in worry before sliding one mug closer to Red and taking a drink from her own. "Did you...want to talk about exactly what your nightmare was about? I'm no pyschologist, but I dunno... Maybe just TALKING about it a little might help get it off your chest. I don't doubt stress has something to do with it. Stress on the body...whether you're organic or mechanoid...is just never helpful thing. Trouble being, if you're that stressed, you can't rest to RELIEVE the stress. I just don't want to see you keep hitting that cycle again and again until you reach a point of burnout."
Flicking one ear, and quirking one brow, Red Alert carefully looked up at Finch as she spoke, then managed a tiny, wry smile. "You -sound- like a pyschologist. Experience?" he asked after a pause, softly. He then shook his head, slowly sitting back on his haunches. Too tired to transform into robot mode, he pulled the mug towards him, carefully holding the sides of it while he bowed his head, carefully taking a sip of the pink liquid. "... My apologies. I shouldn't ask. It's... -You're- not the one that needs to talk... It's me..." Red Alert paused, then sighed tiredly, shoulders slumping, tail falling to lay flat on the surface of the recharger. "It... I've *dealt* with stress before. I'm no stranger to it; everyone knows that. But... Primus. It... Everything. _Everything_... Too much. Even for me." He paused, staring down into his mug, at the shadow of his form in the liquid. "Not just the physical stress, either..." he mumbled.
"Just a matter of being observant," she responded quietly, shrugging. Pulling up a chair, she sat down and rested one elbow on the top of the berth, the mug still in her other hand. For a long moment, she said nothing else, simply watching him. No one knew about her sixth sense and she doubted anyone really DID need to know. It was an asset to her job as an infiltrator and the ability itself was one she was sure would make others nervous if they were aware of it. Still... This was Red. They were starting to get close and...well.... "Red," she finally said, glancing down at her own mug, "I know something is bothering
you. And whatever it is, it's something that's really eating at you. You're...emotionally distraught. I don't know if it's something that happened here, recently...something someone did or said to hurt you, but... Whatever it is, you need to find some way to cope with it. The worry and pain are so strong, they're almost tangible."
Bowing his head, the squirrel shook his head, clawed fingertips scraping against the side of his mug, frowning deeply. "It... it's both here... and in the past... Long past. But that's just -one- factor in the whole... ohPrimus... I don't even know where to _begin_. It all... If it was just *one* thing at a time, or
even -two- things at once, I might have... _some_ way to ... to deal with it all. But... it's all happened at once. Even *before* this... chaos with the trans-warp accident. Things were starting to build up..."
"Always one thing after another, I guess." Taking another drink from her mug, she set it aside, resting her chin in one hand. Figuring it might be worth it to gamble a little, she started naming off incidents, trying to see if there are any "touchy subjects" that need to be dealt with. "...before the transwarp trouble, it was Pyre. During that, it was Prime missing. In between, Decepticon spies coming and going. Almost too much to keep track of...."
At the name of his old 'friend', Red started to tremble, bowing his head further. Depsite his attempts to control them, tears started to slide down his cheeks. Hissing in a breath, Red Alert nodded faintly. "Yuh... yes. It was... at -first-... keeping track of it. And more, you're probably not aware of... S-Seeing Prime get blown up... the officer's meeting... But Pyre. Oh Primus..." Frame shaking, Red Alert was only brought aware of that fact when he nearly overbalanced, the energon from the mug splashing out and falling upon his arms. Snapping out of it faintly, Red sat back a little, wide-eyed, staring at the drops of energon clinging to the techno-organic fibres. For a moment, his mind snapped back to that moment in the halls, Pyre-controlled Inferno ripping his shoulder cannon then sensor horn off, the energon and mech-fluids flowing everywhere. He then blinked, snapping back to the present, and let out a little gasp, air-intakes having locked. Bowing his head, he took a deep swallow of the energon before sitting back, wiping at his mouth with the back of his paw. "I... guess I'd... better start at the beginning... if I even know where the beginning to all this _is_..." he mumbled out softly.
Finch watched him, optic ridges rising a little in concern as a few tears slip down the sides of his face. Unable to help herself, she reached out with one hand and used her thumb to gently brush a few of them away. "Talk because you to, not because you need to -explain- it all to me. Whatever you need to start with is fine..."
Red Alert startles faintly, sitting up a little straighter as her thumb makes contact with his cheek, but his eyelids close half-way a second later, his small frame shivvering as he allowed Finch to wipe his tears away. "P-Pyre... I... I don't know -why-... don't know *how* he... -became- that... What his agenda is... He's been... t-_twisted_... hurt. Primus... I don't know. DIDN'T know... who... 'till Inferno... Inferno came in... to tell me... That... broke me. Was too much, on top of everything else..." Reaching up with small hands to take a hold of Finch's hand, Red Alert closed his eyes, pressing his cheek to the palm of her hand, trying to steady his breathing and calm down. A few moments later he opened his eyes, shyly letting go of Finch's hand to sit back again. "Years... _years_ ago.. back on Cybertron... Primus. Not many mechs *know* this. I don't even know if Prime knows how it's connected. ahh... I'm rambling again." Taking in another calming 'breath', Red Alert let it out slowly, optics unfocused and starting at nothing in particular. "Years ago... before the war really got underway... when Sentinel Prime was just really starting to lead the Autobots against Megatron... ... I was a different mech back then. Younger. Carefree." Red Alert paused, then chuckled dryly. "Reckless... Eager to leave my duty to go racing..."
"So I take it Inferno is connected to this, as well..." Finch left her hand alongside Red, if just to keep as little distance between them as possible. Despite herself, she smiled just a bit at the thought of Red leaving his duties to -race-. "I admit...the idea of you cutting out to race is a tough one to believe. But
then again, it has been a very long time since Sentinel Prime."
At first, Red smiled faintly... but it quickly turned into a downcast, guilty frown. Staring at the surface of the recharger, Red shook his head faintly. "It.. it was something I loved. We all did... We--" Cutting himself off again, Red's shoulders shook, then he sighed. "Inferno is connected to this, yes. Back then... we were still best friends. He.. he was different, too. Body... body and name. He was smaller, sleeker... a transport skiff... mech named Blaze. I... I used to be called Redline. We raced each other... challenged each other. Worked under the command of a mech named Granen, in Omicron VII. It was in the outskirts of Cybertron... not too an important a post... Pretty much abandoned, except for the mechs all working there. Granen...was always worried about Decepticons attacking. I ... I always teased him for being... 'paranoid'..." Red Alert said slowly, a dry, humourless chuckle escaping him.
Finch listened without commenting, not really wanting to voice the thought of how ironic the dynamic between Red and Granen was at that time. Rather than bring up such thoughts, she merely nodded, waiting for him to continue and explain further. .oO (Difficult to imagine Inferno and Red as -racers-... Something must have changed their lives drastically to convert them from being so carefree into search and rescue units. Or well...Inferno is still carefree in some ways, but he's definitely doesn't SEEM the racing type, anymore. ...I wonder if some of this has to do with his need to rush headlong into so many things....)
Taking a moment to collect himself, Red took another long drink of his energon, sitting back with a sigh and a frown. "It was... so -carefree- back then. Racing each other... testing our limits... cheering on our favourite mechs in the Cybertron Endurance. Planning to one day -enter- that race, once the war was over... ...Meeting our new friend, in cheering those races... the three of us... Blaze, myself... and... Pyre...
racing each other... pushing each other to our limits..." Red's voice had dropped until it was a flat whisper, his gaze once more locked on a spot of air in the room, his thoughts trapped in the past. "We... we never *thought*... _I_ never thought... Cut out... once my shift was over.... Took to the outer edges... raced... Didn't _care_ about anything but the race, having fun. Didn't THINK the Decepticons would _ever_ want *anything* to do with out base. Stupid... I was young and s-*stupid*..." Tears welling up again, Red Alert bowed his head, shaking it from side to side. "I... I fell into a ravine, that day... Wasn't watching where I was going. It was my own... *recklessness* that saved me. B-Blaze and Pyre... went back to get help.. to get me out. I... I went offline, due to my injuries. Wh-when I woke up.... Omicron VII was GONE. Destroyed. Megatron.... wiped out _everyone_." Shuddering, Red's hands clenched into tight fists, the nails cutting into the techno-organic skin of his palms, tears now flowing freely down his cheeks. "B-Blaze... was the only survivor... or so we THOUGHT. He... he was so _damaged_ though... H-had to do a spark-transfer... into his new body. But Granen...everyone. Slaughtered. Blaze... _Inferno_ was in a new body... new name. I... I changed my name, too. In respect to Granen... I... I swore... I wouldn't be so reckless again. I'd take the responsibility I shirked. I wouldn't allow anything like that to happen.... ever again." Pausing once more, Red Alert sucked in a breath, shaking. "But... Inferno... just told me... when he was 'infected' with the rogue spark... It was Pyre. Pyre did it ALL. He... he was the one... who told Megatron what Granen had been placed in safe-keeping of. Betrayed us. HATES Inferno and I... F-for what... why... I don't know. He wants us _dead_, though... He... he told me that. Wants to tear us apart. And... Primus... for the LIFE of me... though Inferno said it was all stuff said by Pyre... Meant to unnerve me... I.. I can't help but fear... fear what he said _was_ true..."
Biting her lower lip, Finch clenched and unclenched her hand a bit...the reaction partially out of sympathy, partially out of anger. "I can see where something like that...would change a pair of mechs so much.... And I'm not even sure I want to know how Pyre survived and...ended up here, infecting our friends. I don't...I don't recall much from when he was in Dirge aside from all the crazy things he made that ridiculous conehead do. Possible that he didn't really let so much...-show- then." Fingers reaching to touch Red's side gently, she lowered her voice a little, watching him carefully. "...do you mind explaining...what it was that was said....?"
Whimpering softly, Red finally turned his gaze to look up at Finch. "I... I hold Inferno back. I'm... I'm nothing to him... but an -excuse-. I let him get away with things, since I'm his friend. I... I'm so full of
faults... I hold Inferno back from _enjoying_ himself... from being free." Parts of that, truly, Red was no longer aware *if* Inferno had said those things, that day in the hall... or if they were his own fears, coming up to the fore.
Hand lifting, Finch stroked his side gently, fighting back a bit of optic fluid, herself. His internal,
emotional pain was so real to her - to her empathy - that she could almost feel it invading her spark case.
"Red.... I don't really think that's true. Inferno...is just himself, no matter what. He's going to do what he's going to do... And maybe I haven't known him nearly as long as most here, much less you, but he doesn't
strike me as the type to be resentful of you like that. ...as for faults, everyone has them. And I don't see
Inferno as the type to pick on yours, either. You guys have been friends for a very long time. You had a common bond through racing, through being under the same commander at the same outpost...one that suffered a tragedy which you both survived. Now...you're both search and rescue... Inferno's a good mech. He wouldn't continue to be your friend if...if you didn't mean something -special- to him."
Red Alert nodded, faintly, reaching up with one small hand to wipe away at his tears, leaning into Finch's touch. "I... I know. I -know-, but... but I still fear that... Feel *guilty* for that. It's... all part of my nightmare... That... and more... That I am... redundant, useless... easily replaced... I know I fly off the handle... panic much too easily... And..." He paused, trailing off, glancing up at Finch again, his cheeks colouring. "I was... scared of you. Of... of what I feel for you... what you might feel for me. I've... never been *in* this situation before..." He glanced away again, then... shiverring a little. "The nightmare... all that. Not to mention... being -trapped- in this body... Having all the strangers... dropping in... and everything."
Continuing to stroke his side, Finch shook her head a little. "No one here is easily replaced...and I mean that on both a professional and personal level. I think...you just need some time to get yourself together, to sort out...personal priorities. At some point, both you and Inferno should just have a long talk. Just have some...I dunno...therapy time. And if there's anything that needs to be said...just say it." She then managed a small smile. "...and I would've been scared of me, too, with how I was acting sometimes. Just...don't be afraid to tell me if I start doing things that make you nervous or uncomfortable."
His body moving almost beyond the control of his own mind, Red Alert leaned into the contact, eyelids closing over his eyes, a tired whimper slipping past his vocalizer. "My mind... is torn in so many directions. It... -usually- is, anyway... with my job, but... ...but it's been so *bad*, lately... I can't keep up." Letting out a sigh, he opened his eyes, peering up at the femme. "To talk... I'd be scared, but... it's probably... ... no. It -is- a good idea..." He paused again, then a tiny, faint, nervous smile managed to cross his lips. "You.. _always_ make me nervous... Unintentionally. If not wondering... what you're -planning-, then... ...by being near you. Wondering at... my *own* reactions to you." Maybe it was the mental exhaustion finally catching up to him... maybe it was the physical exhaustion, coupled with the energon he'd recently taken in flowing through his systems making him drowsy... or maybe it was all that combined, and more... but he closed his eyes again, leaning back into Finch's gentle touch...the words slipping from his mouth before his mind could catch up to them and stop them. "I'm comfortable -now-, though..."
Standing up, Finch slowly ran her hand down over his back, smoothing his fur down. "Then if you're comfortable, you should probably just get some recharge in." She paused a moment, faceplate redding just a bit. "If you want...I can stay here with you... Make sure you're okay. And that you can get out of the room when you're ready...?"
Before he could stop himself, he arched up into that stroke, a tiny little rumble building in his engine... before his mind _finally_ caught up with himself, and he hunched back down, blushing brightly in embarassment... the colour darkening enough to be visible at Finch's offer. "Ahh... um... actually... I... I'd ... like that. That.. that's how I got my tail caught in the door, actually. I had... difficulty opening the door, and... when I finally _could_...it closed too quickly." Getting to his feet, he turned in a nervous circle, before moving to the edge of the recharger, next to the wall, near the 'head' of the piece of furniture. .o(It's...just recharge. Just recharge. She's just... keeping me company... to help me get _out_ of my room tomorrow... Slaggit... I shouldn't be so nervous.)
"Definitely wouldn't be good if that happened again." More than aware of the fact that she's stating the obvious out of nerves, Finch tapped one finger on the edge of the berth before climbing up onto it, laying down on her side, facing Red. Taking in a deep, calming breath through her intakes, she let it out as a sigh. "...could probably use a little more recharge myself, anyway. Still kind of tired from my run out, earlier..." .oO (...is this happening? Is this REALLY happening...? I didn't think he'd agree, even though...I mean...it's just recharge. .......just behave yourself. Right? Don't tease. ... ... ooooh Primus, if Delphia knew what I was doing.........eh hehehehe...)
Shivvering, Red sucked in a deep "breath" of air through his intakes in order to calm himself. .o(Calm down calm _down_.... I WAS comfortable, before... but I -won't- be able to rest if I *do* work myself up again...) Turning around in a little circle, Red paused... then shyly moved a little closer, in front of
Finch's head and upper chest, about half-a-foot away, before turning in another nervous circle, then finally
settling down. "Th- thank you, Finch.... For... for everything."
Finch encircled him a little with one arm in a protective sort of way before settling in, herself, optics nearly shuttered. "You're welcome... And...anytime, really." Leaning in a bit hesitantly, if just because she's not sure if she's pushing it a little too much, she gives him a gentle kiss on the cheek. "See you in a few hours, Red."
Another little tremor ran through his form as her arm came around him, but he didn't make a move to pull away... a nervous shivver yet NOT a nervous shivver... and he blushed again at the gentle kiss, optics powering down. "G-good night, Finch..."
Optics shuttering completely, Finch smiled a little before managing to fall into recharge, thanking Primus as she did so... .oO (...and everything will be alright. I know it will be, Red... You're a good mech and I love you. No matter what....)