Today is another bad day.
The awards assembly was today. What more can be said?
Before I begin, let me preface this with something. Theatre was the one thing at Sem I did the best, the one thing that made my stay there bearable, the one thing I looked forward to more than anything else. In all honesty, I haven't really done anything else of worth here at Sem, except for maybe Madrigals (but even THAT'S questionable.) I really, really wanted to win the theatre award for outstanding acheivement in drama/theatre. Perhaps it's a selfish desire on my part, but all I want is to be remembered by other people, by history. In some small way, I had hoped that winning this award could be my legacy, my small mark on history that I could leave at Sem. Again, perhaps it's part of my inane desire to follow in Michael McCartney's footsteps. Adoration in some form, perhaps. But above all, it was my burning desire to distinguish myself.
So I sat there in the stuffy, cramped auditorium that we call the BPAC, feverishly gripping my program, wringing my sweating hands, hoping against hope that I could win. After all, who else could it be? They traditionally give the award to one male and one female who are active participants and dedicated to the theatre program at Seminary. I like to place myself in those ranks, given how many shows I've done, and my (at times) selfless devotion to the theatre. Who else could have won it? Of all the males, the only one I would place as competition for this would be Matt Kovacs, and given his meltdown where he dropped out of both Madrigals and the Spring play, I didn't see that as likely at all. Maybe it was self-indulgent, I don't know, but I really considered myself a shoo-in. So, as they rolled down the list of the usual cadre of over-acheivers winning award after award, they finally reached the Michael Ellis Drama Award. I braced myself in fevered anticipation, waiting to hear my name called out, so I could finally assume my mantle, and complete my dreadful tenure here at Sem.
And the winner of the Michael Ellis Drama Award is... Amanda Davidowitz.
The award is almost always given to two students. This time, apparently, it wasn't. I sat there, shocked, crestfallen, and most of all... sad. Sad that I didn't win. My chest was starting to ache. This had really meant something to me, stupid and trite as it may have been. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do at all? Why? Why? WHY?! Resigned to failure and depression, I let my program fall to the floor and simply slumped down in my chair, dreading the rest of the time I had to spend here, as only a reminder of my failure. Vague thoughts of "You're worthless, you're not as good at theatre as you think, you've been kidding yourself all along. And you wanted to make a career that could utilize these so called 'talents'? Loser" flitted in and out of my head. And the list of the awards rolled on. But then, not 3 minutes later...
It appears that there is actually a second winner of the Michael Ellis Drama Award. The co-winner of this award is... James Michael Saba
Elation was the best word. I arose from my chair and strode down the aisles with duty and purpose in my steps, casually shooting my cuffs as I neared the stage. Hey, at this point, I earned it. I climbed those steps, and there waiting for me was Mr. Packard with a sly, but unapologetic grin on his face. We shook hands, I got my awards, and he said to me "I'm... sorry, Mr. Saba. It was a mistake on my part. You've earned this award." To which I wryly smiled and quipped "Well, that's alright Mr. Packard. It is the drama award, after all." And to the applause, which to me was nothing less than thunderous, I strode off stage, and resumed my seat, exulting in a day well spent.
So really, not such a bad day after all.
This is what I have come to, senpai.
Before I begin, let me preface this with something. Theatre was the one thing at Sem I did the best, the one thing that made my stay there bearable, the one thing I looked forward to more than anything else. In all honesty, I haven't really done anything else of worth here at Sem, except for maybe Madrigals (but even THAT'S questionable.) I really, really wanted to win the theatre award for outstanding acheivement in drama/theatre. Perhaps it's a selfish desire on my part, but all I want is to be remembered by other people, by history. In some small way, I had hoped that winning this award could be my legacy, my small mark on history that I could leave at Sem. Again, perhaps it's part of my inane desire to follow in Michael McCartney's footsteps. Adoration in some form, perhaps. But above all, it was my burning desire to distinguish myself.
So I sat there in the stuffy, cramped auditorium that we call the BPAC, feverishly gripping my program, wringing my sweating hands, hoping against hope that I could win. After all, who else could it be? They traditionally give the award to one male and one female who are active participants and dedicated to the theatre program at Seminary. I like to place myself in those ranks, given how many shows I've done, and my (at times) selfless devotion to the theatre. Who else could have won it? Of all the males, the only one I would place as competition for this would be Matt Kovacs, and given his meltdown where he dropped out of both Madrigals and the Spring play, I didn't see that as likely at all. Maybe it was self-indulgent, I don't know, but I really considered myself a shoo-in. So, as they rolled down the list of the usual cadre of over-acheivers winning award after award, they finally reached the Michael Ellis Drama Award. I braced myself in fevered anticipation, waiting to hear my name called out, so I could finally assume my mantle, and complete my dreadful tenure here at Sem.
And the winner of the Michael Ellis Drama Award is... Amanda Davidowitz.
The award is almost always given to two students. This time, apparently, it wasn't. I sat there, shocked, crestfallen, and most of all... sad. Sad that I didn't win. My chest was starting to ache. This had really meant something to me, stupid and trite as it may have been. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do at all? Why? Why? WHY?! Resigned to failure and depression, I let my program fall to the floor and simply slumped down in my chair, dreading the rest of the time I had to spend here, as only a reminder of my failure. Vague thoughts of "You're worthless, you're not as good at theatre as you think, you've been kidding yourself all along. And you wanted to make a career that could utilize these so called 'talents'? Loser" flitted in and out of my head. And the list of the awards rolled on. But then, not 3 minutes later...
It appears that there is actually a second winner of the Michael Ellis Drama Award. The co-winner of this award is... James Michael Saba
Elation was the best word. I arose from my chair and strode down the aisles with duty and purpose in my steps, casually shooting my cuffs as I neared the stage. Hey, at this point, I earned it. I climbed those steps, and there waiting for me was Mr. Packard with a sly, but unapologetic grin on his face. We shook hands, I got my awards, and he said to me "I'm... sorry, Mr. Saba. It was a mistake on my part. You've earned this award." To which I wryly smiled and quipped "Well, that's alright Mr. Packard. It is the drama award, after all." And to the applause, which to me was nothing less than thunderous, I strode off stage, and resumed my seat, exulting in a day well spent.
So really, not such a bad day after all.
This is what I have come to, senpai.