(no subject)
I've expected the fall with David a few months ago to be painless, and it was. But somehow the ghost of our relationship has come back to haunt me. When I fell, I was not tied to a string of balloons that could raise me up after I had stumbled down that 300,000,000,000*insert more exaggeration here* feet mountain, though I wish I was.
I suppose I'm just being naive..but I miss the days where we would chase each other in a not so perfect meadow, and I would slide in some mud and he would take me back to his home to wipe the filth off my jeans with water, and when he would steal my purse and later return it with fresh flowers tucked in the little pockets...and when I would play the piano and we would sing like idiots, even though we both knew we didn't have the perfect voices. When I would shed a tears, light or hard, he would whisper those sweet words in my ears that I now wish I can hear once more.
I've been having a constant epiphany of insomnia. I awake in the mornings breathing very hard, and it's not been the first time I've cried while I was instant messaging. I think I'll be sending myself to Peru to actually find myself and meet with a guidance counselor.
I don't know what went wrong. I hate myself for it now.