Fic: Know Your Enemy (Sherlock Holmes RPS, WHAT)
OH. MY. GOD. LOOK WHAT I DID. This is mostly yan_tan_tether's fault.
Know Your Enemy
Robert Downey Jr/Jude Law (YES, I KNOW, STFU) | PG | 850 words
"In what universe does nuzzling beat out come-fuck-me eyes?"
I don't even know, okay? I really don't. Videos like this don't help. Completely unbeta'd and full of ridiculousness. You were warned.
Susan Downey, if you're reading this, I am SO SO SORRY. /o\
Sometimes he just didn't think before he opened his mouth. Okay, more than sometimes. Possibly all times? Maybe.
It wasn't that he hadn't considered the possibility of maybe giving Jude shit for all the smirks thrown his way whenever they'd finish a scene and Guy would call out casually, "Right, that was perfect, and also the gayest thing I've ever seen. Perhaps one more take?" Like the it's all his fault the meaning of personal space becomes written in a foreign language the second cameras start rolling.
"I really, really resent that look, by the way," Robert said in between takes, slipping back into his normal accent for the moment.
Jude's eyes went wide and innocent, but the smirk stayed put. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied, leaning against the wall of their fake London alleyway. "Unless you're referring to your inability to play an actual heterosexual man, then I might have some idea."
"Not only do I resent that look, I resent your tone and everything it stands for." He crossed his arms, squared his shoulders. "Is this about the leg lean earlier? Because I asked you about that--or is it the whole nuzzling thing last week? Seriously? There was definitely mutual nuzzling, I don't do solo nuzzling, and for the record, I think it was a nice touch."
Jude raised an eyebrow. "'Mutual nuzzling'?"
"Don't look at me like that, you know it's fucking true. You are so not an innocent bystander in this."
"I also didn't just use the word 'nuzzling' more than once in a sentence when referring to my work."
"Okay, you know what? Fine. Fine." He held up both hands. "From this point on my repertoire consists of nothing but exceedingly heterosexual behaviors. I am a NASCAR-watching, beer can-slamming dude. Because, y'know, none of this has anything to do with you and your looks."
"My looks."
"Your goddamned looks." Robert dropped his hands and tipped his chin up slightly, his eyes going dark and heavy-lidded. He blinked slowly as the corner of his mouth tilted up.
"I don't look at you like that," Jude huffed, but he wouldn't meet Robert's eyes.
"Pretty sure you do. I've seen the dailies. But hey, I'm the non-hetero one here, so what do I know?"
"I don't nuzzle."
"In what universe does nuzzling beat out come-fuck-me eyes?"
And that's when Guy called for the next scene. Jude's smirk only got worse--along with his soft little, "Hmm," which meant he was getting the last word. He always got the last word, damn it.
He would have pouted about it for the rest of the day had Jude not given him the exact same look not two hours later. It wasn't even an intimate scene, and Rachel was standing right in the middle of them and they were spouting lines about cults and human sacrifices. And yet Jude looked over the top of Rachel's head and just...gave him fucking bedroom eyes. Again. For the zillionth time.
So yeah, Robert figured that warranted some revenge.
He never had liked shooting opening scenes later in the filming sequence, but for once he didn't mind it so much. If anything, it was an excuse to be in Jude's space without being obvious, although right now he had every intention of being obvious. Like, blinking neon Vegas strip club obvious.
They were supposed to shake hands. That was all. He waited until the moment Jude his hand out, waiting for the next line, and Robert delivered it--"Always nice to see you again, Watson."
And then he splayed his hand over Jude's cheek, wide and possessive, and kissed him. Jude gasped, which was perfect; it opened his mouth wide enough for Robert to close his teeth over his lower lip and bite down sharply before sliding his tongue into his mouth. It was fast and dirty and, well. Kind of fantastic, especially since Jude didn't struggle against him whatsoever.
Robert let him go with a flourish, and to his unending delight, Jude's shoulders slumped as he sort of melted back against the wall. His cheeks were flushed bright, bright pink.
"You are such a fucking bastard," he gasped, but he kept licking his lips over and over. He rubbed the back of his hand over his mustache, along his upper lip.
This time, Robert got to smirk. "I am, yes," he said softly, milking his Holmes accent to the hilt. "And yet, I don't look thoroughly debauched at the moment, now do I? In fact, I feel immensely heterosexual at the moment."
He caught a hint of a smile from behind Jude's hand.
"If you don't mind, boys, I'd like to try that again?" Guy called, sounding more amused than he probably had a right to be. "Only try and be less in love with each other for at least fifteen minutes, yeah?"
Robert gave Guy a bright, dazzling smile, pointing to Jude. "For the record, he started it."
Know Your Enemy
Robert Downey Jr/Jude Law (YES, I KNOW, STFU) | PG | 850 words
"In what universe does nuzzling beat out come-fuck-me eyes?"
I don't even know, okay? I really don't. Videos like this don't help. Completely unbeta'd and full of ridiculousness. You were warned.
Susan Downey, if you're reading this, I am SO SO SORRY. /o\
Sometimes he just didn't think before he opened his mouth. Okay, more than sometimes. Possibly all times? Maybe.
It wasn't that he hadn't considered the possibility of maybe giving Jude shit for all the smirks thrown his way whenever they'd finish a scene and Guy would call out casually, "Right, that was perfect, and also the gayest thing I've ever seen. Perhaps one more take?" Like the it's all his fault the meaning of personal space becomes written in a foreign language the second cameras start rolling.
"I really, really resent that look, by the way," Robert said in between takes, slipping back into his normal accent for the moment.
Jude's eyes went wide and innocent, but the smirk stayed put. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he replied, leaning against the wall of their fake London alleyway. "Unless you're referring to your inability to play an actual heterosexual man, then I might have some idea."
"Not only do I resent that look, I resent your tone and everything it stands for." He crossed his arms, squared his shoulders. "Is this about the leg lean earlier? Because I asked you about that--or is it the whole nuzzling thing last week? Seriously? There was definitely mutual nuzzling, I don't do solo nuzzling, and for the record, I think it was a nice touch."
Jude raised an eyebrow. "'Mutual nuzzling'?"
"Don't look at me like that, you know it's fucking true. You are so not an innocent bystander in this."
"I also didn't just use the word 'nuzzling' more than once in a sentence when referring to my work."
"Okay, you know what? Fine. Fine." He held up both hands. "From this point on my repertoire consists of nothing but exceedingly heterosexual behaviors. I am a NASCAR-watching, beer can-slamming dude. Because, y'know, none of this has anything to do with you and your looks."
"My looks."
"Your goddamned looks." Robert dropped his hands and tipped his chin up slightly, his eyes going dark and heavy-lidded. He blinked slowly as the corner of his mouth tilted up.
"I don't look at you like that," Jude huffed, but he wouldn't meet Robert's eyes.
"Pretty sure you do. I've seen the dailies. But hey, I'm the non-hetero one here, so what do I know?"
"I don't nuzzle."
"In what universe does nuzzling beat out come-fuck-me eyes?"
And that's when Guy called for the next scene. Jude's smirk only got worse--along with his soft little, "Hmm," which meant he was getting the last word. He always got the last word, damn it.
He would have pouted about it for the rest of the day had Jude not given him the exact same look not two hours later. It wasn't even an intimate scene, and Rachel was standing right in the middle of them and they were spouting lines about cults and human sacrifices. And yet Jude looked over the top of Rachel's head and just...gave him fucking bedroom eyes. Again. For the zillionth time.
So yeah, Robert figured that warranted some revenge.
He never had liked shooting opening scenes later in the filming sequence, but for once he didn't mind it so much. If anything, it was an excuse to be in Jude's space without being obvious, although right now he had every intention of being obvious. Like, blinking neon Vegas strip club obvious.
They were supposed to shake hands. That was all. He waited until the moment Jude his hand out, waiting for the next line, and Robert delivered it--"Always nice to see you again, Watson."
And then he splayed his hand over Jude's cheek, wide and possessive, and kissed him. Jude gasped, which was perfect; it opened his mouth wide enough for Robert to close his teeth over his lower lip and bite down sharply before sliding his tongue into his mouth. It was fast and dirty and, well. Kind of fantastic, especially since Jude didn't struggle against him whatsoever.
Robert let him go with a flourish, and to his unending delight, Jude's shoulders slumped as he sort of melted back against the wall. His cheeks were flushed bright, bright pink.
"You are such a fucking bastard," he gasped, but he kept licking his lips over and over. He rubbed the back of his hand over his mustache, along his upper lip.
This time, Robert got to smirk. "I am, yes," he said softly, milking his Holmes accent to the hilt. "And yet, I don't look thoroughly debauched at the moment, now do I? In fact, I feel immensely heterosexual at the moment."
He caught a hint of a smile from behind Jude's hand.
"If you don't mind, boys, I'd like to try that again?" Guy called, sounding more amused than he probably had a right to be. "Only try and be less in love with each other for at least fifteen minutes, yeah?"
Robert gave Guy a bright, dazzling smile, pointing to Jude. "For the record, he started it."