I need a talk show for this kind of thing.
Under the cut, is a signed, sealed and posted letter from myself, to BT.
Dear BT
You may want to go and grab a cup of tea. This is going to be one of those letters.
On February 12th 2006 I made a booking to have your broadband service installed to my address. I was made aware that I needed a telephone line to have this service, so we made arrangements for an engineer to come to my flat and inspect the landline and exchange box. After a short time it was agreed that everything was in working order and I was subsequently given a date upon which you would send the neccessary equipment to me. Then I was told you would connect my internet and phone line on that day.
I connected the router with no problem and waited for the phone signal. It took you a week and a half to actually connect me. A week and a half, I might add, which I spent contacting you and informing you that there was a problem. A week and half which should have been a day. That's pretty poor, huh?
After an uninterrupted and, dare I say it, good service for around three months I learned that I would be moving from my current address to another address which already had an internet service and phoneline. I also learned that I would be away for no more than three months, and so I decided I would gladly like to continue with your service after that time.
When I phoned to inform you of this and ask for advice, I spoke to a glum-sounding individual by the name of Glen. Glum Glen told me that because the actual landline has a minimum term of 3 months, I would be able to cancel it and put the broadband "on hold for a maximum of three months".
I thought this was absolutely fantastic, especially as I still had 9 months of my broadband contract left. So I undertook this offer.
A few days later, having foolishly mislaid some information about this wonderful deal, I telephoned you again. This time I spoke to a rather abrupt, blunt and obnoxious young man named Ben. Belligerent Ben informed me that there was no record of my ever having spoken to you about my move, nor was there a note of my forthcoming address. He also knew nothing about the arrangement to pause my account for no more than three months.
Mildy furious, I re-arranged the procedure with Ben who assured me he was happy to help. I didn't believe him, because he made me feel like I'd just interrupted his afternoon nap. However, I went ahead with this and was told my parents would be contacted as it would be their address now on my account details.
Dearest BT, it is now 20th June and I have been on the phone to you yet again. Only this time, I spoke to Margaret in your broadband department who told me there was no way you could stop my phone line and "pause" the broadband for any amount of time. According to Margaret (who doesn't deserve a prefix to her name as she was very pleasant to talk to), if the phoneline were to be ceased, the broadband would be disconnected and I would have to pay the rest of my contracted time with you - nine months. Beginning to feel like I was an absent father begrudgingly paying child support, I enquired further as to what I could do.
Maragret told me I could transfer it to my parents' address for the minimum term of a new phoneline (3 months, which suits me fine) and then phone back when I move again. I decided to think about this, so I ended the call, thanking Margaret for putting it straight.
After I had stopped screaming, I called back and arranged this with another polite lady called Tammy. As it stands now, I have arranged to have the BT line at my mum and dad's house re-activated; I will have a new account number, a new phone number and I am still going to be receiving the broadband service.
This is all I ever wanted. I do not expect to be placated grumpily by your moronic staff who feel the need to invent deals and procedures which are not part of your policy. I do not expect to be spoken to rudely by moody, brain-dead customer services representatives when my father and I are effectively paying their wages.
Please pass on my sincerest apologies for disturbing Ben and Glen from their benumbed, torpid state of imbecility. However, please pass on my thanks to Tammy and Margaret. They were both helpful, honest and polite.
I shall be terminating my service with you the milisecond my 12 month contract is up, in order to receive broadband from a company whose employees are not permanantly in a coma. In addition, you shall receive as much bad coverage as I can muster in order to spread the word that BT is a covenant of inept liars who can't organise an orgy in a whorehouse.
Yours, tediously,
Mister Fox.
Note: I have actually sent this to BT.
Dear BT
You may want to go and grab a cup of tea. This is going to be one of those letters.
On February 12th 2006 I made a booking to have your broadband service installed to my address. I was made aware that I needed a telephone line to have this service, so we made arrangements for an engineer to come to my flat and inspect the landline and exchange box. After a short time it was agreed that everything was in working order and I was subsequently given a date upon which you would send the neccessary equipment to me. Then I was told you would connect my internet and phone line on that day.
I connected the router with no problem and waited for the phone signal. It took you a week and a half to actually connect me. A week and a half, I might add, which I spent contacting you and informing you that there was a problem. A week and half which should have been a day. That's pretty poor, huh?
After an uninterrupted and, dare I say it, good service for around three months I learned that I would be moving from my current address to another address which already had an internet service and phoneline. I also learned that I would be away for no more than three months, and so I decided I would gladly like to continue with your service after that time.
When I phoned to inform you of this and ask for advice, I spoke to a glum-sounding individual by the name of Glen. Glum Glen told me that because the actual landline has a minimum term of 3 months, I would be able to cancel it and put the broadband "on hold for a maximum of three months".
I thought this was absolutely fantastic, especially as I still had 9 months of my broadband contract left. So I undertook this offer.
A few days later, having foolishly mislaid some information about this wonderful deal, I telephoned you again. This time I spoke to a rather abrupt, blunt and obnoxious young man named Ben. Belligerent Ben informed me that there was no record of my ever having spoken to you about my move, nor was there a note of my forthcoming address. He also knew nothing about the arrangement to pause my account for no more than three months.
Mildy furious, I re-arranged the procedure with Ben who assured me he was happy to help. I didn't believe him, because he made me feel like I'd just interrupted his afternoon nap. However, I went ahead with this and was told my parents would be contacted as it would be their address now on my account details.
Dearest BT, it is now 20th June and I have been on the phone to you yet again. Only this time, I spoke to Margaret in your broadband department who told me there was no way you could stop my phone line and "pause" the broadband for any amount of time. According to Margaret (who doesn't deserve a prefix to her name as she was very pleasant to talk to), if the phoneline were to be ceased, the broadband would be disconnected and I would have to pay the rest of my contracted time with you - nine months. Beginning to feel like I was an absent father begrudgingly paying child support, I enquired further as to what I could do.
Maragret told me I could transfer it to my parents' address for the minimum term of a new phoneline (3 months, which suits me fine) and then phone back when I move again. I decided to think about this, so I ended the call, thanking Margaret for putting it straight.
After I had stopped screaming, I called back and arranged this with another polite lady called Tammy. As it stands now, I have arranged to have the BT line at my mum and dad's house re-activated; I will have a new account number, a new phone number and I am still going to be receiving the broadband service.
This is all I ever wanted. I do not expect to be placated grumpily by your moronic staff who feel the need to invent deals and procedures which are not part of your policy. I do not expect to be spoken to rudely by moody, brain-dead customer services representatives when my father and I are effectively paying their wages.
Please pass on my sincerest apologies for disturbing Ben and Glen from their benumbed, torpid state of imbecility. However, please pass on my thanks to Tammy and Margaret. They were both helpful, honest and polite.
I shall be terminating my service with you the milisecond my 12 month contract is up, in order to receive broadband from a company whose employees are not permanantly in a coma. In addition, you shall receive as much bad coverage as I can muster in order to spread the word that BT is a covenant of inept liars who can't organise an orgy in a whorehouse.
Yours, tediously,
Mister Fox.
Note: I have actually sent this to BT.