[SCENE] Ron and Diego in "Wingin' it Ron-style"
Diego: *Diego Armando is walking through the woods near Kurain on an afternoon in mid-March; after the freak snowstorm taught him better than to be unprepared, he is at least wearing a light jacket. The path he's taking leads him along the edge of a cliff, out over which the skyline of LA can be seen in the distance. He pauses to admire the view*
Ron: *it's quiet up there -- quiet enough to hear the sounds of something scuffling, approaching. It's hard to pinpoint where it's coming from exactly, but it's definitely rhythmic enough for it to be something living*
Diego: *his hackles rise and he looks around, suddenly tense: he is not a man given to flights of fancy, but his fight or flight instinct is pretty well-honed around wild animals, and whatever he hears is big enough to be very dangerous. But where is it coming from?*
Ron: *a few seconds later, a pair of dainty hands grab onto the edge of the cliff from below, and Ron DeLite pulls himself up. He's out of breath and exhausted. Once he's fully climbed over the edge, he sits on the ground and wipes the sweat off his face with his arm, panting*
Diego: *pauses, staring for a beat as the younger man comes up over the edge* ....Hey, Ron?
Ron: Haah... haah... haa-- huh? *looks up, smiles* Oh-- Hi, Diego! How are you doing today?
Diego: Just fine. ...I didn't know you were a rock climber.
Ron: I-I'm not a rock climber! The only thing I've climbed is buildings... *turns around to peek over the edge* Aaah! *recoils immediately, scooting away in fear*
Diego: *walks over to the edge and leans, not intimidated by the height, but unable to see to the bottom of the cliff with his poor vision* What's the matter?
Ron: *trembling* Th-that BEAR is still there!
Diego: *pauses, looking at Ron* Didn't just settle for climbing up a tree, huh? *completely removed from the danger of being attacked by the bear by virtue of the cliff face, he reaches over with his foot and nudges a rock about the size of his shoe off the edge*
Ron: *four seconds later, a soft thump followed by a thud resonates throughout the vicinity*
Diego: ....Didn't think that would work. Dumber than the average bear. *steps back from the edge, reaching into his jacket to pull out a bottle of water and hand it to Ron* What are you doing this far out, anyway?
Ron: *crossing his legs, he takes the bottle and uncaps it, reaching into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief* I came here for some exercise. I heard this area is great for this sort of thing! *begins wiping the mouth of the bottle* Exercise is good for your teeth and nails, you know?
Diego: *doesn't, but decides not to say so as he crouches next to Ron, pulling a thermos of coffee out of his jacket, uncapping it, and taking a swig* Good for your nails?
Ron: *begins to clean the inside of the bottle mouth; he frowns a bit* Yeah, but I kind of ruined mine on my way up here....
Diego: Look like. I should start calling you the Gecko, if you managed to climb as fast as it looks like. *another swig, licking his upper lip as he lowers the thermos* How did you get out here? The bus?
Ron: Oh, no no no... I drove. I don't take the bus. *thoroughly cleaning* There's too many dangerous people in those! Drug addicts, alcoholics, Mormons -- all kinds of people!
Diego: Mmhmm. *sips* Well, do you want to work your way back to your car? I know a path, but it will take a couple of hours to get to the bottom of this cliff.
Ron: *finally takes a few gulps of water, then begins to wipe the bottle again* Oh, sure. It's been a while since we've gone hiking, hasn't it?
Diego: Long time indeed. If I had known that Yogi was going to be chasing you this way I would have brought some lemonade.
Ron: *caps the bottle and hands it back to Diego* Bears like lemonade??
Diego: I think Yogi did. *puts the bottle back in his jacket* Let me know when you're ready to go.
Ron: *gets on his feet and dusts off his hands* What did you come up here to do?
Diego: *stands up, taking another swig of coffee before screwing the cap back on and putting it in his jacket* I'm just here for a hike, to clear my head a bit. Got interrupted during my last one by that snowstorm.
Ron: That snowstorm was something! I knew it was going to snow, but who knew it would snow THAT much? Er, well, asides from the meteorologists... and I guess they did try to warn us about it... I hope it didn't cause you too much trouble!
Diego: *waves his hand dismissively* It was nothing. Fun evening, really. What did you end up doing?
Ron: *smiles!* Oh, it was pretty fun for me, too!
Diego: Tell me about it while we walk. *heads off down the trail, roughly in the direction he had been going before*
Ron: Yeah, I...... *takes a few steps, then realizes* --No! No, it wasn't fun! It was awful!!
Diego: *sticks his hands in his pockets as he walks, unsurprised* Really now? *looks over his shoulder and grins* Regale me with your harrowing tale.
Ron: Dessie got into a car accident on her way home from work. I don't know how it happened. She's an excellent driver... *looks down at his shoes as he walks*
Diego: *knowing the answer* Is she all right?
Ron: Oh, she's fine. She was even smiling when I got to the scene on her bike! *sighs with admiration* She's the greatest, isn't she?
Diego: *trips over a root, stumbling, but recovering quickly* You rode her bike? By yourself?
Ron: *looks up at Diego, timid* Is...is that bad?
Diego: No. No, I don't think so. I just didn't know you knew how to ride. *doesn't add "without dying" but only after a concentrated effort*
Ron: Dessie tried to teach me a few times...but never in the snow. *cocks his head* But it wasn't too bad. I figured, if I fell, the snow would cushion me.
Diego: Makes sense. Where did she crash?
Ron: At the highway exit. Right into a drainage ditch. Boy, let me tell you, I was so glad she was safe... *frowns* If something had happened to her, I--I don't know what I'd do. *mumbles* Probably would've let go as soon as I reached the top of this cliff...
Diego: Snow can get the best of us under the best condition. *grins* Never would have happened otherwise, right? I didn't think it was even possible for your wife to crash.
Ron: *raises his voice* I didn't think it was possible, either! It was the snow's fault entirely!
Diego: *blinks behind his mask, stopping and turning to stare at Ron openly*
Ron: *freezes* ...Wh-what?
Diego: *looks off to the side* How is it we've known each other as long as we have and you're still such an awful liar?
Ron: *after a few beats, he looks down with shame* I-I'm sorry. I guess I'm just no good...
Diego: You would think I would have rubbed off on you by now. Come on. *turns and keeps walking* Now tell me what really happened. Must be a good story.
Ron: W-well. *begins to walk again* She was sort of speeding...
Diego: That goes without saying.
Ron: And she was sort of eating...
Diego: ...We all do that sometimes.
Ron: And she was sort of drinking...
Diego: ...Drinking what? *still hasn't looked back*
Ron: ...Not alcohol! *huffs* It was a macchiato! I know this, because we were chatting on the phone with each other until the accident.
Diego: *whistles, long and low* Wow. That's a good combination. At least you knew when the wreck happened, though. Lucky for her you were on the line.
Ron: *changing to a happy tune* Yes! She can do all that while driving. Isn't she amazing?
Diego: *looks back over his shoulder* Ron. You know you can't let her do that again.
Ron: ...*disappointed* Y-yeah, you're...you're right. I wouldn't want her to get into another accident...
Diego: As the man it is your responsibility to make sure she is safe. Never forget that. *turns back to the direction he's walking* That's a pretty good story. Mine isn't that exciting, really.
Ron: You know, Diego, you're past the age of 40. You should really think about getting married!
Diego: *staggers again, this time without tripping* What in the fiery depths of Hell brings that up?
Ron: *blinks* Weren't we just talking about Dessie?
Diego: Yes, but what does that have to do with my lack of a love life?
Ron: *not understanding* I...I have a wife and you don't??
Diego: *slowly and deliberately takes out his thermos, uncaps it, takes a swallow of coffee, re-caps the thermos, and puts it back into his jacket* Ron, sometimes that's the way it's meant to be.
Ron: *laughs, just laughs*
Diego: *keeps walking, waiting for the laughter to subside*
Ron: *stops* --Wait, you weren't kidding?!
Diego: *looks over his shoulder, but not directly at Ron* If Desiree had died, what would you have done?
Ron: *blinks twice* I--I don't know... *furrows his brows as he ponders* My life, as it is, would be over...
Diego: Take your time thinking it over. What would you do after?
Ron: Well, if I were there, at the crash site... *thinks -- then, balling his hands into fists* ...I would have thrown myself into traffiiiiiiic!
Diego: *looks up as birds flee from trees overhead* Right. Now, suppose by some miracle you survived, perhaps rescued by some kind benefactor. Do you think you could ever be with another person, after Desiree?
Ron: ...Um. I don't know. *glancing off to the side* I never really thought that far. But I'd be a broken man!! How could I ever be with anyone-- ...oh.
Diego: *looks back and grins, slowing down so Ron is in step with him* The hurt of it goes away after a while, but I've never really felt the need to be with another woman. I think it would be a product of boredom, or maybe childlike infatuation. *pats Ron on the shoulder* Some of us are just meant to sleep alone.
Ron: *looking straight ahead, understanding* I get it... You must be used to it by now. It's been years and years since you last slept beside someone!
Diego: *lowers his hand* That's not strictly true.
Ron: *smiling up at Diego* So, when do you think Mr. Wright and Edgeworth will get married?
Diego: *takes out his coffee, unscrews the cap, sips - and spits it out in a fine spray*
Ron: *a bit stunned* D-did I say something wrong?!
Diego: Not at all. *replaces the coffee as if nothing happened* Why? Do you think they're planning on it?
Ron: *ponders* Mr. Wright hasn't said a word about his love life since he broke up with Miss Iris...and Edgeworth is single again now, too. They could both use girlfriends to cheer them up, I think.
Diego: *rubs at his jaw, feigning deep thought* Well, Wright hasn't spoken to Iris in about three years now... Might be gay. You think he's gay?
Ron: *eyes widen* What?? Mr. Wright is gay?
Diego: *looks at Ron for a second, realizing he misunderstood in the first place but thinking to recover anyway* Might be. Edgeworth too, considering his luck with women...
Ron: *not nearly as surprised* Edgeworth, too?
Diego: *shrugs, not hiding his smirk* Who's to say what truth lurks in a man's heart? All I know is that one of them hasn't tried to get close to a woman in years, while hovering around one of the most openly gay men I know, and the other is Edgeworth. *grins* You know Wright became a lawyer just to see him again?
Ron: Really? *excited, wanting to know more* I never knew that!
Diego: You bet. It's a long story, but I know most of it from looking at his trial records.
Ron: Oh! I'll look into those. *looking off into the distance* Wow...You might be onto something, Diego. You really might be onto something.
Diego: *his grin keeps widening, until it's not so much a grin as the mockery of one, a Grinch's expression* Want to try to set them up?
Ron: *Ron's grin, however, is one of happiness and eagerness to help his fellow men* Yeah! It could lead to something great!
Diego: I think you're right. *resumes a normal expression as he begins to walk faster* Pick up the pace, we're going to need to hurry if you want to get to your car before dark. That bear might still be around, nursing a headache and a grudge.
Ron: Oh no! *starts to walk a little faster as well; he surpasses Diego by a few steps* Um, okay...If the bear's still there, you wrestle him, and I'll run him over with my car.
Diego: ...Can do. Just make sure not to hit me too.
Ron: I'll try not to! Just don't get in the waaaay! *scuttles on ahead, nearly tripping over a tree root*
Diego: *follows after him, musing to himself over how well a sour conversation can turn out*
Ron: *it's quiet up there -- quiet enough to hear the sounds of something scuffling, approaching. It's hard to pinpoint where it's coming from exactly, but it's definitely rhythmic enough for it to be something living*
Diego: *his hackles rise and he looks around, suddenly tense: he is not a man given to flights of fancy, but his fight or flight instinct is pretty well-honed around wild animals, and whatever he hears is big enough to be very dangerous. But where is it coming from?*
Ron: *a few seconds later, a pair of dainty hands grab onto the edge of the cliff from below, and Ron DeLite pulls himself up. He's out of breath and exhausted. Once he's fully climbed over the edge, he sits on the ground and wipes the sweat off his face with his arm, panting*
Diego: *pauses, staring for a beat as the younger man comes up over the edge* ....Hey, Ron?
Ron: Haah... haah... haa-- huh? *looks up, smiles* Oh-- Hi, Diego! How are you doing today?
Diego: Just fine. ...I didn't know you were a rock climber.
Ron: I-I'm not a rock climber! The only thing I've climbed is buildings... *turns around to peek over the edge* Aaah! *recoils immediately, scooting away in fear*
Diego: *walks over to the edge and leans, not intimidated by the height, but unable to see to the bottom of the cliff with his poor vision* What's the matter?
Ron: *trembling* Th-that BEAR is still there!
Diego: *pauses, looking at Ron* Didn't just settle for climbing up a tree, huh? *completely removed from the danger of being attacked by the bear by virtue of the cliff face, he reaches over with his foot and nudges a rock about the size of his shoe off the edge*
Ron: *four seconds later, a soft thump followed by a thud resonates throughout the vicinity*
Diego: ....Didn't think that would work. Dumber than the average bear. *steps back from the edge, reaching into his jacket to pull out a bottle of water and hand it to Ron* What are you doing this far out, anyway?
Ron: *crossing his legs, he takes the bottle and uncaps it, reaching into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief* I came here for some exercise. I heard this area is great for this sort of thing! *begins wiping the mouth of the bottle* Exercise is good for your teeth and nails, you know?
Diego: *doesn't, but decides not to say so as he crouches next to Ron, pulling a thermos of coffee out of his jacket, uncapping it, and taking a swig* Good for your nails?
Ron: *begins to clean the inside of the bottle mouth; he frowns a bit* Yeah, but I kind of ruined mine on my way up here....
Diego: Look like. I should start calling you the Gecko, if you managed to climb as fast as it looks like. *another swig, licking his upper lip as he lowers the thermos* How did you get out here? The bus?
Ron: Oh, no no no... I drove. I don't take the bus. *thoroughly cleaning* There's too many dangerous people in those! Drug addicts, alcoholics, Mormons -- all kinds of people!
Diego: Mmhmm. *sips* Well, do you want to work your way back to your car? I know a path, but it will take a couple of hours to get to the bottom of this cliff.
Ron: *finally takes a few gulps of water, then begins to wipe the bottle again* Oh, sure. It's been a while since we've gone hiking, hasn't it?
Diego: Long time indeed. If I had known that Yogi was going to be chasing you this way I would have brought some lemonade.
Ron: *caps the bottle and hands it back to Diego* Bears like lemonade??
Diego: I think Yogi did. *puts the bottle back in his jacket* Let me know when you're ready to go.
Ron: *gets on his feet and dusts off his hands* What did you come up here to do?
Diego: *stands up, taking another swig of coffee before screwing the cap back on and putting it in his jacket* I'm just here for a hike, to clear my head a bit. Got interrupted during my last one by that snowstorm.
Ron: That snowstorm was something! I knew it was going to snow, but who knew it would snow THAT much? Er, well, asides from the meteorologists... and I guess they did try to warn us about it... I hope it didn't cause you too much trouble!
Diego: *waves his hand dismissively* It was nothing. Fun evening, really. What did you end up doing?
Ron: *smiles!* Oh, it was pretty fun for me, too!
Diego: Tell me about it while we walk. *heads off down the trail, roughly in the direction he had been going before*
Ron: Yeah, I...... *takes a few steps, then realizes* --No! No, it wasn't fun! It was awful!!
Diego: *sticks his hands in his pockets as he walks, unsurprised* Really now? *looks over his shoulder and grins* Regale me with your harrowing tale.
Ron: Dessie got into a car accident on her way home from work. I don't know how it happened. She's an excellent driver... *looks down at his shoes as he walks*
Diego: *knowing the answer* Is she all right?
Ron: Oh, she's fine. She was even smiling when I got to the scene on her bike! *sighs with admiration* She's the greatest, isn't she?
Diego: *trips over a root, stumbling, but recovering quickly* You rode her bike? By yourself?
Ron: *looks up at Diego, timid* Is...is that bad?
Diego: No. No, I don't think so. I just didn't know you knew how to ride. *doesn't add "without dying" but only after a concentrated effort*
Ron: Dessie tried to teach me a few times...but never in the snow. *cocks his head* But it wasn't too bad. I figured, if I fell, the snow would cushion me.
Diego: Makes sense. Where did she crash?
Ron: At the highway exit. Right into a drainage ditch. Boy, let me tell you, I was so glad she was safe... *frowns* If something had happened to her, I--I don't know what I'd do. *mumbles* Probably would've let go as soon as I reached the top of this cliff...
Diego: Snow can get the best of us under the best condition. *grins* Never would have happened otherwise, right? I didn't think it was even possible for your wife to crash.
Ron: *raises his voice* I didn't think it was possible, either! It was the snow's fault entirely!
Diego: *blinks behind his mask, stopping and turning to stare at Ron openly*
Ron: *freezes* ...Wh-what?
Diego: *looks off to the side* How is it we've known each other as long as we have and you're still such an awful liar?
Ron: *after a few beats, he looks down with shame* I-I'm sorry. I guess I'm just no good...
Diego: You would think I would have rubbed off on you by now. Come on. *turns and keeps walking* Now tell me what really happened. Must be a good story.
Ron: W-well. *begins to walk again* She was sort of speeding...
Diego: That goes without saying.
Ron: And she was sort of eating...
Diego: ...We all do that sometimes.
Ron: And she was sort of drinking...
Diego: ...Drinking what? *still hasn't looked back*
Ron: ...Not alcohol! *huffs* It was a macchiato! I know this, because we were chatting on the phone with each other until the accident.
Diego: *whistles, long and low* Wow. That's a good combination. At least you knew when the wreck happened, though. Lucky for her you were on the line.
Ron: *changing to a happy tune* Yes! She can do all that while driving. Isn't she amazing?
Diego: *looks back over his shoulder* Ron. You know you can't let her do that again.
Ron: ...*disappointed* Y-yeah, you're...you're right. I wouldn't want her to get into another accident...
Diego: As the man it is your responsibility to make sure she is safe. Never forget that. *turns back to the direction he's walking* That's a pretty good story. Mine isn't that exciting, really.
Ron: You know, Diego, you're past the age of 40. You should really think about getting married!
Diego: *staggers again, this time without tripping* What in the fiery depths of Hell brings that up?
Ron: *blinks* Weren't we just talking about Dessie?
Diego: Yes, but what does that have to do with my lack of a love life?
Ron: *not understanding* I...I have a wife and you don't??
Diego: *slowly and deliberately takes out his thermos, uncaps it, takes a swallow of coffee, re-caps the thermos, and puts it back into his jacket* Ron, sometimes that's the way it's meant to be.
Ron: *laughs, just laughs*
Diego: *keeps walking, waiting for the laughter to subside*
Ron: *stops* --Wait, you weren't kidding?!
Diego: *looks over his shoulder, but not directly at Ron* If Desiree had died, what would you have done?
Ron: *blinks twice* I--I don't know... *furrows his brows as he ponders* My life, as it is, would be over...
Diego: Take your time thinking it over. What would you do after?
Ron: Well, if I were there, at the crash site... *thinks -- then, balling his hands into fists* ...I would have thrown myself into traffiiiiiiic!
Diego: *looks up as birds flee from trees overhead* Right. Now, suppose by some miracle you survived, perhaps rescued by some kind benefactor. Do you think you could ever be with another person, after Desiree?
Ron: ...Um. I don't know. *glancing off to the side* I never really thought that far. But I'd be a broken man!! How could I ever be with anyone-- ...oh.
Diego: *looks back and grins, slowing down so Ron is in step with him* The hurt of it goes away after a while, but I've never really felt the need to be with another woman. I think it would be a product of boredom, or maybe childlike infatuation. *pats Ron on the shoulder* Some of us are just meant to sleep alone.
Ron: *looking straight ahead, understanding* I get it... You must be used to it by now. It's been years and years since you last slept beside someone!
Diego: *lowers his hand* That's not strictly true.
Ron: *smiling up at Diego* So, when do you think Mr. Wright and Edgeworth will get married?
Diego: *takes out his coffee, unscrews the cap, sips - and spits it out in a fine spray*
Ron: *a bit stunned* D-did I say something wrong?!
Diego: Not at all. *replaces the coffee as if nothing happened* Why? Do you think they're planning on it?
Ron: *ponders* Mr. Wright hasn't said a word about his love life since he broke up with Miss Iris...and Edgeworth is single again now, too. They could both use girlfriends to cheer them up, I think.
Diego: *rubs at his jaw, feigning deep thought* Well, Wright hasn't spoken to Iris in about three years now... Might be gay. You think he's gay?
Ron: *eyes widen* What?? Mr. Wright is gay?
Diego: *looks at Ron for a second, realizing he misunderstood in the first place but thinking to recover anyway* Might be. Edgeworth too, considering his luck with women...
Ron: *not nearly as surprised* Edgeworth, too?
Diego: *shrugs, not hiding his smirk* Who's to say what truth lurks in a man's heart? All I know is that one of them hasn't tried to get close to a woman in years, while hovering around one of the most openly gay men I know, and the other is Edgeworth. *grins* You know Wright became a lawyer just to see him again?
Ron: Really? *excited, wanting to know more* I never knew that!
Diego: You bet. It's a long story, but I know most of it from looking at his trial records.
Ron: Oh! I'll look into those. *looking off into the distance* Wow...You might be onto something, Diego. You really might be onto something.
Diego: *his grin keeps widening, until it's not so much a grin as the mockery of one, a Grinch's expression* Want to try to set them up?
Ron: *Ron's grin, however, is one of happiness and eagerness to help his fellow men* Yeah! It could lead to something great!
Diego: I think you're right. *resumes a normal expression as he begins to walk faster* Pick up the pace, we're going to need to hurry if you want to get to your car before dark. That bear might still be around, nursing a headache and a grudge.
Ron: Oh no! *starts to walk a little faster as well; he surpasses Diego by a few steps* Um, okay...If the bear's still there, you wrestle him, and I'll run him over with my car.
Diego: ...Can do. Just make sure not to hit me too.
Ron: I'll try not to! Just don't get in the waaaay! *scuttles on ahead, nearly tripping over a tree root*
Diego: *follows after him, musing to himself over how well a sour conversation can turn out*