(Untitled)

[frailing]

The old me would have resented the new me. At one time I would have hated any person who was unable to gain weight, would have been angry and jealous. But it is not the same in here, you can only crave sickness when you do not have it; at least that has been the case for me. I feel sickly and aged, a crust of a body. I am thinner than all my

Comments

[notacrnflkgirl]

You have a beautiful brain. It's tucked among the disordered one, but it's apparent.

[frailing]

So do you. I'm so sorry to hear that your insurance is fucking you up. I so want for you to be well, and I hate that it's so difficult to find a good therapist, let alone one you can afford.

[tidal21]

You know what? You are beautiful. And you have the right to look the way you look--at whatever weight--and be proud of your appearance. The only thing that matters is that you are putting enough healthy, nutritious food into your body so that you are able to sustain yourself and the life you want to live.

[frailing]

I always look forward to your comments, because they are filled with kindness and gentleness. Thank you as always, for being such a wonderful person. I think you are so beautiful. *hugs*

[tidal21]

*hugs* Anytime, hun. I think you are a fantastic person. <3

[frailing]

That's what I've been doing, too. It's good advice. I'm putting more condiments on things, adding real sugar to my drinks. This makes me feel less full - fullness/bloatedness is a humongous trigger for me. The part that agitates me is that my parents don't pay for my groceries, so I am reluctant to spend a lot of money on food (if I spend less on food, I have more spending money).

My therapist has really pushed for a nutritionist, but my mother isn't going to pay for it (she thinks it's pointless), and I am inclined to agree. I can do a Google search and find nutritious meals. I don't need to pay someone to tell me how to eat - all I need is the impetus to implement better eating habits.

I have faith in you, too. You're moving forward, slowly, sometimes a step back in one direction, but you keep going - and that is something that you deserve to be praised for every day. You are so strong. ♥

[frailing]

I am using whole milk and putting real butter on my english muffins, but I still tend to measure things out and keep the proportions small. My biggest challenge right now is allowing me to let go of some control - letting it be okay that I don't have to measure out quantities precisely. I don't know whether I'll ever be an intuitive eater, but I know I can at least reduce my anxiety bit by bit.

I would be interested in trying out a nutritionist, but I don't have the money to pay for it. If I were more sure it would be helpful, I would invest money, but I'm too uncertain. My therapist is also pushing for me to join an ED support group(s) where I was in treatment during the fall, but I'm afraid those groups cost money too. :\ I hate that everything costs money.

*hugs*