I lived with an older woman when I first moved to Pasadena, well up there in her years. She lived alone in her rambling house, (hence why I lived there too), and when I was at work all day, she had no one to talk to. Nothing to stimulate her mind, and could only focus on those things around her. It was sad, and she slid into dementia herself.
First it was the wallpaper, she insisted that the wallpaper had been changed, (though it was quite clear that this stuff hadn't been changed in thirty years). She wouldn't remember how to use her TV or cable. Minor things. It was hard, but I would be patient and remind her of what I could. She always remembered me, though. That was the one constant I think, her touchstone.
Really what helped was getting her out of her house and into something more active, something that stimulated her brain. That helped a great deal. And as she got out more, she got less and less confused. But we sort of had to force her to do it.
My grandmother is getting to the same place as Mrs. PNOG, and it's only getting harder. She continuely calls my youngest niece by the wrong name (Cynthia, when her name is Gretchen, and there is no Cynthia in our family), she's forgetting her medicine, what she did they day before, etc. It's heartbreaking.
I've read in several different places that the best thing (and kindest thing!) you can do for someone who has dementia when it comes to dealing with forgetting deaths of loved ones is to NOT keep reminding them about the deaths, because it's like experiencing the initial shock and grief every single time. This might not work for someone with mild dementia, but for someone with severe dementia it's better to not tell the absolute truth, but instead to say something like, "Oh, he's not here right now, but you'll see him again soon"If I were you I would remove the memorial card, and just see if it makes any difference. If she doesn't ask about it, and seems to deal with the loss better, so be it. If she asks about it, you could ask
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My grandmother had age-related dementia. All I can suggest is that you look into whatever support and resources are available in your area and take advantage of them and don't try to do everything yourself.
HtB, while not a doctor, sees dementia patients often as a chaplain, so I asked him what he could suggest. He says to spend as much time as you can with the doctor and ask lots of questions: Is it Alzheimer's or generalized dementia, could it be related to a medicine she's on, could it be related to past or present alcohol use (I don't know if she drinks or used to, but it can be a factor), what's the prognosis, what stage is it at, etc. He recommends alz.org, the Alzheimer's Association website, which has a lot of good information and should have links to a support group in your area
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I lived with an older woman when I first moved to Pasadena, well up there in her years. She lived alone in her rambling house, (hence why I lived there too), and when I was at work all day, she had no one to talk to. Nothing to stimulate her mind, and could only focus on those things around her. It was sad, and she slid into dementia herself.
First it was the wallpaper, she insisted that the wallpaper had been changed, (though it was quite clear that this stuff hadn't been changed in thirty years). She wouldn't remember how to use her TV or cable. Minor things. It was hard, but I would be patient and remind her of what I could. She always remembered me, though. That was the one constant I think, her touchstone.
Really what helped was getting her out of her house and into something more active, something that stimulated her brain. That helped a great deal. And as she got out more, she got less and less confused. But we sort of had to force her to do it.
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I've read in several different places that the best thing (and kindest thing!) you can do for someone who has dementia when it comes to dealing with forgetting deaths of loved ones is to NOT keep reminding them about the deaths, because it's like experiencing the initial shock and grief every single time. This might not work for someone with mild dementia, but for someone with severe dementia it's better to not tell the absolute truth, but instead to say something like, "Oh, he's not here right now, but you'll see him again soon"If I were you I would remove the memorial card, and just see if it makes any difference. If she doesn't ask about it, and seems to deal with the loss better, so be it. If she asks about it, you could ask ( ... )
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I don't have a lot of advice (or, as it turns out, any) but I do have hugs!
*HUGS*
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