(no subject)
i think the point is my ability to write the following pararaph, more so than anyone actually reading it. this screen is all fucked up today. tried to update earlier, to no avail. have tried about 56 times to send email attachments of an important thing to an important person to no avail. tried to send from a different email program, thinking maybe the cause was aol. this required me to log into something, and thus a password - failure therefore imminent (sp). looked over each one of 120 pages of notes to find password i put into this computer when we bought it and set it up.found it. too many characters to be the one they want. tried every password i know. to no avail. remembered suddenly that boss came in taht day and typed in a new password. don't know ot. he won't either. theresore, only ever aol for email on this machine. therefore, no attachment. that took several hours. to accomplish nothing. and this after numerous other problems and issues earlier in the day; things not working after this and that attempt and trial and error until something kind of worked and then the guy with the original problem called and said chipperly never mind, he'd fixed it himself. hahaha.
can i die yet? can i break something just to remember what it's like to have agency over the physical world instead of every dram of my day's energy bottlenecking up into livid frustration? and then fear because the people in charge still - and rightly, sure, bcs they're in a similar spot - expect results? will i fall into blissful nonconsciousness if i am squeezed hard enough between I Have To and Its Not Possible?
can i die yet? can i break something just to remember what it's like to have agency over the physical world instead of every dram of my day's energy bottlenecking up into livid frustration? and then fear because the people in charge still - and rightly, sure, bcs they're in a similar spot - expect results? will i fall into blissful nonconsciousness if i am squeezed hard enough between I Have To and Its Not Possible?