Fic: Forgive us these trespasses for lozenger8
For:lozenger8
Title:Forgive us these trespasses.
Author: monroe_nell
Rating:PG-13
Pairing:Benny/Vecchio
Warnings:The ending would cause it to go AU. Some comments may be construed as blasphemous. Possibly.
Disclaimer:If I owned Due South, it sure as hell wouldn't be Benny/vecchio. It would be me/Benny. Just saying.
Author's Notes: Set before Juliet is bleeding, so no dead!Gardino (only mentioned once, but still). I apoligize for this being late, but the beta'ing, it was important.
word count: 2777 words
Summary: Benny and Vecchio talk. (okay, so summaries are not my strong suit).
Betas: visionshadows, vienna_waits and jenoofer
Wanted: Colour used prominently, it having some importance. Dialogue/banter. Something about the Buick.
Ray stared at the flowers Benny had in his arms. “Do I even want to know where you got all those flowers?”
“Francesca got them for me. I believe she finally got the hint that I'm not interested in her; although, I believe she went a bit 'overboard.'”
Ray thunked his head against the steering wheel of the Riv. How could Benny be so naïve? “Benny, those are roses. Roses mean love.”
“Well, no. Yes, most people attribute roses to love. However, that is only true of red roses. These are yellow roses, and they signify everlasting friendship. Red roses are the ones that signify love.”
“I'm telling you, she only chose those roses because they are cheaper than the red roses.”
“No, I'm quite sure your sister has figured out that I only have the intention of friendship towards her.”
“The last time you said that, Frannie showed up in your room in a pseudo-dominatrix outfit.” And hadn't that been a surprise. He couldn't believe his sister would go that far, especially since Benny had been hurt. It was as if Frannie only ever made a serious play for Benny when she knew he couldn't do anything.
Benny's ears turned red, and spoke with a determined air. “If you would allow yourself to trust your family than Francesca wouldn't be hitting on me. “
“I told you before, Benny. My family wouldn't accept it. It's a sin.”
“It's a sin or they think it's a sin? If it is the former, than I don't think we should continue our relationship. What we do, what we have is nothing to be ashamed of. If it is the latter, you could at least attempt to sound out your sisters before saying you are, that we are. There are several officers of the law who are 'out'. You can mention them and see how your family reacts.”
“Benny, I'm not telling my family. End of story. Stop trying to make me tell them.” Ray punched the steering wheel of the car. Benny just didn’t get it sometimes. He was the head of the family, and he had responsibilities to the family and none of them included him being gay. It just wasn't done.
“Benny, look, can we talk about something else? Like, how did you know what the colors of the flowers meant?”
Ray looked away when he noticed Benny looking at him. He knew that they needed to have this conversation. He knew that this was important to Benny, but he just couldn't talk about it. It was too close to him. It was too fragile, too important.
“Color has meaning. Different cultures assign different meanings to the various colors, but each color has meaning. In Western culture, black signifies mourning. In Eastern culture, white is the color of mourning, and some tribes in Africa will say red is mourning. White in western culture is purity. Red commonly takes the meaning of passion, of love, but the Catholic Church considers red to be the sign of a martyr. For the blood they shed.” He paused to take a breath.
“Now, flowers themselves have a history of being used to portray languages. The Victorians had an elaborate system wherein they communicated with the flowers what they could not speak. Ivy meant fidelity, the Iris mean a message was being sent, and the lilac meant first stirrings of love. Depending on the color of types of roses, many messages could be sent also. White meant purity, red meant love and blue meant mystery. If someone were to send a bouquet of flowers with white and red roses, it would mean a pure love.”
It was obvious to Ray that Benny really didn't want to talk about flowers. He was just glad that it seemed as if Benny didn't know an Inuit tale to go with their situation. He really didn't want to talk about the status of their relationship.
“And you expect my sister to know this? Benny, all my sister would think would be roses, maybe Benny would like a more modern woman. One who doesn't wait for the guy to go courting but for the woman to do the courting.”
“Why would you think that, Ray?”
“I heard her when she was in the bathroom this morning.”
“You eavesdropped on your sister?”
“No, I accidentally overheard her.”
Benny smiled at Ray, tilted his head back and giggled. Ray smiled at Benny and relaxed. As long as they could laugh, it couldn't be that bad.
++++
“Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.”
Ray frowned as he heard the beginning of the Lord's Prayer repeated again. He had been hearing it being repeated before; at least, he had thought he had. Just - the only time he heard the Lord's Prayer was when his mother was doing the rosary. First the Apostle’s Creed, followed by an Our Father, then three Hail Mary's. From there, it was a Glory be, an Our father, ten Hail Mary's and then another Glory be. He wanted it to stop, but he was too tired to actually say so. He tried to drift back to sleep.
“Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name....” Okay, so he wasn't hearing things. Someone really was repeating the Lord's Prayer many times. If he didn't know better, he would say it was Benny, but Benny wasn't Catholic. He was just easy to persuade to sing in the choir. Wherever he was, Benny had most likely visited and his mother had said the prayer and he’d just confused the two.
Yet, it really did sound like Benny. There was only one way to really tell.
He shifted on the bed and blinked his eyes open.
“Benny, where did you learn that? You aren’t Catholic. Why the hell are you saying it? And where the fuck am I?”
“No need to be testy, Ray. I may not be Catholic, but after meeting your family I decided it would be prudent to learn more about your culture. As most people know, religion is an aspect of culture.”
“I didn't know that,” Ray said sullenly.
Benny smiled and cocked his head to the side. “If I may continue?”
“Go on,” Ray said as he tried to wave his arm. He winced as he felt the pull of the skin.
“You should avoid moving your arms, Ray.”
“I think I just realized that.”
“As I was saying before, since I knew your religion was very important to your mother, and I would assume to you and the rest of your relatives, I decided to learn about it. Catholicism is a very interesting religion that has an extraordinarily high amount of derivatives from 'pagan' religions.”
Ray stared at Benny in disbelief. “Pagan religions? Are you- No. I'm not going to ask. All it ever does is drive me crazy. Can you answer the other questions before you make me sign myself into the crazy ward?”
“Why certainly. I was reciting the Lord's prayer because your mother once said she used to soothe you with it.”
“Soothe me? The damn thing puts me to sleep. She always said it in a monotone unless one of us did something. Then she used to ask God where she went wrong and why she raised children who turned out to be heathen savages destined for hell. Normally whenever Francesca came up with a new scheme to get you into her bed.”
“Oh dear,” Benny said as he rubbed his eyebrow and cracked his neck. Ray laughed. All he ever had to do to make Benny uncomfortable was mention his younger sister.
“You never answered my question. Where are we?”
“Ah, do you remember anything about what happened?”
“If I remembered, I wouldn't be asking you where we were.”
“You have a valid point.” Benny fidgeted and stopped his hand from going towards his eyebrow twice in rapid succession.
“Well, you see, we were in your car having a heated dialogue.”
“A heated dialogue? Why can't you just say we were arguing like normal people do? Why do you always have to sound so proper?”
“Yes Ray, just like that. If I may continue? We were arguing over something trivial when we received word from the lieutenant that one of your tale-tellers had been killed.”
“Snitches Benny, they are called snitches.”
“Understood. As I was saying, one of your snitches had been murdered. We went to the scene of the crime only to find that it had been a set-up. The miscreants started to shoot at us, and one of the bullets sparked off some gas fumes. It appears that the building they had selected was also used as a 'chop-shop' and the oil had soaked into the wood. Well, we got out of the building before it exploded, but you hit your head when you landed. You also were hit with a significant amount of shrapnel.”
“That doesn't explain where we are.”
“I was just getting to that, Ray.”
“Oh, you’re getting snippy, Benny,” Ray said with a smirk.
“As I was saying before I was interrupted, we are in a safe house the Leftenant arranged for us.”
“How long do we have to stay in here?”
“Only for another day or so. Detectives Huey and Gardino are working on the case and are only waiting for the search warrants.”
“There's something you aren't telling me, Benny. Spill.”
“Your car, it's...”
“You destroyed my car again, didn't you? Dammit, you weren't even driving it. I swear, you touch my car and it gets wounded.”
“Now Ray, there is no need for hyperbole. Your car is mostly fine.”
“Mostly fine? What the hell do you mean mostly fine? Is mostly fine like when you have three broken ribs and you say you’re only slightly hurt?”
“It only needs to have some dents banged out.”
“Detailed, Benny. It's called detailing.”
“Understood.”
“What's wrong with me anyway? You said not to move my arms, and my head hurts like a motherfucker.”
“Language, Ray. You hit your head, and suffered from a concussion. The shrapnel hit your left upper arm and your right elbow. Both spots needed stitches. Otherwise, you were mostly fine besides the fact that you weren't fully regaining consciousness.”
Ray looked at Benny. It had sounded like his voice had nearly broken, and Benny was nothing if not in control of himself. Hell, the guy looked like he had been pulled through the wringer. He tried to think of something not serious to talk about, and he really did want to know why they had been arguing so it had to be worth a shot, right?
“Hey, what were we arguing about anyway? In the car, that is?”
“I wanted to tell Francesca about us so she would stop hitting on me. You said that you couldn't tell her because it was a sin. I said it was not a sin and that it was a perfectly valid life path.”
Ray frowned, he didn't remember any of this, but it was a serious argument. Damn. He had shot himself in the foot again, metaphorically anyway.
“It's not that I think it's a sin. It’s that she would think it's a sin. If I thought it were a sin, I wouldn't be involved with you.”
“I think you don't give your family the credit that they deserve.”
“Benny, I would think you could trust me to know my family better than you would.”
“And I would think you would trust your family more than this,” Benny said as he ran his hand through his hair. “I'm going to check on the soup. Do you need to use the facilities or a book to read?”
“The fac- jeezus, why can't you say bathroom like everything else? I'm fine anyway,” Ray said, knowing it would be the only way to get Benny out of the room so he could find the bathroom on his own. He lo-liked Benny, but he had a habit of acting like, well, his Ma whenever someone he cared about got sick or injured. And considering the things Benny could talk him into, he got tag-team motherhenned a lot.
He sat up quickly and the room began to spin wildly. He lay back down carefully, hoping to stop the spinning. It looked like this may be more difficult than it had seemed, but no way in hell was he going to allow Benny to help him into the bathroom.
This time he sat up carefully, swung his legs over the side of the bed and managed to stand up. Holding on to the mattress of the bed, he reached for the wall and slowly walked out of the room. His head was throbbing in tune to his steps, but he was walking. Now if only he knew where the bathroom was actually located.
He opened and shut several doors while walking down the hallway, noticing with each step that the hallway was getting longer. Fuck, he hated when he had a head injury. It threw him off, and that could be dangerous, especially when he had make sure Benny didn't go and kill himself. Seriously, who the fuck wears bright red to go and solve crimes where people had guns?
“The color of the uniform was chosen so that the natives would associate the military force with the British rather than the blue of the Americans.”
Ray jumped slightly before slowly turning. “Benny, you really need to stop coming out of nowhere like that. And hell, I didn't even know I said that out loud.”
“What do you mean? The soup isn't quite done. The bathroom is the next door down on the right hand side. Do you need help to get there?”
“I'm fine, Benny. Why don't you go back to checking on the soup?” Ray turned back around and walked towards the bathroom, muttering all the while about over-protective partners.
Benny rolled his shoulders, and went to dish out two bowls of soup. By the time he reached the bedroom, Ray was nearly halfway down the hall, heading back towards the room.
Benny waited for Ray at the door and allowed him to enter first. When Ray was seated back on the bed, he gave him one of the bowls and sat back in the wooden chair that sat next to the bed.
“Detective Huey called and said that they had the evidence needed. We can leave tomorrow. Another good nights rest should clear up the rest of the dizziness you are suffering from,” Benny paused to sip some of the soup. He needed to gather his courage to say this next bit. “And then I think we need to talk about our relationship and where it is headed. I won't be your secret. We don't have to tell the world, but we do need to tell your family.”
“Tell my family. You have nothing to lose.”
“Because my family is dead, Ray? If my family were still alive, I would tell them about you. Dad wouldn't have really cared beyond the lack of grandchildren. I assume Mum would only care that no one was good enough for me. My grandparents - I cannot speak for them. They were too alike and too different from me for me to say.”
Benny stopped speaking. It was as if he couldn't speak anymore. He needed Ray, but he couldn't keep hiding himself from Ray's family. At the least, Frannie would stop throwing herself at him. She made him uncomfortable. She was too much like Ray, but not enough like Ray for him to settle for her.
“Look, Benny, I don't want to talk about this right now. My head hurts and I just want to go to sleep.” Ray placed the empty bowl on the table and slipped under the covers. He turned down the left side covers, knowing Benny preferred the left, and attempted to go to sleep.
Just as he was starting to drift off, he felt the bed shift, and then an arm curled around him to rest on his chest.
Fuck, Benny was always there for him. He would just take whatever he gave him, and not think he deserved any better. If he had Frannie and Maria sworn to secrecy, then he could tell them. Maybe it would work out. He hated making Benny feel as if he wasn't worth as much as his family. Hell, Benny was his family.
“I'll talk to Frannie and Maria next week. If they don't freak, I'll think about telling Ma,” he said before slipping off into sleep.
Title:Forgive us these trespasses.
Author: monroe_nell
Rating:PG-13
Pairing:Benny/Vecchio
Warnings:The ending would cause it to go AU. Some comments may be construed as blasphemous. Possibly.
Disclaimer:If I owned Due South, it sure as hell wouldn't be Benny/vecchio. It would be me/Benny. Just saying.
Author's Notes: Set before Juliet is bleeding, so no dead!Gardino (only mentioned once, but still). I apoligize for this being late, but the beta'ing, it was important.
word count: 2777 words
Summary: Benny and Vecchio talk. (okay, so summaries are not my strong suit).
Betas: visionshadows, vienna_waits and jenoofer
Wanted: Colour used prominently, it having some importance. Dialogue/banter. Something about the Buick.
Ray stared at the flowers Benny had in his arms. “Do I even want to know where you got all those flowers?”
“Francesca got them for me. I believe she finally got the hint that I'm not interested in her; although, I believe she went a bit 'overboard.'”
Ray thunked his head against the steering wheel of the Riv. How could Benny be so naïve? “Benny, those are roses. Roses mean love.”
“Well, no. Yes, most people attribute roses to love. However, that is only true of red roses. These are yellow roses, and they signify everlasting friendship. Red roses are the ones that signify love.”
“I'm telling you, she only chose those roses because they are cheaper than the red roses.”
“No, I'm quite sure your sister has figured out that I only have the intention of friendship towards her.”
“The last time you said that, Frannie showed up in your room in a pseudo-dominatrix outfit.” And hadn't that been a surprise. He couldn't believe his sister would go that far, especially since Benny had been hurt. It was as if Frannie only ever made a serious play for Benny when she knew he couldn't do anything.
Benny's ears turned red, and spoke with a determined air. “If you would allow yourself to trust your family than Francesca wouldn't be hitting on me. “
“I told you before, Benny. My family wouldn't accept it. It's a sin.”
“It's a sin or they think it's a sin? If it is the former, than I don't think we should continue our relationship. What we do, what we have is nothing to be ashamed of. If it is the latter, you could at least attempt to sound out your sisters before saying you are, that we are. There are several officers of the law who are 'out'. You can mention them and see how your family reacts.”
“Benny, I'm not telling my family. End of story. Stop trying to make me tell them.” Ray punched the steering wheel of the car. Benny just didn’t get it sometimes. He was the head of the family, and he had responsibilities to the family and none of them included him being gay. It just wasn't done.
“Benny, look, can we talk about something else? Like, how did you know what the colors of the flowers meant?”
Ray looked away when he noticed Benny looking at him. He knew that they needed to have this conversation. He knew that this was important to Benny, but he just couldn't talk about it. It was too close to him. It was too fragile, too important.
“Color has meaning. Different cultures assign different meanings to the various colors, but each color has meaning. In Western culture, black signifies mourning. In Eastern culture, white is the color of mourning, and some tribes in Africa will say red is mourning. White in western culture is purity. Red commonly takes the meaning of passion, of love, but the Catholic Church considers red to be the sign of a martyr. For the blood they shed.” He paused to take a breath.
“Now, flowers themselves have a history of being used to portray languages. The Victorians had an elaborate system wherein they communicated with the flowers what they could not speak. Ivy meant fidelity, the Iris mean a message was being sent, and the lilac meant first stirrings of love. Depending on the color of types of roses, many messages could be sent also. White meant purity, red meant love and blue meant mystery. If someone were to send a bouquet of flowers with white and red roses, it would mean a pure love.”
It was obvious to Ray that Benny really didn't want to talk about flowers. He was just glad that it seemed as if Benny didn't know an Inuit tale to go with their situation. He really didn't want to talk about the status of their relationship.
“And you expect my sister to know this? Benny, all my sister would think would be roses, maybe Benny would like a more modern woman. One who doesn't wait for the guy to go courting but for the woman to do the courting.”
“Why would you think that, Ray?”
“I heard her when she was in the bathroom this morning.”
“You eavesdropped on your sister?”
“No, I accidentally overheard her.”
Benny smiled at Ray, tilted his head back and giggled. Ray smiled at Benny and relaxed. As long as they could laugh, it couldn't be that bad.
++++
“Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.”
Ray frowned as he heard the beginning of the Lord's Prayer repeated again. He had been hearing it being repeated before; at least, he had thought he had. Just - the only time he heard the Lord's Prayer was when his mother was doing the rosary. First the Apostle’s Creed, followed by an Our Father, then three Hail Mary's. From there, it was a Glory be, an Our father, ten Hail Mary's and then another Glory be. He wanted it to stop, but he was too tired to actually say so. He tried to drift back to sleep.
“Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name....” Okay, so he wasn't hearing things. Someone really was repeating the Lord's Prayer many times. If he didn't know better, he would say it was Benny, but Benny wasn't Catholic. He was just easy to persuade to sing in the choir. Wherever he was, Benny had most likely visited and his mother had said the prayer and he’d just confused the two.
Yet, it really did sound like Benny. There was only one way to really tell.
He shifted on the bed and blinked his eyes open.
“Benny, where did you learn that? You aren’t Catholic. Why the hell are you saying it? And where the fuck am I?”
“No need to be testy, Ray. I may not be Catholic, but after meeting your family I decided it would be prudent to learn more about your culture. As most people know, religion is an aspect of culture.”
“I didn't know that,” Ray said sullenly.
Benny smiled and cocked his head to the side. “If I may continue?”
“Go on,” Ray said as he tried to wave his arm. He winced as he felt the pull of the skin.
“You should avoid moving your arms, Ray.”
“I think I just realized that.”
“As I was saying before, since I knew your religion was very important to your mother, and I would assume to you and the rest of your relatives, I decided to learn about it. Catholicism is a very interesting religion that has an extraordinarily high amount of derivatives from 'pagan' religions.”
Ray stared at Benny in disbelief. “Pagan religions? Are you- No. I'm not going to ask. All it ever does is drive me crazy. Can you answer the other questions before you make me sign myself into the crazy ward?”
“Why certainly. I was reciting the Lord's prayer because your mother once said she used to soothe you with it.”
“Soothe me? The damn thing puts me to sleep. She always said it in a monotone unless one of us did something. Then she used to ask God where she went wrong and why she raised children who turned out to be heathen savages destined for hell. Normally whenever Francesca came up with a new scheme to get you into her bed.”
“Oh dear,” Benny said as he rubbed his eyebrow and cracked his neck. Ray laughed. All he ever had to do to make Benny uncomfortable was mention his younger sister.
“You never answered my question. Where are we?”
“Ah, do you remember anything about what happened?”
“If I remembered, I wouldn't be asking you where we were.”
“You have a valid point.” Benny fidgeted and stopped his hand from going towards his eyebrow twice in rapid succession.
“Well, you see, we were in your car having a heated dialogue.”
“A heated dialogue? Why can't you just say we were arguing like normal people do? Why do you always have to sound so proper?”
“Yes Ray, just like that. If I may continue? We were arguing over something trivial when we received word from the lieutenant that one of your tale-tellers had been killed.”
“Snitches Benny, they are called snitches.”
“Understood. As I was saying, one of your snitches had been murdered. We went to the scene of the crime only to find that it had been a set-up. The miscreants started to shoot at us, and one of the bullets sparked off some gas fumes. It appears that the building they had selected was also used as a 'chop-shop' and the oil had soaked into the wood. Well, we got out of the building before it exploded, but you hit your head when you landed. You also were hit with a significant amount of shrapnel.”
“That doesn't explain where we are.”
“I was just getting to that, Ray.”
“Oh, you’re getting snippy, Benny,” Ray said with a smirk.
“As I was saying before I was interrupted, we are in a safe house the Leftenant arranged for us.”
“How long do we have to stay in here?”
“Only for another day or so. Detectives Huey and Gardino are working on the case and are only waiting for the search warrants.”
“There's something you aren't telling me, Benny. Spill.”
“Your car, it's...”
“You destroyed my car again, didn't you? Dammit, you weren't even driving it. I swear, you touch my car and it gets wounded.”
“Now Ray, there is no need for hyperbole. Your car is mostly fine.”
“Mostly fine? What the hell do you mean mostly fine? Is mostly fine like when you have three broken ribs and you say you’re only slightly hurt?”
“It only needs to have some dents banged out.”
“Detailed, Benny. It's called detailing.”
“Understood.”
“What's wrong with me anyway? You said not to move my arms, and my head hurts like a motherfucker.”
“Language, Ray. You hit your head, and suffered from a concussion. The shrapnel hit your left upper arm and your right elbow. Both spots needed stitches. Otherwise, you were mostly fine besides the fact that you weren't fully regaining consciousness.”
Ray looked at Benny. It had sounded like his voice had nearly broken, and Benny was nothing if not in control of himself. Hell, the guy looked like he had been pulled through the wringer. He tried to think of something not serious to talk about, and he really did want to know why they had been arguing so it had to be worth a shot, right?
“Hey, what were we arguing about anyway? In the car, that is?”
“I wanted to tell Francesca about us so she would stop hitting on me. You said that you couldn't tell her because it was a sin. I said it was not a sin and that it was a perfectly valid life path.”
Ray frowned, he didn't remember any of this, but it was a serious argument. Damn. He had shot himself in the foot again, metaphorically anyway.
“It's not that I think it's a sin. It’s that she would think it's a sin. If I thought it were a sin, I wouldn't be involved with you.”
“I think you don't give your family the credit that they deserve.”
“Benny, I would think you could trust me to know my family better than you would.”
“And I would think you would trust your family more than this,” Benny said as he ran his hand through his hair. “I'm going to check on the soup. Do you need to use the facilities or a book to read?”
“The fac- jeezus, why can't you say bathroom like everything else? I'm fine anyway,” Ray said, knowing it would be the only way to get Benny out of the room so he could find the bathroom on his own. He lo-liked Benny, but he had a habit of acting like, well, his Ma whenever someone he cared about got sick or injured. And considering the things Benny could talk him into, he got tag-team motherhenned a lot.
He sat up quickly and the room began to spin wildly. He lay back down carefully, hoping to stop the spinning. It looked like this may be more difficult than it had seemed, but no way in hell was he going to allow Benny to help him into the bathroom.
This time he sat up carefully, swung his legs over the side of the bed and managed to stand up. Holding on to the mattress of the bed, he reached for the wall and slowly walked out of the room. His head was throbbing in tune to his steps, but he was walking. Now if only he knew where the bathroom was actually located.
He opened and shut several doors while walking down the hallway, noticing with each step that the hallway was getting longer. Fuck, he hated when he had a head injury. It threw him off, and that could be dangerous, especially when he had make sure Benny didn't go and kill himself. Seriously, who the fuck wears bright red to go and solve crimes where people had guns?
“The color of the uniform was chosen so that the natives would associate the military force with the British rather than the blue of the Americans.”
Ray jumped slightly before slowly turning. “Benny, you really need to stop coming out of nowhere like that. And hell, I didn't even know I said that out loud.”
“What do you mean? The soup isn't quite done. The bathroom is the next door down on the right hand side. Do you need help to get there?”
“I'm fine, Benny. Why don't you go back to checking on the soup?” Ray turned back around and walked towards the bathroom, muttering all the while about over-protective partners.
Benny rolled his shoulders, and went to dish out two bowls of soup. By the time he reached the bedroom, Ray was nearly halfway down the hall, heading back towards the room.
Benny waited for Ray at the door and allowed him to enter first. When Ray was seated back on the bed, he gave him one of the bowls and sat back in the wooden chair that sat next to the bed.
“Detective Huey called and said that they had the evidence needed. We can leave tomorrow. Another good nights rest should clear up the rest of the dizziness you are suffering from,” Benny paused to sip some of the soup. He needed to gather his courage to say this next bit. “And then I think we need to talk about our relationship and where it is headed. I won't be your secret. We don't have to tell the world, but we do need to tell your family.”
“Tell my family. You have nothing to lose.”
“Because my family is dead, Ray? If my family were still alive, I would tell them about you. Dad wouldn't have really cared beyond the lack of grandchildren. I assume Mum would only care that no one was good enough for me. My grandparents - I cannot speak for them. They were too alike and too different from me for me to say.”
Benny stopped speaking. It was as if he couldn't speak anymore. He needed Ray, but he couldn't keep hiding himself from Ray's family. At the least, Frannie would stop throwing herself at him. She made him uncomfortable. She was too much like Ray, but not enough like Ray for him to settle for her.
“Look, Benny, I don't want to talk about this right now. My head hurts and I just want to go to sleep.” Ray placed the empty bowl on the table and slipped under the covers. He turned down the left side covers, knowing Benny preferred the left, and attempted to go to sleep.
Just as he was starting to drift off, he felt the bed shift, and then an arm curled around him to rest on his chest.
Fuck, Benny was always there for him. He would just take whatever he gave him, and not think he deserved any better. If he had Frannie and Maria sworn to secrecy, then he could tell them. Maybe it would work out. He hated making Benny feel as if he wasn't worth as much as his family. Hell, Benny was his family.
“I'll talk to Frannie and Maria next week. If they don't freak, I'll think about telling Ma,” he said before slipping off into sleep.