Light
Yep, still awake. But now, something more lighthearted than my last entry.
Hello everyone, hope you had a good holiday. Fourth of July! The day we won our independence from the iron grip of a tyrant! And a British tyrant too, those are the worst kinds. Ok, ok, maybe German and Russian beats them out. Regardless, I bet you are wondering what really happened all those years ago.
I can already see the puzzled look on your face. "Daniel," you say, "we already know what happened! It's in every history book, after all."
Pshaw. It's a little more complicated than that. They can't delve deep into it, because, well, they need to move the early years along so that you can learn about the Civil War and WWII (which stands for Whoa, a hugeass War:The sequel).
So, what really did happen? It all started on one quiet afternoon in July...
"HARK! WHO DOTH GO THERE! BE THEE FRIEND OR FOE??"
"Whoa, whoa, first of all, its the 18th century now, no one talks like that anymore. Geez, it's like reading a passage from the Bible. And second, it's not even night time."
The guard's face dropped, the sudden realization dawning on him.
"Er, sorry mi'lord, t'was but a mere acc'dent"
The man just sighed and walked past the guard into the dusty interior of the large building. He walked quickly, but still with the air of charge he always carried with him. He was Thomas Jefferson, the Father of our Constitution (the mother was, of course, Anna Nicole Smith), and about to play an even more pivotal role in our nation's history.
"Jefferson! Where have you been?!" the fat, red faced man acknowledged Jefferson as he strode in. The others gathered around the table looked up, raising their eyebrows at the late arrival.
"Er, sorry, Ben, my carriage had a flat. Took forever for the tow-carriage to arrive. Really wish I had sprung for the ONSTAR package instead of the 0% APR financing for 60 months, but what can you do.." Jefferson remarked, grabbing a nearby seat to peruse the document laid across the table.
"Onstar? What?" Ben replied, flabbergasted. His words fell on deaf ears, however. Mainly Beethoven's, but since he isn't really integral to this story, was only about six at this time, and the fact that he was in Germany, it doesn't really matter.
Jefferson studied the document, his brow furrowing. Then he leapt up from his study, rubbing his temples with the tips of his fingers.
"Guys, what is this?? What did you do to my Declaration?"
George Washington stood up, putting in his wooden dentures before speaking. "Well, Tom, there were some revisions that we wanted to include.." He cleared his throat, sitting down again.
"Um, wait, what are you doing here George, shouldn't you be freezing and starving at Valley Forge? Or at least killing hordes of bright-red clad Englishmen who like to march to their doom in perfectly straight lines so its easier to bury them??"
Washington stood up suddenly. "Wow, you're right, I have a major battle important to the history books which someone will write eventually I'm pretty sure! And what's this about Valley Forge?"
"Oh, um, nothing. I'd make sure to have plenty of blankets before next Winter though." Jefferson shrugged. Atlas soon followed, but that, like Beethoven, wasn't important at the time. George just sighed, grabbed his musket, and ran out the door into the street.
Jefferson turned to the others. "Ok, while your revisions are nice, it's not really in the theme of my writing...like, look here for instance." Jefferson pointed to a long paragraph. "I mean, honestly guys, do we really need the line "a ho for all my pimps with a 40 and smoking the blunts yo yo yo? I don't even know what that means!
I think we can just take that right out."
A voice proclaimed his disgust at the recent change of plans. "What's the dizzle? The D-O-double gizzle can't stand this. Peace out my nizzles." With that, Snoop and two puritan bitches walked non-chalantly out of the building.
"Who was that anyway?" Jefferson asked, once the man and two women were out of earshot.
"I'm not sure, but I sure as hell couldn't understand a word he said." Ben replied, wiping sweat from his brow. The other members of the congress nodded.
Revisions and rewritings took up most of the day, but finally, Jefferson and company, including Wheezy, had something they could agree on that was good for the entire country. The Declaration of Independence we all know today.
After many hard hours of work, they stood back, admiring their work. Jefferson faced the others. "Men, what we have here may be the greatest, most important document which I have ever written. The face of the world will soon be changed because of it. Now, who will be the first to sign his approv-" Before he could finish, a brash young man pushed his way to the front, knocking several members down.
"OH, GOD PICK ME PLEASE, OH, MAN, I TOTALLY WANT TO SIGN IT DUDE, I CAN TOTALLY HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING MAN, ITS, LIKE, THE GREATEST ANYTHING EVER, LET ME SIGN PLEASEEEEE." Jefferson restrained the man, who was hopping frantically around the room. "Ok, fine, fine, John, go ahead, geez."
The others soon followed, except for six people who were obviously not team players, and really should have been fired on the spot. Thus, our great nation was born.
Anyways, that's how it happened. Now make sure to tell everyone. And if it gets made into a movie, I get to play Jefferson.
Hello everyone, hope you had a good holiday. Fourth of July! The day we won our independence from the iron grip of a tyrant! And a British tyrant too, those are the worst kinds. Ok, ok, maybe German and Russian beats them out. Regardless, I bet you are wondering what really happened all those years ago.
I can already see the puzzled look on your face. "Daniel," you say, "we already know what happened! It's in every history book, after all."
Pshaw. It's a little more complicated than that. They can't delve deep into it, because, well, they need to move the early years along so that you can learn about the Civil War and WWII (which stands for Whoa, a hugeass War:The sequel).
So, what really did happen? It all started on one quiet afternoon in July...
"HARK! WHO DOTH GO THERE! BE THEE FRIEND OR FOE??"
"Whoa, whoa, first of all, its the 18th century now, no one talks like that anymore. Geez, it's like reading a passage from the Bible. And second, it's not even night time."
The guard's face dropped, the sudden realization dawning on him.
"Er, sorry mi'lord, t'was but a mere acc'dent"
The man just sighed and walked past the guard into the dusty interior of the large building. He walked quickly, but still with the air of charge he always carried with him. He was Thomas Jefferson, the Father of our Constitution (the mother was, of course, Anna Nicole Smith), and about to play an even more pivotal role in our nation's history.
"Jefferson! Where have you been?!" the fat, red faced man acknowledged Jefferson as he strode in. The others gathered around the table looked up, raising their eyebrows at the late arrival.
"Er, sorry, Ben, my carriage had a flat. Took forever for the tow-carriage to arrive. Really wish I had sprung for the ONSTAR package instead of the 0% APR financing for 60 months, but what can you do.." Jefferson remarked, grabbing a nearby seat to peruse the document laid across the table.
"Onstar? What?" Ben replied, flabbergasted. His words fell on deaf ears, however. Mainly Beethoven's, but since he isn't really integral to this story, was only about six at this time, and the fact that he was in Germany, it doesn't really matter.
Jefferson studied the document, his brow furrowing. Then he leapt up from his study, rubbing his temples with the tips of his fingers.
"Guys, what is this?? What did you do to my Declaration?"
George Washington stood up, putting in his wooden dentures before speaking. "Well, Tom, there were some revisions that we wanted to include.." He cleared his throat, sitting down again.
"Um, wait, what are you doing here George, shouldn't you be freezing and starving at Valley Forge? Or at least killing hordes of bright-red clad Englishmen who like to march to their doom in perfectly straight lines so its easier to bury them??"
Washington stood up suddenly. "Wow, you're right, I have a major battle important to the history books which someone will write eventually I'm pretty sure! And what's this about Valley Forge?"
"Oh, um, nothing. I'd make sure to have plenty of blankets before next Winter though." Jefferson shrugged. Atlas soon followed, but that, like Beethoven, wasn't important at the time. George just sighed, grabbed his musket, and ran out the door into the street.
Jefferson turned to the others. "Ok, while your revisions are nice, it's not really in the theme of my writing...like, look here for instance." Jefferson pointed to a long paragraph. "I mean, honestly guys, do we really need the line "a ho for all my pimps with a 40 and smoking the blunts yo yo yo? I don't even know what that means!
I think we can just take that right out."
A voice proclaimed his disgust at the recent change of plans. "What's the dizzle? The D-O-double gizzle can't stand this. Peace out my nizzles." With that, Snoop and two puritan bitches walked non-chalantly out of the building.
"Who was that anyway?" Jefferson asked, once the man and two women were out of earshot.
"I'm not sure, but I sure as hell couldn't understand a word he said." Ben replied, wiping sweat from his brow. The other members of the congress nodded.
Revisions and rewritings took up most of the day, but finally, Jefferson and company, including Wheezy, had something they could agree on that was good for the entire country. The Declaration of Independence we all know today.
After many hard hours of work, they stood back, admiring their work. Jefferson faced the others. "Men, what we have here may be the greatest, most important document which I have ever written. The face of the world will soon be changed because of it. Now, who will be the first to sign his approv-" Before he could finish, a brash young man pushed his way to the front, knocking several members down.
"OH, GOD PICK ME PLEASE, OH, MAN, I TOTALLY WANT TO SIGN IT DUDE, I CAN TOTALLY HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING MAN, ITS, LIKE, THE GREATEST ANYTHING EVER, LET ME SIGN PLEASEEEEE." Jefferson restrained the man, who was hopping frantically around the room. "Ok, fine, fine, John, go ahead, geez."
The others soon followed, except for six people who were obviously not team players, and really should have been fired on the spot. Thus, our great nation was born.
Anyways, that's how it happened. Now make sure to tell everyone. And if it gets made into a movie, I get to play Jefferson.