Why me?!!
[Private post]
It's been a bad week. I can't concentrate. I lose track of things, and when I talk to Lex, I still can't look him in the eyes. I keep making up excuses not to see him. I know I can't put him off much longer. I wish there was something I could say or do. I feel like I betrayed Lex. I should have been able to resist Simone, but I couldn't and now I can't get what happened with her out of my mind. We had sex and I didn't stop her. I watched as she manipulated me into doing to her what I would never willingly do to anyone but Lex.
I feel dirty inside and I don't know how to deal. I tried talking to Chloe about it. I didn't give details, but I told her enough for her to know what happened. She said I should just try to forget what happened and go talk to Lex. She told me to tell Lex because he has a right to know, but I think Lex already knows something is wrong. He's smart and my avoidance of any non-public places with him can't go on much longer. I know I have to say something, but I don't know what to say.
At night I fall asleep and I think about the two times Simone and I had sex. I don't want to think about them, but there they are, invading my mind. I try to think about anything but my betrayal. It's not like I enjoyed it, but I can't stop thinking about it. I hate her for what she did to me, and I didn't even know her. I only know that for some reason, she targeted me, and she forced me to break my vow of fidelity to the man I love. I forsook against my will! I hate this.
I ran into Lex yesterday at the Talon. I could barely look at him. I made up an excuse about having to finish mending a fence for my dad and rushed out of the place. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt ill just seeing the hurt look in his eyes. I wanted to turn around and tell him everything, but I was a coward. I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and seconds later, I was in my loft with my head in my hands and a hollow feeling deep inside.
I can't do this anymore. Maybe it's better if I just end things between us. Lex deserves better than some freak that cheats on him.
It's been a bad week. I can't concentrate. I lose track of things, and when I talk to Lex, I still can't look him in the eyes. I keep making up excuses not to see him. I know I can't put him off much longer. I wish there was something I could say or do. I feel like I betrayed Lex. I should have been able to resist Simone, but I couldn't and now I can't get what happened with her out of my mind. We had sex and I didn't stop her. I watched as she manipulated me into doing to her what I would never willingly do to anyone but Lex.
I feel dirty inside and I don't know how to deal. I tried talking to Chloe about it. I didn't give details, but I told her enough for her to know what happened. She said I should just try to forget what happened and go talk to Lex. She told me to tell Lex because he has a right to know, but I think Lex already knows something is wrong. He's smart and my avoidance of any non-public places with him can't go on much longer. I know I have to say something, but I don't know what to say.
At night I fall asleep and I think about the two times Simone and I had sex. I don't want to think about them, but there they are, invading my mind. I try to think about anything but my betrayal. It's not like I enjoyed it, but I can't stop thinking about it. I hate her for what she did to me, and I didn't even know her. I only know that for some reason, she targeted me, and she forced me to break my vow of fidelity to the man I love. I forsook against my will! I hate this.
I ran into Lex yesterday at the Talon. I could barely look at him. I made up an excuse about having to finish mending a fence for my dad and rushed out of the place. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt ill just seeing the hurt look in his eyes. I wanted to turn around and tell him everything, but I was a coward. I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and seconds later, I was in my loft with my head in my hands and a hollow feeling deep inside.
I can't do this anymore. Maybe it's better if I just end things between us. Lex deserves better than some freak that cheats on him.