Fanfic: Coming Undone [3/4]
Title: Coming Undone [3/4]
Author: freakingdork
Characters: Morgan-centric
Rating: FRT
Word Count: 1088
Summary: “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.” After confronting his abuser, Morgan struggles with his sexuality.
Warnings: none for this chapter
Tag to: 3x09, 3x14
****
As he weaves his motorcycle through traffic, there’s only one thought that slips through the haze:
What if I never get to thank her for the last six months?
***
It's a testament to how much they care about Garcia that no one notices the time discrepancy of his lies. Well, except maybe Reid. That's fine, he supposes; Reid's more likely to try to figure it out quietly and then dismiss it with a far more logical conclusion than "Morgan was on his way to hook up with another man."
When Garcia is finally able to have visitors, she “admits” that Derek was right, that attractive men aren't interested in her. Besides the fact that it wasn't what he was trying to say and it's definitely not true, it's disheartening to see her internalize such a negative message and to blame herself rather than the bastard who hurt her. He knows a little about that and how damaging it can be.
With all the stress he's under, with his best friend coming so close to death, he can't help but slam his palm against the wall in frustration. When Reid tells him that he needs to stay calm, Derek almost wants to laugh - Reid can't possibly know that the last time he got this upset was back in Georgia. This is calm...or at least as calm as he can possibly be when a person he cares about is in danger.
And now that he thinks about it, his lies about being in church sting worse than before because he wasn't in a pew praying while she was on the table; instead, he was dry humping a guy, considering whether or not he was up to trying out more. So yeah, Derek really does want to know what it means, even if it's hidden in a lie. For just a second, he wonders if this is some cruel punishment for cursing out god or testing out his ideas about his recent revelations before shaking it off as entirely ridiculous.
Because no, even if that were true, his focus can't be on his guilt or himself; it needs to be on hunting this bastard down until Derek can be sure that his friend is safe.
Nothing else matters until this is taken care of.
***
Four days without any leads pass slowly. It's painful, sitting there next to her laying in a hospital bed, knowing that “Baylor,” or whatever his fucking name is, hasn't been caught. He's still out there and there's nothing Derek can do. While Derek thinks it's a bad idea for Garcia to go home with her attacker still on the loose, he won't question her decision. She needs to feel in control, to not have her autonomy questioned; Derek needs her to know that when it comes down to it, she still has power over her life.
It's not until they're fully inside her apartment that he realizes he's never been there before. It's a strange thought - how many times did she come over to his place in the past six months? How many times has Garcia stayed in his guest room, taking care of Clooney while he was on a case? Christ, she has her own key to his house and Derek never even knew her parents had died when she was eighteen. Not that he blames her - it's only been a year since he told Hotch that he ought to be able to have some things just for himself. It's a strange thing to realize that no matter how much it feels like it, they aren't a family.
Because as fiercely as they will work to protect one another, they're even more protective of themselves.
***
Even after she's safe, Derek can't bring himself to tell her.
Garcia slowly stops showing up anyway for no apparent reason, so it's a lot easier to pretend that it's better to keep it all inside.
***
Weeks later, Kevin is standing in Rossi's door and JJ is singing a childish tune and now Garcia's sudden disappearance from his life makes much more sense.
As everyone disperses, Derek heads over to her lair.
"Jesus, warn a girl! You scared the crap outta me Morgan."
"I'm not mad, but when were you going to tell me?"
From the look on her face, Garcia clearly doesn't understand the question. "What?"
"Kevin is talking to Rossi,” he states.
"That bastard!” she exclaims, heading towards the door. “I told him..."
"Garcia!"
It stops her and she stares at Derek, long and hard. "We all have our secrets handsome. Some times we need time to work through things before we're ready to share them, ya know?"
“That's...yeah, you're right mama,” he carefully concedes. “Alright, go kick your boyfriend's ass for not listening to you.”
Garcia grins. “You know I will. Do you wanna get together later tonight?”
Even though he'd like to, Derek feels weird with the idea that he might interrupt Garcia's time with Kevin. “Naw, maybe next week though?”
“Sure thing, sugar. If you'll excuse me, I've got an ass to kick.”
He laughs and follows her out.
***
It's not that he really planned on asking Prentiss to go out to the bar with him, but Derek needed the distraction; now, he's regretting it. She's staring at him like she's trying to dissect him, like she's profiling his reluctance to talk about what's been eating at him for the past few months. They both know it's not fair to break the moratorium on profiling one another, but Prentiss is too drunk to care and Derek is worried that his protests will just intrigue her, make her search harder.
“You're seeing someone and it's not going well?” she finally guesses.
“Yeah,” he says, hoping Prentiss won't mind the lie if she ever finds out.
Drunks always seem to think they're clever, so Prentiss doesn't notice that she got it wrong and spends the whole night asking him questions. Is it serious? Is this person treating him well? Is the job getting in the way? Will he introduce them to the team?
He answers as truthfully and with as little words as possible, if only to be able to keep track of all the lies.
***
It's not until Derek's home, trying to fall asleep that he realizes Prentiss never said “she,” in reference to the person he's supposedly dating.
He's not sure what to think of that.
Author: freakingdork
Characters: Morgan-centric
Rating: FRT
Word Count: 1088
Summary: “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.” After confronting his abuser, Morgan struggles with his sexuality.
Warnings: none for this chapter
Tag to: 3x09, 3x14
****
As he weaves his motorcycle through traffic, there’s only one thought that slips through the haze:
What if I never get to thank her for the last six months?
***
It's a testament to how much they care about Garcia that no one notices the time discrepancy of his lies. Well, except maybe Reid. That's fine, he supposes; Reid's more likely to try to figure it out quietly and then dismiss it with a far more logical conclusion than "Morgan was on his way to hook up with another man."
When Garcia is finally able to have visitors, she “admits” that Derek was right, that attractive men aren't interested in her. Besides the fact that it wasn't what he was trying to say and it's definitely not true, it's disheartening to see her internalize such a negative message and to blame herself rather than the bastard who hurt her. He knows a little about that and how damaging it can be.
With all the stress he's under, with his best friend coming so close to death, he can't help but slam his palm against the wall in frustration. When Reid tells him that he needs to stay calm, Derek almost wants to laugh - Reid can't possibly know that the last time he got this upset was back in Georgia. This is calm...or at least as calm as he can possibly be when a person he cares about is in danger.
And now that he thinks about it, his lies about being in church sting worse than before because he wasn't in a pew praying while she was on the table; instead, he was dry humping a guy, considering whether or not he was up to trying out more. So yeah, Derek really does want to know what it means, even if it's hidden in a lie. For just a second, he wonders if this is some cruel punishment for cursing out god or testing out his ideas about his recent revelations before shaking it off as entirely ridiculous.
Because no, even if that were true, his focus can't be on his guilt or himself; it needs to be on hunting this bastard down until Derek can be sure that his friend is safe.
Nothing else matters until this is taken care of.
***
Four days without any leads pass slowly. It's painful, sitting there next to her laying in a hospital bed, knowing that “Baylor,” or whatever his fucking name is, hasn't been caught. He's still out there and there's nothing Derek can do. While Derek thinks it's a bad idea for Garcia to go home with her attacker still on the loose, he won't question her decision. She needs to feel in control, to not have her autonomy questioned; Derek needs her to know that when it comes down to it, she still has power over her life.
It's not until they're fully inside her apartment that he realizes he's never been there before. It's a strange thought - how many times did she come over to his place in the past six months? How many times has Garcia stayed in his guest room, taking care of Clooney while he was on a case? Christ, she has her own key to his house and Derek never even knew her parents had died when she was eighteen. Not that he blames her - it's only been a year since he told Hotch that he ought to be able to have some things just for himself. It's a strange thing to realize that no matter how much it feels like it, they aren't a family.
Because as fiercely as they will work to protect one another, they're even more protective of themselves.
***
Even after she's safe, Derek can't bring himself to tell her.
Garcia slowly stops showing up anyway for no apparent reason, so it's a lot easier to pretend that it's better to keep it all inside.
***
Weeks later, Kevin is standing in Rossi's door and JJ is singing a childish tune and now Garcia's sudden disappearance from his life makes much more sense.
As everyone disperses, Derek heads over to her lair.
"Jesus, warn a girl! You scared the crap outta me Morgan."
"I'm not mad, but when were you going to tell me?"
From the look on her face, Garcia clearly doesn't understand the question. "What?"
"Kevin is talking to Rossi,” he states.
"That bastard!” she exclaims, heading towards the door. “I told him..."
"Garcia!"
It stops her and she stares at Derek, long and hard. "We all have our secrets handsome. Some times we need time to work through things before we're ready to share them, ya know?"
“That's...yeah, you're right mama,” he carefully concedes. “Alright, go kick your boyfriend's ass for not listening to you.”
Garcia grins. “You know I will. Do you wanna get together later tonight?”
Even though he'd like to, Derek feels weird with the idea that he might interrupt Garcia's time with Kevin. “Naw, maybe next week though?”
“Sure thing, sugar. If you'll excuse me, I've got an ass to kick.”
He laughs and follows her out.
***
It's not that he really planned on asking Prentiss to go out to the bar with him, but Derek needed the distraction; now, he's regretting it. She's staring at him like she's trying to dissect him, like she's profiling his reluctance to talk about what's been eating at him for the past few months. They both know it's not fair to break the moratorium on profiling one another, but Prentiss is too drunk to care and Derek is worried that his protests will just intrigue her, make her search harder.
“You're seeing someone and it's not going well?” she finally guesses.
“Yeah,” he says, hoping Prentiss won't mind the lie if she ever finds out.
Drunks always seem to think they're clever, so Prentiss doesn't notice that she got it wrong and spends the whole night asking him questions. Is it serious? Is this person treating him well? Is the job getting in the way? Will he introduce them to the team?
He answers as truthfully and with as little words as possible, if only to be able to keep track of all the lies.
***
It's not until Derek's home, trying to fall asleep that he realizes Prentiss never said “she,” in reference to the person he's supposedly dating.
He's not sure what to think of that.