Fanfic: Why Won't You? [2/?]
Title: Why Won't You? [2?]
Author: freakingdork
Rating: FRT
Characters: Morgan/Reid
Word Count: 972
Summary: "There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out." Reid swore Morgan had feelings for him, but a simple statement has him doubting. Tag to Exit Wounds.
[Previous Chapter]
Chapter 2: Unfold Me
He hadn't meant to sound desperate. Hell, he'd meant to go home and sulk in silence. This night was not going as planned; however, this was not necessarily a bad thing. After all, Morgan called him Pretty Boy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard that pet name and the hope that he was reading Morgan correctly grew stronger.
When the Kung Pao chicken arrived, Spencer had to eat it with a fork. He'd spent years trying and failing to learn how to use chopsticks and this bothered him, if only because it felt slightly disrespectful to eat Asian food without the traditional utensils. Morgan had taken advantage of yet another opportunity to tease him that, despite his "resident genius" status, there didn't appear to be any technique to teach him how to hold chopsticks correctly. The familiar joke made him smile and feel better, but he still made a mental note to go with Pietro's the next time he didn't want to feel more self-conscious than necessary.
After dinner, they got settled on the couch and the opening credits rolled. Morgan's muscular arm wrapped around him, pulling Spencer to his chest. If it were anyone else, this would have been uncomfortable, upsetting, but Morgan made him feel safe and protected. Feeling his chest rise and fall was a constant reminder that, if nothing else, Morgan cared deeply about him. Most days that was all he needed, but he recognized that those days were decreasing rapidly.
He could swear there was a date-like quality to the evening and Spencer hoped that Morgan felt it too, but given his past dismissals, he knew it was likely that Morgan would brush off any such feelings as a misinterpretation of the situation. It seemed he was going to have to find a way to be even more direct. He knew he needed to muster up some courage sooner rather than later; the slight ache in his heart was threatening to become a gaping wound if he didn't. Unfortunately, when the movie ended, Morgan shifted in a way that made him feel wary.
"Where's the Dilaudid?" Morgan asked in a calm and even tone.
Spencer shot up from the comfortable embrace, eyes ablaze, and backed away from the couch.
"What? What did you just ask me?" Anger seared every word. "Because I am clean, Morgan! Clean! Don't you think I would have told you if...?"
"Hey, whoa..." Morgan interrupted, "I never said you weren't. I just wanna keep it that way, so let's get it outta here, okay?"
"Why would you think that I...?" he started, but immediately stopped himself.
He quickly processed the past few days. Hot and cold behavior. Mood shifts. Desperation and neediness.
'Shit.'
"Why would you think that I...?"
He watched as the anger turned to confusion then to concentration then to something he could only describe as a calm sadness. Reid stared at the ground as if it threatened to swallow him up. Derek just sat there, waiting. He knew well enough when Reid needed a moment to collect his thoughts and when Reid needed prompting.
"You know the usual places. Go look. Don't forget my overnight bag. And hey, you're a good enough profiler, so if you think there's somewhere else I may have stashed it..." his voice cracked. "Actually, toss the entire apartment. I don't care."
He'd hated to break up what felt like a really great evening, but the thought that there were drugs somewhere, putting Reid at risk, was too much to bear. Derek thought he was doing the right thing. Apparently, he wasn't.
"I don't care," Reid repeated, this time a whisper.
"Reid, I...look, obviously, I misread something. So why don't you tell me what's really going on in that genius brain of yours?"
Silence crept in. The air that hung between them was heavy with emotion.
"C'mon Reid, what's so bad you can't tell me, huh?"
Reid turned to stare at one of his many bookshelves, nervously tapping his fingers on his pants. More stalling and silence - something had to be seriously wrong to keep his talkative friend this quiet.
"Seriously man, I care about you. Whatever you say won't change..."
"I'm not sleeping with Reid," Reid echoed, his voice filled with pain. "Why? Why not? What's so wrong with sharing a bed or even just a room with me? It's not like one of us couldn't have slept on the floor; you even told Garcia you'd sleep on the floor."
Derek was taken aback. He had no reasonable answer other than the truth and he wasn't sure he was ready to discuss it or even how well that conversation would go.
"Besides Morgan, don't you want me?"
The desperate need quietly reappeared in Reid's voice, but this time Derek understood what it meant and his mind was falling over itself to catch up.
"Because I thought you did, but then you said that and I started doubting..."
'Shit, he's still talking...'
"...and well, also when I tried sucking lollipops like I saw in this porn..."
'...you need to concentrate...focus...'
"...black seemed like a good color due to the high contrast with my skin tone and high contrast tends to draw the eye..."
'...goddamn those are sexy lips...'
"...and I even went to a gay club. I'd read that lanky nerds are 'in this season,' which I find to be an interesting phrase given the predatory nature of the club scene, but I hadn't anticipated the number of men who propositioned me and..."
The thought of other men hitting on Reid snapped him back to his senses. With his need quickly overpowering his dwindling self-control, he stood up and took a quick step forward, nearly throwing Reid off balance. He grasped Reid's face between his hands and leaned forward...
A/N -
Just before I first posted this over on FF, I had started working on the next couple of sections at work and then plotted out my story line for...pretty far down the road, based on what I'd written...then I got home and went to find a quote from "Our Darkest Hour" to use with what I wrote...only to realize there was an episode in between "Exit Wounds" and "Our Darkest Hour." FML.
So I decided to watch "The Internet Is Forever" again to see if I was missing anything important by not including it (and also because the quote was in that episode). Minus the haircut, there was nothing else that really needed to be included for my own purposes, and I thought the haircut happened in "Our Darkest Hour" anyway, so it was already part of what I wrote....so I went with a plot hole, effectively erasing that episode from my story, lol.
[Next Chapter]
Author: freakingdork
Rating: FRT
Characters: Morgan/Reid
Word Count: 972
Summary: "There is no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out." Reid swore Morgan had feelings for him, but a simple statement has him doubting. Tag to Exit Wounds.
[Previous Chapter]
Chapter 2: Unfold Me
He hadn't meant to sound desperate. Hell, he'd meant to go home and sulk in silence. This night was not going as planned; however, this was not necessarily a bad thing. After all, Morgan called him Pretty Boy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard that pet name and the hope that he was reading Morgan correctly grew stronger.
When the Kung Pao chicken arrived, Spencer had to eat it with a fork. He'd spent years trying and failing to learn how to use chopsticks and this bothered him, if only because it felt slightly disrespectful to eat Asian food without the traditional utensils. Morgan had taken advantage of yet another opportunity to tease him that, despite his "resident genius" status, there didn't appear to be any technique to teach him how to hold chopsticks correctly. The familiar joke made him smile and feel better, but he still made a mental note to go with Pietro's the next time he didn't want to feel more self-conscious than necessary.
After dinner, they got settled on the couch and the opening credits rolled. Morgan's muscular arm wrapped around him, pulling Spencer to his chest. If it were anyone else, this would have been uncomfortable, upsetting, but Morgan made him feel safe and protected. Feeling his chest rise and fall was a constant reminder that, if nothing else, Morgan cared deeply about him. Most days that was all he needed, but he recognized that those days were decreasing rapidly.
He could swear there was a date-like quality to the evening and Spencer hoped that Morgan felt it too, but given his past dismissals, he knew it was likely that Morgan would brush off any such feelings as a misinterpretation of the situation. It seemed he was going to have to find a way to be even more direct. He knew he needed to muster up some courage sooner rather than later; the slight ache in his heart was threatening to become a gaping wound if he didn't. Unfortunately, when the movie ended, Morgan shifted in a way that made him feel wary.
"Where's the Dilaudid?" Morgan asked in a calm and even tone.
Spencer shot up from the comfortable embrace, eyes ablaze, and backed away from the couch.
"What? What did you just ask me?" Anger seared every word. "Because I am clean, Morgan! Clean! Don't you think I would have told you if...?"
"Hey, whoa..." Morgan interrupted, "I never said you weren't. I just wanna keep it that way, so let's get it outta here, okay?"
"Why would you think that I...?" he started, but immediately stopped himself.
He quickly processed the past few days. Hot and cold behavior. Mood shifts. Desperation and neediness.
'Shit.'
"Why would you think that I...?"
He watched as the anger turned to confusion then to concentration then to something he could only describe as a calm sadness. Reid stared at the ground as if it threatened to swallow him up. Derek just sat there, waiting. He knew well enough when Reid needed a moment to collect his thoughts and when Reid needed prompting.
"You know the usual places. Go look. Don't forget my overnight bag. And hey, you're a good enough profiler, so if you think there's somewhere else I may have stashed it..." his voice cracked. "Actually, toss the entire apartment. I don't care."
He'd hated to break up what felt like a really great evening, but the thought that there were drugs somewhere, putting Reid at risk, was too much to bear. Derek thought he was doing the right thing. Apparently, he wasn't.
"I don't care," Reid repeated, this time a whisper.
"Reid, I...look, obviously, I misread something. So why don't you tell me what's really going on in that genius brain of yours?"
Silence crept in. The air that hung between them was heavy with emotion.
"C'mon Reid, what's so bad you can't tell me, huh?"
Reid turned to stare at one of his many bookshelves, nervously tapping his fingers on his pants. More stalling and silence - something had to be seriously wrong to keep his talkative friend this quiet.
"Seriously man, I care about you. Whatever you say won't change..."
"I'm not sleeping with Reid," Reid echoed, his voice filled with pain. "Why? Why not? What's so wrong with sharing a bed or even just a room with me? It's not like one of us couldn't have slept on the floor; you even told Garcia you'd sleep on the floor."
Derek was taken aback. He had no reasonable answer other than the truth and he wasn't sure he was ready to discuss it or even how well that conversation would go.
"Besides Morgan, don't you want me?"
The desperate need quietly reappeared in Reid's voice, but this time Derek understood what it meant and his mind was falling over itself to catch up.
"Because I thought you did, but then you said that and I started doubting..."
'Shit, he's still talking...'
"...and well, also when I tried sucking lollipops like I saw in this porn..."
'...you need to concentrate...focus...'
"...black seemed like a good color due to the high contrast with my skin tone and high contrast tends to draw the eye..."
'...goddamn those are sexy lips...'
"...and I even went to a gay club. I'd read that lanky nerds are 'in this season,' which I find to be an interesting phrase given the predatory nature of the club scene, but I hadn't anticipated the number of men who propositioned me and..."
The thought of other men hitting on Reid snapped him back to his senses. With his need quickly overpowering his dwindling self-control, he stood up and took a quick step forward, nearly throwing Reid off balance. He grasped Reid's face between his hands and leaned forward...
A/N -
Just before I first posted this over on FF, I had started working on the next couple of sections at work and then plotted out my story line for...pretty far down the road, based on what I'd written...then I got home and went to find a quote from "Our Darkest Hour" to use with what I wrote...only to realize there was an episode in between "Exit Wounds" and "Our Darkest Hour." FML.
So I decided to watch "The Internet Is Forever" again to see if I was missing anything important by not including it (and also because the quote was in that episode). Minus the haircut, there was nothing else that really needed to be included for my own purposes, and I thought the haircut happened in "Our Darkest Hour" anyway, so it was already part of what I wrote....so I went with a plot hole, effectively erasing that episode from my story, lol.
[Next Chapter]