FMA Fic! (How to Save A Life -- Elricest)
Fiction: How to Save A Life -- 1,215 Words
Author: freaky_zero
Pairing: Elricest
Genre: Drama/Angst (?)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing. General bad writing. Inspired by the song "How to Save a Life" by the Fray.
Summary: “I thought we were friends, Ed. Weren’t we once?”
“Ed…? Can we talk?”
Pausing where he stands in the threshold of the Rockbell’s doorway, Ed turns to give Winry a grin- and his excuses. The smile is a pathetic facsimile of what it once might have been.
“Sorry, Winry, no can do. I’ve gotta-”
“Edward,” her quiet tone interrupts his justification for avoiding her. “Sit down. It’s just a talk. It won’t kill you to talk to me.”
Another poor example of a smile graces his lips as she fingers the wrench tucked in her pocket. Life would be so much simpler if she could just beat sense into everyone who didn’t agree with her views.
“Of course it won’t. You’re right; my errand can wait for a bit. Especially for a friend, they come first, right?”
Winry gives a derisive snort and watches Al hanging the laundry through the window as Ed settles himself into a chair. For a few moments Ed watches her watch his brother. He knows that whatever she wants to talk to him about isn’t something he wants to hear, it never is. He just hopes that she won’t mention Al.
It’s one thing, Ed muses, to lust after your own flesh and blood, it’s entirely another to have to hear a lecture about it from someone else. Ed knows that Winry can tell how he feels. For as long as he can remember she has known everything about him, why should this be any different?
Edward wonders, though, if Winry has any idea how he reacts to his feelings for his brother. He wonders if she knows about the guilt that eats at him constantly, the fear of being discovered that keeps him from sleeping. Al is his baby brother, for fuck’s sake. And no matter how twisted Ed is in the confines of his mind, he is still determined to never let Al know just how much he loves him.
Winry gives no indication of being aware of his thoughts as they sit in silence for a few moments longer and Ed curses himself for not fleeing when he had the chance. He had been at the door, damnit!
“Your arm won’t hold up through much more of the abuse you keep putting it through.”
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Edward,” Winry says harshly, finally turning her head from the window. “If you break it many more times, at the rate you’re going… I won’t be able to replace it. I’d give you the technical reasons, but I somehow doubt you’d appreciate them. Suffice to say, you’re putting too much strain on the port.”
Frowning, Ed leans back in his chair, pulling the arm in question against his chest.
“It’s fine, Winry. I know what I’m doing.”
“Obviously you don’t! It’s bad enough you don’t talk to me, you can’t listen to me anymore, either? Don’t I take care of your automail well enough? Is that why you won’t take my advice?”
Closing her eyes as a last defense against the tears threatening to well up, Winry gives one last attempt to catch Edward’s interest in what’s going on around him.
“I thought we were friends, Ed. Weren’t we once?”
Gold eyes narrow at Winry in careful consideration, and although her own are closed she can feel the gaze burning her skin.
“Aren’t we still, Winry?”
“I don’t know. I’m your friend, Ed, I always will be,” Winry chooses not to add, ‘if only because you will never want anything more from me’. “But what about you?”
“What about me?” Ed’s voice rises significantly from previously hushed tones and he flings himself from the chair with a force only he can pull off. “Have I ever not acted as your friend, Winry? So, I’m a little distant. It’s not my problem, you just don’t understand!”
“Isn’t it? When you won’t let me understand, Ed?” Winry cries angrily, meeting his gaze once more. “You don’t let anyone understand, Edward, not even Al!”
Ed pulls himself up to his full height and lets loose his response in a soft snarl, “You leave Al out of this.”
“Al is a part of this. You have to tell him, Ed.”
“No I fucking don’t!” Ed shouts.
Winry watches as he kicks the chair he occupied mere moments ago with his left leg. She winces slightly as it reconnects with the ground in pieces.
“Ed…”
He cuts her off with a motion of his arm.
“Just drop it, Winry. I’m not who you thought I was, right? I’m not who I used to be.”
“I won’t drop it,” she mutters. “Al deserves to know, Ed. It’s not fair to any of us.”
“Oh, yeah?” he counters. “And just how is it not fair to you, Winry? You’ll marry him, have children and be happy for the rest of forever. Isn’t that what you said when we were kids?”
“I won’t, Ed. I don’t love Alphonse as anything more than a brother,” Unlike you, she can’t help but to mentally add.
“And what makes you think Al will be happy knowing his older brother lusts after him? How is it fair,” Ed sneers contemptuously at the word before continuing, “to saddle Alphonse with my sick problems?”
“He deserves to know. It’s so obvious to the rest of us that you love him more than life itself. And what’s so wrong about that? Why shouldn’t he know? He loves you just as much, Ed, you’d see that if you would just open your damn eyes!”
“He deserves more! He deserves the chance to be normal, Winry! How could he have that with me? If I tell him…he’ll see it as a responsibility. He’ll see me as a responsibility. I’m still trying to talk him out of getting my stupid limbs back, you know? He doesn’t get that it was such a small price to pay to be able to keep him alive.”
“So you’re going to continue attempting to destroy yourself so that he can be normal? It’s far too late for that, Edward. Why won’t you just try? Forget normalcy, Ed, don’t the two of you deserve happiness?”
“Al does.”
“What about you?” She hesitates for a moment before continuing. “What about me?”
“I told you, Winry, Al-”
“Don’t be stupid, Edward. Al was never the one I loved, you know that.”
“I can’t make you happy, Winry.”
“Don’t you see, Ed? I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to make yourself happy.”
“And if he doesn’t feel the same way? What then?”
“Then you’ll know. You might not like it, but you won’t be uncertain anymore.”
Ed shakes his head, gaze returning to the window where clothes are flapping on the line, but Alphonse is nowhere to be seen.
After a few moments of lingering silence Winry stands, wrapping her arms around her waist in a gesture of self-reassurance. Brushing past Ed, she wonders what his next move will be.
“Thanks for the talk,” she mumbles as she heads up the stairs, knowing that he heard every word, but wondering if he was actually listening at all.
Ed stays where he is, jumbled thoughts tying his feet to the floor long after light has faded.
Alphonse stands in the doorway and waits for his brother to turn around.
Notes: The lyrics to the inspiring song can be found here
Author: freaky_zero
Pairing: Elricest
Genre: Drama/Angst (?)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing. General bad writing. Inspired by the song "How to Save a Life" by the Fray.
Summary: “I thought we were friends, Ed. Weren’t we once?”
“Ed…? Can we talk?”
Pausing where he stands in the threshold of the Rockbell’s doorway, Ed turns to give Winry a grin- and his excuses. The smile is a pathetic facsimile of what it once might have been.
“Sorry, Winry, no can do. I’ve gotta-”
“Edward,” her quiet tone interrupts his justification for avoiding her. “Sit down. It’s just a talk. It won’t kill you to talk to me.”
Another poor example of a smile graces his lips as she fingers the wrench tucked in her pocket. Life would be so much simpler if she could just beat sense into everyone who didn’t agree with her views.
“Of course it won’t. You’re right; my errand can wait for a bit. Especially for a friend, they come first, right?”
Winry gives a derisive snort and watches Al hanging the laundry through the window as Ed settles himself into a chair. For a few moments Ed watches her watch his brother. He knows that whatever she wants to talk to him about isn’t something he wants to hear, it never is. He just hopes that she won’t mention Al.
It’s one thing, Ed muses, to lust after your own flesh and blood, it’s entirely another to have to hear a lecture about it from someone else. Ed knows that Winry can tell how he feels. For as long as he can remember she has known everything about him, why should this be any different?
Edward wonders, though, if Winry has any idea how he reacts to his feelings for his brother. He wonders if she knows about the guilt that eats at him constantly, the fear of being discovered that keeps him from sleeping. Al is his baby brother, for fuck’s sake. And no matter how twisted Ed is in the confines of his mind, he is still determined to never let Al know just how much he loves him.
Winry gives no indication of being aware of his thoughts as they sit in silence for a few moments longer and Ed curses himself for not fleeing when he had the chance. He had been at the door, damnit!
“Your arm won’t hold up through much more of the abuse you keep putting it through.”
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Edward,” Winry says harshly, finally turning her head from the window. “If you break it many more times, at the rate you’re going… I won’t be able to replace it. I’d give you the technical reasons, but I somehow doubt you’d appreciate them. Suffice to say, you’re putting too much strain on the port.”
Frowning, Ed leans back in his chair, pulling the arm in question against his chest.
“It’s fine, Winry. I know what I’m doing.”
“Obviously you don’t! It’s bad enough you don’t talk to me, you can’t listen to me anymore, either? Don’t I take care of your automail well enough? Is that why you won’t take my advice?”
Closing her eyes as a last defense against the tears threatening to well up, Winry gives one last attempt to catch Edward’s interest in what’s going on around him.
“I thought we were friends, Ed. Weren’t we once?”
Gold eyes narrow at Winry in careful consideration, and although her own are closed she can feel the gaze burning her skin.
“Aren’t we still, Winry?”
“I don’t know. I’m your friend, Ed, I always will be,” Winry chooses not to add, ‘if only because you will never want anything more from me’. “But what about you?”
“What about me?” Ed’s voice rises significantly from previously hushed tones and he flings himself from the chair with a force only he can pull off. “Have I ever not acted as your friend, Winry? So, I’m a little distant. It’s not my problem, you just don’t understand!”
“Isn’t it? When you won’t let me understand, Ed?” Winry cries angrily, meeting his gaze once more. “You don’t let anyone understand, Edward, not even Al!”
Ed pulls himself up to his full height and lets loose his response in a soft snarl, “You leave Al out of this.”
“Al is a part of this. You have to tell him, Ed.”
“No I fucking don’t!” Ed shouts.
Winry watches as he kicks the chair he occupied mere moments ago with his left leg. She winces slightly as it reconnects with the ground in pieces.
“Ed…”
He cuts her off with a motion of his arm.
“Just drop it, Winry. I’m not who you thought I was, right? I’m not who I used to be.”
“I won’t drop it,” she mutters. “Al deserves to know, Ed. It’s not fair to any of us.”
“Oh, yeah?” he counters. “And just how is it not fair to you, Winry? You’ll marry him, have children and be happy for the rest of forever. Isn’t that what you said when we were kids?”
“I won’t, Ed. I don’t love Alphonse as anything more than a brother,” Unlike you, she can’t help but to mentally add.
“And what makes you think Al will be happy knowing his older brother lusts after him? How is it fair,” Ed sneers contemptuously at the word before continuing, “to saddle Alphonse with my sick problems?”
“He deserves to know. It’s so obvious to the rest of us that you love him more than life itself. And what’s so wrong about that? Why shouldn’t he know? He loves you just as much, Ed, you’d see that if you would just open your damn eyes!”
“He deserves more! He deserves the chance to be normal, Winry! How could he have that with me? If I tell him…he’ll see it as a responsibility. He’ll see me as a responsibility. I’m still trying to talk him out of getting my stupid limbs back, you know? He doesn’t get that it was such a small price to pay to be able to keep him alive.”
“So you’re going to continue attempting to destroy yourself so that he can be normal? It’s far too late for that, Edward. Why won’t you just try? Forget normalcy, Ed, don’t the two of you deserve happiness?”
“Al does.”
“What about you?” She hesitates for a moment before continuing. “What about me?”
“I told you, Winry, Al-”
“Don’t be stupid, Edward. Al was never the one I loved, you know that.”
“I can’t make you happy, Winry.”
“Don’t you see, Ed? I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to make yourself happy.”
“And if he doesn’t feel the same way? What then?”
“Then you’ll know. You might not like it, but you won’t be uncertain anymore.”
Ed shakes his head, gaze returning to the window where clothes are flapping on the line, but Alphonse is nowhere to be seen.
After a few moments of lingering silence Winry stands, wrapping her arms around her waist in a gesture of self-reassurance. Brushing past Ed, she wonders what his next move will be.
“Thanks for the talk,” she mumbles as she heads up the stairs, knowing that he heard every word, but wondering if he was actually listening at all.
Ed stays where he is, jumbled thoughts tying his feet to the floor long after light has faded.
Alphonse stands in the doorway and waits for his brother to turn around.
Notes: The lyrics to the inspiring song can be found here