A colossal cock-up
I've posted before about hilarious fails of speech-to-text (or sometimes, even, just my own typing!) from voicemails and elsewhere. But the one I committed myself yesterday accelerated the Singularity, I think.
The backstory: Ben (male, straight) and I were considering meeting up for a drink last night, to celebrate all the things I managed to get done this week. But we were playing it by ear, as he was first going to meet up with his friend, a Mr. Dodds (also male, straight). (All these details are important, bear with me.)
I was working later than expected, and feeling kind of tired when I left. We text a lot, not only just to coordinate schedules, so it occurred to me as I was walking towards the subway that I could make a horrible pun! Because, you see the Dodd Frank Act majorly impacts my industry and is responsible for a good chunk of the work I do. So, wittily, as I walked to the subway in the falling rain sans umbrella, I pressed the little microphone icon and said, "Are you, like me, deep in the throes of Dodd" and waited for the transcription. When it finished, I added, "frankly?" manually.
I looked to make sure it had gotten "throes" right and was pleased it had. There were water drops on the screen, distorting some of the words so you couldn't see them, but it looked fine at a glance, so I sent it off.[1] I got into the subway and got home.
I have read receipts enabled on my phone, and so does Ben, so when I'd gotten home and changed into dry clothes, I pulled up my message script to see if he'd gotten it. And I was flabbergasted to find I had sent him "Are you, like cock deep in the throes of Dodd's frank?"
As any of you on my f-list know, I am no blushing flower. I am happy to talk frankly about sex and other things. I'm not much of a dirty talker, but I don't flinch at explicit language when called for. That said, I have never used, or even thought of, the phrase "cock deep," ever.
Is it even a phrase? I mean, I've heard of dick deep, but I've never even heard the other one. Manifestly not something I would say. I was both mortified - I could feel my face blushing - and totally hilarified - it was so unreal that that happened!
Luckily, he hadn't read the thing yet, so I wrote back "Whoa, that is not at all what I meant to say! Teach me to use voice to text. Sorry! (It should have read, "like me, deep in the throes of, etc.)" Ben isn't someone to be offended by, well, almost anything, so probably no apology needed, but I felt so mortified! I even followed it up with an email, in case he checked that first.
An hour later, I get back "You were right the first time!" So I reply, "Maybe there are some things you don't want me to know about your relationship with [FIRST NAME REDACTED].?" "Yes," he replies, "but our deep cock love is not one of them." "As long as there are some boundaries," I say.
ETA: updated with a photo.
Every time I think of it, I laugh out loud. That couldn't have been more of an awesome!fail if I'd tried.
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[1]I read fast, and I think I do that thing that speed-readers to, where you don't read individual words. This means I often don't catch typos unless I read things out loud, to force myself to go slower - which I do at work.