Challenge fic, Floored for arualms
Title: Floored
Author: fredsmith518
Beta: millstone1004
Rating: tame
Disclaimer: Nothing owned.
Summary: the sentence was, “Luke comes to Newport for Marissa's funeral and over the summer is roped into Seth's plans to get Ryan out of the pool house.”
It doesn’t appear, but is the driving force behind the story. The story is called, 'Floored'.
A/N: This story was written for arualms.
Much thanks to mel39 for acting as a sounding board on tone for this story and to Millstone for doing that and all others things beta’ly so well also.
Thanks to ctoan for her awesome organisation, as ever.
Floored
Seth stands at the end of the pier, elbows leaning on the top rail, right foot raised up onto the bottom one. To a passer-by, it might seem his gaze is focused out onto the ocean, admiring the flotilla of small sailboats that are racing around the harbor. Bright sails fluttering in the breeze, exotic butterflies indulging in a crazy dance for the prize.
Seth, however, isn’t fully registering the scene below. It garners his peripheral attention only. Even though, in previous years, he had been out there too, competing, revelling in the freedom that sailing brought, enjoying exercising the skills required to steer his craft, loving that he was good at something, a sporty something even.
But, as ever, today, and every day since Marissa’s death, his thoughts are fully occupied, over occupied actually, elsewhere. He glances at his watch and considers calling Summer. She’s supposed to be meeting him in half an hour for lunch. He hopes she doesn’t blow him off this time. He knows she never does this to upset him, just sometimes she needs to stay home - she cannot bear to go out herself, or she is needed by Julie or Kaitlin and doesn’t have the heart to leave them. He gets it. He does. He feels bad about what happened because he did consider Marissa a friend, but the grief of those around him, that of those who really loved her, is on a completely different level.
His mom had lunch at the Roberts’ house yesterday. She’s been seeing a lot of Julie and Kaitlin and so by default, Summer. She’s been over there more than she’s been home since the accident, or so it seems to Seth, anyway. Perhaps, that’s why she hasn’t been aware of just how screwed up Ryan is? Ryan’s not lost all his skills, though. He’s still aware enough to cover, Seth has to acknowledge, because he comes over to the house for breakfast every morning at the right time, and he’s there for supper. He talks a bit, eats, gives the impression he’s coping. Seth knows better. Ryan isn’t coping. Not at all. Seth isn’t surprised. Ryan had managed last summer with the specter of comatose Trey hanging over him, but at least he’d had hope. This summer...Seth can’t even imagine where Ryan’s thoughts go, and he must be thinking a lot because he’s not doing anything else.
He has refused every idea Seth has come up with to get him to leave the pool house during the day. Seth knows it’s unhealthy. He thinks Ryan must know that too, but he can’t think how to break out of it by himself. Ryan needs help.
His mom has her hands full already, so Seth tried to enlist his dad for campaign ‘Extract Ryan’. To say Seth was disappointed in his response, gives a whole new level to understatement. His dad barely gave Seth five minutes, which meant that Seth had only just gotten started on listing his concerns, before he took a phone call from his new, old job and then rushed off to deal with whatever had been more important than Seth needing to speak to him about Ryan. Seth had chosen his time carefully. His dad was reading the newspaper, Saturday morning. He should have had time to help. Even if he was busy, he should have found time to listen to Seth and, more importantly, help Ryan anyway. Seth is seriously giving credence to the idea that his dad must have a personality flaw, to immerse himself so much in his job to the detriment of his family.
He kicks a little at the railing. His battered sneaker sustaining a little more damage, tiny motes of leather flaking off and falling onto the planking before disappearing through the cracks. Railing one - sneaker nil. Seth could so go there with the sneaker as a metaphor for his life, or more appropriately yet, for Ryan’s life, breaking apart piece by tiny piece.
Another glance at his watch shows he needs to get moving. Seth ambles along the pier, taking a bit more notice now, of whom he is passing, as it’s a smart move not to walk into people, mowing over toddlers, in particular, is never good. The ‘preoccupied with teenage angst’ excuse just doesn’t fly, even when it’s actually true.
Seth notices Luke before Luke sees him. He has one of his younger brothers in tow and it occurs to Seth that the middle brother sails. Seth considers ducking aside and avoiding a meeting. However, it would be rude not to greet him. He still owes Luke for the summer he spent in Portland when he needed distance from Newport. The plan that hits him on the heels of that thought is so obvious, Seth is practically bouncing. A plan, thank God, finally a plan that could work. He speeds up to intercept Luke.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey. Quit glaring at me, dude. I’m only gonna be a minute.”
The younger boy continues to look pointedly at his brother.
“You can see how it is, Cohen, but can I talk to you later? I’ll give you a call.”
“Thanks, Luke, is Brad racing?”
“He is so gonna beat everyone!” Contributes Ward junior, “You wanna come watch, Seth? C’mon, Luke. Now”
“Brat,” but there’s only affection behind the tone.
Seth acknowledges, “Later.”
He meets Summer at one of the beachfront cafes. She’s sitting outside. Flower sprigged sundress, strappy sandals, toe nails painted, hair shinning, perfect. Beside her, Kaitlin, similarly primped. Seth guesses immediately how she’s spent her morning with Kaitlin playing dress up. He feels no resentment. Kaitlin smiles up at him, gauging his response to her presence. She always seemed harder than Marissa, old beyond her years, but not now - she seems desperate to fit in someplace, even if it’s with her older sister’s friends. Summer is filling the space Marissa’s death has left in her life.
Summer stands up on tiptoe to greet him with a hello kiss, full on the lips, soft, lingering.
“Hi, Kaitlin, good to see you? You guys ordered yet?”
Apparently they have. The afternoon is spent chatting and walking. They don’t deliberately avoid Marissa’s name or the places she frequented, but they don’t seek them out either.
Luke’s call comes just after he’s said goodbye to the girls.
“How’d Brad do?”
“Great. He won. I don’t know who’s more stoked him or Eric. He figures it’ll be him next year. I’m gonna take them out for dinner to celebrate. So what was it you wanted? Ryan?”
“That obvious, huh?”
“Yeah. Okay if I come by tomorrow?”
“That would be most cool. We can discuss strategy.”
That evening the family sits around the table. Seth chats about his afternoon, Luke’s brother winning the race. His mom looks worried. Seth wonders how bad a day she had with Julie. Then she asks, “Did you go out today, Ryan? It was such a lovely day.”
Oh.
**************************
Luke goes for a direct approach. Seth’s clever plans sucked. Luke told him so and comes over Monday when the adults are out. Luke pounds on the pool house door, threatening to break it, if Ryan doesn’t let him in.
Once he’s inside, Luke suddenly finds himself tongue-tied. Well, this is Ryan, so he’s going to have to dredge up something or they’ll be sitting there, in silence, forever. Passing thoughts trip across his brain, ‘I know how you feel - I miss her too. I loved her. I understand. You gotta let go, man - she wouldn’t want you beating yourself up like this’. He dismisses them out of hand because he knows, is absolutely certain, that he would feel an idiot saying any of that stuff out loud, even if it is all true. He’d mess up so it would come out wrong and sound false or patronizing. His palms feel clammy - he’s beginning to wonder if he’s going to be any help at all.
“I felt like she cheated on me every year with a new guy from fifth grade onwards,” he blurts, somewhat to his own surprise, because hey, speaking ill of the deceased to the heartbroken lover seems kinda crass even for him. He looks over and sees he has Ryan’s full attention. He is provoking a reaction at least, although it might not be a positive one, because Ryan looks pissed but maybe just a little bit interested too in what he’ll have to say. Luke wonders if anyone has used Marissa name around Ryan since the funeral. Has anyone actually given him the opportunity to speak about her? Suddenly, it hits him like a sledgehammer, that this was why Seth had been so insistent he speak with Ryan, because he knew stuff about what it was like to be Marissa Cooper’s boyfriend. Knew what it was like to love her, knew her intimately, knew her, faults and all. He’s on a roll now, convinced he knows what is needed, knows what no one else will have been prepared to say. Silently, he curses Seth a little, though, for saddling him with this, just because he’s Luke, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings too.
“I used to think it was me, my fault, that I wasn’t being who she needed, that I wasn’t able to give her enough. At first, I beat myself up about it. I tried to change but whatever I did, it was never the right thing, never enough for her so I gave up and started cheating on her too.” Ryan nods at this. He knows that Luke was unfaithful. “The other girls, they were almost like a holiday, you know? I could be myself with them. I didn’t have to keep questioning myself. Was I upsetting her? Was I doing the wrong thing again?” He risks a direct look at Ryan and thinks that he sees a flicker of recognition at his words in Ryan’s eyes. “She idolized her dad, I think, and hey, I can relate because when my dad came out everything was so screwed. When Jimmy turned out to be a crook, I think something inside her got messed up somehow. What I’m trying to say, Ryan, and this is damn hard, you know?” That gets a ghost of a smile. “What I mean is, the cracks where already there before you came to town. You didn’t break her. She was getting wasted at parties and making some bad decisions even before you came along.”
Luke pauses and lets that information sink in before he suggests, “Come on, man. It’s too dark in here. Let’s go for a walk.” And he’s up and out the door before Ryan can say anything, hoping that Ryan will choose to follow him out. He knows he needs to get out of that room and he hopes that Ryan is feeling the same way. If Luke was poetic, or empathic, or a girl, and thank God he is so none of those, he’d have said that the pool house was oppressive, that Ryan couldn’t escape the shade of the girl while he was in there. The memories of her are pressed in too tight, in every corner and crack. Ryan needs to get out and breathe. He needs to start living his life, not reliving his memories.
Luke heads straight for the beach path. Suddenly, he realizes that Ryan isn’t behind him. Luke slows down some, as Ryan reaches him, he adjusts his stride to match. He’d forgotten how short Ryan is.
Guys do not notice how other guys look, that is totally another girl thing, but if Luke did notice, he’d say Ryan looks like shit, pale-skinned in a way that is all kinds of wrong in California in the summer and tired too, worn down.
They walk just out of reach of the incoming tide. Luke makes sure they’re well along the beach before he speaks again. So far, Luke has done all the talking. He’s not a hundred percent sure how Ryan is taking his words, but he hasn’t hit him yet, so he takes that as encouragement and pushes a little more. “She made some crap choices, you know? She never seemed to be satisfied. She always seemed to be searching for something more than what she had. I think it was the summer after eighth grade, she threw me over for the housekeeper’s nephew. A scrawny, little kid with almost no English, visiting for the break. She spent the whole summer getting his English up to speed, talking to him for hours, watching T.V., videos. She didn’t get that I didn’t want him hanging around with us.”
“She was kind. She accepted people for who they were. She accepted me.” It comes as a shock to hear Ryan’s voice, but it’s steady. He sounds absolutely certain of what he’s saying.
“Yeah, don’t get me wrong. I get that. She was kind, but she was selfish too. Wanting her own way, expecting me, others, to see things her way.” Luke says carefully. He doesn’t want to alienate Ryan and he starts to wonder if he is being as honest with Ryan, or with himself for that matter, as he first thought, or if he’s letting some of his own regrets about his relationship with Marissa bleed into the conversation. He thinks about who Marissa was really hard. He huffs out a breath of air and qualifies.
“When I said it seemed like she cheated on me before? I guess, I wasn’t being completely fair. It wasn’t like she was going around kissing other guys. She had this thing for lame dogs, lost causes.” Luke hurries on, because he knows Ryan will lump himself into that group...pretty much as Luke does. “She would reach out, you know like with Oliver? I don’t think she got the effect she was having half the time.”
They walk in silence some more. Luke is so out of his depth that he thinks of suggesting they go for a swim. Trying to help Ryan, trying to be fair to Marissa, coping with his own issues about her is making his brain hurt.
“We’re all selfish. I’m being selfish brooding. I know that.”
Luke is surprised to hear Ryan say that but he says, “So, do something about it.”
“I’m trying. I just, I dunno. I thought about packing up and going, anyplace but here, but I didn’t have the energy.”
Luke kicks at a stone, wonders if Ryan is hinting at an invite. He could do that, and having Ryan stay at his place the way Cohen did would be doable, good even, because Luke is certain Ryan would be the perfect house guest, cooking, cleaning up. But he isn’t convinced it’s what Ryan needs. Luke is beginning to get a tad concerned about himself by now, his ability to put himself into Ryan’s head. Who is he channelling? Just suck it up, he tells himself. You owe Ryan this much. You owe Marissa a hell of a lot more.
They land up where Luke had planned to be from the beginning, sitting on the bench at the baseball field. This is where he and Ryan became friends, thinks Luke. Where he and Marissa found their equilibrium after their final break up. This leads Luke to admit, “You were right earlier. She was kind.”
They sit. Luke had considered bringing beers, but couldn’t figure out how to get them here without toting them along the beach. He hadn’t wanted to be that obvious, and plus, he wasn’t, isn’t planning on getting Ryan drunk
“Come on. I’m parched. Let’s go hit a cafe”
Ryan has been surprisingly docile all afternoon, following Luke’s lead. He stalls, though, when faced with Seth, Summer and Kaitlin already seated at a table outside the cafe when they’ve reached the beach front.
“Shit,” mutters Luke. He should have foreseen this possibility and warned the others to stay away. In truth, though, he hadn’t planned past getting Ryan to the bench. Seth looks edgy and strangely, that seems to be what swings it for Ryan, as if Seth’s discomfort makes it clear that this wasn’t an ambush.
They get drinks and Luke is beyond relieved that he seems to have done his part and can begin to relax. He is nowhere near as stupid as others would make out - or as he would pretend to be himself. He knows full well that Ryan loved Marissa and still needs to grieve for her, is still going to feel guilty that things didn’t work out between them because he wishes to God he’d done things differently with Marissa himself. He has plenty of regrets of his own, reasons to beta himself up for and he can’t see an end in sight to them any time soon. But, it is a start - Ryan is out of the pool house.
When Kaitlin asks, “So, what are we going to do tomorrow?” and Ryan doesn’t stand, doesn’t look away, just looks mildly interested, Luke figures he’s done good. Marissa would be proud of him. She would forgive him the things he’s said about her this afternoon, because she was like that too, flawed. She made mistakes...but she always tried to make things better afterwards.
Author: fredsmith518
Beta: millstone1004
Rating: tame
Disclaimer: Nothing owned.
Summary: the sentence was, “Luke comes to Newport for Marissa's funeral and over the summer is roped into Seth's plans to get Ryan out of the pool house.”
It doesn’t appear, but is the driving force behind the story. The story is called, 'Floored'.
A/N: This story was written for arualms.
Much thanks to mel39 for acting as a sounding board on tone for this story and to Millstone for doing that and all others things beta’ly so well also.
Thanks to ctoan for her awesome organisation, as ever.
Floored
Seth stands at the end of the pier, elbows leaning on the top rail, right foot raised up onto the bottom one. To a passer-by, it might seem his gaze is focused out onto the ocean, admiring the flotilla of small sailboats that are racing around the harbor. Bright sails fluttering in the breeze, exotic butterflies indulging in a crazy dance for the prize.
Seth, however, isn’t fully registering the scene below. It garners his peripheral attention only. Even though, in previous years, he had been out there too, competing, revelling in the freedom that sailing brought, enjoying exercising the skills required to steer his craft, loving that he was good at something, a sporty something even.
But, as ever, today, and every day since Marissa’s death, his thoughts are fully occupied, over occupied actually, elsewhere. He glances at his watch and considers calling Summer. She’s supposed to be meeting him in half an hour for lunch. He hopes she doesn’t blow him off this time. He knows she never does this to upset him, just sometimes she needs to stay home - she cannot bear to go out herself, or she is needed by Julie or Kaitlin and doesn’t have the heart to leave them. He gets it. He does. He feels bad about what happened because he did consider Marissa a friend, but the grief of those around him, that of those who really loved her, is on a completely different level.
His mom had lunch at the Roberts’ house yesterday. She’s been seeing a lot of Julie and Kaitlin and so by default, Summer. She’s been over there more than she’s been home since the accident, or so it seems to Seth, anyway. Perhaps, that’s why she hasn’t been aware of just how screwed up Ryan is? Ryan’s not lost all his skills, though. He’s still aware enough to cover, Seth has to acknowledge, because he comes over to the house for breakfast every morning at the right time, and he’s there for supper. He talks a bit, eats, gives the impression he’s coping. Seth knows better. Ryan isn’t coping. Not at all. Seth isn’t surprised. Ryan had managed last summer with the specter of comatose Trey hanging over him, but at least he’d had hope. This summer...Seth can’t even imagine where Ryan’s thoughts go, and he must be thinking a lot because he’s not doing anything else.
He has refused every idea Seth has come up with to get him to leave the pool house during the day. Seth knows it’s unhealthy. He thinks Ryan must know that too, but he can’t think how to break out of it by himself. Ryan needs help.
His mom has her hands full already, so Seth tried to enlist his dad for campaign ‘Extract Ryan’. To say Seth was disappointed in his response, gives a whole new level to understatement. His dad barely gave Seth five minutes, which meant that Seth had only just gotten started on listing his concerns, before he took a phone call from his new, old job and then rushed off to deal with whatever had been more important than Seth needing to speak to him about Ryan. Seth had chosen his time carefully. His dad was reading the newspaper, Saturday morning. He should have had time to help. Even if he was busy, he should have found time to listen to Seth and, more importantly, help Ryan anyway. Seth is seriously giving credence to the idea that his dad must have a personality flaw, to immerse himself so much in his job to the detriment of his family.
He kicks a little at the railing. His battered sneaker sustaining a little more damage, tiny motes of leather flaking off and falling onto the planking before disappearing through the cracks. Railing one - sneaker nil. Seth could so go there with the sneaker as a metaphor for his life, or more appropriately yet, for Ryan’s life, breaking apart piece by tiny piece.
Another glance at his watch shows he needs to get moving. Seth ambles along the pier, taking a bit more notice now, of whom he is passing, as it’s a smart move not to walk into people, mowing over toddlers, in particular, is never good. The ‘preoccupied with teenage angst’ excuse just doesn’t fly, even when it’s actually true.
Seth notices Luke before Luke sees him. He has one of his younger brothers in tow and it occurs to Seth that the middle brother sails. Seth considers ducking aside and avoiding a meeting. However, it would be rude not to greet him. He still owes Luke for the summer he spent in Portland when he needed distance from Newport. The plan that hits him on the heels of that thought is so obvious, Seth is practically bouncing. A plan, thank God, finally a plan that could work. He speeds up to intercept Luke.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey. Quit glaring at me, dude. I’m only gonna be a minute.”
The younger boy continues to look pointedly at his brother.
“You can see how it is, Cohen, but can I talk to you later? I’ll give you a call.”
“Thanks, Luke, is Brad racing?”
“He is so gonna beat everyone!” Contributes Ward junior, “You wanna come watch, Seth? C’mon, Luke. Now”
“Brat,” but there’s only affection behind the tone.
Seth acknowledges, “Later.”
He meets Summer at one of the beachfront cafes. She’s sitting outside. Flower sprigged sundress, strappy sandals, toe nails painted, hair shinning, perfect. Beside her, Kaitlin, similarly primped. Seth guesses immediately how she’s spent her morning with Kaitlin playing dress up. He feels no resentment. Kaitlin smiles up at him, gauging his response to her presence. She always seemed harder than Marissa, old beyond her years, but not now - she seems desperate to fit in someplace, even if it’s with her older sister’s friends. Summer is filling the space Marissa’s death has left in her life.
Summer stands up on tiptoe to greet him with a hello kiss, full on the lips, soft, lingering.
“Hi, Kaitlin, good to see you? You guys ordered yet?”
Apparently they have. The afternoon is spent chatting and walking. They don’t deliberately avoid Marissa’s name or the places she frequented, but they don’t seek them out either.
Luke’s call comes just after he’s said goodbye to the girls.
“How’d Brad do?”
“Great. He won. I don’t know who’s more stoked him or Eric. He figures it’ll be him next year. I’m gonna take them out for dinner to celebrate. So what was it you wanted? Ryan?”
“That obvious, huh?”
“Yeah. Okay if I come by tomorrow?”
“That would be most cool. We can discuss strategy.”
That evening the family sits around the table. Seth chats about his afternoon, Luke’s brother winning the race. His mom looks worried. Seth wonders how bad a day she had with Julie. Then she asks, “Did you go out today, Ryan? It was such a lovely day.”
Oh.
**************************
Luke goes for a direct approach. Seth’s clever plans sucked. Luke told him so and comes over Monday when the adults are out. Luke pounds on the pool house door, threatening to break it, if Ryan doesn’t let him in.
Once he’s inside, Luke suddenly finds himself tongue-tied. Well, this is Ryan, so he’s going to have to dredge up something or they’ll be sitting there, in silence, forever. Passing thoughts trip across his brain, ‘I know how you feel - I miss her too. I loved her. I understand. You gotta let go, man - she wouldn’t want you beating yourself up like this’. He dismisses them out of hand because he knows, is absolutely certain, that he would feel an idiot saying any of that stuff out loud, even if it is all true. He’d mess up so it would come out wrong and sound false or patronizing. His palms feel clammy - he’s beginning to wonder if he’s going to be any help at all.
“I felt like she cheated on me every year with a new guy from fifth grade onwards,” he blurts, somewhat to his own surprise, because hey, speaking ill of the deceased to the heartbroken lover seems kinda crass even for him. He looks over and sees he has Ryan’s full attention. He is provoking a reaction at least, although it might not be a positive one, because Ryan looks pissed but maybe just a little bit interested too in what he’ll have to say. Luke wonders if anyone has used Marissa name around Ryan since the funeral. Has anyone actually given him the opportunity to speak about her? Suddenly, it hits him like a sledgehammer, that this was why Seth had been so insistent he speak with Ryan, because he knew stuff about what it was like to be Marissa Cooper’s boyfriend. Knew what it was like to love her, knew her intimately, knew her, faults and all. He’s on a roll now, convinced he knows what is needed, knows what no one else will have been prepared to say. Silently, he curses Seth a little, though, for saddling him with this, just because he’s Luke, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings too.
“I used to think it was me, my fault, that I wasn’t being who she needed, that I wasn’t able to give her enough. At first, I beat myself up about it. I tried to change but whatever I did, it was never the right thing, never enough for her so I gave up and started cheating on her too.” Ryan nods at this. He knows that Luke was unfaithful. “The other girls, they were almost like a holiday, you know? I could be myself with them. I didn’t have to keep questioning myself. Was I upsetting her? Was I doing the wrong thing again?” He risks a direct look at Ryan and thinks that he sees a flicker of recognition at his words in Ryan’s eyes. “She idolized her dad, I think, and hey, I can relate because when my dad came out everything was so screwed. When Jimmy turned out to be a crook, I think something inside her got messed up somehow. What I’m trying to say, Ryan, and this is damn hard, you know?” That gets a ghost of a smile. “What I mean is, the cracks where already there before you came to town. You didn’t break her. She was getting wasted at parties and making some bad decisions even before you came along.”
Luke pauses and lets that information sink in before he suggests, “Come on, man. It’s too dark in here. Let’s go for a walk.” And he’s up and out the door before Ryan can say anything, hoping that Ryan will choose to follow him out. He knows he needs to get out of that room and he hopes that Ryan is feeling the same way. If Luke was poetic, or empathic, or a girl, and thank God he is so none of those, he’d have said that the pool house was oppressive, that Ryan couldn’t escape the shade of the girl while he was in there. The memories of her are pressed in too tight, in every corner and crack. Ryan needs to get out and breathe. He needs to start living his life, not reliving his memories.
Luke heads straight for the beach path. Suddenly, he realizes that Ryan isn’t behind him. Luke slows down some, as Ryan reaches him, he adjusts his stride to match. He’d forgotten how short Ryan is.
Guys do not notice how other guys look, that is totally another girl thing, but if Luke did notice, he’d say Ryan looks like shit, pale-skinned in a way that is all kinds of wrong in California in the summer and tired too, worn down.
They walk just out of reach of the incoming tide. Luke makes sure they’re well along the beach before he speaks again. So far, Luke has done all the talking. He’s not a hundred percent sure how Ryan is taking his words, but he hasn’t hit him yet, so he takes that as encouragement and pushes a little more. “She made some crap choices, you know? She never seemed to be satisfied. She always seemed to be searching for something more than what she had. I think it was the summer after eighth grade, she threw me over for the housekeeper’s nephew. A scrawny, little kid with almost no English, visiting for the break. She spent the whole summer getting his English up to speed, talking to him for hours, watching T.V., videos. She didn’t get that I didn’t want him hanging around with us.”
“She was kind. She accepted people for who they were. She accepted me.” It comes as a shock to hear Ryan’s voice, but it’s steady. He sounds absolutely certain of what he’s saying.
“Yeah, don’t get me wrong. I get that. She was kind, but she was selfish too. Wanting her own way, expecting me, others, to see things her way.” Luke says carefully. He doesn’t want to alienate Ryan and he starts to wonder if he is being as honest with Ryan, or with himself for that matter, as he first thought, or if he’s letting some of his own regrets about his relationship with Marissa bleed into the conversation. He thinks about who Marissa was really hard. He huffs out a breath of air and qualifies.
“When I said it seemed like she cheated on me before? I guess, I wasn’t being completely fair. It wasn’t like she was going around kissing other guys. She had this thing for lame dogs, lost causes.” Luke hurries on, because he knows Ryan will lump himself into that group...pretty much as Luke does. “She would reach out, you know like with Oliver? I don’t think she got the effect she was having half the time.”
They walk in silence some more. Luke is so out of his depth that he thinks of suggesting they go for a swim. Trying to help Ryan, trying to be fair to Marissa, coping with his own issues about her is making his brain hurt.
“We’re all selfish. I’m being selfish brooding. I know that.”
Luke is surprised to hear Ryan say that but he says, “So, do something about it.”
“I’m trying. I just, I dunno. I thought about packing up and going, anyplace but here, but I didn’t have the energy.”
Luke kicks at a stone, wonders if Ryan is hinting at an invite. He could do that, and having Ryan stay at his place the way Cohen did would be doable, good even, because Luke is certain Ryan would be the perfect house guest, cooking, cleaning up. But he isn’t convinced it’s what Ryan needs. Luke is beginning to get a tad concerned about himself by now, his ability to put himself into Ryan’s head. Who is he channelling? Just suck it up, he tells himself. You owe Ryan this much. You owe Marissa a hell of a lot more.
They land up where Luke had planned to be from the beginning, sitting on the bench at the baseball field. This is where he and Ryan became friends, thinks Luke. Where he and Marissa found their equilibrium after their final break up. This leads Luke to admit, “You were right earlier. She was kind.”
They sit. Luke had considered bringing beers, but couldn’t figure out how to get them here without toting them along the beach. He hadn’t wanted to be that obvious, and plus, he wasn’t, isn’t planning on getting Ryan drunk
“Come on. I’m parched. Let’s go hit a cafe”
Ryan has been surprisingly docile all afternoon, following Luke’s lead. He stalls, though, when faced with Seth, Summer and Kaitlin already seated at a table outside the cafe when they’ve reached the beach front.
“Shit,” mutters Luke. He should have foreseen this possibility and warned the others to stay away. In truth, though, he hadn’t planned past getting Ryan to the bench. Seth looks edgy and strangely, that seems to be what swings it for Ryan, as if Seth’s discomfort makes it clear that this wasn’t an ambush.
They get drinks and Luke is beyond relieved that he seems to have done his part and can begin to relax. He is nowhere near as stupid as others would make out - or as he would pretend to be himself. He knows full well that Ryan loved Marissa and still needs to grieve for her, is still going to feel guilty that things didn’t work out between them because he wishes to God he’d done things differently with Marissa himself. He has plenty of regrets of his own, reasons to beta himself up for and he can’t see an end in sight to them any time soon. But, it is a start - Ryan is out of the pool house.
When Kaitlin asks, “So, what are we going to do tomorrow?” and Ryan doesn’t stand, doesn’t look away, just looks mildly interested, Luke figures he’s done good. Marissa would be proud of him. She would forgive him the things he’s said about her this afternoon, because she was like that too, flawed. She made mistakes...but she always tried to make things better afterwards.