(no subject)
Happy birthday to my darling phillyexpat! In honor of this auspicious occasion, I have
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named phillyexpat. She was a down-to-earth princess, though, unlike some of her relatives from the Kingdom of Jersey who registered for $75 dish towels and insisted that having a job was for other people. phillyexpat was toiling in exile in the city of Beltway, knitting her fifteenth afghan that week because she had given up smoking and the nervous energy was just ridiculous when she looked out the window and behold, Donovan McNabb of the Eagles was walking down the street.
"You punk," our princess yelled in dulcet tones, throwing her tiny Donovan McNabb bobblehead doll out the window and hitting him in the head. "You've broken my heart three years running--taking my royal team all the way to the playoffs and then blowing it at the end."
Donovan glared up at her. "I don't want to hear about it. We're kicking ass so far this season. Mentioning the playoffs will just jinx us again."
Our princess crossed her arms over her chest and glared back. "The Red Sox seemed to have overcome their jinx this year. I'm counting on you to do the same." She stomped her royal foot in its trendy black shoe. "I command you to come up to my tower where I will give you the secret strategy I have devised for you to win the Bowl Most Super this year."
"The elevator is out, most sensible princess," Donovan said. "I'm afraid I will have to listen to your advice through the mind waves you and thousands of other fans shoot at me while watching the games on your televisions."
"Nonsense," phillyexpat replied. "You can climb up one of my hand-knitted scarves. I've got hundreds of them. In fact," she said with a smile, "you come up here, and I'll knit you a stuffed eagle to take with you while we talk."
"Lot of nervous energy, huh?" he said.
"You have no idea," she responded.
So she lowered a scarf out the window, and Donovan McNabb did climb into her tower and verily he learned the secrets to not blowing the season in the last game before the Bowl Most Super, and he was filled with gratitude.
And that winter when the Eagles won the Bowl Most Super the entire team, wearing their magical scarves knitted by the princess, turned to the cameras and said, "We're Going to Disneyworld."
Because they might have won, but they were still kind of ungrateful bastards.
And phillyexpat said, "those are my boys," and then switched over to the Sixers game.
And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named phillyexpat. She was a down-to-earth princess, though, unlike some of her relatives from the Kingdom of Jersey who registered for $75 dish towels and insisted that having a job was for other people. phillyexpat was toiling in exile in the city of Beltway, knitting her fifteenth afghan that week because she had given up smoking and the nervous energy was just ridiculous when she looked out the window and behold, Donovan McNabb of the Eagles was walking down the street.
"You punk," our princess yelled in dulcet tones, throwing her tiny Donovan McNabb bobblehead doll out the window and hitting him in the head. "You've broken my heart three years running--taking my royal team all the way to the playoffs and then blowing it at the end."
Donovan glared up at her. "I don't want to hear about it. We're kicking ass so far this season. Mentioning the playoffs will just jinx us again."
Our princess crossed her arms over her chest and glared back. "The Red Sox seemed to have overcome their jinx this year. I'm counting on you to do the same." She stomped her royal foot in its trendy black shoe. "I command you to come up to my tower where I will give you the secret strategy I have devised for you to win the Bowl Most Super this year."
"The elevator is out, most sensible princess," Donovan said. "I'm afraid I will have to listen to your advice through the mind waves you and thousands of other fans shoot at me while watching the games on your televisions."
"Nonsense," phillyexpat replied. "You can climb up one of my hand-knitted scarves. I've got hundreds of them. In fact," she said with a smile, "you come up here, and I'll knit you a stuffed eagle to take with you while we talk."
"Lot of nervous energy, huh?" he said.
"You have no idea," she responded.
So she lowered a scarf out the window, and Donovan McNabb did climb into her tower and verily he learned the secrets to not blowing the season in the last game before the Bowl Most Super, and he was filled with gratitude.
And that winter when the Eagles won the Bowl Most Super the entire team, wearing their magical scarves knitted by the princess, turned to the cameras and said, "We're Going to Disneyworld."
Because they might have won, but they were still kind of ungrateful bastards.
And phillyexpat said, "those are my boys," and then switched over to the Sixers game.
And they all lived happily ever after. The end.