College essay #1

[french_collapse]

Prompt: Name an experience in you life when you have been transformed.

Comments

[nervousystems]

i hate college.
none of us are transformed
seriously.

[nervousystems]

the first paragraph seems a little odd to me
not really tied to your next thought
although I understand it's sort of an introduction to the prompt?

[french_collapse]

Funny story, the first paragraph was written for an entirely different essay. I completely re-wrote it and just left the introduction. Wait, the first body paragraph or the introduction?

I think I know what you mean and I'll take a look.

[nervousystems]

Intro