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[freshlyminted]

I feel severed from intelligent life and that includes me. It makes me really lonely. It makes me really angry when I don't even feel like I have the capacity anymore to think about anything challenging unless it's imposed upon me by another. Which is why in a way, I am glad I got rejected from school. I am not prepared for it anymore. I don't

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[lyricalnoise]

i know what you mean, sometimes. getting myself motivated while there's a professor in front of me is easy. afterwards is the difficulty. which is why i think if my professors were talking about god all the time, i might be a little more inclined to give a shit.

i don't like to be alone, either. it's part of why i don't sleep?

ps. today begins the beginning of my experimentation with antidespressants. i didn't want to see a psychiatrist, because i don't really want to talk to my mom about it, but my family doctor prescribed me zoloft. let's hope something happens and the psychiatrist doesn't have to happen and my mom just never notices that the prescription is not for my headaches.

sorry to talk about myself a bunch, but i've been resisting the med idea since like middle school, so now that i have a prescription written out, i feel worried and like i'm betraying myself?

but if you don't want to be alone, i'm always good for company. or i can recommend books or something?