The other side of recovery
I have been incredibly positive focused on my facebook posts about everything, and on most of mine here.
This post is going to be the opposite; I'm going to write out everything frustrating I am currently going through, partially to document it and partially to just get it out.
I'm going to lj cut it as it contains TMI info.
My chest constantly feels tight, and if I reach for anything or use my arms for more than the slightest thing I feel a strong pulling sensation, which is letting me know I am putting too much stress on my sternum. It's very frustrating and I have to consciously think of everything I do with my arms, because if I don't my natural tall person habits lead to it happening.
If I cough or sneeze it hurts like hell in my chest, and it totally ruins my mood for a while afterwards, as it's that sharp a pain.
My chest is now a different shape than before and it kinda weirds me out.
My scar is still weird feeling to the touch, and clothing touching it triggers the same feeling; every time I go outside and have my shirt buttoned up it constantly causes it. Seat belts are even worse.
Speaking of clothing, I have to wear button up shirts at the moment since I can't pull a t shirt over my head, and I HATE button up shirts with a fiery passion.
My back pain issues are of course still here, because they're completely unrelated, so I have back pain happening all the time as well. Due to my sternum healing, I can't do the three things that help reset it to normal; I can't lay on my stomach, I can't get a massage, and I can't see a chiropractor. I've been having the worst back pain I've had in at least a year due to that.
Ever since the surgery I have had some patches of hyper sensitive skin, which includes my genitals. In addition to being hyper sensitive, they are also sore; I have only gotten aroused once since the surgery, and it quickly went away due to how painful it was. I know it's not a UTI as I also got one of those in the hospital thanks to the catheter, and it has since cleared up, and they said UTI's don't cause these symptoms.
Every nurse I asked, along with my surgeon and his team, have never heard of this kind of side effect from my surgery or the complications I have had; the only advice he could give me was if it continues for a month or more to see a neurologist as it could be a form of neuropathy.
I'm usually a highly sexually active person, be it solo or with someone, and it's now been at least a month since I have been able to do anything. I am incredibly "full" feeling, and I can't do anything about it due to the above issue.
At night while trying to sleep, I intermittently experience neuropathy in my legs and feet, which feels like sharp pins and needles coursing through them. It makes it hard to fall asleep and can also wake me up if it gets bad enough.
Laying down is an intense process where my chest goes hey buddy what the fuck do you think you're doing?! I feel intense tightness and pressure and it takes 4-5 minutes to go away, during which I have to breathe heavily and can't do much of anything.
To go with that, laying down is the one helpful thing I can do for my back right now, so it's a tradeoff every time.
I can only walk short distances, and I get winded easily. Going from sitting in the kitchen here ar my parent's house to grab something out of the fridge and back to sitting makes my legs feel tired and I am short of breath.
If I walk any significant distance, significant being over 200 feet, it is like I just did a full intense gym workout, with full muscle burn and being completely out of breath, and needing several minutes to recover afterwards. Several walks like this tire me out significantly.
I have to do exercise like above as much as I possibly can, as it speeds my recovery. I am constantly wiped out by the end of the day.
I have to take medication at four different times a day, restricting my activities and/or making it ao I have to plan ahead and take them along. I also have to check my blood pressure theoughout the day to see how the two medications I'm on for blood pressure are affecting it, to make sure it doesn't drop too low or go too high.
While he doesn't mean anything bad by it, I am incredibly tired of hearing my father filling in other family members about how I am doing. It's fucking weird to constantly hear someone do that, and every time I hear it my mind snaps back to thinking about it instead of wherever else it might be. I've asked him to go into another room while doing it, bur he's loud enough that I still hear it, and I can't easily just go somewhere else to get away from it.
I'm also tired of talking about the surgery. I've done it so much, now; I want to talk about either progress I am currently making, or anything else. I am not a heart surgery patient. I am Christopher. Talk to me about games, books, movies, anime, your adorable dog, everything you usually do; don't make everything be about "what happened", because I live with it every moment and I sure am sick of it.
Hmm. I should start directly telling people that. I think I will.
Despite all this, things are getting better day by day, and I generally am positive. Just really needed to get it all out somewhere.
I can't wait until I am home and can just focus on several weeks of recovery and relaxation. I am going to play so much PS4, as I can't quite use my computer yet. By the time my sternum heals, the Path of Exile expansion should be out, and I will dive heavily into that.
This post is going to be the opposite; I'm going to write out everything frustrating I am currently going through, partially to document it and partially to just get it out.
I'm going to lj cut it as it contains TMI info.
My chest constantly feels tight, and if I reach for anything or use my arms for more than the slightest thing I feel a strong pulling sensation, which is letting me know I am putting too much stress on my sternum. It's very frustrating and I have to consciously think of everything I do with my arms, because if I don't my natural tall person habits lead to it happening.
If I cough or sneeze it hurts like hell in my chest, and it totally ruins my mood for a while afterwards, as it's that sharp a pain.
My chest is now a different shape than before and it kinda weirds me out.
My scar is still weird feeling to the touch, and clothing touching it triggers the same feeling; every time I go outside and have my shirt buttoned up it constantly causes it. Seat belts are even worse.
Speaking of clothing, I have to wear button up shirts at the moment since I can't pull a t shirt over my head, and I HATE button up shirts with a fiery passion.
My back pain issues are of course still here, because they're completely unrelated, so I have back pain happening all the time as well. Due to my sternum healing, I can't do the three things that help reset it to normal; I can't lay on my stomach, I can't get a massage, and I can't see a chiropractor. I've been having the worst back pain I've had in at least a year due to that.
Ever since the surgery I have had some patches of hyper sensitive skin, which includes my genitals. In addition to being hyper sensitive, they are also sore; I have only gotten aroused once since the surgery, and it quickly went away due to how painful it was. I know it's not a UTI as I also got one of those in the hospital thanks to the catheter, and it has since cleared up, and they said UTI's don't cause these symptoms.
Every nurse I asked, along with my surgeon and his team, have never heard of this kind of side effect from my surgery or the complications I have had; the only advice he could give me was if it continues for a month or more to see a neurologist as it could be a form of neuropathy.
I'm usually a highly sexually active person, be it solo or with someone, and it's now been at least a month since I have been able to do anything. I am incredibly "full" feeling, and I can't do anything about it due to the above issue.
At night while trying to sleep, I intermittently experience neuropathy in my legs and feet, which feels like sharp pins and needles coursing through them. It makes it hard to fall asleep and can also wake me up if it gets bad enough.
Laying down is an intense process where my chest goes hey buddy what the fuck do you think you're doing?! I feel intense tightness and pressure and it takes 4-5 minutes to go away, during which I have to breathe heavily and can't do much of anything.
To go with that, laying down is the one helpful thing I can do for my back right now, so it's a tradeoff every time.
I can only walk short distances, and I get winded easily. Going from sitting in the kitchen here ar my parent's house to grab something out of the fridge and back to sitting makes my legs feel tired and I am short of breath.
If I walk any significant distance, significant being over 200 feet, it is like I just did a full intense gym workout, with full muscle burn and being completely out of breath, and needing several minutes to recover afterwards. Several walks like this tire me out significantly.
I have to do exercise like above as much as I possibly can, as it speeds my recovery. I am constantly wiped out by the end of the day.
I have to take medication at four different times a day, restricting my activities and/or making it ao I have to plan ahead and take them along. I also have to check my blood pressure theoughout the day to see how the two medications I'm on for blood pressure are affecting it, to make sure it doesn't drop too low or go too high.
While he doesn't mean anything bad by it, I am incredibly tired of hearing my father filling in other family members about how I am doing. It's fucking weird to constantly hear someone do that, and every time I hear it my mind snaps back to thinking about it instead of wherever else it might be. I've asked him to go into another room while doing it, bur he's loud enough that I still hear it, and I can't easily just go somewhere else to get away from it.
I'm also tired of talking about the surgery. I've done it so much, now; I want to talk about either progress I am currently making, or anything else. I am not a heart surgery patient. I am Christopher. Talk to me about games, books, movies, anime, your adorable dog, everything you usually do; don't make everything be about "what happened", because I live with it every moment and I sure am sick of it.
Hmm. I should start directly telling people that. I think I will.
Despite all this, things are getting better day by day, and I generally am positive. Just really needed to get it all out somewhere.
I can't wait until I am home and can just focus on several weeks of recovery and relaxation. I am going to play so much PS4, as I can't quite use my computer yet. By the time my sternum heals, the Path of Exile expansion should be out, and I will dive heavily into that.