Comments | frodofigment: Return post and a surprise

frodofigment

Return post and a surprise

Feb 12, 2006 21:23

Bingo already wrote back. That was fast... I was expecting to have more time to get adjusted to this place again. Oh, well... I'm utterly terrified and nervous, but this is a good thing. The sooner I am able to talk to him the better ( Read more... )

Comments 56

bbolger_baggins February 13 2006, 04:58:36 UTC

*gets up, takes a breath, opens the door* Uh, hello. *seems tightly wrapped, meets his eyes, looks away, meets his eyes again* Hello Iorhael. You look well. *holds onto the door, small smile*

frodofigment February 13 2006, 05:01:44 UTC

H...*chokes on the word* hullo. Sorry about that. *looks down at his feet* Yes, so do you. How...how are you? *glances up, smiles lightly, nerves catch him again and looks down*

bbolger_baggins February 13 2006, 05:06:01 UTC

I'm all right. *nervously* Oh! Come in, come in. *moves back from the door* I'll get some tea. *goes to get the kettle and compose himself*

frodofigment February 13 2006, 05:10:06 UTC

Good. Thank you, Bingo. *closes the door quietly behind them, taking his cloak off his shoulders and hanging it. Follows, nervously taking a seat* Thank you for the tea. I feel terrible... I wish I had been able to offer Halfast tea, but I didn't even have a kettle yet when I wrote the letter for you. I'll make it up to him another afternoon.

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frodofigment February 15 2006, 06:45:19 UTC

*backs up a little, nervously shifting his weight, bumps the table and stops. Looks down at his feet as he listens ( ... )

bbolger_baggins February 15 2006, 07:02:08 UTC

*shakes his head, looks at him hard, still glassy eyed* I was just a prize to you. Give the right answer--win a prize? *bitterly* Heh. That's not love, Iorhael. That's conquest. *bites his lip, and looks away, not wanting to see Iorhael's tears*

No, sit, please. *purses his lips*

frodofigment February 15 2006, 07:14:37 UTC

*sits down before answering*

I sought to conquer many realms of emotion, in my desire to really feel them. I am not surprised that love was one of those, though I do like to think that I have loved. I will agree with you to an extent that what I did was conquest... prize seeking.

But my protest is that I did learn to feel emotions, and I know that I felt love for you. I know that in my review of memories from happier times. I know that from the feeling that I am resisting now. I did love you, and I want to say that I still do but I feel that is unacceptable considering present circumstances. My error was in not knowing what to do with that love, and not be selfish about it. As I said before, I took your love of me for granted. I neglected to gain an important lesson from you when it concerns love. How to be selfless and considerate in love. I suppose you could say that I did not learn the most important part.

bbolger_baggins February 16 2006, 03:49:41 UTC

*listens, blinks, shaking his head, exasperated, shouts* Ai, Iorhael! I don't care what lessons you learned or not! I really don't! I didn't sign on to be your teacher, you self-absorbed sot! *runs his hand through his hair puffing*

It doesn't take much awareness to realize there was a problem with what you did when you interferred with my healing, it really doesn't! You left. Again. After promises of staying. *starts pacing* And . . . I couldn't accept you'd just break those promises . . again . . . but my not being able to accept your failings and back away was my problem . . . I took responsibility for it by walking The Fire to help me let go. I wasn't.letting.go. I wasn't letting go that you weren't there. Do you understand?

*makes a sweeping gesture with his arm* So what do you do? You waltz up. You know it's our relationship I'm needing distance from. You tell me it was you who I was trying to forget, anyway. Despite how that might interfere with my healing. Did you stop to think for one moment what interferring with ( ... )

Thread 21

bbolger_baggins February 20 2006, 02:13:15 UTC

((Np. Ty for telling me.))

*small, almost indulgent, smile* There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep to yourself. *nods, sips his tea* It would, indeed.

*listens as he puts down his tea, stretches his fingers and tents them again on the table, then looks down to examine them as he considers Iorhael's words, and ponders what his head and heart, each in turn, say in response*

frodofigment February 20 2006, 04:00:22 UTC

*sips his tea, waiting for Bingo's response, hoping he hasn't upset him*

bbolger_baggins February 20 2006, 04:35:51 UTC

*looks in his eyes* If you . . . if you can be around consistently enough a year at least, buddy to make me feel valued and cared about, loved, and not . . . abandoned left in the lurch, and if being around does make you happy as well because you really don't know that yet either, we will definitely have a friendship, and maybe one day . . . I too miss the good things we had . . . *looks down to break the intensity he feels rising* . . . only time will tell . . . what closeness or distance we'll need and what kind of friends we will be. *sips his tea*

*clears his throat, and looks back at Iorhael with determination* In the meantime, I will not put my life on hold I want sex now, wherever I can safely get it, and emotionally . . . that's not safe with you right now Like you, I want to be happy to love and be loved.

frodofigment February 20 2006, 04:45:21 UTC

*holds back the desire to reach out and comfort Bingo through touch, nods* Yes, only time will tell.

I do not expect you to put anything on hold because of my presence here. Good, you have every right to go about your lifebe happy.

*finishes his tea* Thank you, Bingo.

Thread 16