(no subject)
Once again, I'm facing leaving a school, and this school, in particular, is embedded in my soul, despite all that has happened to make me feel frustrated, angry, and sad in the last two years. We've had a lot of rain, this summer, and as I said to Bev last night, I think there's a lot of water/emotion in the air, lately. The flooding has represented, for me at least, an overflow of emotions at the school. In many ways, it's been a very unhappy place to be, yet today I also saw the positive emotions.
I did not sleep well last night, waking up thinking about my mental checklist of things I have to do before I leave. But, I was also very anxious about today. I finally got back to sleep, but woke up with a serious crick in my neck (which I think was mostly tension-related). It never really went away (still there, in fact!). So, I dragged myself to Tesco's to complete my gifts to my TA's from the children, and of course ran into loads of other staff members shopping at the last minute, as well as some parents. Too funny, although I was more frustrated at the time.
The day itself was crazy, and began with one of my former students running to meet me as I pulled in with a home-made card and lots of hugs and well-wishes from her parents. That got me going, big style! Yesterday, when Anita announced that I was leaving, I heard quite a few gasps from my former students, and she had been one who had. She said she was surprised that I was leaving. I told her, 'I came back once before - you know you haven't got rid of me, yet!' I promised to come see her and the others at lunch time, which I did and which was so lovely. Lots of hugs and memories.
Then, Heidi and I (and Tanith, but hers was happy due to her upcoming marriage) had to endure the obligatory assembly, where we were presented with gifts in front of the children and the entire infant staff. We were all holding the tears in with great difficulty (and loads of tissues!). I've been through this twice before in this country, remember, and it doesn't get any easier! Especially when I know some of the same people have put in money for leaving gifts for the second time I've left! It makes me feel both guilty and pleased, as they have all given me so much, yet it makes me feel so appreciated and loved. And, to think that just six months ago they gave me so much for my 40th...it warms and hurts my heart.
And, to top it all off I had EXTRA cards and gifts throughout the day...please, don't let ANYONE tell you that the English are cold or unloving. I sat in the staff room after school eating Michelle's wonderful cheesecake (which she made b/c she wasn't able to come Sunday, and wanted us all to share something together when she could be there) and could hardly eat b/c I kept welling up with tears. I love these people, I do! I just kept thinking that I won't see them for a few months, yet I hold them all so deeply in my heart, despite all the silly stuff that goes on sometimes.
Oh, my children! The last day is always rough, but especially when you know you won't see them until you visit. I am already planning to visit in October, but it's not in stone. These children, as all my children have been, are very special to me, although we are all tired and grumpy by this stage in the game.
I had more hugs and kisses, and held more hands, than I have all year. On the last day, some rules just don't apply, so I sat there and let them talk during the video we watched after the assembly, held hands for a few minutes with those who needed comforting, and generally tried to ease their anxiety about going to year two and my leaving. They did very well (better than me, actually!), and I'm sure they will be fine. I love teaching this age group, and watching them learn! I think that this age is my niche. Although, I've loved all the age groups I've taught.
I had so many well wishes, hugs, lovely notes, and gifts from them and from their parents, and that started me off again at the end of the day. I particularly had a hard time telling Destiny good-bye. Here was the girl who came to us in September dirty, neglected, and angry at the world. I haven't posted about her b/c it was so dramatic for all of us, and the entire situation has been one that will stay with me. She used to come to school with mum, riddled with nits, never dressed for the weather, and in a tantrum state. Because of documentation from all involved, but mainly on the part of Jan and Sarah, she was finally put into foster care and we have seen an entirely different child for the remainder of the year. She was always eager to learn, and takes on everything we teach her, even down to counting to 10 when washing her hands, which I saw her do on a class trip when she didn't know I was watching. That nearly broke my heart, b/c here was a girl who, filthy otherwise, made sure that at least her hands were clean. And, oh, when she came in the first day after being in foster care with her hair braided and her clean uniform! She said, 'smell me, I smell nice!' Utterly heartbreaking! She has since soared in her reading and writing, and always takes everything I teach her on board. Yet, beneath that lovely smile, turbulent emotions hide. I hope her life continues to bring her positive things, and that she can reach her full potential.
Later: Well, LJ crashed on me last night as I was writing this, so it's now Wednesday morning and I'll try to post it again. More, later. I'm off to see The Musical tonight.
Cheers,
S :)