playing with fire
Title: playing with fire
Rating: G
Pairings(s): None, Chen-Centric
Genre: Angst, but feel-goodness in the end.
A/N: Un-beta'ed. Who wants to be my beta? :DD
The sound of match hitting box.
scrtch scrtch
And then a flame.
Jongdae watched at the fire made it's way down the matchstick. The wood started curling as the flame wake it burnt, traveling closer and closer to his fingers.
What are you doing there? What is so good about what you're doing? We're worried that you won't be anything. Are you even going anywhere? What are you doing with your life?
The flame was smaller now. The blue of its flame gave off heat that licked at his skin, invisible to the naked eye. It was close, so close... What if he let it touch his-- The door opened, and Chen dropped the match into a waiting bowl of water, bottom littered with charred sticks just like it. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and quickly looked up to find his roommate staring at him, brows knit with worry. The air smelled of smoke, stiff and suffocating.
"Did they call again?" Zitao took the box out of his hands and tucked it into his pocket, out of the older boy's reach.
"I called them. I wanted to tell them." Jongdae wanted to tell his parents how well received he was in China. EXO-M's success was something he was proud of. Being so well recognized, and praised, so early into his career is something to be proud of.
The younger put the bowl away, mentally reminding himself to dispose of the water later. He hadn't bothered turning on the lights, knowing that Jongdae would prefer to be in the dark. In the day, he was all smiles and shy laughter. He was Chen, the powerful lead vocal of EXO-M, and one of 12 in their brotherhood.
At night, he played with fire, watching the flames hiss as it hits water. He was Jongdae, the boy whose parents didn't support. He was the boy who is nothing in his parents eyes.
What you're doing is nothing.
"You're not nothing, hyung. You know that right?" Zitao's words jolted him. Had he whispered that aloud without know? Jongdae felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and he felt himself start to loosen. He hadn't realized how stiff he was until Zitao gently rubbed his arms, trying to get him to relax. He took a deep breath, taking in what's left of the smoke.
"Have you ever noticed that, when somethings gets really close, it starts going really fast?" He forced himself to unclench his fists. "I feel like... If I get there sooner, they'll understand faster. Hell, I don't even need them to understand. I just want them to know. Even acknowledging that it's real is better than-" he gestured to the air "-than this."
Zitao didn't reply. He didn't know what his hyung is going through. His parents had always been supportive of him and his career. If there was any way he could share that with Jongdae, the parental affirmation, he would. All he wanted want to comfort his roommate and to keep him safe. Boxes of matches kept appearing in the little corner of the closet, not matter how many times he's tried to get rid of them. He remembered asking Jongdae why he played with fire.
"One day, I'll burn out," Jongdae had replied before dropping a match in the water. After that night, Zitao had made it a habit to take away all the matches, and Jongdae had made it a point to avoid playing with the boy around.
"Don't play with fire anymore." Zitao steadied his voice, making a command, not a request. "You're part of EXO. You're not nothing. Without you, we will be nothing."
They let the words hang in the air, chasing away the last of the smoke. Outside, they heard the others get ready for bed, speaking hushed voices as to not wake them up. Jongdae had left the others early, feigning exhaustion. Tao had followed a little while later, claiming that he's going to try to get rid of his signature dark eye circles much to the others' amusement. The rumbling of Kris' deep voice reverberated through the door. The two boys can hear their leader whisper-scolding Yixing for trying to prank Minseok. Luhan's gentle laughter, muffled by his hand joined in the vibrations. A mumbled apology by Yixing, a sniffled response from Minseok. Jongdae and Zitao chuckled amongst themselves at their members.
"Quiet, you'll wake them up."
"I hope Jongdae is alright... He wasn't looking too well tonight."
"I wonder if it's his-"
"- Parents? Yeah..."
"I was about to say that he might be homesick."
"Well, that too."
"Whatever it is, we're sticking with him. Because we are-"
"-We are one. We get it, duizhang. Are you going senile? You sound like a broken record." The boys in the room can practically see Yixing roll his eyes with his impish grin, and their leader's infamous glare in response.
"Get to bed. Now." A shuffle of feet, a couple of yelps from Luhan as Yixing poked him, a lot of loud shhh's from Miseok, the sound of doors clicking close, and finally, silence.
Zitao turned to Jongdae, smiling. See? We need you, his eyes said. He gathered the bowl of water from under his bed and left the room to get rid of its contents.
Jongdae watched him go, gaze lingering at the open door. His strained his ears and listened for everyone's movements, feeling for the presence of the five other people in the apartment.
So maybe his parents are waiting for him to burn out, but he's got five, no, eleven others waiting for him to shine.
A/N: If you're wondering why the smoke detector didn't sound... well I'm wondering the same thing.
I really am looking for a beta! I'm not a serious fic writer right now, but I would like to have someone to talk to. It's been too long since I've written anything other than papers and blogs and profiles. I really miss writing fiction ;~;
Rating: G
Pairings(s): None, Chen-Centric
Genre: Angst, but feel-goodness in the end.
A/N: Un-beta'ed. Who wants to be my beta? :DD
The sound of match hitting box.
scrtch scrtch
And then a flame.
Jongdae watched at the fire made it's way down the matchstick. The wood started curling as the flame wake it burnt, traveling closer and closer to his fingers.
What are you doing there? What is so good about what you're doing? We're worried that you won't be anything. Are you even going anywhere? What are you doing with your life?
The flame was smaller now. The blue of its flame gave off heat that licked at his skin, invisible to the naked eye. It was close, so close... What if he let it touch his-- The door opened, and Chen dropped the match into a waiting bowl of water, bottom littered with charred sticks just like it. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and quickly looked up to find his roommate staring at him, brows knit with worry. The air smelled of smoke, stiff and suffocating.
"Did they call again?" Zitao took the box out of his hands and tucked it into his pocket, out of the older boy's reach.
"I called them. I wanted to tell them." Jongdae wanted to tell his parents how well received he was in China. EXO-M's success was something he was proud of. Being so well recognized, and praised, so early into his career is something to be proud of.
The younger put the bowl away, mentally reminding himself to dispose of the water later. He hadn't bothered turning on the lights, knowing that Jongdae would prefer to be in the dark. In the day, he was all smiles and shy laughter. He was Chen, the powerful lead vocal of EXO-M, and one of 12 in their brotherhood.
At night, he played with fire, watching the flames hiss as it hits water. He was Jongdae, the boy whose parents didn't support. He was the boy who is nothing in his parents eyes.
What you're doing is nothing.
"You're not nothing, hyung. You know that right?" Zitao's words jolted him. Had he whispered that aloud without know? Jongdae felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and he felt himself start to loosen. He hadn't realized how stiff he was until Zitao gently rubbed his arms, trying to get him to relax. He took a deep breath, taking in what's left of the smoke.
"Have you ever noticed that, when somethings gets really close, it starts going really fast?" He forced himself to unclench his fists. "I feel like... If I get there sooner, they'll understand faster. Hell, I don't even need them to understand. I just want them to know. Even acknowledging that it's real is better than-" he gestured to the air "-than this."
Zitao didn't reply. He didn't know what his hyung is going through. His parents had always been supportive of him and his career. If there was any way he could share that with Jongdae, the parental affirmation, he would. All he wanted want to comfort his roommate and to keep him safe. Boxes of matches kept appearing in the little corner of the closet, not matter how many times he's tried to get rid of them. He remembered asking Jongdae why he played with fire.
"One day, I'll burn out," Jongdae had replied before dropping a match in the water. After that night, Zitao had made it a habit to take away all the matches, and Jongdae had made it a point to avoid playing with the boy around.
"Don't play with fire anymore." Zitao steadied his voice, making a command, not a request. "You're part of EXO. You're not nothing. Without you, we will be nothing."
They let the words hang in the air, chasing away the last of the smoke. Outside, they heard the others get ready for bed, speaking hushed voices as to not wake them up. Jongdae had left the others early, feigning exhaustion. Tao had followed a little while later, claiming that he's going to try to get rid of his signature dark eye circles much to the others' amusement. The rumbling of Kris' deep voice reverberated through the door. The two boys can hear their leader whisper-scolding Yixing for trying to prank Minseok. Luhan's gentle laughter, muffled by his hand joined in the vibrations. A mumbled apology by Yixing, a sniffled response from Minseok. Jongdae and Zitao chuckled amongst themselves at their members.
"Quiet, you'll wake them up."
"I hope Jongdae is alright... He wasn't looking too well tonight."
"I wonder if it's his-"
"- Parents? Yeah..."
"I was about to say that he might be homesick."
"Well, that too."
"Whatever it is, we're sticking with him. Because we are-"
"-We are one. We get it, duizhang. Are you going senile? You sound like a broken record." The boys in the room can practically see Yixing roll his eyes with his impish grin, and their leader's infamous glare in response.
"Get to bed. Now." A shuffle of feet, a couple of yelps from Luhan as Yixing poked him, a lot of loud shhh's from Miseok, the sound of doors clicking close, and finally, silence.
Zitao turned to Jongdae, smiling. See? We need you, his eyes said. He gathered the bowl of water from under his bed and left the room to get rid of its contents.
Jongdae watched him go, gaze lingering at the open door. His strained his ears and listened for everyone's movements, feeling for the presence of the five other people in the apartment.
So maybe his parents are waiting for him to burn out, but he's got five, no, eleven others waiting for him to shine.
A/N: If you're wondering why the smoke detector didn't sound... well I'm wondering the same thing.
I really am looking for a beta! I'm not a serious fic writer right now, but I would like to have someone to talk to. It's been too long since I've written anything other than papers and blogs and profiles. I really miss writing fiction ;~;