If loneliness would move out, I'd fill the vacancy.
Title: If loneliness would move out, I'd fill the vacancy.
Rating: PG
Pairings(s): Suho/OC
Genre: Romance
Best read when listening to The Wanted's Heart Vacancy.
A/N: Oh look! A character/oc fic! I promise there isn't a lot of ooc in there. This is a fic dedicated to Suho on his birthday. I hope you all like it! Thanks to srslycor for being beta <3
As always, comments much appreciated!
I hear your heart cry for love,
Then you act like there's no room.
Room for me, or anyone,
"Don't disturb" is all I see.
Close the door, turn the key,
On everything that we could be.
If loneliness would move out,
I'd fill the vacancy.
She sneaked into their dorm and flicked on the light.
She blinked away the light spots and chuckled at the state of disarray. “As messy as ever,” she muttered to the empty apartment before she rolled up her sleeves and picked up the nearest discarded shirt. Time was ticking. They’ll be back soon, and if this surprise party was going to happen, she’s going to have to work fast.
**
She arrived the year he did, fresh from Chinese auditions, one of the few new foreign trainees. She walked in the front door not expecting to get to know anyone - she was there to train, after all. She was almost fifteen, possessing an aura of stubbornness that kept others away. She worked hard on her voice, her dancing. Within months, she was fluent enough in Korean that no one can mistake her determination. Chances to be trained in one of the best entertainment companies in the world didn’t come without sacrifices, and she was willing to sacrifice a lot.
At first.
Soon, her resolve started to crack. She was told that she couldn’t go home for the Lunar New Year. The company couldn’t justify the loss of time. She watched the other trainees in her batch, Korean trainees, go home and spend the new years with their families. No one said good-bye to her. On New Years Eve, she went into the practice room after a phone call to her parents and danced. She was casted for singing, but her voice was raw from crying. The effort it took to assure her parents that all was well left her broken, sobbing in the emergency staircase before she locked herself up again. The track the trainees were working on started, and she started to dance, scrutinizing herself in the mirror, frustrated and unsatisfied. The beats shook her unpleasantly, and the chords jarred her.
The door opened and she spun around, face flushed, glaring at the intruder. Her body tensed. She had seen the boy around, always smiling radiantly when he’s not otherwise focusing on his own voice and posture. Joonmyun, that’s his name.
“Hey.” The track finished and echoed against the mirrors.
“What do you want?” She spun around, eyeing him through the mirror. She quickly wiped under her eyes, making sure her tears have stopped.
“Mind if I come in?” She rolled her eyes and sat down, too tired to push anyone away tonight. He took that as a yes and closed the door behind him before joining her on the floor. They looked at each other through the mirror. They barely knew each other. She only knows him as the guy who smiles too much and makes everything his business. Why is that, anyway? How can someone care about anyone else in this place when they all knew it’s dog eat dog, the world they all want to be a part of?
“Is everything okay?” His face was marked with worry and concern, she saw through the mirror. Until that moment, she had always thought his caring to be fake. Seeing his eyes, even indirectly, filled with sincerity unnerved her. Rolling her eyes again, she turned away, feeling her eyes start to well up.
“Yes,” she said thickly. “Everything is perfectly fine.” The bitterness crept into her voice as she remembered that tonight she should be home, watching fireworks, opening red pocket with her cousins and spending time with her parents.
“Kayoo-sshi,” - she winced at the Korean version of her name - “I… I saw you come out of the staircase.” He turned his body towards her and rested a hand on her arm. She winced again, more from his words than his touch. That means he must have seen her face. “Want to come over to my place tonight? I don’t have anyone to celebrate new years with this year either.” His confession made her turn and look at him. His hand scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, but he held her gaze, eyes earnest.
It was at that moment when she realized that going through this alone was awfully lonely.
“Call me Xiaoyu.”
Later that night, while descending the staircase of their building to return to her dorm, she realized that she made her first friend in Korea.
**
All of EXO and their managers knew that she was going to be there - everyone but Joonmyun. She clucked her tongue at just how messy their dorm was. The least they could have done was tidy up a bit, just to make her job easier. It’s no secret that she and Joonmyun were close during their trainee days. That’s why their manager had given her their key in the first place. She was a seasoned trainee, just like the rest of them are. Were.
With the clothing gone from the living room and kitchen (and all of it in Chanyeol and Baekyun’s room, but it’s those two who left the biggest mess in the first place), Xiaoyu took the box and heavy bags she brought with her to the kitchen. The box with the cake she placed carefully in the fridge, which was empty from disuse. She sighed, knowing that her friends haven’t eaten properly since they debuted. She unloaded all the groceries and started preparing.
Tonight, she was going to make a feast.
**
One day, a few months after that night in the practice room, Xiaoyu overheard some of the girls in the locker room.
“It’s Joonmyun oppa’s birthday in a few days, right? The 22nd?”
“It is.” They giggled, and something in Xiaoyu’s stomach churned.
“Are you going to get him anything?”
“Maybe…”
“Maybe a confession? Oh, I see how it is.” Their voices grew quiet as they left the locker room. Xiaoyu’s mind was running. The 22nd? That means…
“Did you know that you’re a day older than me?” She asked him after their vocal group lesson.
“Really?” His voice was rough. Their coach had been particularly tough on them that morning. The both of them were mindful of overexerting themselves, not wanting to damage their voice. .
“Yeah.” They followed the others out of the studio and into the canteen.
“Guess we should do something, then. What do you think?” He turned and gave him a radiant smile that made her stop breathing for the briefest second. It had taken her a while, even after new years, to bring herself to be around him more often. She hoped her reaction to his smile is something that would go away.
Before she could answer, she heard someone call her name. She whipped around and saw Yixing waving at her from a table by the window. “We’ll see,” she replied before walking ahead towards their friends.
Over the course of the next few days, she wracked her brain for what to give him. In the last four months, she had gotten to know Joonmyun and, through Joonmyun, the other trainees. It was unsettling sitting at a table with others after months of eating alone. Before, she was too focused on her own training to notice them as any more than competition. She found that Joonmyun didn’t like to be alone. He had told her once that he loved singing, but would never want to do it alone. That’s it. She quickly grabbed her bag and headed to the music store.
His birthday started like any other day. Vocal training in the morning, dancepractice in the afternoon. After their vocal coach dismissed them for lunch, she packed up slowly, waiting for the rest of the trainees to leave before she waved him over.
“Here.” She handed him a book of duets. “I’m sorry I didn’t wrap it. I couldn’t find-“ Her words were cut off by his sudden embrace. Her body stiffened, stunned, but started to relax when his body left hers all too soon.
“Thank you.” His smile blinded her, joy infectious. She couldn’t help but smile back.
He puffed his cheeks, staring balefully at the cover. “What I got you sucks compared to this,” he lamented, brows creasing.
“That’s okay. Just sing with me. That’s good enough.”
**
She sang EXO’s Angel softly to herself as she stirred the miyukguk. The dark tendrils of seaweed swirled as she mouthed the lyrics, swaying gently to her beat. Out of the whole album, that was the one song that immediately reminded her of Joonmyun.
Satisfied with the soup, she set it on the backburner and checked on the other dishes. Heaps of tangsooyuk, jampoong, kimbab, kalbi and some Chinese dishes, spring rolls, mapo tofu, Szechuan chicken, all being kept warm in the oven. The rice was cooked and ready in the giant rice cooker. All she had to do now was wait.
The plan was for the managers to pull Joonmyun back, pretending to discuss promotion cycles, while all the members entered the apartment first. When he entered the dark apartment, they would surprise him.
Her phone buzzed. The text from Baekhyun told her she had 20 minutes. Smiling, she started setting the table, laying the platters of food on the table.
**
“Xiaoyu, I’m debuting.” His voice was faint over the phone. It was late. Middle of the night. Xiaoyu quickly glanced at her sleeping roommate and left her room. She’s been there for five years now, and has since been moved to a different building from Joonmyun. Instead of sneaking into each other’s living rooms, they had to content themselves with phone calls.
“Really?” She whispered into her phone. “Am I dreaming?”
“I’m really…” His voice broke. She knew how long he had waited. She had been there for five years. Imagining his own five filled her with even more uncertainty.
“Joonmyun. Congratulations.” She meant it. “You deserve it.”
“I wish… I wish you were here. I’m a nervous wreck.”
“I am here, silly. Talking to you. You should sleep. It’s going to be very busy for you tomorrow.”
“Yeah… Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, and I’ll tell you all about it at lunch.”
But he never did get to tell her all about it. Over the next month, she watched her friends get swept up in new schedules. Day after day, she sat in the canteen, barely listening to what her friends were sayung as she looked at the door, hoping to see Joonmyun. He would text her, telling her about the new choreography, and the demo tracks (‘I can’t tell you about any of that yet, but I swear you’ll love it.’). She was excited for him, truly. But watching him, and all the friends she’s made, debut left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. She was turning twenty soon, and yet here she was, still training, thousands of miles from home. She knew that Kris and Luhan were older, and Yixing was her age, but they haven’t trained as long as she has, have they?
“I should go back.” She told him a few weeks later.
It was silent on the other side. Xiaoyu barely heard him breathe. Now that she has said them out loud, the finality of her words thudded in her chest.
“But-“
“I’ve been here too long. I mean… I’m not getting any younger, Joonmyun, and we both know that-“ she took a ragged breath “-that the older you get-“
“You can’t leave. Not now. Not when you’re so close.” His voice rose, trying desperately to change her mind.
“I really wanted to see you debut, for us to get ready to debut together.” Her voice broke and the tears ran freely down her cheek.
“Xiaoyu.” She heard the ache in his voice.
“I’m going to tell the company tomorrow.”
“Come get me after. Or I’ll find you.”
The next day, he was waiting for her outside the office. She was startled at how tired he looked. He nodded at her and she followed him into an emergency staircase.
“So it’s finalized?” His voice was thick, eyes refusing to meet hers.
“Yes. I’m leaving in a week.” She sat down on a stair and reached out for his hand, tugging until he sat beside her. “We’re still going to keep in touch, you know,” she said gently.
“I know. But it’s not the same. Losing your best friend of five years will never be okay.” His voice cracked, and she felt her heart crack with it. She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, trying to calm him.
“Joonmyun, you’re not losing me. We’re just going to different places. That’s all. Besides, I’ll be watching you.” He lifted his head in confusion. “How can I not keep my eye on SM’s infamous M1 and M2?” She smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I may not be here for your debut, but I’ll be your biggest fan. And the only fan that will have your phone number.”
“Now is not the time for this.” He tried to keep the smile out of his voice, “You’re leaving.”
“But I won’t be gone.” She hugged him. He returned the gesture, pulling her in tighter than he ever had before. His scent engulfed her, and she took it in, knowing that it might be a while - if ever - until she this close to him again.
“I won’t ever be gone.”
**
It had been over a year since they had seen each other. He saw her off at the airport, giving her a quick hug before his manager whisked him away. As promised, they still kept in touch. She worked extra shifts and hours so that she can afford to keep texting to Korea. Emails and skype calls worked when they weren’t too busy, but it was the small updates and words throughout the day that kept them going.
She would tell him about her position as intern in one of Shanghai’s top entertainment firms and her second job as waitress at night (‘No lewd old men, right?’ ‘Joonmyun!’ ‘Right. I’m sending you pepper spray.’) and he would tell her about their friends, his bandmates, and all the new people he had met during his preparations (‘Can you believe that EXO has fans already? Our showcase is sold out!’ ‘I’m going to send you fangirl repellant.’ ‘What?!’) She watched as EXO debuted in Korea and China, one of the many fans in the crowd.
When she learned that she had collected enough vacation hours, she immediately called Luhan while EXO-M were in China and arranged to be in Korea during his birthday. They have never missed a birthday together since they were fifteen, save for the year before. She doesn’t want to miss one again.
So here she was.
She flicked the lighter in her hand on and off absentmindedly, waiting for her friends to barge in. They all know to be silent and quick, but 11 boys bursting through the door would cause a ruckus, no matter how quiet the were trying to be.
Soon, she heard the scuffling of many feet and the key unlocking the door.
“Xiaoyu?” Luhan’s voice rang into the apartment, followed by hushed whispers and muffled yelps of everyone else as they all filed in and put their shoes away. Kris has warned them to not leave a mess, unless they want to suffer her wrath. She was known to be a feisty one during their trainee years.
“Right here.” She walked out to meet them, quickly hugging each one. It had been too long since she has seen them. “Talk later” she told Chanyeol when he started opening his mouth. “I need one person to be in the kitchen with me while I carry the cake out - Luhan, why don’t you do that? The rest of you stay silent-“ she looked pointedly at Jongdae and Beakhyun “-and when he comes in, turn on the lights and yell surprise. Luhan and I will come out with the cake after.” They all nodded and assembled, lights off.
Luhan and Xiaoyu made their way to the kitchen. “It’s nice to have you back,” he whispered.
“It’s nice to be back,” she whispered back, lighting the candles on the cake. They stopped talking, all twelve listening for footsteps in the hallway.
The key turned, the door opened, the lights turned on and in an instant ten of the twelve thundered towards the door, screaming “surprise!” and “happy birthday hyung!” at the top of their lungs. Their leader laughed, staggering as they all leapt on him.
In the kitchen, Luhan nodded at Xiaoyu, smiling reassuringly. “Nervous?”
“Does it show?”
“Forgotten all your training, then?” He laughed, drowned out by the noise that was getting closer.
“As if.” She scoffed, laughing back. With a deep breath, she took the cake and walked out. Most of the others have stopped clinging to Joonmyun, giving him room to walk. She waited for them to disperse, watched him laugh and smile, not quite look at her yet, her heart pounding. It’s been too long. She had forgotten how radiant he was.
“Happy birthday, Joonmyun.”
She didn’t know that his smile could possibly get any brighter.
**
Later that night, food gone, cake eaten, and all the boys fed, Joonmyun joined her at the sink.
“Hey,” her hands occupied so bumped her hip against his. “You’re the birthday boy. You’re not allowed to clean. Shoo.”
“I want to spend time with you.” She felt her cheek heating up, but she couldn’t protest. She felt the same way. They do the dishes together, falling into a comfortable rhythm. Scrub, pass, rinse, scrub, pass, rinse.
“How long are you staying?” They were nearing the end of the pile.
“About a week. I’m staying with at Taeyeon’s - I mean - Girls’ Generation’s dorm while I’m here.”
“I see.” He looked meaningfully at the water. “Want to stay here? I mean,” he spluttered at her questioning eyes, “I just. I just miss spending time with you. I’m sure Luhan will take Sehun in. There will be a free bed.”
She didn’t answer him immediately. “Okay.” They washed the rest of the dishes in silence, neither of them able to ignore the strange tension that settled between them.
They finished just as the rest of them were making their way to their rooms. Xiaoyu called Taeyeon about the new arrangements as Joonmyun told Sehun to go stay at Luhan’s for the night. He returned to the kitchen just as she was hanging up the phone.
“Want to go for a walk? We’ll figure out things like clothes and stuff later,” he patted his stomach. “I ate way too much. Need to walk it off.” She chuckled and nodded.
Once outside, both took in the fresh air. The night was still. It was pleasant after a night of food and noise. The two walked in silence, hyper aware of each other’s presence, but neither willing to break it.
“So.” Joonmyun cracked the ice, and a year’s worth of conversation poured out. They had found a park bench and recounted their stories, all their thoughts, everything they couldn’t convey in the past year.
After some time, Joonmyun checked his phone. 11:57.
“Xiaoyu.”
“Hmm?” She looks at his eyes, taking in his nose, his lips, his adorable dimples.
“It’s almost midnight.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Are you cold?”
“No, not really.” She shook her head, but leaned against him away, enjoying the warmth. She breathed in deeply, relaxing. They stayed that way for a bit, breathing in sync.
11:58.
“There’s something I’ve always wanted to do. A couple things, actually.” He looked at her staring off in the distance, breath catching at how perfectly sculpted her features were under the moonlight. She nodded, telling him she’s listening.
“Well, the first one is...” he took a deep breath and reached for her hands with his free one, “I’ve always wanted to tell you this and…I can’t believe I didn’t tell you before but--” he paused, steadying himself, “I love you.”
She froze, shoulders tensing under his arms. Her heart was pounding again.
He didn’t know he was holding his breath until she sat up and met his eyes.
“Me too.” He barely heard her, but her lips moved. He felt her say it and swore his heart burst.
11:59.
“The second thing I’ve always wanted to do was… this.” He tilted her chin, leaning in. She closed her eyes, waiting, not exactly sure what to expect.
Their lips touch, and both felt electricity shoot through their bodies. They leaned harder into each other, arms wrapped around each other. A sense of longing mingled with six years of unspoken feelings. Six years of being through thick and thin. Six years of being each other’s pillar, holding up their dreams together.
12:00.
The town clock chimed, and they broke apart, forehead still leaning on forehead.
“Happy birthday, Xiaoyu.”
Rating: PG
Pairings(s): Suho/OC
Genre: Romance
Best read when listening to The Wanted's Heart Vacancy.
A/N: Oh look! A character/oc fic! I promise there isn't a lot of ooc in there. This is a fic dedicated to Suho on his birthday. I hope you all like it! Thanks to srslycor for being beta <3
As always, comments much appreciated!
I hear your heart cry for love,
Then you act like there's no room.
Room for me, or anyone,
"Don't disturb" is all I see.
Close the door, turn the key,
On everything that we could be.
If loneliness would move out,
I'd fill the vacancy.
She sneaked into their dorm and flicked on the light.
She blinked away the light spots and chuckled at the state of disarray. “As messy as ever,” she muttered to the empty apartment before she rolled up her sleeves and picked up the nearest discarded shirt. Time was ticking. They’ll be back soon, and if this surprise party was going to happen, she’s going to have to work fast.
**
She arrived the year he did, fresh from Chinese auditions, one of the few new foreign trainees. She walked in the front door not expecting to get to know anyone - she was there to train, after all. She was almost fifteen, possessing an aura of stubbornness that kept others away. She worked hard on her voice, her dancing. Within months, she was fluent enough in Korean that no one can mistake her determination. Chances to be trained in one of the best entertainment companies in the world didn’t come without sacrifices, and she was willing to sacrifice a lot.
At first.
Soon, her resolve started to crack. She was told that she couldn’t go home for the Lunar New Year. The company couldn’t justify the loss of time. She watched the other trainees in her batch, Korean trainees, go home and spend the new years with their families. No one said good-bye to her. On New Years Eve, she went into the practice room after a phone call to her parents and danced. She was casted for singing, but her voice was raw from crying. The effort it took to assure her parents that all was well left her broken, sobbing in the emergency staircase before she locked herself up again. The track the trainees were working on started, and she started to dance, scrutinizing herself in the mirror, frustrated and unsatisfied. The beats shook her unpleasantly, and the chords jarred her.
The door opened and she spun around, face flushed, glaring at the intruder. Her body tensed. She had seen the boy around, always smiling radiantly when he’s not otherwise focusing on his own voice and posture. Joonmyun, that’s his name.
“Hey.” The track finished and echoed against the mirrors.
“What do you want?” She spun around, eyeing him through the mirror. She quickly wiped under her eyes, making sure her tears have stopped.
“Mind if I come in?” She rolled her eyes and sat down, too tired to push anyone away tonight. He took that as a yes and closed the door behind him before joining her on the floor. They looked at each other through the mirror. They barely knew each other. She only knows him as the guy who smiles too much and makes everything his business. Why is that, anyway? How can someone care about anyone else in this place when they all knew it’s dog eat dog, the world they all want to be a part of?
“Is everything okay?” His face was marked with worry and concern, she saw through the mirror. Until that moment, she had always thought his caring to be fake. Seeing his eyes, even indirectly, filled with sincerity unnerved her. Rolling her eyes again, she turned away, feeling her eyes start to well up.
“Yes,” she said thickly. “Everything is perfectly fine.” The bitterness crept into her voice as she remembered that tonight she should be home, watching fireworks, opening red pocket with her cousins and spending time with her parents.
“Kayoo-sshi,” - she winced at the Korean version of her name - “I… I saw you come out of the staircase.” He turned his body towards her and rested a hand on her arm. She winced again, more from his words than his touch. That means he must have seen her face. “Want to come over to my place tonight? I don’t have anyone to celebrate new years with this year either.” His confession made her turn and look at him. His hand scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, but he held her gaze, eyes earnest.
It was at that moment when she realized that going through this alone was awfully lonely.
“Call me Xiaoyu.”
Later that night, while descending the staircase of their building to return to her dorm, she realized that she made her first friend in Korea.
**
All of EXO and their managers knew that she was going to be there - everyone but Joonmyun. She clucked her tongue at just how messy their dorm was. The least they could have done was tidy up a bit, just to make her job easier. It’s no secret that she and Joonmyun were close during their trainee days. That’s why their manager had given her their key in the first place. She was a seasoned trainee, just like the rest of them are. Were.
With the clothing gone from the living room and kitchen (and all of it in Chanyeol and Baekyun’s room, but it’s those two who left the biggest mess in the first place), Xiaoyu took the box and heavy bags she brought with her to the kitchen. The box with the cake she placed carefully in the fridge, which was empty from disuse. She sighed, knowing that her friends haven’t eaten properly since they debuted. She unloaded all the groceries and started preparing.
Tonight, she was going to make a feast.
**
One day, a few months after that night in the practice room, Xiaoyu overheard some of the girls in the locker room.
“It’s Joonmyun oppa’s birthday in a few days, right? The 22nd?”
“It is.” They giggled, and something in Xiaoyu’s stomach churned.
“Are you going to get him anything?”
“Maybe…”
“Maybe a confession? Oh, I see how it is.” Their voices grew quiet as they left the locker room. Xiaoyu’s mind was running. The 22nd? That means…
“Did you know that you’re a day older than me?” She asked him after their vocal group lesson.
“Really?” His voice was rough. Their coach had been particularly tough on them that morning. The both of them were mindful of overexerting themselves, not wanting to damage their voice. .
“Yeah.” They followed the others out of the studio and into the canteen.
“Guess we should do something, then. What do you think?” He turned and gave him a radiant smile that made her stop breathing for the briefest second. It had taken her a while, even after new years, to bring herself to be around him more often. She hoped her reaction to his smile is something that would go away.
Before she could answer, she heard someone call her name. She whipped around and saw Yixing waving at her from a table by the window. “We’ll see,” she replied before walking ahead towards their friends.
Over the course of the next few days, she wracked her brain for what to give him. In the last four months, she had gotten to know Joonmyun and, through Joonmyun, the other trainees. It was unsettling sitting at a table with others after months of eating alone. Before, she was too focused on her own training to notice them as any more than competition. She found that Joonmyun didn’t like to be alone. He had told her once that he loved singing, but would never want to do it alone. That’s it. She quickly grabbed her bag and headed to the music store.
His birthday started like any other day. Vocal training in the morning, dancepractice in the afternoon. After their vocal coach dismissed them for lunch, she packed up slowly, waiting for the rest of the trainees to leave before she waved him over.
“Here.” She handed him a book of duets. “I’m sorry I didn’t wrap it. I couldn’t find-“ Her words were cut off by his sudden embrace. Her body stiffened, stunned, but started to relax when his body left hers all too soon.
“Thank you.” His smile blinded her, joy infectious. She couldn’t help but smile back.
He puffed his cheeks, staring balefully at the cover. “What I got you sucks compared to this,” he lamented, brows creasing.
“That’s okay. Just sing with me. That’s good enough.”
**
She sang EXO’s Angel softly to herself as she stirred the miyukguk. The dark tendrils of seaweed swirled as she mouthed the lyrics, swaying gently to her beat. Out of the whole album, that was the one song that immediately reminded her of Joonmyun.
Satisfied with the soup, she set it on the backburner and checked on the other dishes. Heaps of tangsooyuk, jampoong, kimbab, kalbi and some Chinese dishes, spring rolls, mapo tofu, Szechuan chicken, all being kept warm in the oven. The rice was cooked and ready in the giant rice cooker. All she had to do now was wait.
The plan was for the managers to pull Joonmyun back, pretending to discuss promotion cycles, while all the members entered the apartment first. When he entered the dark apartment, they would surprise him.
Her phone buzzed. The text from Baekhyun told her she had 20 minutes. Smiling, she started setting the table, laying the platters of food on the table.
**
“Xiaoyu, I’m debuting.” His voice was faint over the phone. It was late. Middle of the night. Xiaoyu quickly glanced at her sleeping roommate and left her room. She’s been there for five years now, and has since been moved to a different building from Joonmyun. Instead of sneaking into each other’s living rooms, they had to content themselves with phone calls.
“Really?” She whispered into her phone. “Am I dreaming?”
“I’m really…” His voice broke. She knew how long he had waited. She had been there for five years. Imagining his own five filled her with even more uncertainty.
“Joonmyun. Congratulations.” She meant it. “You deserve it.”
“I wish… I wish you were here. I’m a nervous wreck.”
“I am here, silly. Talking to you. You should sleep. It’s going to be very busy for you tomorrow.”
“Yeah… Yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow, and I’ll tell you all about it at lunch.”
But he never did get to tell her all about it. Over the next month, she watched her friends get swept up in new schedules. Day after day, she sat in the canteen, barely listening to what her friends were sayung as she looked at the door, hoping to see Joonmyun. He would text her, telling her about the new choreography, and the demo tracks (‘I can’t tell you about any of that yet, but I swear you’ll love it.’). She was excited for him, truly. But watching him, and all the friends she’s made, debut left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. She was turning twenty soon, and yet here she was, still training, thousands of miles from home. She knew that Kris and Luhan were older, and Yixing was her age, but they haven’t trained as long as she has, have they?
“I should go back.” She told him a few weeks later.
It was silent on the other side. Xiaoyu barely heard him breathe. Now that she has said them out loud, the finality of her words thudded in her chest.
“But-“
“I’ve been here too long. I mean… I’m not getting any younger, Joonmyun, and we both know that-“ she took a ragged breath “-that the older you get-“
“You can’t leave. Not now. Not when you’re so close.” His voice rose, trying desperately to change her mind.
“I really wanted to see you debut, for us to get ready to debut together.” Her voice broke and the tears ran freely down her cheek.
“Xiaoyu.” She heard the ache in his voice.
“I’m going to tell the company tomorrow.”
“Come get me after. Or I’ll find you.”
The next day, he was waiting for her outside the office. She was startled at how tired he looked. He nodded at her and she followed him into an emergency staircase.
“So it’s finalized?” His voice was thick, eyes refusing to meet hers.
“Yes. I’m leaving in a week.” She sat down on a stair and reached out for his hand, tugging until he sat beside her. “We’re still going to keep in touch, you know,” she said gently.
“I know. But it’s not the same. Losing your best friend of five years will never be okay.” His voice cracked, and she felt her heart crack with it. She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, trying to calm him.
“Joonmyun, you’re not losing me. We’re just going to different places. That’s all. Besides, I’ll be watching you.” He lifted his head in confusion. “How can I not keep my eye on SM’s infamous M1 and M2?” She smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I may not be here for your debut, but I’ll be your biggest fan. And the only fan that will have your phone number.”
“Now is not the time for this.” He tried to keep the smile out of his voice, “You’re leaving.”
“But I won’t be gone.” She hugged him. He returned the gesture, pulling her in tighter than he ever had before. His scent engulfed her, and she took it in, knowing that it might be a while - if ever - until she this close to him again.
“I won’t ever be gone.”
**
It had been over a year since they had seen each other. He saw her off at the airport, giving her a quick hug before his manager whisked him away. As promised, they still kept in touch. She worked extra shifts and hours so that she can afford to keep texting to Korea. Emails and skype calls worked when they weren’t too busy, but it was the small updates and words throughout the day that kept them going.
She would tell him about her position as intern in one of Shanghai’s top entertainment firms and her second job as waitress at night (‘No lewd old men, right?’ ‘Joonmyun!’ ‘Right. I’m sending you pepper spray.’) and he would tell her about their friends, his bandmates, and all the new people he had met during his preparations (‘Can you believe that EXO has fans already? Our showcase is sold out!’ ‘I’m going to send you fangirl repellant.’ ‘What?!’) She watched as EXO debuted in Korea and China, one of the many fans in the crowd.
When she learned that she had collected enough vacation hours, she immediately called Luhan while EXO-M were in China and arranged to be in Korea during his birthday. They have never missed a birthday together since they were fifteen, save for the year before. She doesn’t want to miss one again.
So here she was.
She flicked the lighter in her hand on and off absentmindedly, waiting for her friends to barge in. They all know to be silent and quick, but 11 boys bursting through the door would cause a ruckus, no matter how quiet the were trying to be.
Soon, she heard the scuffling of many feet and the key unlocking the door.
“Xiaoyu?” Luhan’s voice rang into the apartment, followed by hushed whispers and muffled yelps of everyone else as they all filed in and put their shoes away. Kris has warned them to not leave a mess, unless they want to suffer her wrath. She was known to be a feisty one during their trainee years.
“Right here.” She walked out to meet them, quickly hugging each one. It had been too long since she has seen them. “Talk later” she told Chanyeol when he started opening his mouth. “I need one person to be in the kitchen with me while I carry the cake out - Luhan, why don’t you do that? The rest of you stay silent-“ she looked pointedly at Jongdae and Beakhyun “-and when he comes in, turn on the lights and yell surprise. Luhan and I will come out with the cake after.” They all nodded and assembled, lights off.
Luhan and Xiaoyu made their way to the kitchen. “It’s nice to have you back,” he whispered.
“It’s nice to be back,” she whispered back, lighting the candles on the cake. They stopped talking, all twelve listening for footsteps in the hallway.
The key turned, the door opened, the lights turned on and in an instant ten of the twelve thundered towards the door, screaming “surprise!” and “happy birthday hyung!” at the top of their lungs. Their leader laughed, staggering as they all leapt on him.
In the kitchen, Luhan nodded at Xiaoyu, smiling reassuringly. “Nervous?”
“Does it show?”
“Forgotten all your training, then?” He laughed, drowned out by the noise that was getting closer.
“As if.” She scoffed, laughing back. With a deep breath, she took the cake and walked out. Most of the others have stopped clinging to Joonmyun, giving him room to walk. She waited for them to disperse, watched him laugh and smile, not quite look at her yet, her heart pounding. It’s been too long. She had forgotten how radiant he was.
“Happy birthday, Joonmyun.”
She didn’t know that his smile could possibly get any brighter.
**
Later that night, food gone, cake eaten, and all the boys fed, Joonmyun joined her at the sink.
“Hey,” her hands occupied so bumped her hip against his. “You’re the birthday boy. You’re not allowed to clean. Shoo.”
“I want to spend time with you.” She felt her cheek heating up, but she couldn’t protest. She felt the same way. They do the dishes together, falling into a comfortable rhythm. Scrub, pass, rinse, scrub, pass, rinse.
“How long are you staying?” They were nearing the end of the pile.
“About a week. I’m staying with at Taeyeon’s - I mean - Girls’ Generation’s dorm while I’m here.”
“I see.” He looked meaningfully at the water. “Want to stay here? I mean,” he spluttered at her questioning eyes, “I just. I just miss spending time with you. I’m sure Luhan will take Sehun in. There will be a free bed.”
She didn’t answer him immediately. “Okay.” They washed the rest of the dishes in silence, neither of them able to ignore the strange tension that settled between them.
They finished just as the rest of them were making their way to their rooms. Xiaoyu called Taeyeon about the new arrangements as Joonmyun told Sehun to go stay at Luhan’s for the night. He returned to the kitchen just as she was hanging up the phone.
“Want to go for a walk? We’ll figure out things like clothes and stuff later,” he patted his stomach. “I ate way too much. Need to walk it off.” She chuckled and nodded.
Once outside, both took in the fresh air. The night was still. It was pleasant after a night of food and noise. The two walked in silence, hyper aware of each other’s presence, but neither willing to break it.
“So.” Joonmyun cracked the ice, and a year’s worth of conversation poured out. They had found a park bench and recounted their stories, all their thoughts, everything they couldn’t convey in the past year.
After some time, Joonmyun checked his phone. 11:57.
“Xiaoyu.”
“Hmm?” She looks at his eyes, taking in his nose, his lips, his adorable dimples.
“It’s almost midnight.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Are you cold?”
“No, not really.” She shook her head, but leaned against him away, enjoying the warmth. She breathed in deeply, relaxing. They stayed that way for a bit, breathing in sync.
11:58.
“There’s something I’ve always wanted to do. A couple things, actually.” He looked at her staring off in the distance, breath catching at how perfectly sculpted her features were under the moonlight. She nodded, telling him she’s listening.
“Well, the first one is...” he took a deep breath and reached for her hands with his free one, “I’ve always wanted to tell you this and…I can’t believe I didn’t tell you before but--” he paused, steadying himself, “I love you.”
She froze, shoulders tensing under his arms. Her heart was pounding again.
He didn’t know he was holding his breath until she sat up and met his eyes.
“Me too.” He barely heard her, but her lips moved. He felt her say it and swore his heart burst.
11:59.
“The second thing I’ve always wanted to do was… this.” He tilted her chin, leaning in. She closed her eyes, waiting, not exactly sure what to expect.
Their lips touch, and both felt electricity shoot through their bodies. They leaned harder into each other, arms wrapped around each other. A sense of longing mingled with six years of unspoken feelings. Six years of being through thick and thin. Six years of being each other’s pillar, holding up their dreams together.
12:00.
The town clock chimed, and they broke apart, forehead still leaning on forehead.
“Happy birthday, Xiaoyu.”