I wroted.
[Gossip Girl And Bodywash: A Case Study of Jared Padalecki’s Testosterone Levels.]
Pairing: Jared/Jensen.
Rating: like maybe barely R.
Wordcount: 1,240.
Summary: People seem to have the habit of thinking Jared's a bit girly...
Jared’s been informed by unreliable sources Chad, that well... How can he say it in so little words?
Uhm. Uh. Well Basically… It’s like… Okay here’s how it is:
Chad once (three times since yesterday) told Jared that occasionally, he tends to act like a really, really, really gigantic, post pubescent but hasn’t grown into her boobs yet, really tall and really abnormally large, hormonally imbalanced, GIRL.
And so maybe he does spend a lot of time trying to get his hair to do that artfully post-fucked thing. And maybe he does wash with a line of organically manufactured shower products. (In all fairness Lush did promise the Dreamwash Shower Smoothie would “effectively alleviate his skin's worst problems, “ through the power of “beneficial essential oils like lavender and chamomile.”) And okay. So. Maybe sometimes he’ll watch Gossip Girl and really hope that Chuck and Blair are going to make it work this time.
But come on. Jared? Jared Padalecki?
He’s all man.
100% pure, red meat eating, sports watching, beer drinking, spitting - Okay wait. Maybe he doesn’t spit. His Momma did happen to teach him that spitting was a rude habit and no one wanted to see your saliva flying all over the place.
Anyways:
Jared Padalecki?
He’s 99.94% man. Red meat eating, sports watching, beer drinking man. God Damnit! Mother chucking exclamation point! Underlined! Squared!
Seriously just ask Jensen.
-----
Scene: A trailer. Tidy, sparsely furnished. Target board on far wall devastated by hundreds of indentures. Ugly paisley couch in left corner looks to have seen better days. Unbecoming stain on the right armrest.
Jensen Ackles is sitting on said couch taking a break from his vigorous work schedule, sprawled lethargically across the cushions, arm thrown along the back.
Jensen (defeated, with a sigh): Did Jared try and convince you he’s all man again?
The audience nods.
Jensen leans forward in seat, elbows resting on knees.
Jensen: I suppose he tried to tell you he’s all man just because he’s (makes air quotations) “alpha male” in the bedroom?
It is assumed the audience gives him a puzzled look. Jared never told audience this. Jensen reads the reaction, blushes and sits up straight. He attempts to start a few sentences but has difficulty.
Jensen (stammering): What I meant was - I’m not - Jared’s - Crap…
Jensen rubs back of his neck, looking away for three seconds. Looks straight at camera serious and determined.
Jensen (says matter of factly, as if proving point): He cries at the end of The Notebook.
End scene.
-----
“Hey man I’m going to the liquor store, you want me to pick you up a case of Corona?”
“Yeah sure. Oh and maybe get me some of that Pina Colada flavored Bacardi stuff?”
“Yeah sure. If you’ll show me your vagina.”
-----
Jared sweeps his tongue along Jensen’s, stroking the slick slide of it and sucking. Jensen tastes like butter and popcorn and powdered cheese popcorn salt. He pulls back from Jensen’s lips slowly, pressing teasing kisses to the corners, biting nips to the mound of his sinful bottom lip.
Jensen whines and moans.
Jared chuckles low.
Their noses rub together, popcorn breath mingling as the movie casts an unearthly blue glow across their skin. He slides his hand up the front of Jensen’s old grey t-shirt, runs the flat of his palm across Jensen’s warm belly. He smiles privately as Jensen’s skin goose pimples, and he shivers under Jared’s hand.
Intimately they touch and nuzzle, stroke and rub and tease together on the couch, stuck in this moment as the movie plays on in time.
He runs his nose down the line of Jensen’s neck, smelling the slight tang of his skin, the scent of fabric softener clinging to the collar of his shirt. He brings a hand up to cup his jaw, rubbing the smooth underside of his thumb across the rough of Jensen’s two-day-old stubble.
Jared pauses to look. Greedily drink in the heavy dark, nownownow arousal in Jensen’s eyes. He see’s himself reflected in the inky pool of iris. He looks at the welcoming mouth that’s breathing his name in urgency. Stroking over the high of Jensen’s cheekbone, he puts them both out of their misery.
He lean’s down and tilts Jensen’s face back up, fusing their lips back together to drink in each others want, each others need, and each others love.
It hits him. Mid make-out, Jensen’s hand making it’s way over the sweatpants and into the boxers.
He laughs, deep and loud, rumbling the room.
“You’re the girl!” Jared exclaims, rubbing tears of mirth away from his eyes.
Jensen looks at him in challenge. Eyebrow arched, arms folded over broad chest.
“I tilt your head back when we kiss. You’re the girl!”
And there it is in plain old Jared logic, laugher written in his eyes.
“Jared, “ says Jensen calmly, in rational rest of the world logic, “you made us watch You’ve Got Mail.”
The ‘You’re the girl,’ is implied. Jared doesn’t really get it.
-----
Scene: Jared and Jensen’s bedroom. Late morning/Early afternoon on a Sunday. Their day off from shooting. Sunlight shines in through semi sheer curtains. Typical IKEA showroom bedroom, extra wide, extra long King sized bed in center of room. White sheets, thick white down comforter.
Jared and Jensen lie intertwined underneath blankets, Jared’s front to Jensen’s back.
Jared (instead of saying good morning): I’m not a girl.
Jensen: Yeah my ass can feel that. (Pause, goes on sarcastically) Good morning to you too Honey.
Jared rolls on top of Jensen, looks down at him with predatory flare. Grinds down into Jensen. Jensen bites lip suffocating a moan. Jared goes about showing Jensen how much of a girl he isn’t.
They have sex.
End scene.
-----
“Jensen can you pick me up some more shampoo! I ran out!”
“Just use mine you dorkwad!”
“Head and Shoulders? Dude, I need my jojoba and eucalyptus extract shampoo and conditioner, not some shitty two-in-one! Some of us care about our hair you know.”
-----
To sum things up, Jared’s kinda girly.
Yes, he owns some DVD’s of The OC, and occasionally he’ll watch some of the old school episodes. You know, back when it was good and all.
Yes, he does own a hair straightener and sometimes he actually uses it. But Jensen bought it for him, so he figures it’s only polite.
And yes, once he did go for a pedicure. There’s really no excuse for that one. He isn’t even going to try and make one up.
But you know what?
Jared’s okay with that. Really, he is. He may be a girl, but so is Jensen.
Like Jensen? The thing with him is:
He totally likes it when Jared calls him baby in the bedroom. And yeah Jensen actually enjoys cuddling after sex, well so does Jared, but Jensen? He can be surprisingly clingy in the post-coital stages. And there was that one time when Jensen let Jared fuck him against the wall and Jensen had his legs wrapped around Jared’s hips like a girl and he totally got off on it way more than usual.
So Jared’s pretty sure Jensen’s a little bit of a girl too, and maybe that means they’re a pair of lesbians who happen to have dangling genitalia.
But who is Jared to be the judge of that?
Maybe he’ll ask Chad about it.
[end.]
-----
A/N: So I kind of experimented with stuff here for the general sake of getting into the habit of writing again. Like I have all these essays coming up and I know this is NOTHING like that because I have this huge ass fear of formality, but it helped to get passed that psychological writer's block. Comments, and feedback are welcomed. I want to know if the writing style was interesting/confusing/and whatnot for you.
♥
A/N2: this was totally based off a crack conversation about THIS PICTURE in regards to how monstrously tall Jared is and how Jensen probably has to wear Spice Girl Platform shoes to avoid having to go through the degradation of tilting his head up and standing on his tippy toes like a girl when kissing Jared. Anyways...
*Ashlee Simpson dances away*
Pairing: Jared/Jensen.
Rating: like maybe barely R.
Wordcount: 1,240.
Summary: People seem to have the habit of thinking Jared's a bit girly...
Jared’s been informed by unreliable sources Chad, that well... How can he say it in so little words?
Uhm. Uh. Well Basically… It’s like… Okay here’s how it is:
Chad once (three times since yesterday) told Jared that occasionally, he tends to act like a really, really, really gigantic, post pubescent but hasn’t grown into her boobs yet, really tall and really abnormally large, hormonally imbalanced, GIRL.
And so maybe he does spend a lot of time trying to get his hair to do that artfully post-fucked thing. And maybe he does wash with a line of organically manufactured shower products. (In all fairness Lush did promise the Dreamwash Shower Smoothie would “effectively alleviate his skin's worst problems, “ through the power of “beneficial essential oils like lavender and chamomile.”) And okay. So. Maybe sometimes he’ll watch Gossip Girl and really hope that Chuck and Blair are going to make it work this time.
But come on. Jared? Jared Padalecki?
He’s all man.
100% pure, red meat eating, sports watching, beer drinking, spitting - Okay wait. Maybe he doesn’t spit. His Momma did happen to teach him that spitting was a rude habit and no one wanted to see your saliva flying all over the place.
Anyways:
Jared Padalecki?
He’s 99.94% man. Red meat eating, sports watching, beer drinking man. God Damnit! Mother chucking exclamation point! Underlined! Squared!
Seriously just ask Jensen.
-----
Scene: A trailer. Tidy, sparsely furnished. Target board on far wall devastated by hundreds of indentures. Ugly paisley couch in left corner looks to have seen better days. Unbecoming stain on the right armrest.
Jensen Ackles is sitting on said couch taking a break from his vigorous work schedule, sprawled lethargically across the cushions, arm thrown along the back.
Jensen (defeated, with a sigh): Did Jared try and convince you he’s all man again?
The audience nods.
Jensen leans forward in seat, elbows resting on knees.
Jensen: I suppose he tried to tell you he’s all man just because he’s (makes air quotations) “alpha male” in the bedroom?
It is assumed the audience gives him a puzzled look. Jared never told audience this. Jensen reads the reaction, blushes and sits up straight. He attempts to start a few sentences but has difficulty.
Jensen (stammering): What I meant was - I’m not - Jared’s - Crap…
Jensen rubs back of his neck, looking away for three seconds. Looks straight at camera serious and determined.
Jensen (says matter of factly, as if proving point): He cries at the end of The Notebook.
End scene.
-----
“Hey man I’m going to the liquor store, you want me to pick you up a case of Corona?”
“Yeah sure. Oh and maybe get me some of that Pina Colada flavored Bacardi stuff?”
“Yeah sure. If you’ll show me your vagina.”
-----
Jared sweeps his tongue along Jensen’s, stroking the slick slide of it and sucking. Jensen tastes like butter and popcorn and powdered cheese popcorn salt. He pulls back from Jensen’s lips slowly, pressing teasing kisses to the corners, biting nips to the mound of his sinful bottom lip.
Jensen whines and moans.
Jared chuckles low.
Their noses rub together, popcorn breath mingling as the movie casts an unearthly blue glow across their skin. He slides his hand up the front of Jensen’s old grey t-shirt, runs the flat of his palm across Jensen’s warm belly. He smiles privately as Jensen’s skin goose pimples, and he shivers under Jared’s hand.
Intimately they touch and nuzzle, stroke and rub and tease together on the couch, stuck in this moment as the movie plays on in time.
He runs his nose down the line of Jensen’s neck, smelling the slight tang of his skin, the scent of fabric softener clinging to the collar of his shirt. He brings a hand up to cup his jaw, rubbing the smooth underside of his thumb across the rough of Jensen’s two-day-old stubble.
Jared pauses to look. Greedily drink in the heavy dark, nownownow arousal in Jensen’s eyes. He see’s himself reflected in the inky pool of iris. He looks at the welcoming mouth that’s breathing his name in urgency. Stroking over the high of Jensen’s cheekbone, he puts them both out of their misery.
He lean’s down and tilts Jensen’s face back up, fusing their lips back together to drink in each others want, each others need, and each others love.
It hits him. Mid make-out, Jensen’s hand making it’s way over the sweatpants and into the boxers.
He laughs, deep and loud, rumbling the room.
“You’re the girl!” Jared exclaims, rubbing tears of mirth away from his eyes.
Jensen looks at him in challenge. Eyebrow arched, arms folded over broad chest.
“I tilt your head back when we kiss. You’re the girl!”
And there it is in plain old Jared logic, laugher written in his eyes.
“Jared, “ says Jensen calmly, in rational rest of the world logic, “you made us watch You’ve Got Mail.”
The ‘You’re the girl,’ is implied. Jared doesn’t really get it.
-----
Scene: Jared and Jensen’s bedroom. Late morning/Early afternoon on a Sunday. Their day off from shooting. Sunlight shines in through semi sheer curtains. Typical IKEA showroom bedroom, extra wide, extra long King sized bed in center of room. White sheets, thick white down comforter.
Jared and Jensen lie intertwined underneath blankets, Jared’s front to Jensen’s back.
Jared (instead of saying good morning): I’m not a girl.
Jensen: Yeah my ass can feel that. (Pause, goes on sarcastically) Good morning to you too Honey.
Jared rolls on top of Jensen, looks down at him with predatory flare. Grinds down into Jensen. Jensen bites lip suffocating a moan. Jared goes about showing Jensen how much of a girl he isn’t.
They have sex.
End scene.
-----
“Jensen can you pick me up some more shampoo! I ran out!”
“Just use mine you dorkwad!”
“Head and Shoulders? Dude, I need my jojoba and eucalyptus extract shampoo and conditioner, not some shitty two-in-one! Some of us care about our hair you know.”
-----
To sum things up, Jared’s kinda girly.
Yes, he owns some DVD’s of The OC, and occasionally he’ll watch some of the old school episodes. You know, back when it was good and all.
Yes, he does own a hair straightener and sometimes he actually uses it. But Jensen bought it for him, so he figures it’s only polite.
And yes, once he did go for a pedicure. There’s really no excuse for that one. He isn’t even going to try and make one up.
But you know what?
Jared’s okay with that. Really, he is. He may be a girl, but so is Jensen.
Like Jensen? The thing with him is:
He totally likes it when Jared calls him baby in the bedroom. And yeah Jensen actually enjoys cuddling after sex, well so does Jared, but Jensen? He can be surprisingly clingy in the post-coital stages. And there was that one time when Jensen let Jared fuck him against the wall and Jensen had his legs wrapped around Jared’s hips like a girl and he totally got off on it way more than usual.
So Jared’s pretty sure Jensen’s a little bit of a girl too, and maybe that means they’re a pair of lesbians who happen to have dangling genitalia.
But who is Jared to be the judge of that?
Maybe he’ll ask Chad about it.
[end.]
-----
A/N: So I kind of experimented with stuff here for the general sake of getting into the habit of writing again. Like I have all these essays coming up and I know this is NOTHING like that because I have this huge ass fear of formality, but it helped to get passed that psychological writer's block. Comments, and feedback are welcomed. I want to know if the writing style was interesting/confusing/and whatnot for you.
♥
A/N2: this was totally based off a crack conversation about THIS PICTURE in regards to how monstrously tall Jared is and how Jensen probably has to wear Spice Girl Platform shoes to avoid having to go through the degradation of tilting his head up and standing on his tippy toes like a girl when kissing Jared. Anyways...
*Ashlee Simpson dances away*