started thinking about the rest of my life |R| jsquared.
[started thinking about the rest of my life]
Jared/Jensen, R, 5,700 words.
Warning: Yes, this is wedding!fic. Entirely self-indulgent.
Disclaimer: No harm intended. Jensen and Jared obviously belong to themselves, or each other. This remains unclear.
A/N: This has been sitting on my computer ever since like, that schmoop comment meme thinger a few weeks back. I thought maybe I should share it. *shoves hands in her pockets and shrugs*
---------
So Jared had this plan, and as far as plans go, it held it’s own against the Real Doll Incident of ’07. And that was a freakin’ spectacular plan if Jared does say so. Anything involving Kripke, 247 toothpicks, silly putty and an inflatable bra was bound to make the history books. But anyways, this was better.
Beyond better.
Actually it wasn’t even in the same realm as beyond better.
It was-
“Do you wanna get married?”
Great. The plan was ruined. And it was going to have something to do with violins, and cookie scented candles, and champagne. And a sparkling diamond ring in said glass of champagne. But then again, would Jensen actually wear diamonds? That’s the real question. He didn’t seem very down with the bling.
“Uh, come again?” Jensen gaped, mouth hanging open around a mouthful of taco bell. There was a piece of greasy lettuce caught between his teeth. It was gross.
“You. Me. Married. Wanna do it?” Jared shrugged biting into his Chalupa Supreme. He’d already said it, no turning back now. Padaleckis never quit.
Jensen just blinked at him, wiping at the corner of his lips with a cheap paper napkin.
“You’re asking me to marry you?”
“I fink thas wha I said yeash,” Jared said, obnoxious chewing sounds aside.
"You're asking me to marry you, in a Taco Bell?”
“Mhmmm.”
Jared licked the taco grease off his fingers and nodded.
“Really?” Jensen quirked his eyebrow, in that funny way of his that always made Jared smile.
“Yup,” said Jared, slurping from his large sized coke, “You gonna answer or what? I’m kinda hanging on your every word here. You know it being the second most important question a man ever has to ask and all.”
“What’s the first?”
“Wanna fuck?”
“Yeah, that one is important.” Jensen agreed.
“Well? Do you wanna get married or not?”
“Uh... no?”
Jared paused in balling up his empty wrapper. Scoring a trash-basket from across the Taco Bell didn’t seem like such a big feat any more.
“No?” Jared repeated, tilting his head. Why wouldn’t Jensen want to marry him? Jared was a catch damnit! Lots of people wanted to marry him! He paid for dinner and everything like a gentleman! Also he put out like, all the time.
“What did you expect? Me to get all teary eyed and have my way with you in the booth? Dude. It smells like deep fryer in here. “
Memo to brain: Next time stick with the plan. Improvising is bad.
“Would you prefer diamonds? Because I can do diamonds. I can do the hell out of diamonds.” Jared nodded.
Jensen just rolled his eyes and pushed out of the booth.
“Ask me again when there isn’t a threat of toxic Padalecki fart looming in the air.”
---
So this time he went with the plan. And it was an awesome plan. If awesome and amazing and brilliant somehow all met and had a three way? This plan would be the bastard love child of that joining.
Jensen was out at some meeting with an agent or a publicist or someone else really big and important for the afternoon, which gave Jared plenty of time to set up the cookie scented candles, scatter the rose petals all over the living room, and place the shiny silver band into the bottom of the champagne glass.
Oh yes, this time, it was going to work.
With his amazingly awesome sense of hearing, Jared caught the sound of Jensen’s key turning in the lock. He bounded towards the door, greeting Jensen with a smiling face.
“Why are you dressed like that?” Jensen blurted out, obviously admiring Jared’s fancy digs: an expensive looking suit coat with actual coat tails paired over ugly cargo shorts.
“You like?”
“Whatever makes you happy honey,” Jensen said toeing off his boots and pushing past him in the hallway and heading towards the kitchen, “We got any beer left?”
Jared grabbed his shoulders, steering him towards the living room.
“Uh, no I drank the last one.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“No I -“ Jensen started, stopping when he caught sight of the living room.
“Surprise!” Jared shouted excitedly.
“It smells like the Pillsbury dough boy offed himself in here.” Jensen deadpanned.
“It’s the candles.”
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really need a beer right now.”
“Here, have some champagne! It’s better! And uh, classier!”
Jared handed over the flute with the ring gleaming at the bottom, smiling eagerly at him and winking.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you again-“
Jensen knocked back the entire glass of champagne. Ring included.
“- Will you marry me?”
---
Six hours spent in the emergency room later, Jared flopped face first down onto their bed. Jensen lay down on the left side gingerly.
It was quiet a while, and Jared had thought Jensen had passed out from trauma-induced exhaustion.
“Why do you want to get married so friggin’ badly Jay?”
Apparently not.
Jared just shrugged his shoulders.
“Just do.”
“Well that’s romantic.”
“I tried to be romantic, but you ate it.”
“Too soon.” Jensen cringed.
Turning over to face his boyfriend, Jared propped his head up on his elbow, “I want to get married, because you know, I love you and stuff. Do you want the mushy speech where I wax fruity poetics about you or can we skip that part?”
“I vote for the fruity poetry.”
“Fine,” Jared cleared his throat, ”Oh Jensen, roses are red, violets are blue, you give awesome head and … something that rhymes with blue.”
“That was really lovely.”
“I know, I’m awesome.”
“Awesome with a capital ‘R’ maybe.” Jensen snorted.
“That’s mean.”
“I’m mean.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Yeah, but you want to marry this asshole.”
Jared smiled slowly, “I kinda do.”
Jensen sighed heavily, almost like admitting defeat, “Fine.”
“Fine?” Jared quirked his eyebrow curiously.
“Fine, yes I’ll marry you!”
The bed frame jumped as Jared tackled Jensen into the pillows, his smile so huge and happy it actually hurt, pleasant sting in the apples of his cheeks. Jared pressed sloppy kisses and muffled laughter along Jensen’s jaw, humming happily when he felt a slow caress across the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair.
“Just so we’re clear I’m not wearing the ass ring.”
“I knew it had too much ice for your tastes-“
Jensen muffled the rest of that sentence with a kiss.
---
Jared called his Momma the next day.
“Oh sweetie! This is wonderful news! That boy’s a real catch.”
“I’m not a catch?”
“Now that’s not what I meant baby, why you gotta twist my words around like that?”
“Well you implied-“
“Hush, I did nothing of the sort. Now, tell me, which one of you’ll be wearing white? It’d look nice against your tan.”
Jared groaned into the phone.
Twenty minutes later he dropped down on the couch next to Jensen.
“My mom is evil,” he groaned, dropping his head against Jensen’s. Jared felt the reassuring weight of a hand on his thigh, stroking back and forth, comforting and warm.
“How’d it go telling your ‘rents?”
“Mom said it was about time and hung up.”
Jared stole the beer from Jensen’s fingertips, taking a long pull.
“I hate you.”
---
Spreading the word on set didn’t take much beyond informing Kripke. The man was a worse gossip than both their Momma’s. Combined.
“So, we’re getting married.”
“Uh huh, sure you are.”
“No, like for real.”
“Sure guys,” Kripke scoffed thumbing through some loose papers on his desk, “And my hairline isn’t receding.”
“We’re serious.”
Kripke arched an eyebrow at him, “Serious like the time you guys managed to convince me that Power Rangers blanket was actually an invisibility cloak and I went around wearing it all day and every one pretended they couldn’t see me, or serious like the time Jared wanted to hire Zac Efron as his personal dance coach?”
Jared snorted in a fit of nostalgia, “Man it’s funny how seriously you take Harry Potter.”
“Don’t joke about Harry Potter.” Kripke pointed at him warningly.
What was that thing about crazy going hand in hand with genius?
“Well I don’t joke about Zac Efron. That kid’s got sweet moves.”
Jensen elbowed him, Jared continued.
“I also don’t joke about wanting to gay marry Jensen. It’s a very serious matter.”
“Very.” Jensen chimed.
Kripke still didn’t look like he bought it. He just leaned back in his back supportive office chair, eyeing them in that creepy way of his, very seriously staring between the two of them as if trying to read their minds. It made Jared fidgety.
Finally after several awkward minutes of mutual staring, Kripke got up and clapped them both on the shoulder with a smile, “Somewhere out there, several thousand fangirls are spontaneously squealing in delight.”
Jared hoped he didn’t tell the fangirls. Knowing Kripke, that little bastard, he probably would.
Jared still wasn’t sorry about the ‘Invisibility Cloak Fiasco of ‘08’. Even when the internet imploded a few days later with the news of the engagement.
---
The last thing Jared expected was for Jensen to get all hard-core serious about this marriage thing. He hired a wedding planner for God’s sake. Her name was Vanessa.
What kind of name was that anyways?
“Have you guys considered booking a venue yet? It’s much easier to put all the little details together after a venue has been selected. I brought a couple brochures from some popular locations.”
Jared reached out and grabbed the thick binder Vanessa pulled out of her bag, flipping through it with his ‘I am very much interested in the task at hand’ face. Most of it was boring crap about reception halls, and butterfly gardens, and gazebos, and you know, boring crap.
Jensen seemed into it though, talking with Vanessa over the pros and cons of chocolate fountains and out door something or others. Jared wasn’t paying attention.
“Oh hey! Let’s get married here!” He pointed excitedly to a couple riding a rollercoaster. The bride’s veil was flying everywhere and the groom was screaming like a girl. It looked awesome.
Jensen and Vanessa leaned over to look at the binder, both breaking out into little bouts of laughter. Shaking their heads, they turned back to their conversation.
“I think it’s cool.” Jared said to himself lamely.
---
“Dude, I don’t like that wedding planner. Her hair’s really… frizzy.” Jared complained getting into bed that evening.
“You’re just mad because we vetoed your rollercoaster-mini golf-scuba diving-adventure wedding idea.”
Jensen came out of the bathroom, looking adorable and ready for bed. Flannel pajama pants low on his hips, contacts gone and glasses perched comfortably on his nose. Yeah, Jared could get used to seeing that every night for forever.
“How is that not awesome? Tell me?”
Jensen leaned across the bed, holding himself over Jared, “If you wanna get married, we’re doin’ it right.”
He pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, but that didn’t stop Jared from pouting.
“Yeah, but I get a say too. You and Vanessa can’t be all: ‘Oh Jared, you’re so silly! Of course we can’t have jell-o shots and strobe lights at the reception! What are you thinking?’”
“Is that voice you’re making supposed to be me?” Jensen asked.
“Actually it was a combination of the both of you. How was it?”
“Really, really not right.”
“Whatever, you sound like that to me.”
Frowning, Jensen settled down between the sheets next to him, “If I give you a blowjob and say we can have jell-o shots at the reception will you stop pouting?”
“Two blowjobs, lime green jell-o shots, and you let me pick the honeymoon.” Jared retorted, rebellious glint in his eye.
“Deal.”
Jared caught the flash of Jensen’s grin before he disappeared under the sheet.
---
Jensen and Vanessa had narrowed down the search for a venue to three places: An old Church in Richmond that had these amazing stain glassed windows Jensen was practically jizzing himself over, a rustic ski lodge up in Whistler that included a complimentary pair of lift tickets for the slopes, and some park somewhere with a view of the bay and a gazebo.
Couldn’t leave out the gazebo.
Honestly? Jared didn’t care where they got married. They were totally going on the Lord of the Rings adventure tour for their honeymoon. All he had to do now was nod and grunt every once in a while to let them know he was alive.
“You like it?” Jensen said into his ear.
“Mmhmmm, yeah it’s awesome.” Jared said on automatic, not quite sure where they were any more. Jensen and Vanessa had dragged him around all afternoon, looking at samples and picking out patterns and whatever else.
Jensen opened his mouth about to say something, opting to thread his fingers with Jared’s and drag him away from the tour of the park. Yeah, he thinks that’s where they are.
“Jared, man, you know you do get a say right? It’s your wedding too. Our wedding. I-“ he looked down, “Here,” He led Jared towards the big wooden gazebo, flowered vines entwined in the old wooden slats.
Jared nearly stumbled up the couple steps, Jensen pulling him up to stand in the entry way and look out at the field.
“See there’s where all the guests will sit, some nice wooden lawn chairs. Your Momma’s sitting right over there,” he pointed over to the right with a small smile, “And there’s the band over there, nothing fancy, maybe a banjo, a couple guitars, Uhm.”
Jared watched Jensen pivot, turning to look behind them, “The minister’s standing here, and Chad behind you, because fuck knows why you’d ask that douche to be your best man.”
Jared laughed.
“And uh, there’s me, right here like uh,” he stepped closer, taking Jared’s hands in his a little awkwardly, “like this.”
Jared rubbed his thumbs across the backs of Jensen’s wrists, enjoying the moment.
“Well? Can you picture it?” Jensen asked nervously.
“You’re adorable.” He said fondly.
“You know, that was a really good moment and you ruined it, you assface. “ Jensen started to pull away, frown lines creased into his forehead. But Jared wouldn’t let him go. Instead he just pulled him in, kissing the pout off his stupidly amazing lips.
“The only thing I have to complain about is the gazebo. Everything else - everything else you said sounded pretty perfect.”
“Jared,” Jensen smiled, eyes crinkling around the corners, “there’s always a gazebo.”
---
“I figured you should have this.” Jared said plainly, tossing the little black velvet jewelers box at Jensen. It bounced off his head and landed on the carpet.
Jensen picked it up and opened it with a curious arch of his eyebrow, eyeing the simple silver ring inside. Identical to the one they had to pump his stomach for.
“You really suck at this proposal thing you know. I have no idea how I agreed to this before.” Jensen says with an exasperation that’s as fake as his smile is real and bright.
“Because I make you swoon like a girl on a regular basis?”
Jensen snorted.
But when Jared went down on one knee and re-proposed to him proper, sliding the ring onto his finger where it belonged?
Jensen may have swooned just a little bit.
Jared may have teased him about it a lot.
---
“Donna and Alan Ackles request your presence for the marriage of their daughter Jen- Ow!” Jared rubbed the spot where Jensen’s fist had collided with his arm. Hard.
“Domestic Abuse! Domestic Abuse!”
“That’s not even funny.”
“It is a little.”
“No, no it’s really not.”
“Okay fine, how ‘bout this one?” Jared cleared his throat, “Come celebrate the joining of Jensen Ross to Mr. Jared T. Padalecki-“
“Why am I the girl?”
Jared smirked, poking his tongue out between his teeth playfully as he tossed the sample invite at Jensen’s head.
“You’ve got girly hips.” Jared said simply, like it was completely obvious.
“You use kiwi strawberry shampoo.” Jensen retorted easily, determination and challenge set in his gaze.
“Eyelashes.”
“Cherry chap stick.”
“Danielle Steel novel collection.”
“You swore you’d never talk about that!”
“Uh, yeah, I lied.”
Jared smirked, seriously enjoying the horrifyingly embarrassed look on Jensen’s face. When Jensen tackled him to the floor, pinning his arms behind his head in a move that was actually pretty impressive, Jared most definitely did not squeak.
“Ow, get off me fucker!”
“You didn’t say please.” Jensen said, the smirk evident in his voice.
“I’ll never say please!” Jared wiggled against the hold, against the weight of Jensen sitting on his back. He could totally get out of it if he tried, but he figured Jensen could use the confidence boost. Honest.
“You just did.”
Jensen eased up on his grip.
“Okay okay, how about this,” Jared pushed Jensen away and sat up on his knees, “We’re getting married!” he continued, “and then I’m thinking about some clip-art, you know, hearts and naked angel babies. Our faces photoshopped on the naked angel babies.”
“That’s frightening.”
“What? No it’s not. I can make samples! I bet you’d look really cute as a cherub.”
“You’re sick.”
---
“I’m not eating that.”
“Jared,” Jensen said low, voice a threatening whisper, a warning behind a calm expression. The Husband voice. The one that meant ‘don’t embarrass me or so help me God.’ He was really getting good at it, Jared thought idly. They weren’t even married yet. Imagine what it’d be like after the fact.
“No. It looks like… like something not food.” He’d answered rather eloquently.
Jensen just gave him that glare. The one he’d learned not to challenge, otherwise bad things would happen.
With a pout he popped the sample hors d’oeuvre into his mouth, eyes closed tightly and chewing as fast as possible. It tasted like old sock. And it was chewy. Probably best if he didn’t know what he was eating then.
Apparently a good ol’ barbecue wasn’t in the cards for this wedding of theirs. Jensen wanted a fancy catering service. Jensen wanted food on the menu with names Jared wasn’t even going to try and pronounce.
“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” Jensen asked him, his smile a mixture of cocky amusement.
“Actually, it was worse than bad.”
The guy Jared is assuming was the Chef huffed with outrage. Vanessa the wedding planner was trying to bite back her amusement. Jared just shrugged sheepishly.
Jensen rolled his eyes and grabbed his hand, “Cocktail weenies and pretzels it is.”
“And jell-o shots.”
“And jell-o shots.” Jensen echoed with defeated exasperation.
Jared beamed.
---
“If I was going to have a personalized mailbox made-“
Jensen interrupted him, “Why would you do something as God awful as that?”
Jared started again, glaring at him, “If I was going to have a personalized mail box made, would it say ‘Mr. And Mr. Padalecki’, or just ‘The Padaleckis’?
Jensen stared at him in horror, “I’m keeping my own name.”
“Well aren’t you the little progressive woman.”
Jensen just flipped him off.
“So no to the personalized mailbox then?”
---
“Bitch why do you have to be getting gay married? Do you know how hard this shit is on me? There’s no way in fuck I’m getting a dude stripper for the bachelor party man.” Chad complained over speakerphone.
Jared was too busy making out with Jensen on the couch to care. He just wanted to get Jensen to make that noise again. The little needy choked off moan, Mmmmm yeah that one.
“You’re mackin’ on your boy with me on speaker aren’t you? That’s the sort of shit I mean, dude. Gross.” Jared could practically hear the face he was making over the line.
Jensen was the one to pull off with a laugh. Jared kissed the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, playfully groping and squeezing at him as he squirmed away.
“No strippers.” Jensen said eyes a light and trained on Jared’s.
“You’re paying for my therapy Ackles.”
---
“Mmmm, you still gonna, oh Christ, gonna wanna do this when we’re married?”
Jensen looked up at him, smirking obscenely around Jared’s cock in his mouth. He tongued the head, one slow lick before resting his chin on Jared’s hip.
Jensen hummed thoughtfully and licked at his spit shiny lips. God. What Jared wouldn’t give to have them stretched back over his dick, still hard and leaking against his belly.
“What, suck your dick?” Jensen asked after a few thoughtful moments.
“Mmm,” Jared said, reaching down to lazily pull at his cock.
Jensen smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to the sharp jut of his hipbone and licking down along the inside of his thigh. Jared was taking the way Jensen screwed his lips back down tight, sucking him into the delicious hot heat of his mouth and fucking deep-throating him as a very enthusiastic yes.
This married thing was definitely one of Jared’s most awesome ideas.
---
If there was one thing Jared liked about this wedding planning business, it was the little scanner gun the sales associate gave him at Bed, Bath & Beyond when him and Jensen were choosing the gifts for the registry. That was probably a bad idea on her part.
“Stop scanning my ass,” Jensen said not looking up from the cream colored set of bath and hand towels he was eyeing. Honestly? The way he was rubbing his hands over the soft cotton was making Jared kind of horny.
“N’aww.” Jared kept clicking the button, hoping ‘1 Ass, Jensen Ackles.’ would magically pop up on the gift list under his name. He snickered thinking about how that would scandalize his Aunt Sally.
“Your ass is the only thing I want, baby.”
“Did you seriously just say that?”
“Yup.”
“You’re going to have to try harder than that Casanova.”
Jared sighed, “I can’t wait until we’re married, all I’ll have to do is say ‘Wanna do it?’ and you’ll give it up. Actually,” he tapped his chin with the scanner gun, then burst out in a teasing grin, “you already do that.”
“See if I ever give 'it' up again.”
“Once we’re married, you’ll have to.”
“Go pick out a new coffee maker.” Jensen said annoyed, shooing him away as he moved to look at throw pillows.
And really it was Jensen’s fault when weeks later their collection of gifts included but was not limited to:
• One twin sized set of Sponge Bob Squarepants bed sheets.
• Porcelain kitten shaped salt and pepper shakers.
• Six High School Musical sparkly placemats.
• One Football shaped beanbag chair.
• A Giant Lava Lamp.
And:
• One revolving tie rack. With a light!
Jared really shouldn’t have been left alone.
---
Jared’s parents and baby sister came up to Vancouver on a Saturday, a week before the wedding. Jensen’s parents were coming up a few days later.
“Hey butthead,” Megan greeted him, punching him affectionately on the arm.
“Right back at ya assmunch.” Jared retorted reaching out to mess up her hair.
“Don’t touch me.” She laughed flattening out her do.
His Momma frowned still not able to understand the ways they said ‘I love you’ in that language only siblings really understood. Daddy just smiled warmly and patted him on the back.
“Where’s Jensen?” prodded his Momma as Jared shoved the last of their luggage into the back of the truck.
“Double checking flower arrangements. I got banned from wedding related activities when I suggested we get our wedding cake from Dairy Queen.”
“I bet you probably drove that poor boy up the wall, didn’t you?” She laughed climbing into the front seat, Megan and Daddy already buckled up in the backseat.
“They can do this thing where you give them a picture and they put your face on it. On ice cream cake!”
“Even I know that’s tacky.” His Daddy offered.
Jared pouted.
They all met for dinner that night, Jensen charming the pants off his Momma, bonding with his Dad, and flirting with his sister.
“I wanna make good impressions with the in-laws.” He’d said earlier.
“They already love you more than me.”
Jensen paused, considering this for a minute, “It’s cuz I’m prettier.”
“Yeah,” Jared didn’t mean to smile as he shoved at him,” you wish.”
---
Getting kidnapped was definitely not something included in a tux fitting. Maybe it was a new addition to the process, but mostly Jared thought it had something to do with Chad being a douche. Or maybe international terrorists. There wasn’t much of a difference.
He thinks he probably should have saw this coming as he knocks around in the back of a car, hands tied behind his back and blindfolded. The door opened and another body stumbled against his, not before shouting some very colorful insults to their assailants.
“Jen?”
“Who else would it be, dumbass!”
Jared shrugged, or well tried to with his hands twisted behind his back. Not that Jensen could see it anyways. The fuckers probably got him blindfolded too.
Next thing Jared knew he was being manhandled and shoved around into some place that smelled like hooker perfume and stale beer. Not that he knew what a hooker’s perfume smelled like. Or anything.
“Gotcha bitches!”
Yup, that was Chad all right.
He was actually kind of hoping for the international terrorists. It’s kind of too bad really.
Chad pulled the blindfold down off Jared’s face and the room came into view. It was some skeezy club, hazy and smoke filled even in the middle of the afternoon. It seemed like everyone and their cousin was somehow jam packed into the tiny place.
“It smells like strippers.” Jensen complained next to him, hands still tied behind his back.
“Pfft, like you’d know what a stripper smelled like.” Jared said.
“Like Chad’s Mom.” Jensen retorted with a smart grin.
“Hey, she only stripped on Sundays.”
Only Chad, Jared thought with a fond smile.
“What do you say we get these poor bastards some shots?!”
---
What Jared remembers about his bachelor party:
• Getting drunk well before 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
• Staying drunk until 3 o’clock in the afternoon. The next day.
• Trying to give Jensen head in the bathroom stall, but being too drunk to remember how.
• Chris giving him the ‘You hurt Jennyboy and I’ll kick your pretty ass into outer space’ speech for the third time.
What Jared doesn’t remember about his bachelor party:
• Rosenbaum drawing a giant dick on his cheek.
• Challenging Misha to an impromptu yoga off.
• Misha kicking his ass in said impromptu yoga off.
• Jesse McCartney Karaoke! Also known as: Jensen and his Beautiful Soul.
---
“Jensen?” Jared whispered, poking at Jensen’s side. Jared knew he wasn’t sleeping. They were both too nervous, both too excited.
Jensen cracked open an eye and stared at him in the moonlight dark of their bedroom. He was lying on his stomach, arms folded underneath the pillow, hair plastered every which way from tossing around pretending to sleep.
Jared curled his calf around Jensen’s and slid a palm up the warm skin of his naked back. God, only hours left until Jensen was his.
“You awake?” he asked even though he knew the answer.
Jensen grunted in response, “I am now.”
“Liar,” Jared smiled leaning down to whisper against his ear, to feel Jensen shiver, ”You’ve been awake this whole time.”
“Mmmm, the sooner you sleep, the sooner,” Jensen’s breath hitched as Jared trailed his hand down to cup the curve of his ass, “the sooner tomorrow will be here.”
“Don’t wanna sleep.” He pressed a kiss to a shoulder blade, licking down the line of his back and stopping to slip the sheet down past his thighs. He pressed a chaste kiss to the dimples of his spine.
Jensen just pushed his ass back urgently when Jared spread him open, teasing and licking and sucking at him, easily fucking in with his tongue from when they fucked earlier in the shower fast and anxious.
“Jared,” Jensen panted, curling toes and fists into the fabric of the bedspread.
Later, he’d make Jensen come on just his tongue. Later when they were some place warm and halfway across the world. Later they’d do something sweet and slow, like making love.
“You wanna fuck?” Jensen looked over his shoulder at him cheeks flushed pink with equal parts embarrassment and arousal.
Jared curled his lips up into a grin, using spit and precome to push into him deep, fuck him rough and hard like he knows Jensen loves.
“My favorite question.”
---
Everything before the moment they stood in front of everyone, God, some guy from TMZ, and maybe a few stray fangirls (but that was just Jared being paranoid) to declare their big gay love for each other, seemed like a blur.
Standing underneath that ridiculous gazebo with the flowered vines, Jensen standing across from him looking every bit as fucking gorgeous as ever in his charcoal tux, Kripke actually freakin’ crying in his second row seat, will always be a crystal clear memory.
---
Jared grinned dopily as Jensen’s thumb brushed back and forth across the new ring that would be like Jared’s second skin for now until forever.
“I now pronounce you lawfully wed, you may-“
Jared swooped down and laid a big long wet one on his new husband -God, that sounded really, really awesome - before the minister could finish.
“Kiss the groom.”
If it took a good five minutes to pull them apart long enough to sign the marriage license, well that’s neither here nor there.
---
Putting up with Jensen’s spastic planning for the past couple months actually turned out to be worth it when it came to the reception. Everything was totally awesome. From the tastefully (manly) décor, to the mouthwatering food, to the endless lime green jell-o shots, the reception was beyond anything Jared could have imagined.
“Wow honey,” said his Momma in awe, “Jensen really out did himself.”
“I helped.” He said petulantly.
His Momma laughed and patted him on the chest, “Sure you did.”
For some reason he didn’t think telling his Mom the jell-o shots were his idea was gonna earn him any brownie points. So he just shrugged and made the rounds, schmoozing with the guests.
He hung out with the In-Laws, getting along with Jensen’s family like a house on fire. Jared secretly thought Jensen’s Dad thought he was totally awesome. But Jared thinks if his own Momma has a crush on his husband, it’s only fair to suck up to his husband’s Daddy.
He played stupid drinking games with his brother and Chad and Tom and Mike, he danced with his little sister and told embarrassing stories about Jensen to Katie for her last jell-o shot.
When it was time to cut the cake, the one with the little hot wheels Impala on the top, Jared fed Jensen some, trying not to get too turned on by the way he licked the chocolate frosting off his fingers.
But Jared trying not to get turned on by Jensen was like asking the sun not to shine.
No one seemed to notice when they disappeared for a half an hour, coming back disheveled and satisfied, big stupid grins on their faces. Jared will always remember that their first time together as a married couple was in the bathroom at their wedding reception, no matter how many times Jensen will remind him that blowjobs don’t count.
---
“Don’t suppose I hafta tell you this again do I?” Chris said gruffly from where they were standing together off to the side watching Jensen dance with his sister. Jared smiled fondly. Jensen was a crap dancer.
Pulling off his beer he turned, “Well no, you don’t have to, but I get the feeling you will anyways.”
“Kid, don’t get smart with me, I like you, I do but-“
Jared grinned finishing his sentence, “- don’t think you won’t kick my pretty ass into outer space if I so much as hurt Jensen’s delicate feelings?”
Chris blinked.
Jared looked back over at Jensen laughing and caught his eye, big huge smile blooming on his face, “I don’t think you have to worry.”
Instead of making some smartass comment about his upbringing, something surprising happened. Chris just gave his shoulder a short squeeze and said, “I don’t think so either.”
And then he shoved Jared out into the dance floor.
“Can I cut in?”
“Sure,” Mackenzie said kissing Jensen on the cheek and bowing out, “only because watching you two idiots try and dance together is bound to be all kinds of hilarious.”
“She’s probably got a point,” Jared said taking Jensen’s hand and pulling him close trying to figure out where exactly to put his hands, “You suck at dancing.”
“Yeah, well your not so awesome yourself.”
“Well, if Zac Efron was my dance coach we wouldn’t be having this problem.”
The high-pitched clank of forks hitting glasses echoed throughout the banquet hall, universal demand for ‘Kiss! Kiss!’
“Shut up.” Jensen said, all warm affection and smiles as he reached up and pressed their lips together sweetly, swaying to their own music.
---
“Did it seem like all that build up was kind of anti-climatic?”
“What? You having second thoughts?” Jensen asked him teasingly on the ride from the reception hall to the airport for the honeymoon, the both of them loose, sleepy, and so unbelievably happy, and best of all in love.
“Hate to break it to ya man,” he clapped Jared on the knee, hand heavy, warm and comforting through the fabric of Jared’s slacks.
“It’s kind of too late for that. You’re sorta stuck with me now.”
“Oh God. You mean that ‘for better or for worse’ stuff wasn’t just talk?”
“Smartass.” Jensen said before pulling him in by the lapels and kissing him soundly.
Jared sort of forgot what his point was. Jensen made him kind of stupid.
But only kind of.
[end].
Jared/Jensen, R, 5,700 words.
Warning: Yes, this is wedding!fic. Entirely self-indulgent.
Disclaimer: No harm intended. Jensen and Jared obviously belong to themselves, or each other. This remains unclear.
A/N: This has been sitting on my computer ever since like, that schmoop comment meme thinger a few weeks back. I thought maybe I should share it. *shoves hands in her pockets and shrugs*
---------
So Jared had this plan, and as far as plans go, it held it’s own against the Real Doll Incident of ’07. And that was a freakin’ spectacular plan if Jared does say so. Anything involving Kripke, 247 toothpicks, silly putty and an inflatable bra was bound to make the history books. But anyways, this was better.
Beyond better.
Actually it wasn’t even in the same realm as beyond better.
It was-
“Do you wanna get married?”
Great. The plan was ruined. And it was going to have something to do with violins, and cookie scented candles, and champagne. And a sparkling diamond ring in said glass of champagne. But then again, would Jensen actually wear diamonds? That’s the real question. He didn’t seem very down with the bling.
“Uh, come again?” Jensen gaped, mouth hanging open around a mouthful of taco bell. There was a piece of greasy lettuce caught between his teeth. It was gross.
“You. Me. Married. Wanna do it?” Jared shrugged biting into his Chalupa Supreme. He’d already said it, no turning back now. Padaleckis never quit.
Jensen just blinked at him, wiping at the corner of his lips with a cheap paper napkin.
“You’re asking me to marry you?”
“I fink thas wha I said yeash,” Jared said, obnoxious chewing sounds aside.
"You're asking me to marry you, in a Taco Bell?”
“Mhmmm.”
Jared licked the taco grease off his fingers and nodded.
“Really?” Jensen quirked his eyebrow, in that funny way of his that always made Jared smile.
“Yup,” said Jared, slurping from his large sized coke, “You gonna answer or what? I’m kinda hanging on your every word here. You know it being the second most important question a man ever has to ask and all.”
“What’s the first?”
“Wanna fuck?”
“Yeah, that one is important.” Jensen agreed.
“Well? Do you wanna get married or not?”
“Uh... no?”
Jared paused in balling up his empty wrapper. Scoring a trash-basket from across the Taco Bell didn’t seem like such a big feat any more.
“No?” Jared repeated, tilting his head. Why wouldn’t Jensen want to marry him? Jared was a catch damnit! Lots of people wanted to marry him! He paid for dinner and everything like a gentleman! Also he put out like, all the time.
“What did you expect? Me to get all teary eyed and have my way with you in the booth? Dude. It smells like deep fryer in here. “
Memo to brain: Next time stick with the plan. Improvising is bad.
“Would you prefer diamonds? Because I can do diamonds. I can do the hell out of diamonds.” Jared nodded.
Jensen just rolled his eyes and pushed out of the booth.
“Ask me again when there isn’t a threat of toxic Padalecki fart looming in the air.”
---
So this time he went with the plan. And it was an awesome plan. If awesome and amazing and brilliant somehow all met and had a three way? This plan would be the bastard love child of that joining.
Jensen was out at some meeting with an agent or a publicist or someone else really big and important for the afternoon, which gave Jared plenty of time to set up the cookie scented candles, scatter the rose petals all over the living room, and place the shiny silver band into the bottom of the champagne glass.
Oh yes, this time, it was going to work.
With his amazingly awesome sense of hearing, Jared caught the sound of Jensen’s key turning in the lock. He bounded towards the door, greeting Jensen with a smiling face.
“Why are you dressed like that?” Jensen blurted out, obviously admiring Jared’s fancy digs: an expensive looking suit coat with actual coat tails paired over ugly cargo shorts.
“You like?”
“Whatever makes you happy honey,” Jensen said toeing off his boots and pushing past him in the hallway and heading towards the kitchen, “We got any beer left?”
Jared grabbed his shoulders, steering him towards the living room.
“Uh, no I drank the last one.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t.”
“No I -“ Jensen started, stopping when he caught sight of the living room.
“Surprise!” Jared shouted excitedly.
“It smells like the Pillsbury dough boy offed himself in here.” Jensen deadpanned.
“It’s the candles.”
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really need a beer right now.”
“Here, have some champagne! It’s better! And uh, classier!”
Jared handed over the flute with the ring gleaming at the bottom, smiling eagerly at him and winking.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you again-“
Jensen knocked back the entire glass of champagne. Ring included.
“- Will you marry me?”
---
Six hours spent in the emergency room later, Jared flopped face first down onto their bed. Jensen lay down on the left side gingerly.
It was quiet a while, and Jared had thought Jensen had passed out from trauma-induced exhaustion.
“Why do you want to get married so friggin’ badly Jay?”
Apparently not.
Jared just shrugged his shoulders.
“Just do.”
“Well that’s romantic.”
“I tried to be romantic, but you ate it.”
“Too soon.” Jensen cringed.
Turning over to face his boyfriend, Jared propped his head up on his elbow, “I want to get married, because you know, I love you and stuff. Do you want the mushy speech where I wax fruity poetics about you or can we skip that part?”
“I vote for the fruity poetry.”
“Fine,” Jared cleared his throat, ”Oh Jensen, roses are red, violets are blue, you give awesome head and … something that rhymes with blue.”
“That was really lovely.”
“I know, I’m awesome.”
“Awesome with a capital ‘R’ maybe.” Jensen snorted.
“That’s mean.”
“I’m mean.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Yeah, but you want to marry this asshole.”
Jared smiled slowly, “I kinda do.”
Jensen sighed heavily, almost like admitting defeat, “Fine.”
“Fine?” Jared quirked his eyebrow curiously.
“Fine, yes I’ll marry you!”
The bed frame jumped as Jared tackled Jensen into the pillows, his smile so huge and happy it actually hurt, pleasant sting in the apples of his cheeks. Jared pressed sloppy kisses and muffled laughter along Jensen’s jaw, humming happily when he felt a slow caress across the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair.
“Just so we’re clear I’m not wearing the ass ring.”
“I knew it had too much ice for your tastes-“
Jensen muffled the rest of that sentence with a kiss.
---
Jared called his Momma the next day.
“Oh sweetie! This is wonderful news! That boy’s a real catch.”
“I’m not a catch?”
“Now that’s not what I meant baby, why you gotta twist my words around like that?”
“Well you implied-“
“Hush, I did nothing of the sort. Now, tell me, which one of you’ll be wearing white? It’d look nice against your tan.”
Jared groaned into the phone.
Twenty minutes later he dropped down on the couch next to Jensen.
“My mom is evil,” he groaned, dropping his head against Jensen’s. Jared felt the reassuring weight of a hand on his thigh, stroking back and forth, comforting and warm.
“How’d it go telling your ‘rents?”
“Mom said it was about time and hung up.”
Jared stole the beer from Jensen’s fingertips, taking a long pull.
“I hate you.”
---
Spreading the word on set didn’t take much beyond informing Kripke. The man was a worse gossip than both their Momma’s. Combined.
“So, we’re getting married.”
“Uh huh, sure you are.”
“No, like for real.”
“Sure guys,” Kripke scoffed thumbing through some loose papers on his desk, “And my hairline isn’t receding.”
“We’re serious.”
Kripke arched an eyebrow at him, “Serious like the time you guys managed to convince me that Power Rangers blanket was actually an invisibility cloak and I went around wearing it all day and every one pretended they couldn’t see me, or serious like the time Jared wanted to hire Zac Efron as his personal dance coach?”
Jared snorted in a fit of nostalgia, “Man it’s funny how seriously you take Harry Potter.”
“Don’t joke about Harry Potter.” Kripke pointed at him warningly.
What was that thing about crazy going hand in hand with genius?
“Well I don’t joke about Zac Efron. That kid’s got sweet moves.”
Jensen elbowed him, Jared continued.
“I also don’t joke about wanting to gay marry Jensen. It’s a very serious matter.”
“Very.” Jensen chimed.
Kripke still didn’t look like he bought it. He just leaned back in his back supportive office chair, eyeing them in that creepy way of his, very seriously staring between the two of them as if trying to read their minds. It made Jared fidgety.
Finally after several awkward minutes of mutual staring, Kripke got up and clapped them both on the shoulder with a smile, “Somewhere out there, several thousand fangirls are spontaneously squealing in delight.”
Jared hoped he didn’t tell the fangirls. Knowing Kripke, that little bastard, he probably would.
Jared still wasn’t sorry about the ‘Invisibility Cloak Fiasco of ‘08’. Even when the internet imploded a few days later with the news of the engagement.
---
The last thing Jared expected was for Jensen to get all hard-core serious about this marriage thing. He hired a wedding planner for God’s sake. Her name was Vanessa.
What kind of name was that anyways?
“Have you guys considered booking a venue yet? It’s much easier to put all the little details together after a venue has been selected. I brought a couple brochures from some popular locations.”
Jared reached out and grabbed the thick binder Vanessa pulled out of her bag, flipping through it with his ‘I am very much interested in the task at hand’ face. Most of it was boring crap about reception halls, and butterfly gardens, and gazebos, and you know, boring crap.
Jensen seemed into it though, talking with Vanessa over the pros and cons of chocolate fountains and out door something or others. Jared wasn’t paying attention.
“Oh hey! Let’s get married here!” He pointed excitedly to a couple riding a rollercoaster. The bride’s veil was flying everywhere and the groom was screaming like a girl. It looked awesome.
Jensen and Vanessa leaned over to look at the binder, both breaking out into little bouts of laughter. Shaking their heads, they turned back to their conversation.
“I think it’s cool.” Jared said to himself lamely.
---
“Dude, I don’t like that wedding planner. Her hair’s really… frizzy.” Jared complained getting into bed that evening.
“You’re just mad because we vetoed your rollercoaster-mini golf-scuba diving-adventure wedding idea.”
Jensen came out of the bathroom, looking adorable and ready for bed. Flannel pajama pants low on his hips, contacts gone and glasses perched comfortably on his nose. Yeah, Jared could get used to seeing that every night for forever.
“How is that not awesome? Tell me?”
Jensen leaned across the bed, holding himself over Jared, “If you wanna get married, we’re doin’ it right.”
He pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, but that didn’t stop Jared from pouting.
“Yeah, but I get a say too. You and Vanessa can’t be all: ‘Oh Jared, you’re so silly! Of course we can’t have jell-o shots and strobe lights at the reception! What are you thinking?’”
“Is that voice you’re making supposed to be me?” Jensen asked.
“Actually it was a combination of the both of you. How was it?”
“Really, really not right.”
“Whatever, you sound like that to me.”
Frowning, Jensen settled down between the sheets next to him, “If I give you a blowjob and say we can have jell-o shots at the reception will you stop pouting?”
“Two blowjobs, lime green jell-o shots, and you let me pick the honeymoon.” Jared retorted, rebellious glint in his eye.
“Deal.”
Jared caught the flash of Jensen’s grin before he disappeared under the sheet.
---
Jensen and Vanessa had narrowed down the search for a venue to three places: An old Church in Richmond that had these amazing stain glassed windows Jensen was practically jizzing himself over, a rustic ski lodge up in Whistler that included a complimentary pair of lift tickets for the slopes, and some park somewhere with a view of the bay and a gazebo.
Couldn’t leave out the gazebo.
Honestly? Jared didn’t care where they got married. They were totally going on the Lord of the Rings adventure tour for their honeymoon. All he had to do now was nod and grunt every once in a while to let them know he was alive.
“You like it?” Jensen said into his ear.
“Mmhmmm, yeah it’s awesome.” Jared said on automatic, not quite sure where they were any more. Jensen and Vanessa had dragged him around all afternoon, looking at samples and picking out patterns and whatever else.
Jensen opened his mouth about to say something, opting to thread his fingers with Jared’s and drag him away from the tour of the park. Yeah, he thinks that’s where they are.
“Jared, man, you know you do get a say right? It’s your wedding too. Our wedding. I-“ he looked down, “Here,” He led Jared towards the big wooden gazebo, flowered vines entwined in the old wooden slats.
Jared nearly stumbled up the couple steps, Jensen pulling him up to stand in the entry way and look out at the field.
“See there’s where all the guests will sit, some nice wooden lawn chairs. Your Momma’s sitting right over there,” he pointed over to the right with a small smile, “And there’s the band over there, nothing fancy, maybe a banjo, a couple guitars, Uhm.”
Jared watched Jensen pivot, turning to look behind them, “The minister’s standing here, and Chad behind you, because fuck knows why you’d ask that douche to be your best man.”
Jared laughed.
“And uh, there’s me, right here like uh,” he stepped closer, taking Jared’s hands in his a little awkwardly, “like this.”
Jared rubbed his thumbs across the backs of Jensen’s wrists, enjoying the moment.
“Well? Can you picture it?” Jensen asked nervously.
“You’re adorable.” He said fondly.
“You know, that was a really good moment and you ruined it, you assface. “ Jensen started to pull away, frown lines creased into his forehead. But Jared wouldn’t let him go. Instead he just pulled him in, kissing the pout off his stupidly amazing lips.
“The only thing I have to complain about is the gazebo. Everything else - everything else you said sounded pretty perfect.”
“Jared,” Jensen smiled, eyes crinkling around the corners, “there’s always a gazebo.”
---
“I figured you should have this.” Jared said plainly, tossing the little black velvet jewelers box at Jensen. It bounced off his head and landed on the carpet.
Jensen picked it up and opened it with a curious arch of his eyebrow, eyeing the simple silver ring inside. Identical to the one they had to pump his stomach for.
“You really suck at this proposal thing you know. I have no idea how I agreed to this before.” Jensen says with an exasperation that’s as fake as his smile is real and bright.
“Because I make you swoon like a girl on a regular basis?”
Jensen snorted.
But when Jared went down on one knee and re-proposed to him proper, sliding the ring onto his finger where it belonged?
Jensen may have swooned just a little bit.
Jared may have teased him about it a lot.
---
“Donna and Alan Ackles request your presence for the marriage of their daughter Jen- Ow!” Jared rubbed the spot where Jensen’s fist had collided with his arm. Hard.
“Domestic Abuse! Domestic Abuse!”
“That’s not even funny.”
“It is a little.”
“No, no it’s really not.”
“Okay fine, how ‘bout this one?” Jared cleared his throat, “Come celebrate the joining of Jensen Ross to Mr. Jared T. Padalecki-“
“Why am I the girl?”
Jared smirked, poking his tongue out between his teeth playfully as he tossed the sample invite at Jensen’s head.
“You’ve got girly hips.” Jared said simply, like it was completely obvious.
“You use kiwi strawberry shampoo.” Jensen retorted easily, determination and challenge set in his gaze.
“Eyelashes.”
“Cherry chap stick.”
“Danielle Steel novel collection.”
“You swore you’d never talk about that!”
“Uh, yeah, I lied.”
Jared smirked, seriously enjoying the horrifyingly embarrassed look on Jensen’s face. When Jensen tackled him to the floor, pinning his arms behind his head in a move that was actually pretty impressive, Jared most definitely did not squeak.
“Ow, get off me fucker!”
“You didn’t say please.” Jensen said, the smirk evident in his voice.
“I’ll never say please!” Jared wiggled against the hold, against the weight of Jensen sitting on his back. He could totally get out of it if he tried, but he figured Jensen could use the confidence boost. Honest.
“You just did.”
Jensen eased up on his grip.
“Okay okay, how about this,” Jared pushed Jensen away and sat up on his knees, “We’re getting married!” he continued, “and then I’m thinking about some clip-art, you know, hearts and naked angel babies. Our faces photoshopped on the naked angel babies.”
“That’s frightening.”
“What? No it’s not. I can make samples! I bet you’d look really cute as a cherub.”
“You’re sick.”
---
“I’m not eating that.”
“Jared,” Jensen said low, voice a threatening whisper, a warning behind a calm expression. The Husband voice. The one that meant ‘don’t embarrass me or so help me God.’ He was really getting good at it, Jared thought idly. They weren’t even married yet. Imagine what it’d be like after the fact.
“No. It looks like… like something not food.” He’d answered rather eloquently.
Jensen just gave him that glare. The one he’d learned not to challenge, otherwise bad things would happen.
With a pout he popped the sample hors d’oeuvre into his mouth, eyes closed tightly and chewing as fast as possible. It tasted like old sock. And it was chewy. Probably best if he didn’t know what he was eating then.
Apparently a good ol’ barbecue wasn’t in the cards for this wedding of theirs. Jensen wanted a fancy catering service. Jensen wanted food on the menu with names Jared wasn’t even going to try and pronounce.
“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” Jensen asked him, his smile a mixture of cocky amusement.
“Actually, it was worse than bad.”
The guy Jared is assuming was the Chef huffed with outrage. Vanessa the wedding planner was trying to bite back her amusement. Jared just shrugged sheepishly.
Jensen rolled his eyes and grabbed his hand, “Cocktail weenies and pretzels it is.”
“And jell-o shots.”
“And jell-o shots.” Jensen echoed with defeated exasperation.
Jared beamed.
---
“If I was going to have a personalized mailbox made-“
Jensen interrupted him, “Why would you do something as God awful as that?”
Jared started again, glaring at him, “If I was going to have a personalized mail box made, would it say ‘Mr. And Mr. Padalecki’, or just ‘The Padaleckis’?
Jensen stared at him in horror, “I’m keeping my own name.”
“Well aren’t you the little progressive woman.”
Jensen just flipped him off.
“So no to the personalized mailbox then?”
---
“Bitch why do you have to be getting gay married? Do you know how hard this shit is on me? There’s no way in fuck I’m getting a dude stripper for the bachelor party man.” Chad complained over speakerphone.
Jared was too busy making out with Jensen on the couch to care. He just wanted to get Jensen to make that noise again. The little needy choked off moan, Mmmmm yeah that one.
“You’re mackin’ on your boy with me on speaker aren’t you? That’s the sort of shit I mean, dude. Gross.” Jared could practically hear the face he was making over the line.
Jensen was the one to pull off with a laugh. Jared kissed the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, playfully groping and squeezing at him as he squirmed away.
“No strippers.” Jensen said eyes a light and trained on Jared’s.
“You’re paying for my therapy Ackles.”
---
“Mmmm, you still gonna, oh Christ, gonna wanna do this when we’re married?”
Jensen looked up at him, smirking obscenely around Jared’s cock in his mouth. He tongued the head, one slow lick before resting his chin on Jared’s hip.
Jensen hummed thoughtfully and licked at his spit shiny lips. God. What Jared wouldn’t give to have them stretched back over his dick, still hard and leaking against his belly.
“What, suck your dick?” Jensen asked after a few thoughtful moments.
“Mmm,” Jared said, reaching down to lazily pull at his cock.
Jensen smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to the sharp jut of his hipbone and licking down along the inside of his thigh. Jared was taking the way Jensen screwed his lips back down tight, sucking him into the delicious hot heat of his mouth and fucking deep-throating him as a very enthusiastic yes.
This married thing was definitely one of Jared’s most awesome ideas.
---
If there was one thing Jared liked about this wedding planning business, it was the little scanner gun the sales associate gave him at Bed, Bath & Beyond when him and Jensen were choosing the gifts for the registry. That was probably a bad idea on her part.
“Stop scanning my ass,” Jensen said not looking up from the cream colored set of bath and hand towels he was eyeing. Honestly? The way he was rubbing his hands over the soft cotton was making Jared kind of horny.
“N’aww.” Jared kept clicking the button, hoping ‘1 Ass, Jensen Ackles.’ would magically pop up on the gift list under his name. He snickered thinking about how that would scandalize his Aunt Sally.
“Your ass is the only thing I want, baby.”
“Did you seriously just say that?”
“Yup.”
“You’re going to have to try harder than that Casanova.”
Jared sighed, “I can’t wait until we’re married, all I’ll have to do is say ‘Wanna do it?’ and you’ll give it up. Actually,” he tapped his chin with the scanner gun, then burst out in a teasing grin, “you already do that.”
“See if I ever give 'it' up again.”
“Once we’re married, you’ll have to.”
“Go pick out a new coffee maker.” Jensen said annoyed, shooing him away as he moved to look at throw pillows.
And really it was Jensen’s fault when weeks later their collection of gifts included but was not limited to:
• One twin sized set of Sponge Bob Squarepants bed sheets.
• Porcelain kitten shaped salt and pepper shakers.
• Six High School Musical sparkly placemats.
• One Football shaped beanbag chair.
• A Giant Lava Lamp.
And:
• One revolving tie rack. With a light!
Jared really shouldn’t have been left alone.
---
Jared’s parents and baby sister came up to Vancouver on a Saturday, a week before the wedding. Jensen’s parents were coming up a few days later.
“Hey butthead,” Megan greeted him, punching him affectionately on the arm.
“Right back at ya assmunch.” Jared retorted reaching out to mess up her hair.
“Don’t touch me.” She laughed flattening out her do.
His Momma frowned still not able to understand the ways they said ‘I love you’ in that language only siblings really understood. Daddy just smiled warmly and patted him on the back.
“Where’s Jensen?” prodded his Momma as Jared shoved the last of their luggage into the back of the truck.
“Double checking flower arrangements. I got banned from wedding related activities when I suggested we get our wedding cake from Dairy Queen.”
“I bet you probably drove that poor boy up the wall, didn’t you?” She laughed climbing into the front seat, Megan and Daddy already buckled up in the backseat.
“They can do this thing where you give them a picture and they put your face on it. On ice cream cake!”
“Even I know that’s tacky.” His Daddy offered.
Jared pouted.
They all met for dinner that night, Jensen charming the pants off his Momma, bonding with his Dad, and flirting with his sister.
“I wanna make good impressions with the in-laws.” He’d said earlier.
“They already love you more than me.”
Jensen paused, considering this for a minute, “It’s cuz I’m prettier.”
“Yeah,” Jared didn’t mean to smile as he shoved at him,” you wish.”
---
Getting kidnapped was definitely not something included in a tux fitting. Maybe it was a new addition to the process, but mostly Jared thought it had something to do with Chad being a douche. Or maybe international terrorists. There wasn’t much of a difference.
He thinks he probably should have saw this coming as he knocks around in the back of a car, hands tied behind his back and blindfolded. The door opened and another body stumbled against his, not before shouting some very colorful insults to their assailants.
“Jen?”
“Who else would it be, dumbass!”
Jared shrugged, or well tried to with his hands twisted behind his back. Not that Jensen could see it anyways. The fuckers probably got him blindfolded too.
Next thing Jared knew he was being manhandled and shoved around into some place that smelled like hooker perfume and stale beer. Not that he knew what a hooker’s perfume smelled like. Or anything.
“Gotcha bitches!”
Yup, that was Chad all right.
He was actually kind of hoping for the international terrorists. It’s kind of too bad really.
Chad pulled the blindfold down off Jared’s face and the room came into view. It was some skeezy club, hazy and smoke filled even in the middle of the afternoon. It seemed like everyone and their cousin was somehow jam packed into the tiny place.
“It smells like strippers.” Jensen complained next to him, hands still tied behind his back.
“Pfft, like you’d know what a stripper smelled like.” Jared said.
“Like Chad’s Mom.” Jensen retorted with a smart grin.
“Hey, she only stripped on Sundays.”
Only Chad, Jared thought with a fond smile.
“What do you say we get these poor bastards some shots?!”
---
What Jared remembers about his bachelor party:
• Getting drunk well before 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
• Staying drunk until 3 o’clock in the afternoon. The next day.
• Trying to give Jensen head in the bathroom stall, but being too drunk to remember how.
• Chris giving him the ‘You hurt Jennyboy and I’ll kick your pretty ass into outer space’ speech for the third time.
What Jared doesn’t remember about his bachelor party:
• Rosenbaum drawing a giant dick on his cheek.
• Challenging Misha to an impromptu yoga off.
• Misha kicking his ass in said impromptu yoga off.
• Jesse McCartney Karaoke! Also known as: Jensen and his Beautiful Soul.
---
“Jensen?” Jared whispered, poking at Jensen’s side. Jared knew he wasn’t sleeping. They were both too nervous, both too excited.
Jensen cracked open an eye and stared at him in the moonlight dark of their bedroom. He was lying on his stomach, arms folded underneath the pillow, hair plastered every which way from tossing around pretending to sleep.
Jared curled his calf around Jensen’s and slid a palm up the warm skin of his naked back. God, only hours left until Jensen was his.
“You awake?” he asked even though he knew the answer.
Jensen grunted in response, “I am now.”
“Liar,” Jared smiled leaning down to whisper against his ear, to feel Jensen shiver, ”You’ve been awake this whole time.”
“Mmmm, the sooner you sleep, the sooner,” Jensen’s breath hitched as Jared trailed his hand down to cup the curve of his ass, “the sooner tomorrow will be here.”
“Don’t wanna sleep.” He pressed a kiss to a shoulder blade, licking down the line of his back and stopping to slip the sheet down past his thighs. He pressed a chaste kiss to the dimples of his spine.
Jensen just pushed his ass back urgently when Jared spread him open, teasing and licking and sucking at him, easily fucking in with his tongue from when they fucked earlier in the shower fast and anxious.
“Jared,” Jensen panted, curling toes and fists into the fabric of the bedspread.
Later, he’d make Jensen come on just his tongue. Later when they were some place warm and halfway across the world. Later they’d do something sweet and slow, like making love.
“You wanna fuck?” Jensen looked over his shoulder at him cheeks flushed pink with equal parts embarrassment and arousal.
Jared curled his lips up into a grin, using spit and precome to push into him deep, fuck him rough and hard like he knows Jensen loves.
“My favorite question.”
---
Everything before the moment they stood in front of everyone, God, some guy from TMZ, and maybe a few stray fangirls (but that was just Jared being paranoid) to declare their big gay love for each other, seemed like a blur.
Standing underneath that ridiculous gazebo with the flowered vines, Jensen standing across from him looking every bit as fucking gorgeous as ever in his charcoal tux, Kripke actually freakin’ crying in his second row seat, will always be a crystal clear memory.
---
Jared grinned dopily as Jensen’s thumb brushed back and forth across the new ring that would be like Jared’s second skin for now until forever.
“I now pronounce you lawfully wed, you may-“
Jared swooped down and laid a big long wet one on his new husband -God, that sounded really, really awesome - before the minister could finish.
“Kiss the groom.”
If it took a good five minutes to pull them apart long enough to sign the marriage license, well that’s neither here nor there.
---
Putting up with Jensen’s spastic planning for the past couple months actually turned out to be worth it when it came to the reception. Everything was totally awesome. From the tastefully (manly) décor, to the mouthwatering food, to the endless lime green jell-o shots, the reception was beyond anything Jared could have imagined.
“Wow honey,” said his Momma in awe, “Jensen really out did himself.”
“I helped.” He said petulantly.
His Momma laughed and patted him on the chest, “Sure you did.”
For some reason he didn’t think telling his Mom the jell-o shots were his idea was gonna earn him any brownie points. So he just shrugged and made the rounds, schmoozing with the guests.
He hung out with the In-Laws, getting along with Jensen’s family like a house on fire. Jared secretly thought Jensen’s Dad thought he was totally awesome. But Jared thinks if his own Momma has a crush on his husband, it’s only fair to suck up to his husband’s Daddy.
He played stupid drinking games with his brother and Chad and Tom and Mike, he danced with his little sister and told embarrassing stories about Jensen to Katie for her last jell-o shot.
When it was time to cut the cake, the one with the little hot wheels Impala on the top, Jared fed Jensen some, trying not to get too turned on by the way he licked the chocolate frosting off his fingers.
But Jared trying not to get turned on by Jensen was like asking the sun not to shine.
No one seemed to notice when they disappeared for a half an hour, coming back disheveled and satisfied, big stupid grins on their faces. Jared will always remember that their first time together as a married couple was in the bathroom at their wedding reception, no matter how many times Jensen will remind him that blowjobs don’t count.
---
“Don’t suppose I hafta tell you this again do I?” Chris said gruffly from where they were standing together off to the side watching Jensen dance with his sister. Jared smiled fondly. Jensen was a crap dancer.
Pulling off his beer he turned, “Well no, you don’t have to, but I get the feeling you will anyways.”
“Kid, don’t get smart with me, I like you, I do but-“
Jared grinned finishing his sentence, “- don’t think you won’t kick my pretty ass into outer space if I so much as hurt Jensen’s delicate feelings?”
Chris blinked.
Jared looked back over at Jensen laughing and caught his eye, big huge smile blooming on his face, “I don’t think you have to worry.”
Instead of making some smartass comment about his upbringing, something surprising happened. Chris just gave his shoulder a short squeeze and said, “I don’t think so either.”
And then he shoved Jared out into the dance floor.
“Can I cut in?”
“Sure,” Mackenzie said kissing Jensen on the cheek and bowing out, “only because watching you two idiots try and dance together is bound to be all kinds of hilarious.”
“She’s probably got a point,” Jared said taking Jensen’s hand and pulling him close trying to figure out where exactly to put his hands, “You suck at dancing.”
“Yeah, well your not so awesome yourself.”
“Well, if Zac Efron was my dance coach we wouldn’t be having this problem.”
The high-pitched clank of forks hitting glasses echoed throughout the banquet hall, universal demand for ‘Kiss! Kiss!’
“Shut up.” Jensen said, all warm affection and smiles as he reached up and pressed their lips together sweetly, swaying to their own music.
---
“Did it seem like all that build up was kind of anti-climatic?”
“What? You having second thoughts?” Jensen asked him teasingly on the ride from the reception hall to the airport for the honeymoon, the both of them loose, sleepy, and so unbelievably happy, and best of all in love.
“Hate to break it to ya man,” he clapped Jared on the knee, hand heavy, warm and comforting through the fabric of Jared’s slacks.
“It’s kind of too late for that. You’re sorta stuck with me now.”
“Oh God. You mean that ‘for better or for worse’ stuff wasn’t just talk?”
“Smartass.” Jensen said before pulling him in by the lapels and kissing him soundly.
Jared sort of forgot what his point was. Jensen made him kind of stupid.
But only kind of.
[end].