PRIVATE
I've waited until I've calmed down a little (not much) before posting. So I can try to be reasonable while I work out how I'm feeling.
I'm pissed, and upset, and feeling pretty used. That's the simple thing. I can label the feelings. It helps me detach from them.
I'm pissed and upset at Sanada. I'm feeling pretty used, because he was with me because he didn't think Yukimura would go there with him. I was his substitute captain, and I play substitute for no one. There are many who want to be with me, I don't have to be second choice.
I'm pissed and upset at Yukimura. Because he knew I was with Sanada and didn't put enough distance between himself and Sanada, that he chose now to decide that it might be okay to reciprocate some of Sanada's feelings . . . because he didn't realize that BEFORE Sanada came to me, so I wouldn't have been involved in the first place.
I'm pissed and upset at myself too. Because I knew that Sanada had feelings for Yukimura. I've known it for a long time, before Sanada even knew, I suspect. I knew, and I went with him anyway. I saw this coming, and dated him anyway. I wondered back then why he wasn't with Yukimura, assumed that Yukimura lacked interest.
I was wrong there.
As usual, no one can really compete with Yukimura.
I'm pissed, and upset, and feeling pretty used. That's the simple thing. I can label the feelings. It helps me detach from them.
I'm pissed and upset at Sanada. I'm feeling pretty used, because he was with me because he didn't think Yukimura would go there with him. I was his substitute captain, and I play substitute for no one. There are many who want to be with me, I don't have to be second choice.
I'm pissed and upset at Yukimura. Because he knew I was with Sanada and didn't put enough distance between himself and Sanada, that he chose now to decide that it might be okay to reciprocate some of Sanada's feelings . . . because he didn't realize that BEFORE Sanada came to me, so I wouldn't have been involved in the first place.
I'm pissed and upset at myself too. Because I knew that Sanada had feelings for Yukimura. I've known it for a long time, before Sanada even knew, I suspect. I knew, and I went with him anyway. I saw this coming, and dated him anyway. I wondered back then why he wasn't with Yukimura, assumed that Yukimura lacked interest.
I was wrong there.
As usual, no one can really compete with Yukimura.