(no subject)
Being home is always strange.
While Birmingham doesn't feel like home, I can honestly say I do not miss Savannah.
My heart has been homeless for a long time.
Family is consistently family, and while my love for them is endless, they are family. We all have one. With the exception of Sam's family, they're all pretty fucked. I say with love.
Speaking of Sam.
Compared to the last few months in Savannah where everyone and everything I knew slowly fell away from me, Birmingham is a solid rock. Seeing Sam and Roscoe reminds me of positive friendship and the kind of family you've created, not been born into. I will know them the rest of my life. Having only that little bit of information is so liberating.
I spend an incredible amount of time pouting in my apartment and being alone in crowded places in Savannah, I sometimes forget what it's like to just exist around people. No ulterior motives to be afraid of. No belligerent drunkenness. No drugs. No giving up. No lies. No rumors. No gossip. No drama.
Seeing Laura is an affirmation. Talking to her seems to validate every nuance in my brain. I am so lucky to have her.
Seeing Trae was strange, only because it's the first time I've seen him since John David's suicide. We didn't have much to say on the subject. He is true and beautiful unobstructed genius. He, like Laura has a light inside.
People who know me in Savannah would never believe the incredible amount of socializing I've done in the past few days.
Speaking of New York. Which I wasn't.
I started looking at tickets today for New Years, which should be amazing. I'll be so very broke by the time I get there, but eating isn't really that important.
I still have no clearer picture of the future, but times like this serve to remind me that I have one. One that isn't isolated and self-serving. One that isn't cloistered and alone. I know a lot of the isolation I feel in Savannah is my own fault, but being reminded of what things can and are supposed to feel like, I remember what it is I'm avoiding.
Savannah. What a shithole.
While Birmingham doesn't feel like home, I can honestly say I do not miss Savannah.
My heart has been homeless for a long time.
Family is consistently family, and while my love for them is endless, they are family. We all have one. With the exception of Sam's family, they're all pretty fucked. I say with love.
Speaking of Sam.
Compared to the last few months in Savannah where everyone and everything I knew slowly fell away from me, Birmingham is a solid rock. Seeing Sam and Roscoe reminds me of positive friendship and the kind of family you've created, not been born into. I will know them the rest of my life. Having only that little bit of information is so liberating.
I spend an incredible amount of time pouting in my apartment and being alone in crowded places in Savannah, I sometimes forget what it's like to just exist around people. No ulterior motives to be afraid of. No belligerent drunkenness. No drugs. No giving up. No lies. No rumors. No gossip. No drama.
Seeing Laura is an affirmation. Talking to her seems to validate every nuance in my brain. I am so lucky to have her.
Seeing Trae was strange, only because it's the first time I've seen him since John David's suicide. We didn't have much to say on the subject. He is true and beautiful unobstructed genius. He, like Laura has a light inside.
People who know me in Savannah would never believe the incredible amount of socializing I've done in the past few days.
Speaking of New York. Which I wasn't.
I started looking at tickets today for New Years, which should be amazing. I'll be so very broke by the time I get there, but eating isn't really that important.
I still have no clearer picture of the future, but times like this serve to remind me that I have one. One that isn't isolated and self-serving. One that isn't cloistered and alone. I know a lot of the isolation I feel in Savannah is my own fault, but being reminded of what things can and are supposed to feel like, I remember what it is I'm avoiding.
Savannah. What a shithole.