Not Worthless
I think I finally understand what he meant when said "The application process is necessarily a humbling experience." Not only is it a humbling experiences, it's the "bash your face on the sidewalk" and "watch you squirm" kind of experience. I'm sick of waiting. I'm tired of waiting and feeling unwanted. I'm tired of opening those damn letters that make me feel like crap. My confidence is getting all shot to heck and I don't want to feel like I'm on the verge of tears every day. I made mistakes. But I refuse to believe that I am worthless because of them. Somehow, I will come out of this alive and intact. There will be a happy ending because the consequences of anything else...I can't think like that right now. Life goes on.
Some days, I really wish I have someone there to hold my hand through all of this. A shoulder to lean on or something to put my mind at ease, even if it is temporary. I'm tired. I'm just very very tired.